Yeah, those'd be great if it was, you know, a thrift store, but not a "high-end salon"... and they won't stop Tabatha, as she's striding through the front door to greet Vile Mikey. It is the last time they will be civil to each other for the rest of the show.
SALON UNDERCOVER
We are again expected to believe that true "surveillance cameras" have been installed at De Cielo so that Tabatha can see what really goes on at this fabulous place of business. Vile Mikey describes the typical client experience thusly: "Well, at De Cielo we try and have a heavenly feeling, with relaxation, friendliness... having the best of the best!"
The first clip shows a client enjoying a heavenly feeling of having her hair washed (which really truthfully is one of my favorite parts of going to a salon)... and about a foot from her head are bottles of... let's see... are those aromatherapy vials?... potpourri oils?... what does that bottle say?...
...well, when they say "bleached blonde"...
Tabatha is horrified that they have cleaning products right there with a client in the sink. Vile Mikey says "I don't know why that's there..." Tabatha also wants to know why the stylist has gloves on while she's washing the client's hair. I would guess cootiephobia, or maybe because they're using some kind of Uranium-235-based shampoo. Vile Mikey can't answer why she's acting as though the client's hair is icky to the touch. Maybe De Cielo ran a "We'll Eradicate Your Lice Problem" promotion and she's still scarred from the experience. I dunno.
Lady T wants to know exactly how many clients come through the doors of De Cielo to have the "heavenly experience" he described. Vile Mikey really doesn't know! Wow, talk about your hands-off business owner! Ms. Coffey flat-out asks him if he had any hairdressing experience at all before he signed on to own this salon. Vile Mikey's answer? "Just using products when I get ready to go out... that's it!" Oh wow. Wow. Wooooooowie. T-girl is just as dumbfounded as I am and says "Why the hell did you buy a hairdressing salon?!?!" Vile Mikey's response to that is "Why not? When you're in real estate and you're not making money, you look around you see if you can get involved in a cash business..." Riiiiight. Cuz it would be stupid to get involved in a cash business that you might actually know something about, right? He goes on to say he's losing about $2000.00 a month... I'm shocked that that's all he's losing! When Tabatha asks him how he's paying the bills, he says he actually had to borrow $1800.00 to keep things going and estimates that he owes about $50,000.00!
Back in the heavenly sphere of De Cielo, Stylist Victor just accidentally spilled coffee all over the appointment book...
...maybe the book can use the shot of caffiene, things look pretty sleepy at De Cielo...
The stylists are laughing over this, and as they clean it up one girl says "Michael's gonna kill us.... well, not really." Lady T is quick to point this lack of respect out to Vile Mikey, and he says "They're not fearful of me. They don't fear me, and they don't fear losing their job!" Yes, because that would be the perfect working situation, right? That's what motivates and engenders loyalty and positive growth is Ruling By Fear. What an assmunch Vile Mikey is.
Tabatha analyzes it this way: "The thing they may understand is how to do hair, and that's something that you don't know... and that's a huge disadvantage." Vile Mikey bristles at this and the first tendrils of Queen Michaela start making their way into his head bobbing as he says, "Well, I may not know that, but I'm already doing, um, free consultation..." Lady T is righteously horrified, "You have to be kidding me, don't you?" but Queen Michaela insists he isn't.
Back behind the pearly gates of De Cielo, we see Sharon, the pedicurist emptying a bowl of nastyfeet water from the pedicure bowl into the hairdressing sink! OMG, can you imagine how many of their clients probably have athlete's scalp now? *shudder* Tabatha interviews that it's obvious that De Cielo has problems with customer service, respect and cleanliness... and she's seen enough, and demands Vile Mikey's keys to the salon...
..."Just looking at your dirty little salon is making me break out in hives..."...
THE TAKEOVER
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Comments (10)
I loved how actually showing up on time for work everyday was a foreign concept for these two buffoons. It was like watching someone go under for the third time and not really caring.
Mikey is a moron and Steven is creepy on so many levels.
Great recap as usual and I will be looking forward to your new one this week.
1 of 10 | Posted by skies | Posted on September 2, 2008 5:47 PM
So far, in those two episodes of The Salon Takeover, I learned that, owning a hair salon/spa in CA equals to , “eating canned tuna and rice and drive a 1993 Honda Accord ”..Oh boy, how those stupid people can get a business license in the first place?! lol
LOL!J-Mo, you make me laugh..Me like it! :D
I hope they saved those bricks, looks like Mikey is going to need to put them underneath the Accord, where he is going to to live in! lol..Hey, at least is 'celestial'? lol
Kisses, J-Mo! And thanks for the recap and laughs!
