All this and more will be revealed, after the jump...
Brooke is trying to be topical tonight, opening with a few heat wave puns: "If the heat has you all hot and bothered, then sit back and relax, because we have the perfect remedy. An amazing hour of the coolest rock and roll on television." Ugh. I'll tell you what is amazing, though: Brooke's fuckme boots. Damb! I wouldn't be surprised to see TheDave drop Tommy and go after Brooke following tonight's broadcast. But only so he can wear the boots, of course.
Brooke says she's been hosting the show for two seasons now, and can't help but notice that something seems different tonight. Do you think she finally picked up on TheDave's pedophile vibe? Nope, just that there's a new drum kit set up behind her. That can only mean one thing: the triumphant return of Pete Best! Actually, they're Tommy's (the fact that they're covered in fur should've been her first clue), and he's going to be sitting in with one of the rockers tonight. Unfortunately, the kit only has a double-bass, so it looks as if Tommy will be playing sans Tripod.
But first... It's time to take a look at the goings on back at the mansion. First off, we get to watch Magni watch a video message from home. Turns out that while he's been gone, his baby learned to walk. Magni missed his baby's first steps? That's so sad. But not to worry. Magni says if he weren't 100% sure of what he's doing here, he'd just go right home. Obviously, Magni's not going to win, because he's only 100% sure, and not the required reality show pledge of 110-1000% sure. Admitting he's only 100% is not a very strategical move on his part. Still, in Iceland being 100% sure is a $2,175,446,700 KRONA BUSINESS!, so maybe it's the right move after all.
Look! A TVgasm baby that doesn't belong to sg-dub.
During song selection, the rockers learned that Tommy would be playing on "Higher Ground." Right away, Josh and Patrice try to get that song. Josh says he'd do it "Stevie Wonder style, and not Chili Peppers style." I can't believe he didn't even consider doing it Chris Daughtry style. But after thinking it over, he decides that everyone expects him to take the Stevie song, so he says Patrice can have it. It sounds tempting, but should she take the offer? If she does, she'll be under an even bigger microscope than last week, when she was almost eliminated. I haven't seen a choice this difficult since Sophie had to choose between the soup or the salad...
She accepts, but the pressure of performing with The Hatchet Man is obviously getting to her, as we see her jump Ryan's shit for repeatedly saying "Tommy Lee" around her. Ryan says he doesn't know what she's talking about, because that's the first time he's said Tommy's name all day. So who's been trying to psych her out? My guess is that Lukas slipped on The One Ring and has been slinking around the mansion all invisible-like, as sneaky little hobbitses are so wont to do.
Probably because they don't want to see Patrice break down on national television, she gets to perform first tonight. After asking for and receiving a "Hell Yeah!" from the crowd, Tommy makes his way up to the stage. And totally takes over. Patrice does okay vocally, but really seems intimidated to have Tommy playing behind her. But in her defense, who wouldn't be intimidated having Tommy behind them?
TheDave agrees, saying that while Patrice's vocals were "spot on" she disappeared on stage. And he's afraid that the majority of the other performers will do the same thing. Tommy won't comment on Patrice's performance, because when he's playing, he's in his own little world and doesn't really pay attention to what's going on around him. Which is exactly how my cat Beavis gets when he's licking his taint.
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Comments (16)
Great recap as always Copygodd. That pic of TheDave never gets old and who would have thought there would be so many uses for it
Because Zayra can shoot lasers out her cooter, she will be safe for another week. maybe it's Double L's influence but I sorta look forward to seeing what crazy ass thing she will do next.
I have to eat my words on Ryan, because I thought he and Josh would be next to go, but Ryan surprised me with a good performance. My money is on Josh or Jill as the next to go
1 of 16 | Posted by msCCRN
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Posted on August 2, 2006 9:15 AM
Well, what a surprise. Jill got roundly punished for treating Grandpa Gilby as--boohoo--a sex object last week, while Patrice was rewarded (grudgingly) for letting Tommy Lee take over her performance. The Aged Ones coddled Zayra--they've figured out she's too strange to be a threat (unlike the evil Jill), and these dudes need her for the buzz she generates.
Meanwhile, Ryan *broke out* last night. Wow. Could Dilana finally be getting some competition?
2 of 16 | Posted by Loo
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Posted on August 2, 2006 9:17 AM
That last pic of Zayra had me laughing so hard I was crying. Great recap. Wonder what Dava will have to say about Zayra's outfit from tonight.
3 of 16 | Posted by Ozone Dude
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Posted on August 2, 2006 9:28 AM
Honestly, I thought Ryan's version of Losing My Religion was better than the original... and that's tough to beat. I hope he gest tonight's encore so i can so my boyfriend just how awesome it was. I was seriously clapping in my living room all by myself when he was finished.
Please, for the love of God, get rid of Z. She is painful to watch and makes a complete mockery out of the whole competition.
4 of 16 | Posted by cansnuts
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Posted on August 2, 2006 9:51 AM
Let's face it, the person who really is is copygod. You are too funny. I would watch this show just to read your recap.
I thought Dilana, though totally overated, was great, and also thought that Stormy Storm did a really nice job on the Bowie number, and Ryan almost made me cry with his REM song. Dana did okay with the Who number, considering that she was singing about teenage wasteland at the old age of 21. What the sam hell is up with Zayna? She is one super weird chickadoo. She makes Lucas look like Brad Pitt.
