Tabatha's mouth has dropped open. So has mine. I'm pretty sure the rest of the Bravo viewership's mouths have as well. Struggling to keep her equanimity, Sally says calmly, "It's very rude to question what I'm trying to tell you, do you know what I mean? I'm not making it up." Queen Michaela doggedly (and stupidly) insists, "This is shorter right here, but whatever, I'm not gonna say anything then!" Sally points out that he's trying to blame his mistake on her, and apparently Queen Michaela believes if you insist enough times that your mistakes are someone else's fault, it eventually becomes the truth. Lady T has had enough, and she thanks Sally for her time, saying "This is just making a mockery out of both of us, so I'm done with it, and I don't wanna put you through it, so (turning to Vile Mikey) you can stop.", and with that she walks out...
...can you blame her, you titanic tool?...
Vile Mikey follows Lady T outside of VSA where he insists, "Tabatha, I was doing my best to learn in there, and I was very happy to learn all of that." Learn what? How to fuck up someone's hair? T-Pain clocks him right away, "Michael, you weren't learning! You made a mockery of my industry, which is sacreligious (and I think Jesus would agree with her)... and you questioned a friend of mine! I don't give a fuck if you like me or not, cuz you know what? I can't stand you! You're an arrogant, insecure, egotistical, moronic, asinine fuckhead! That's what you are! How's that for ya!", and Tabatha is really roiling boiling mad now as she gets up from her chair and spits, "You know what'll make me feel a helluva lot better?" and she starts walking away, "How's that? Does that work for you? Fucking useless!" I think Vile Mikey is lucky the scissors are still back inside, or the better portion of his internal organs would be lying in a steaming heap on the ground... he just mugs at the camera and shrugs again. Asshat.
Back at the salon, Tabatha talks with the staff who tell her how much fun they had canvassing and meeting people, and that they want to keep doing it. Lady T is so pleased by their hard work and their can-do attitudes, but now she has to tell them about what just transpired. When she tells the staff he was getting a lesson in hairstyling at Vidal Sassoon Academy, all of their eyes widen (even SourPuss Steven's) and Stylist Valerie pipes up "That's very lucky, Michael! I would give an arm and a leg to do that!" T-girl shakes her head and says it went very badly, relating how Michael insulted Sally the Creative Director and said she cut the hair on his live model the wrong way. I kinda thought she should have been more insulted by the fact that he said Sally had split ends, it'd be like saying the owner of the Selsun Blue Shampoo Company has real bad dandruff...
...but they were beautiful split ends!...
Tabatha is at her wit's end, but she tells the staff that she did promise to help them, and really the only thing she has left to do is to redesign and redecorate De Cielo itself... Queen Michaela interviews "I'm not so sure I'm going to know how to feel if the renovations remind me of Tabatha every day... I think that might drive me crazy." Oh Mikey, CrazyTown was, like, 10 stops ago!...
THE RENOVATION
Here's where Lady T gets some revenge, as she says "This place looks like a medieval dungeon! The chairs are huge and tacky, there's wrought-iron stations all over the place, it's like gothic-shabby-chic, it's hideous, and it has to change!" Turns out the stylists all hate the heavy, immobile, badly-upholstered chairs as well, and they all start helping Tabatha by taking them outside and tossing them in the dumpster! T-girl jumps up and starts yanking down the shiny circle-y things hanging in the windows. Everybody is getting into it so much that Stylist Mona says "We wanted to pick up Michael and throw him out, too!"
Speaking of Vile Mikey, is he helping at all? Nope, just standing there and posing as human, like always. And now, as SourPuss Steven joins him Vile Mikey whispers "I did really great with the hair and everything... it was great." And then, just to prove how much of a kiss-ass fuckwit he is, SourPuss Steven leans in towards Michael and says...
...cementing his status as Slimiest Employee Ever...
« TVgasm Fall Predictions: New Shows | Main | Big Brother: Look Who's Talking OH MY GOD, IT HAS FANGS »
Comments (10)
I loved how actually showing up on time for work everyday was a foreign concept for these two buffoons. It was like watching someone go under for the third time and not really caring.
Mikey is a moron and Steven is creepy on so many levels.
Great recap as usual and I will be looking forward to your new one this week.
1 of 10 | Posted by skies | Posted on September 2, 2008 5:47 PM
So far, in those two episodes of The Salon Takeover, I learned that, owning a hair salon/spa in CA equals to , “eating canned tuna and rice and drive a 1993 Honda Accord ”..Oh boy, how those stupid people can get a business license in the first place?! lol
LOL!J-Mo, you make me laugh..Me like it! :D
I hope they saved those bricks, looks like Mikey is going to need to put them underneath the Accord, where he is going to to live in! lol..Hey, at least is 'celestial'? lol
Kisses, J-Mo! And thanks for the recap and laughs!
