The Name's Hawk. Tommy Hawk. - 
by copygodd
Here in TVgasm's Colorado offices, things operate a little differently than what you'll find in either of our coastal offices. For one, wearing blue oxfords and khaki pants here will get you hurt. Bad. And the closest we get to a celebrity sighting is seeing Dr. James Dobson shopping for condoms (ribbed, for someone's pleasure) at the local King Soopers. (For the record, he's even assier-looking in person.)
However, when it comes to reality television, we are every bit as obsessed about - and loyal to - our favorite contestants as our bi-coastal brethren. Which is why this has been such a tumultuous week. Over at Big Brother, we've had it with the Season 6ers, and we're openly rooting for Dr. Will to win it all. Again. Meanwhile, on Rock Star: Supernova, we are now offeeshally 1346% on the Zayra bandwagon. And based on tonight's results, I'm beginning to think the world is with us. Although now that Tommy is cutting rockers with his penis, they might vote her out anyway, just to see her shoot it with a laser.
Okay, I'll admit I haven't changed my mind about Zayra's talent. Or complete lack thereof. I've said it before and I'll say it again: Helen Keller could out-sing this chica. But there's no way in hell Helen Keller could give me material like this...
Or this...
Or even this...
Primarily because she's a better dresser. But also because Zayra has that certain "jene se qua" usually only found in riders of the short bus. How the Special Olympics let her get away is beyond me.
But enough about Zayra. It's time to bring out Brooke, who tells us the prize our rockers are chasing is the biggest in rock music: Tommy's peepee. (I love it when Brooke talks dirty.) Actually, it's the chance to sing for the "epic" new band, Supernova, who'll be cutting their first - and no doubt only - album later this year, to be followed by their first - and no doubt only - worldwide tour.
After introducing the band, Brooke says hello to her "partner in crime through all the music and mayhem, and one of the greatest guitar players alive, Mr. Dave Navarro." Man, she has totally given up on calling him her good friend. What do you bet TheDave left skidmarks one too many times while wearing her underwear? That, or she found out the true story behind this.
Before we get to the good stuff, though, we have to sit through the obligatory recap of last night's show. So, while that's going on, I think I'll get another beer.
And we're back... In the mansion last night, Magni makes a toast to their best show so far. He doesn't know how they're going to top it, except next week Lukas might actually remember his lyrics. Ooh, MagniSnap! You know, for a guy who just found out he missed his kid's first steps, Magni seems pretty feisty tonight. Maybe a little too feisty, if you know what I mean. (And I hope you do, because I have no idea what the hell I was talking about just then.)
Lukas admits he forgot "all the lyrics and the verses" to his song. Ryan tries to cheer him up, saying he's been there and knows what Lukas is going through. "Every other time you've performed, you've brought everything," he tells Lukas. "Tonight was the first time it was awkward. And you know what? It was totally AWESOME!" Okay, he didn't say that last part, but he did tell us later that Lukas lost a little bit of his swagger. And he seemed happy when he said it.
|
| | Next Page... 1 | 2 | 3 ( Comments ) | Discuss In Our Forums |