The Hatchet Man Cometh - 
by copygodd
On this, the second results episode of Rock Star: Supernova, we learn the band actually watches footage shot in the mansion; no matter how spicy they may appear, Puerto Ricans simply cannot rock; and that all the criticism the band gives is simply meant to help the contestants become better singers, and, hopefully, better people. So please, when Gilby tells you that you suck, don't take it personally. If he really hated you, he'd call you a DONKEY!
Best of all, we also get to meet Tommy Lee's new alter ego: Hatchet Man! Yes, Hatchet Man, who chops down contestants' dreams with but a single swing of his mighty hatchet. But always with a tear in his eye, for Hatchet Man is actually the sad clown of the rock 'n roll reality circuit. The sad clown with a heart of gold. And a huge schlong.
Okay, quick show of hands: how many of you caught either of this week's Live Blogs with Made You Laugh and Katie? Nine? Ten? Then our numbers are almost half as high as the show's ratings, which have been less than stellar. In fact, so far Rock Star: Supernova has been more of a Rock Star: Brown Dwarf. (I love astronomy humor.) Of course, if Lukas ends up winning and starts using a deeper bronzer, that title could just as easily apply to him.
Brooke welcomes us to tonight's results show. And right away tries to reassure us that the numbers are not as bad as we've heard. In fact, last night's voting was up an "astounding" 40% from last week! The good news? Someone besides the rockers' immediate families actually bothered to call in this week. The bad news? Most of the calls were people trying to order Urine Gone. But hey, who's counting? Oh yeah, we are.
Next, Brooke asks Tommy how he's feeling about the competition after two weeks. Rather than answer directly, he decides to ask his peeps how they're feeling. Their tepid response seems to indicate the mandatory hits of X have yet to kick in.
After a quick recap of last night's festivities, Brooke gives us a look at what happened back at the mansion after the show. Lukas, who'd been told by Jason to try and protect his instrument, says he's been singing that way ever since he first left Middle Earth in search of pipeweed many years ago. Besides, Lukas knows his instrument better than anyone else, and what's best for it. (And really, what guy doesn't know his own instrument? Hell, 90% of us have probably named it.) Oh, he meant his voice? I knew that.
Jill was really pissed off about what TheDave had to say about her performance. Although in TheDave's defense, he was entirely correct. She said she's since thought of other things she wished she'd said, but it was too late. One thing it's not too late for? Going back to school and finally getting her Cosmetology Certificate.
Outside, Chris has a heart-to-heart with Dilana, which is actually a lot harder than it sounds, considering Dilana's heart withered to dust centuries ago. And inside, Toby tells the other contestants they shouldn't be so pigheaded, and they should try and listen to the advice the band is giving them. Easy for you to say, Suckup McSycophant!
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