And he just traipses right out the door! Vile Mikey is super-disappointed... um, how about righteously pissed off? The guy is leaving you esthetician-free on your great big grand Reopening day when he should be in the salon rubbing ground up apricot pits into people's pores and putting cucumber slices over their eyes! I have no idea if this is what really goes on when people go get a facial, but according to the movies and TV it is so I'm running with it...
Running back to Tabatha, Vile Mikey says Steven didn't even have any clients (I'm not surprised given his awesome P.R. abilities which mostly consisted of glaring at people and sweating) and that he felt it was better to go take care of his car issues rather than be at the salon. Lady T is aghast and has to point out to Vile Mikey that as "assistant manager" he should be there to help out, sell his services and be a part of the team effort to relaunch De Cielo. Mikey actually grows a pair and calls Steven back to tell him he needs to come back to the salon...
SourPuss Steven actually refuses to return, and when Vile Mikey insists, here's what the bitchc*nt does... he hangs up on Mikey, yanks off his mike-pack, leaves it on a chair outside, and minces down the street looking sourer than ever. Again, if I tried that, I might as well walk directly to the Unemployment Office and start filling out paperwork in shame... The only reason I can think of that would cause Vile Mikey to allow this assfuck to play him like this is the existence of embarrasing nude photographs of the two of them having sex. Proof of that would probably shut me up in a hurry, too...
FINAL JUDGMENTS
Tabatha sits the staff down with Vile Mikey and congratulates them on what a great job they all did reopening De Cielo, everything went really well... with the exception of SourPuss Steven, and Lady T turns the floor over to Vile Mikey to let the staff know what he's decided to do about this asshole and his diva behavior...
..."How about fire his lame gossiping backbiting bitchass?"...
Alas, the only thing Vile Mikey is doing is to decide that SourPuss Steven no longer has to be the assistant manager (something tells me there was no actual extra pay with this supposed "position" at De Cielo) and that he needs to concentrate on the Spa and his facials, because as Vile Mikey puts it, "That's what he's really good at." Yes, and you can tell that by his glowing youthful countenance...
...the original "California Raisin"...
...and even weirder, Vile Mikey actually promises to be there more often to help support the staff! What a concept for a business owner to take on! I may cry. More likely I will snicker because Vile Mikey is as genuine as my Golce & Dabbana shoes, my Jarc Macobs jeans, my Iorgio Garmani embroidered shirt and my Bay-Ran sunglasses.
Before she goes, Tabatha has one last surprise for the staff members... it seems like she has also arranged for them to attend classes at the "Harvard Of Hairdressing", the Vidal Sassoon Academy! They are all super-excited about this, because they knew that shit was wasted on Vile Mikey, and they are eager to keep learning more about their profession. Vile Mikey doesn't deserve these people working for him at all... but it's time for Lady T to give him back his keys... he claims that he loves all the new changes and that he's going to implement all of her suggestions. Tabatha tells him he better... because she might come back and see him...
SIX WEEKS LATER
The bitch is baaaack! After searching everywhere in the salon she finally finds Vile Mikey and corrals him to chat about how things are going. He says business is "growing", the staff are more productive, and things are going faster. Tabatha broaches the subject of SourPuss Steven and Vile Mikey did follow through on taking away his "assistant manager" title and duties, and left him alone to be Queen Facials. She also wants to know how much time he is actually spending in the salon nowadays. He says as business has grown it has required more attention from him.... interesting, he didn't really answer the question. Color me shocked.
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Comments (10)
I loved how actually showing up on time for work everyday was a foreign concept for these two buffoons. It was like watching someone go under for the third time and not really caring.
Mikey is a moron and Steven is creepy on so many levels.
Great recap as usual and I will be looking forward to your new one this week.
1 of 10 | Posted by skies | Posted on September 2, 2008 5:47 PM
So far, in those two episodes of The Salon Takeover, I learned that, owning a hair salon/spa in CA equals to , “eating canned tuna and rice and drive a 1993 Honda Accord ”..Oh boy, how those stupid people can get a business license in the first place?! lol
LOL!J-Mo, you make me laugh..Me like it! :D
I hope they saved those bricks, looks like Mikey is going to need to put them underneath the Accord, where he is going to to live in! lol..Hey, at least is 'celestial'? lol
Kisses, J-Mo! And thanks for the recap and laughs!
2 of 10 | Posted by detinha | Posted on September 2, 2008 7:16 PM
Love your recap,J-Mo! You are a funny, funny boy -- thorough too!