2 of 10 | Posted by detinha | Posted on September 2, 2008 7:16 PM
Love your recap,J-Mo! You are a funny, funny boy -- thorough too!
Oh, and are you afraid of spiders, by chance? I believe you had at least two references to spider eggs in this recap, and I think I just got a tiny peek into your nightmares, yes?
LOL Thanks for making me laugh yet again!
3 of 10 | Posted by zbird | Posted on September 2, 2008 7:33 PM
I have a friend who sold hair from her drain on eBay for over $100.
4 of 10 | Posted by Gertrude | Posted on September 2, 2008 8:45 PM
oh my beloved jmo...
can you believe tabatha didn't go apeshit when michael actually plucked her blouse? holy crap, i thought from the preview that this would be the moment tabatha was arrested for manslaughter...but no jury would convict her, would it???
what a tool...part of me wonders if he wasn't instructed to act the way he did, he was THAT BAD. but oh man. i think i want to be a tabatha bitchette even more now.
so here's my plan...we pack 2 coolers full of mount gay rum and diet coke, tequila, fresh limes, and salt shakers...load up the backseat with ridiculous staples like instyle magazine and nilla wafers...and hit the road in search of tabatha, rehearsing our bitchettes tryout number. you in??
5 of 10 | Posted by mrsdaddytom | Posted on September 2, 2008 9:50 PM
J-Mo;
I think that Tabatha should have come in the next day in a Cruella de Vil wig and outfit and kicked Vile Mikey's smarmy ass! And I am SO surprised that she didn't knee him in the nuts for touching her clothing!
I think that Mikey deserves Stephen, he just doesn't deserve to own the business. Maybe he could join in and croon "it is BALLOON" while the PopTarts toast and Stephen sits there breathing hard through his cat's ass face.
Keep up the good work and keep us laughing!
Lots O' Love
6 of 10 | Posted by arizonatom | Posted on September 2, 2008 10:37 PM
ROFL!
I haven't seen it, so I'm taking your word for it, but Vile Mikey sounds like a real douche. Sadly, I'm betting more than a few of your readers have worked for someone like him at one point.
Another great recap!
7 of 10 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on September 3, 2008 10:22 AM
Tabitha is my new hero! I didn't watch Shear Genius last year but I guess it's a good thing she didn't win because she wouldn't have this show. Her comments are right on target. Some of the stuff they show in these salons is really disgusting.
8 of 10 | Posted by murphena | Posted on September 5, 2008 4:56 PM
Thanks for the awesome recap!!!! Can't believe the scene from the Sasson place, ugh!!! I'm with you J-mo, I hate when heinious people like Vile and Prune face are representing gays like us . . . yeechhh!!!
And I work in Burbank, so I'll do some research and let you know what I find . . . bwahahahahah!!!!!
9 of 10 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on September 5, 2008 5:42 PM
skies... Ha ha, yes, I agree that full-time daywork seems to be so hard for someone like Vile Mikey and SourPuss Steven to grasp... I bet both of them will be looking for roommates soon (beware Angelenos!)
detinha... you're welcome as always... and in two episodes I've also learned that unsuccessful salon owners fall into two categories... the Crier and the Denier... :)
zbird... actually, yes, I am pretty badly arachnophobic, spiders totally creep me out (even on TV) but I try never to kill them because I know they eat, like, six BILLION times their own weight in insects every day, and I hate insects even worse, so there we are. Oh, and you're welcome! :)
Gertrude... please tell me you're not the one who bought it. :)
mrsdaddytom... I'm so totally in. Vile Mikey is lucky he didn't pull back a bloody stump after he plucked at Tabatha's blouse (and I'm sorry, that blouse was NOT Cruella De Vil, it was, in a word, FABULOUS). BTW, we better pack Chee-tos, too... :)
arizonatom... It took me a while to understand the "It is BALLOON" reference, but now I remember that part from the opening credit sequence of "F-Troop". You lost me there for a minute. I'm also guessing that Vile Mikey and SourPuss Steven have pulled a total "Jo & Slade" and reunited since the show aired... lots of love back to ya! :)
fire@will... thank you, as always, and yes, I have worked for people this dopey before... :)
murphena... honey, you said a mouthful, and you're right on the money... and I'm glad we share a hero! :)
juddfan... sweetie, you absolutely positively MUST brave the dust and hair and find out if De Cielo is still operating... message me and I'll put your findings in a future recap, okay? Thanks, and kissy-smooches! xoxox
love, J-Mo :)
10 of 10 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on September 8, 2008 8:46 AM