Talk about fucking useless! These two sooooo deserve each other for eternity and across multiple lifetimes/universes/alternate realities. Tabatha and the staff feel great having gotten rid of (most of) the ugly shit in De Cielo, and she is committed more than ever to giving the staff a great place to work in, even if their management just wants to stand around, purse their lips, and disapprove of everyone and everything.
THE REOPENING
Tabatha ambushes Vile Mikey at his apartment 3 days later as she says ostensibly she wants to make sure he's there on time for the grand reopening. Mikey answers his door with a look of panic on his face as he says his place is a mess... but yet he still has another spotlessly white over-embroidered dress shirt on. Lady T is making her last-ditch effort to try and motivate Vile Mikey to work with her and put up a united front for this important day. She tells him when she goes he will need to earn some of the staff's respect back... and Mikey agrees! Wow, is he turning over a new leaf? I think he'd need to plow a forest under for me to be convinced, but whatever, they still shake on it...
...looks like someone would rather be handling live ebola virus...
The staff, Vile Mikey and Lady T are all out in front of the newly refurbished De Cielo Salon (Hairy Toe Jam Fungii Our Specialty!) and Vile Mikey has bought Tabatha some cheap flowers! Yellow for friendship! Awww, how silly and superficial! But never mind his 7-11 bouquet, the new De Cielo awaits!
Of course, the staff all freak out and love love love it, mostly because all the wrought-iron torture racks are gone, they have all new chairs (sans cinder-blocks) and one of the best upgrades is to the lobby area where people used to have to wait...
...no more Self-Flagellation Society Seating!...
I love how cheap-ass Vile Mikey had three teeny-tiny little throw pillows on that iron monstrosity as padding against having iron bars digging into your kidneys. I bet he fished them out of the trash, too. And now they're gone! Vile Mikey is amazed with how modern it all looks now. Yes, the 21st Century is grand, isn't it?
Looks like they've got a full book of clients coming in, but before they get started Tabatha introduces them to a friend of hers (Vinnie) who is actually going to be their receptionist for the day so that the stylists can, you know, actually style?
And here we go, they're clipping, they're coloring, they're consulting. But where is the "assistant manager/esthetician" SourPuss Steven? Vile Mikey is on the phone with him. It seems that he's having problems with his car being dead, and he hasn't come in (they flash to the clock and show that it's 1pm already!). Yeah, if my boss had to track me down at 1 in the afternoon, it'd pretty much be just to leave a voicemail that'd say "You can pick up your personal effects with Security." I want to go to work for Vile Mikey. Especially since he's going to go pick SourPuss Steven up! Tabatha asks him if leaving his staff alone on the grand Reopening day is a wise idea, and Vile Mikey amends his plans to say that SourPuss Steven is going to have to take a cab in. I hope it's 30 miles, and I hope it's at his own expense. Pisselegant fairy.
..."Hey Steven, could you keep acting like a much bigger douche than me? K'thanksBye!"...
Vile Mikey is going all around the salon and schmoozing with the clients. It comes off as smarmy and fake to me, but I'm guessing some of these ladies are starved for attention, even if it's just coming from a blowhard windbag creepella like Vile Mikey. And look what the cat's ass dragged in like a giant turd stuck to it's butt-hair! It's SourPuss Steven! He goes straight to Vile Mikey and is pissily asking if they're supposed to be there every day at a certain time... yes, it's called the work day, Steven, and 95.983% percent of Americans are slaves to it, especially in this toilet of an economy. He's basically only come in to tell Vile Mikey that he's leaving again to go and "start taking care of his car issues". Well, what in fuckityfuck's name was he doing with the first 4 hours of his day, eating Pop-Tarts and masturbating to F-Troop reruns?
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Comments (10)
I loved how actually showing up on time for work everyday was a foreign concept for these two buffoons. It was like watching someone go under for the third time and not really caring.
Mikey is a moron and Steven is creepy on so many levels.
Great recap as usual and I will be looking forward to your new one this week.
1 of 10 | Posted by skies | Posted on September 2, 2008 5:47 PM
So far, in those two episodes of The Salon Takeover, I learned that, owning a hair salon/spa in CA equals to , “eating canned tuna and rice and drive a 1993 Honda Accord ”..Oh boy, how those stupid people can get a business license in the first place?! lol
LOL!J-Mo, you make me laugh..Me like it! :D
I hope they saved those bricks, looks like Mikey is going to need to put them underneath the Accord, where he is going to to live in! lol..Hey, at least is 'celestial'? lol
Kisses, J-Mo! And thanks for the recap and laughs!