5 of 16 | Posted by shesnotdizzy
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Posted on August 2, 2006 10:00 AM
I have not been a big fan of Ryan's up to tonight but damnnnn he brought it. i rewound that performance three times. he definitely deserves the encore!
oh, and i think jill, zayra and lukas should be in the bottom three.
6 of 16 | Posted by NoAlarmsNoSurprises
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Posted on August 2, 2006 10:19 AM
thank you, cg, for the laughable pics of the Z-Skank - my multi-vitamin that had gotten lodged sideways in my throat...those pics brought it up nicely.
i would like to see all the 'rockers' ride audience members...
lukas -- the gypsies called and they want their clothes back.
hb
7 of 16 | Posted by HoneyBunny
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Posted on August 2, 2006 10:33 AM
msCCRN-I agree, I'm enjoying the Zaney One lately. Not for the same reasons as the Supernova guys, but I hope they let her perform every week after she eventually gets booted.
cansnuts-same here, I never cared for the orginal "Losing My Religion" & never understood all the hoopla it received, but really enjoyed Ryan's version. especially since he was too busy with the piano to eyefuck the camera too much.
hb-LOL! I think there's a whole set of jokes that could be made like that for hobbit-boy. You may have started something here. (Of course, all that comes to mind right now is George's "jerk store" joke! Although it fits, cuz Lukas was an ass during everyone else's performances.)
copygodd-best Rockstar recap yet IMO.
8 of 16 | Posted by tvaholic
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Posted on August 2, 2006 11:02 AM
Great recap.
ITA that Nirvana is overrated, hubby hates when I say that.
Oh and the guy that carried Dilana is her boyfriend.
9 of 16 | Posted by txgurl
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Posted on August 2, 2006 11:16 AM
Man. This show is a hot mess. First, I think they started with Patrice so that Tommy could play, then they could get his big ugly fur-covered drum kit out of the way (so the real musicians could get to work).
Second, "Santeria" could have been a classic song, because it sounds awesome and starts out very strong. But it devolves into a drug deal tale of woe from some skeevy apartment in, I dunno, Inglewood California (ie. nowhere). If Brad could have risen above the drug haze, he could have written a song for the ages. Oh, well. BTW - the song isn't reggae, it's ska. I'm not surprised that Tommy doesn't know the freakin difference.
Third, I don't like Dilana's performance, mainly because her voice is so scraggy and rough, she has to work to put any actual tuneful notes into her song. And that shit protruding out her chin makes me uncomfortable.
Fourth, I agree that Cobain is overrated, plus, this must have been the fifth time we saw a Nirvana song in the song selection. Criminy! STOP IT!
After these so-called musicians let Zayra's pitiful, abominable, butt-making, superhero-wannabe bullshit performance go basically uncritiqued, they have got to be KIDDING if they think their judgement about anyone else's singing is going to be taken seriously by anyone with a brain.
I can't even go on.
10 of 16 | Posted by Memememe
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Posted on August 2, 2006 11:17 AM
Oh, one more thing. Lukas didn't just mumble. He forgot the lyrics to most of that song. He was mumbling in an attempt to get away with it.
11 of 16 | Posted by Memememe
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Posted on August 2, 2006 11:21 AM
I love Dilana's voice and think it has a real Marianne Faithfull quality. Only Faithfull was such an unexpected ethereal beauty and Dilana.... scares the bejesus out of me. I would so love to give her a makeover (under?)
Also, I love that the band gave Jill such a hard time last week about trying to hump Gilby, and yet every critique they give a female performer is borderline sexual harrassment. It makes me feel queasy seeing these 'strong' women pander to the sleaze, playing it up, saying what they want them hear, flirting back, in order to try and get 'the job'
12 of 16 | Posted by L'il One
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Posted on August 2, 2006 2:34 PM
Lil-One, you are exactly right. Gilby was really mean to Jill last week - meanwhile he gets in a lather over Zayra and her crazy cooter show.
Loved the recap, especially the babydub reference.
13 of 16 | Posted by TinkerbellAPixie
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Posted on August 2, 2006 7:49 PM
Pepe Le Suck was priceless cgodd! Great recap!
btw- baby Magni"ficent" isn't half as cute as baby-dub, but I'd like to hear sgdub sing since I think that Magni is bringing it so far.
14 of 16 | Posted by zoobabe
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Posted on August 3, 2006 7:26 PM
TheDave drop Tommy and go after Brooke following tonight's broadcast. But only so he can wear the boots, of course. I always thought that TheDave left Carmen for TheBrooke - but damn, who knows what he's into.
Tonight she's rearranged the classic MTV hit, "867-5309/Jenny" by Tommy Tutone. My DVR messed up my recording of performance night, so I (regretfully?) missed this - I'm trying to decide if I should download it or not. Watching the results show, I couldn't even figure out wtf she was singing that night!
I gotta admit Ryan kicked ass. Ryan usually does, it's his persona that is understated and sucky - that and the fact that everytime they show a close up of him singing, his spit is flying evvvvverywhere.
15 of 16 | Posted by jennae
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Posted on August 3, 2006 10:04 PM
Such a great recap, I must add a comment even after the fact! it was no kit-kats here, all snickers! Please keep up the good snark, it makes this show worth watching (the baby sacrifice!!! Unbelievable!!!)
I thought Ryan was excellent too, but weird in the slow beginning that he sounded like Adam Sandler doing the Hanukkah song.
16 of 16 | Posted by juddfan
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Posted on August 4, 2006 3:47 PM