2 of 10 | Posted by detinha | Posted on September 2, 2008 7:16 PM
Love your recap,J-Mo! You are a funny, funny boy -- thorough too!
Oh, and are you afraid of spiders, by chance? I believe you had at least two references to spider eggs in this recap, and I think I just got a tiny peek into your nightmares, yes?
LOL Thanks for making me laugh yet again!
3 of 10 | Posted by zbird | Posted on September 2, 2008 7:33 PM
I have a friend who sold hair from her drain on eBay for over $100.
4 of 10 | Posted by Gertrude | Posted on September 2, 2008 8:45 PM
oh my beloved jmo...
can you believe tabatha didn't go apeshit when michael actually plucked her blouse? holy crap, i thought from the preview that this would be the moment tabatha was arrested for manslaughter...but no jury would convict her, would it???
what a tool...part of me wonders if he wasn't instructed to act the way he did, he was THAT BAD. but oh man. i think i want to be a tabatha bitchette even more now.
so here's my plan...we pack 2 coolers full of mount gay rum and diet coke, tequila, fresh limes, and salt shakers...load up the backseat with ridiculous staples like instyle magazine and nilla wafers...and hit the road in search of tabatha, rehearsing our bitchettes tryout number. you in??
5 of 10 | Posted by mrsdaddytom | Posted on September 2, 2008 9:50 PM
J-Mo;
I think that Tabatha should have come in the next day in a Cruella de Vil wig and outfit and kicked Vile Mikey's smarmy ass! And I am SO surprised that she didn't knee him in the nuts for touching her clothing!
I think that Mikey deserves Stephen, he just doesn't deserve to own the business. Maybe he could join in and croon "it is BALLOON" while the PopTarts toast and Stephen sits there breathing hard through his cat's ass face.
Keep up the good work and keep us laughing!
Lots O' Love
6 of 10 | Posted by arizonatom | Posted on September 2, 2008 10:37 PM
ROFL!
I haven't seen it, so I'm taking your word for it, but Vile Mikey sounds like a real douche. Sadly, I'm betting more than a few of your readers have worked for someone like him at one point.
Another great recap!
7 of 10 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on September 3, 2008 10:22 AM
Tabitha is my new hero! I didn't watch Shear Genius last year but I guess it's a good thing she didn't win because she wouldn't have this show. Her comments are right on target. Some of the stuff they show in these salons is really disgusting.
8 of 10 | Posted by murphena | Posted on September 5, 2008 4:56 PM
Thanks for the awesome recap!!!! Can't believe the scene from the Sasson place, ugh!!! I'm with you J-mo, I hate when heinious people like Vile and Prune face are representing gays like us . . . yeechhh!!!
And I work in Burbank, so I'll do some research and let you know what I find . . . bwahahahahah!!!!!
9 of 10 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on September 5, 2008 5:42 PM
skies... Ha ha, yes, I agree that full-time daywork seems to be so hard for someone like Vile Mikey and SourPuss Steven to grasp... I bet both of them will be looking for roommates soon (beware Angelenos!)
detinha... you're welcome as always... and in two episodes I've also learned that unsuccessful salon owners fall into two categories... the Crier and the Denier... :)
zbird... actually, yes, I am pretty badly arachnophobic, spiders totally creep me out (even on TV) but I try never to kill them because I know they eat, like, six BILLION times their own weight in insects every day, and I hate insects even worse, so there we are. Oh, and you're welcome! :)
Gertrude... please tell me you're not the one who bought it. :)
mrsdaddytom... I'm so totally in. Vile Mikey is lucky he didn't pull back a bloody stump after he plucked at Tabatha's blouse (and I'm sorry, that blouse was NOT Cruella De Vil, it was, in a word, FABULOUS). BTW, we better pack Chee-tos, too... :)
arizonatom... It took me a while to understand the "It is BALLOON" reference, but now I remember that part from the opening credit sequence of "F-Troop". You lost me there for a minute. I'm also guessing that Vile Mikey and SourPuss Steven have pulled a total "Jo & Slade" and reunited since the show aired... lots of love back to ya! :)
fire@will... thank you, as always, and yes, I have worked for people this dopey before... :)
murphena... honey, you said a mouthful, and you're right on the money... and I'm glad we share a hero! :)
juddfan... sweetie, you absolutely positively MUST brave the dust and hair and find out if De Cielo is still operating... message me and I'll put your findings in a future recap, okay? Thanks, and kissy-smooches! xoxox
love, J-Mo :)
10 of 10 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on September 8, 2008 8:46 AM