2 of 10 | Posted by detinha | Posted on September 2, 2008 7:16 PM
Love your recap,J-Mo! You are a funny, funny boy -- thorough too!
Oh, and are you afraid of spiders, by chance? I believe you had at least two references to spider eggs in this recap, and I think I just got a tiny peek into your nightmares, yes?
LOL Thanks for making me laugh yet again!
3 of 10 | Posted by zbird | Posted on September 2, 2008 7:33 PM
I have a friend who sold hair from her drain on eBay for over $100.
4 of 10 | Posted by Gertrude | Posted on September 2, 2008 8:45 PM
oh my beloved jmo...
can you believe tabatha didn't go apeshit when michael actually plucked her blouse? holy crap, i thought from the preview that this would be the moment tabatha was arrested for manslaughter...but no jury would convict her, would it???
what a tool...part of me wonders if he wasn't instructed to act the way he did, he was THAT BAD. but oh man. i think i want to be a tabatha bitchette even more now.
so here's my plan...we pack 2 coolers full of mount gay rum and diet coke, tequila, fresh limes, and salt shakers...load up the backseat with ridiculous staples like instyle magazine and nilla wafers...and hit the road in search of tabatha, rehearsing our bitchettes tryout number. you in??
5 of 10 | Posted by mrsdaddytom | Posted on September 2, 2008 9:50 PM
J-Mo;
I think that Tabatha should have come in the next day in a Cruella de Vil wig and outfit and kicked Vile Mikey's smarmy ass! And I am SO surprised that she didn't knee him in the nuts for touching her clothing!
I think that Mikey deserves Stephen, he just doesn't deserve to own the business. Maybe he could join in and croon "it is BALLOON" while the PopTarts toast and Stephen sits there breathing hard through his cat's ass face.
Keep up the good work and keep us laughing!
Lots O' Love
6 of 10 | Posted by arizonatom | Posted on September 2, 2008 10:37 PM
ROFL!
I haven't seen it, so I'm taking your word for it, but Vile Mikey sounds like a real douche. Sadly, I'm betting more than a few of your readers have worked for someone like him at one point.
Another great recap!
7 of 10 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on September 3, 2008 10:22 AM
Tabitha is my new hero! I didn't watch Shear Genius last year but I guess it's a good thing she didn't win because she wouldn't have this show. Her comments are right on target. Some of the stuff they show in these salons is really disgusting.
8 of 10 | Posted by murphena | Posted on September 5, 2008 4:56 PM
Thanks for the awesome recap!!!! Can't believe the scene from the Sasson place, ugh!!! I'm with you J-mo, I hate when heinious people like Vile and Prune face are representing gays like us . . . yeechhh!!!
And I work in Burbank, so I'll do some research and let you know what I find . . . bwahahahahah!!!!!
9 of 10 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on September 5, 2008 5:42 PM
skies... Ha ha, yes, I agree that full-time daywork seems to be so hard for someone like Vile Mikey and SourPuss Steven to grasp... I bet both of them will be looking for roommates soon (beware Angelenos!)
detinha... you're welcome as always... and in two episodes I've also learned that unsuccessful salon owners fall into two categories... the Crier and the Denier... :)
zbird... actually, yes, I am pretty badly arachnophobic, spiders totally creep me out (even on TV) but I try never to kill them because I know they eat, like, six BILLION times their own weight in insects every day, and I hate insects even worse, so there we are. Oh, and you're welcome! :)
Gertrude... please tell me you're not the one who bought it. :)
mrsdaddytom... I'm so totally in. Vile Mikey is lucky he didn't pull back a bloody stump after he plucked at Tabatha's blouse (and I'm sorry, that blouse was NOT Cruella De Vil, it was, in a word, FABULOUS). BTW, we better pack Chee-tos, too... :)
arizonatom... It took me a while to understand the "It is BALLOON" reference, but now I remember that part from the opening credit sequence of "F-Troop". You lost me there for a minute. I'm also guessing that Vile Mikey and SourPuss Steven have pulled a total "Jo & Slade" and reunited since the show aired... lots of love back to ya! :)
fire@will... thank you, as always, and yes, I have worked for people this dopey before... :)
murphena... honey, you said a mouthful, and you're right on the money... and I'm glad we share a hero! :)
juddfan... sweetie, you absolutely positively MUST brave the dust and hair and find out if De Cielo is still operating... message me and I'll put your findings in a future recap, okay? Thanks, and kissy-smooches! xoxox
love, J-Mo :)
10 of 10 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on September 8, 2008 8:46 AM