Just two episodes into Rock Star: Supernova and we've already learned a valuable lesson: do not ignore Dave Navarro. If he tells you to ugly it up, you best get your bitch-ass back in the kitchen and gag down a nice tall glass of ugly juice. Or you will never stand next to Brooke's breastesses again. NEVER!
It's only too bad that tonight's loser didn't listen to TheDave. He would've saved himself the embarrassment of losing to the only person who's ever made me miss Sting.
In case you're new to the world of Rock Star, on the Results Show the bottom three vote-getters have to perform a song of their choice for the band, who'll then confer and decide who is just not right for their band, INXS Supernova.
Right off the bat, I can't help but notice that Tommy Lee is a lot more animated tonight. Or maybe it's just the fact that I'm not blinded by Brooke's dress that lets me notice it. Tommy tells the people who missed last night's show that they suck, then tells us how important our opinions are to helping them shape the band. First he insults us, then he butters us up. I can't believe he can't stay married.
But before we get to the results, Brooke gives us a recap of the show that's only on the Internets. (And no, I won't be recapping that one. Two hours a week of Tommy Lee is all my parole board demands of me.)
Right off the bat, the rockers are amazed at their first taste of the rock star lifestyle. The guys are especially pleased with the complimentary plaster casters.
Soon enough it was time for song selection. Here's how it works: The singers are given a group of songs the band wants to hear this week. However, the contestants have to decide amongst themselves who gets which song. Obviously, as we saw last night, song choice is really, really important, so if there's one you want, you need to throw down. And by throw down, I don't mean Rock-Paper-Scissors. If you're not willing to thumb-wrestle for your favorite song, get the hell out TheDave's mansion!!!
Back to live action. TheDave and the band ask the contestants about their performances last night. Right out of the gates, they ask Chris if he has any regrets about his version of "Roxanne." "Not at all," he says. He picked "Roxanne" because he wanted "a challenge," which is right out of Interviewing For Dummies. I'm surprised he didn't talk about how well he gets along with others and how the only thing that frustrates him is when other people don't try as hard as he does. But, Dave seems to buy it. "Rock and roll is all about taking chances, dude." And TheDave should know. For instance, there was that one time he didn't describe a performance performance he liked as "awesome." Yeah, that was scary...
Next to occupy the Supernova Hot Seat is Phil. He says he's definitely going to be taking song choice more seriously from now on. It's just that this first time everyone was getting to know each other and they weren't ready to be cutthroat yet. "Not that I'm saying I'm going to punch anybody in the face," he says. "Except for Lukas." *Crickets chirping* Wow, I can't understand why the band is worried about Phil's stage presence.
Were you wondering what happened at the mansion last night after the show? Me neither, but we have to sit through it anyway. Chris is not feeling good about his performance: "For someone to tell you, after you've given 110% of everything you are, that you suck, is really disheartening." Aw, baby want a wahburger to go with those French cries...? "Still, I wouldn't be here if I weren't one of the best singers in the world," he says. And Jesus wept.
Lukas, who looks like a bobblehead, tries to stir up some trouble by asking people to name their bottom three, starting with Dana, his "beautiful Southern belle." Of course, just because she's southern doesn't mean she's stupid and she won't answer. Neither will Matty, who throws the question back at Lukas. He won't answer either. Hypocrite!! He does tell the group he did the best he could last night: "Fortunately, I was blessed with my voice and my talent." And very weird (not to mention intermittent) accent. Before his head comes to a complete stop, Dilana gets in his face and demands an answer. "I'll tell you the trute," he says, which I think means "truth" in Canadian. "A lot of you fucking sucked. Okay?" He then gets up and dwarfwalks his way out of the room.
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Comments (7)
Matt deserved to be voted off the island. the other two will bring the suck and get axed in due time, but singing Duran Duran at those guys? WTF? I knew the instant he said it he was dead. And just think. Having witnessed the Matt sacrifice to the appease the gods of rock sensibility, the rest of the losers in coming weeks WON'T offer their takes on the Kajagoogoo, ABC, Spandau Ballet or other hairspray fluffed 80s pop singers. We can hope.
1 of 7 | Posted by Wink Dinkerson
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Posted on July 7, 2006 2:37 PM
This show is hilarious! Lukas reminding me of a cross between Clint Howard, Marlon Brando, and the head munchkin from Wizard of Oz. After reading the recap, I will revise that to a bobblehead of Clint Howard, a Marlon Brando bobblehead, and the aforementioned munchkin. Dilantin or whatever her name is is seriously unhinged. I vote for her. Also, we need a word count of the word "rock" on the recaps. It must be in the thousands.
2 of 7 | Posted by cvreeken
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Posted on July 7, 2006 5:20 PM
Too bad only one of the bottom 3 went...
That "rocker" that looks like the Green Day singer can't sing and has no tact...he might just be perfect for Supernova.
hb
3 of 7 | Posted by HoneyBunny
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Posted on July 7, 2006 5:57 PM
Matt shouldn't have gone at all. Both of the other two "rockers" in the bottom three were much worse than him.
And I have to agree... Zayra SUCKS. How she was not in the bottom three, I will never understand.
4 of 7 | Posted by Matterbug
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Posted on July 8, 2006 8:14 AM
I think Lucas is gunning to be this season's JD. JD won the gig by being a dick to everyone else.
Great recaps Copygodd. Hope the weather improves for ya.
5 of 7 | Posted by TinkerbellAPixie
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Posted on July 8, 2006 12:18 PM
Not that it REALLY matters, but Matt was on Reality Remix and said that they actually had to pick their "bottom 3" song before they even picked the 1st song. Had he known Dave was going to tell him to rock it up, he would not have done that song. Boo-Freakin-Hoo. All three sucked, but I do agree that the other 2 were worse.
6 of 7 | Posted by BunkitaSarita
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Posted on July 8, 2006 12:47 PM
I kept thinking that Chris was Stavros Niarchos - freaky!
7 of 7 | Posted by erinkg
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Posted on July 8, 2006 1:30 PM