On this, the second results episode of Rock Star: Supernova, we learn the band actually watches footage shot in the mansion; no matter how spicy they may appear, Puerto Ricans simply cannot rock; and that all the criticism the band gives is simply meant to help the contestants become better singers, and, hopefully, better people. So please, when Gilby tells you that you suck, don't take it personally. If he really hated you, he'd call you a DONKEY!
Best of all, we also get to meet Tommy Lee's new alter ego: Hatchet Man! Yes, Hatchet Man, who chops down contestants' dreams with but a single swing of his mighty hatchet. But always with a tear in his eye, for Hatchet Man is actually the sad clown of the rock 'n roll reality circuit. The sad clown with a heart of gold. And a huge schlong.
Okay, quick show of hands: how many of you caught either of this week's Live Blogs with Made You Laugh and Katie? Nine? Ten? Then our numbers are almost half as high as the show's ratings, which have been less than stellar. In fact, so far Rock Star: Supernova has been more of a Rock Star: Brown Dwarf. (I love astronomy humor.) Of course, if Lukas ends up winning and starts using a deeper bronzer, that title could just as easily apply to him.
Brooke welcomes us to tonight's results show. And right away tries to reassure us that the numbers are not as bad as we've heard. In fact, last night's voting was up an "astounding" 40% from last week! The good news? Someone besides the rockers' immediate families actually bothered to call in this week. The bad news? Most of the calls were people trying to order Urine Gone. But hey, who's counting? Oh yeah, we are.
Next, Brooke asks Tommy how he's feeling about the competition after two weeks. Rather than answer directly, he decides to ask his peeps how they're feeling. Their tepid response seems to indicate the mandatory hits of X have yet to kick in.
After a quick recap of last night's festivities, Brooke gives us a look at what happened back at the mansion after the show. Lukas, who'd been told by Jason to try and protect his instrument, says he's been singing that way ever since he first left Middle Earth in search of pipeweed many years ago. Besides, Lukas knows his instrument better than anyone else, and what's best for it. (And really, what guy doesn't know his own instrument? Hell, 90% of us have probably named it.) Oh, he meant his voice? I knew that.
Jill was really pissed off about what TheDave had to say about her performance. Although in TheDave's defense, he was entirely correct. She said she's since thought of other things she wished she'd said, but it was too late. One thing it's not too late for? Going back to school and finally getting her Cosmetology Certificate.
Outside, Chris has a heart-to-heart with Dilana, which is actually a lot harder than it sounds, considering Dilana's heart withered to dust centuries ago. And inside, Toby tells the other contestants they shouldn't be so pigheaded, and they should try and listen to the advice the band is giving them. Easy for you to say, Suckup McSycophant!
Back to live action, and the rockers who got called out last night are given a chance to respond. Starting with Chris. TheDave says Chris seemed a little defensive back at the mansion, and wants to know what he didn't say that Chris wants to hear him say. From the expression on his face, I think maybe Chris didn't realize that the band would actually watch last night's mansion footage. Come on, Chris. This ain't The Apprentice. On this show, they actually watch footage to help them make their decision. He stumbles through an answer and says after soaking up a pitcher of Seabreezes, he soaked up the comments from last night and he's going to use them become a better singer. Nay, a better human being!
Gilby wants to know how Zayra feels about their interaction last night. She tries to get all Clinton on him and dance around the issue, saying she admitted she's heard of their music. But that's not really the same thing as saying she's actually heard their music, is it, Zayra? She says the band members are "legends of their own, and a big description of a decade." Wow, she's really not doing herself any favors here.
« Newsgasm: Project Run-Over Edition | Main | Gordon Ramsay Topless Scandal! »
Comments (7)
I used to love Jason, probably because he never spoke...now he reminds me way to much of Lars and I am really starting to hate him. And how is Dave one to judge? He was in two super-creepy bands, and I never thought he was good looking...ever...
1 of 7 | Posted by jenny10girl
|
Posted on July 13, 2006 11:59 AM
I was really hoping they'd go for a double whammy and cut both Zayra and Chris. I know a lot of the problem with her is language barrier related - but I the moment she choose to sing that song again, the song they lambasted the night before, the song that got her in the bottom three - I thought it was OVER.
I am actually hugely disappointed that she wasn't cut sheerly for that act of stupidity.
2 of 7 | Posted by TinkerbellAPixie
|
Posted on July 13, 2006 12:25 PM
Zayra The Sisyphus of morons. You hated it last night so I am going to sing it again...keep pushing that boulder bitch!
I don't want her to simply be 'axed' - I want her to be drop kicked in the ass.
The Lucus guy needs a totally makeover..he looks like a Harlequin Mask. AND he can't sing.
hb
3 of 7 | Posted by HoneyBunny
|
Posted on July 13, 2006 1:34 PM
I used to think Jason was cool, but then I never really got to hear him speak, so.....
Dave is not my type, but he does or did have a pretty hot body. Zayra should have gone home before that guy last night.
4 of 7 | Posted by Pamsey
|
Posted on July 13, 2006 1:52 PM
Ok, I'm alright, I'm just recovering from that TheDave pic once again-thanks a lot copygodd!! Now I've gone through all the vodka I keep for "special occassions" at work. Now I'll have to pull out the crack pipe, or stab my eyes out, either one.
Now I know why Tommy is always wearing shades-did you catch the luggage under his eyes?? Dude, you can't hide your age by wearing pants that sit below your hip bones-your schlong can only distract for so long.
Has anyone ever seen the show, it was either on VH1 or MTV, about Juliette Lewis touring with her band? I think that's where Zayra learned her on-stage moves. It's basically electric shock meets bad white girl dancing.
Scarey leprechaun-child-molester- pic aside, great recap copygodd!
5 of 7 | Posted by tvaholic
|
Posted on July 13, 2006 2:02 PM
What the hell is Zayra still doing on this show? It's insane. And what's more insane... the band appeared to enjoy her second performance.
PS: She is so a Juliette Lewis wannabe!
6 of 7 | Posted by jampony
|
Posted on July 13, 2006 6:56 PM
I have a serious question: Just how tall--or short--is the dwarf? While he is clearly proportioned oddly, if he is a little person, the producers seem to be playing the camera carefully to mask that fact or at least to diminish it, making him seem like a TALLER short guy...Anybody know his actual height?
7 of 7 | Posted by Bobbie
|
Posted on July 14, 2006 3:56 AM