Oh, and are you afraid of spiders, by chance? I believe you had at least two references to spider eggs in this recap, and I think I just got a tiny peek into your nightmares, yes?
LOL Thanks for making me laugh yet again!
3 of 10 | Posted by zbird | Posted on September 2, 2008 7:33 PM
I have a friend who sold hair from her drain on eBay for over $100.
4 of 10 | Posted by Gertrude | Posted on September 2, 2008 8:45 PM
oh my beloved jmo...
can you believe tabatha didn't go apeshit when michael actually plucked her blouse? holy crap, i thought from the preview that this would be the moment tabatha was arrested for manslaughter...but no jury would convict her, would it???
what a tool...part of me wonders if he wasn't instructed to act the way he did, he was THAT BAD. but oh man. i think i want to be a tabatha bitchette even more now.
so here's my plan...we pack 2 coolers full of mount gay rum and diet coke, tequila, fresh limes, and salt shakers...load up the backseat with ridiculous staples like instyle magazine and nilla wafers...and hit the road in search of tabatha, rehearsing our bitchettes tryout number. you in??
5 of 10 | Posted by mrsdaddytom | Posted on September 2, 2008 9:50 PM
J-Mo;
I think that Tabatha should have come in the next day in a Cruella de Vil wig and outfit and kicked Vile Mikey's smarmy ass! And I am SO surprised that she didn't knee him in the nuts for touching her clothing!
I think that Mikey deserves Stephen, he just doesn't deserve to own the business. Maybe he could join in and croon "it is BALLOON" while the PopTarts toast and Stephen sits there breathing hard through his cat's ass face.
Keep up the good work and keep us laughing!
Lots O' Love
6 of 10 | Posted by arizonatom | Posted on September 2, 2008 10:37 PM
ROFL!
I haven't seen it, so I'm taking your word for it, but Vile Mikey sounds like a real douche. Sadly, I'm betting more than a few of your readers have worked for someone like him at one point.
Another great recap!
7 of 10 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on September 3, 2008 10:22 AM
Tabitha is my new hero! I didn't watch Shear Genius last year but I guess it's a good thing she didn't win because she wouldn't have this show. Her comments are right on target. Some of the stuff they show in these salons is really disgusting.
8 of 10 | Posted by murphena | Posted on September 5, 2008 4:56 PM
Thanks for the awesome recap!!!! Can't believe the scene from the Sasson place, ugh!!! I'm with you J-mo, I hate when heinious people like Vile and Prune face are representing gays like us . . . yeechhh!!!
And I work in Burbank, so I'll do some research and let you know what I find . . . bwahahahahah!!!!!
9 of 10 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on September 5, 2008 5:42 PM
skies... Ha ha, yes, I agree that full-time daywork seems to be so hard for someone like Vile Mikey and SourPuss Steven to grasp... I bet both of them will be looking for roommates soon (beware Angelenos!)
detinha... you're welcome as always... and in two episodes I've also learned that unsuccessful salon owners fall into two categories... the Crier and the Denier... :)
zbird... actually, yes, I am pretty badly arachnophobic, spiders totally creep me out (even on TV) but I try never to kill them because I know they eat, like, six BILLION times their own weight in insects every day, and I hate insects even worse, so there we are. Oh, and you're welcome! :)
Gertrude... please tell me you're not the one who bought it. :)
mrsdaddytom... I'm so totally in. Vile Mikey is lucky he didn't pull back a bloody stump after he plucked at Tabatha's blouse (and I'm sorry, that blouse was NOT Cruella De Vil, it was, in a word, FABULOUS). BTW, we better pack Chee-tos, too... :)
arizonatom... It took me a while to understand the "It is BALLOON" reference, but now I remember that part from the opening credit sequence of "F-Troop". You lost me there for a minute. I'm also guessing that Vile Mikey and SourPuss Steven have pulled a total "Jo & Slade" and reunited since the show aired... lots of love back to ya! :)
fire@will... thank you, as always, and yes, I have worked for people this dopey before... :)
murphena... honey, you said a mouthful, and you're right on the money... and I'm glad we share a hero! :)
juddfan... sweetie, you absolutely positively MUST brave the dust and hair and find out if De Cielo is still operating... message me and I'll put your findings in a future recap, okay? Thanks, and kissy-smooches! xoxox
love, J-Mo :)
10 of 10 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on September 8, 2008 8:46 AM