Queen Michaela foolishly takes control and back-sasses by spitting "Well, it is raised!" Ha ha ha, Vile Mikey... raised... closer to heaven... we get it.... wrong time for levity, honey! But Queeny isn't through as she interviews "Having my salon critiqued was kind of intrusive, like, uh, somebody's, you know, taking your clothes off and checking you out... I mean, it's kind of nasty!" Yeah, I think the only thing nasty here is you imagining that anyone is attempting to take your clothes off and check you out, Vile Mikey... besides, didn't you just agree with her on all of this stuff? Why is it suddenly "intrusive"? Ah, J-Mo, you obviously forgot that you can't have a cohesive conversation with Cleopatra, Queen Of Denial here...
...the only thing I'm checking out is those over-sculpted eyebrows of yours, Mikey...
...and speaking of nasty, there's a sink full of dirty plastic bowls that have caked-on coloring in them slowly hardening as three of the stylists sit nearby and nibble their lunch salads. Tabatha also notices a huge waste of hair coloring as a lot of the bowls are totally full. Now this is a waste of money...
...I think this Thousand Island dressing has gone bad...
She turns around and asks if someone could please do the dishes. To his credit, Stylist Eric agrees to immediately, and looks rightfully embarrassed. Mona (another stylist) agrees that that stuff was really gross, but says that the dust problem around the salon is even worse...
Lady T is now inspecting the hair-dryers, and notices that there is quite a considerable snowfall of dust on top of each of them. "I'm assuming that clients sit under here, do they?" as she causes an avalanche to cascade off the side of one of them, "Look at that." and she holds up her hand to show him several pounds of hair molecules, dead skin cells and probably spider eggs... How does Vile Mikey react to this? By letting Queen Michaela try some more of her ill-advised flippancy... "Well I think it adds kind of a texture to it, it's part of the decor..."
...sorry, this is not decor you'd find in heaven, Vile Mikey...
T-girl is even less amused as she snaps, "Don't try and sell it to me!" She's also found hair-coloring caked onto someone's coffee cup, and in digging through the backlog of dirty towels stuffed under a cabinet she says "Are these all from today? I don't think so, because these are moldy!" and she pulls out a towel streaked absolutely green with the stuff... Of course, Queen Michaela piggishly asserts "They're all from today." Tabatha holds the greenish towel up further into the light and insists "This... is mold!" Looking right at it, Queen Michaela insists "No, that's from today." This sends Tabatha over the edge and she walks away seething "I never have met a man with so many excuses..."
...in VileMikeyWorld™ this is what a clean towel looks like...
Vile Mikey is incredulous, "She says that I keep making excuses... I don't see that, I mean, I don't open my mouth every time she comes up with something..." Mmmmyeah, except you do, Viley... Lady T demands to know "Are you ever here?" Vile Mikey can't seem to formulate an answer so she turns her attention to SourPuss Steven, who says in a halting voice "P- -robably a m- -inimum of, ummm, th- -ree to four days a w- -eek for, um, one to... two and a half, three hours..."
...why you should never work with a bitter Ex-boyfriend... they will lay in wait and cut a bitch...
Tabatha can't believe that Vile Mikey is never there, somehow seeming to think the salon is going to run itself and he can just come by to collect the profits and zoom off in his '93 Accord LXi. Trying to wipe some of the accumulated De Cielo crud from her hands, she asserts, "It is not heavenly in here..." She notices Queen Michaela smirking at her, "...and you seem to think it's quite amusing and funny! I would be embarrassed to have a client come in here! Mortified! Yet, you have an excuse for everything! And everyone's looking at me like it's the funniest thing they've ever seen!" Well, she's sorta right, the employees are gathered around and seem to be laughing about this, but I don't think it's because they think it's really funny, I think they're just glad that someone is trying to break through Vile Mikey's Barrier Of Delusions...
...this beat-down has been a long time in coming, they're not going to miss enjoying a single second of it...
« TVgasm Fall Predictions: New Shows | Main | Big Brother: Look Who's Talking OH MY GOD, IT HAS FANGS »
Comments (10)
I loved how actually showing up on time for work everyday was a foreign concept for these two buffoons. It was like watching someone go under for the third time and not really caring.
Mikey is a moron and Steven is creepy on so many levels.
Great recap as usual and I will be looking forward to your new one this week.
1 of 10 | Posted by skies | Posted on September 2, 2008 5:47 PM
So far, in those two episodes of The Salon Takeover, I learned that, owning a hair salon/spa in CA equals to , “eating canned tuna and rice and drive a 1993 Honda Accord ”..Oh boy, how those stupid people can get a business license in the first place?! lol
LOL!J-Mo, you make me laugh..Me like it! :D
I hope they saved those bricks, looks like Mikey is going to need to put them underneath the Accord, where he is going to to live in! lol..Hey, at least is 'celestial'? lol
Kisses, J-Mo! And thanks for the recap and laughs!
2 of 10 | Posted by detinha | Posted on September 2, 2008 7:16 PM
Love your recap,J-Mo! You are a funny, funny boy -- thorough too!
Oh, and are you afraid of spiders, by chance? I believe you had at least two references to spider eggs in this recap, and I think I just got a tiny peek into your nightmares, yes?
LOL Thanks for making me laugh yet again!
3 of 10 | Posted by zbird | Posted on September 2, 2008 7:33 PM
I have a friend who sold hair from her drain on eBay for over $100.
4 of 10 | Posted by Gertrude | Posted on September 2, 2008 8:45 PM
oh my beloved jmo...
can you believe tabatha didn't go apeshit when michael actually plucked her blouse? holy crap, i thought from the preview that this would be the moment tabatha was arrested for manslaughter...but no jury would convict her, would it???
what a tool...part of me wonders if he wasn't instructed to act the way he did, he was THAT BAD. but oh man. i think i want to be a tabatha bitchette even more now.
so here's my plan...we pack 2 coolers full of mount gay rum and diet coke, tequila, fresh limes, and salt shakers...load up the backseat with ridiculous staples like instyle magazine and nilla wafers...and hit the road in search of tabatha, rehearsing our bitchettes tryout number. you in??
5 of 10 | Posted by mrsdaddytom | Posted on September 2, 2008 9:50 PM
J-Mo;
I think that Tabatha should have come in the next day in a Cruella de Vil wig and outfit and kicked Vile Mikey's smarmy ass! And I am SO surprised that she didn't knee him in the nuts for touching her clothing!
I think that Mikey deserves Stephen, he just doesn't deserve to own the business. Maybe he could join in and croon "it is BALLOON" while the PopTarts toast and Stephen sits there breathing hard through his cat's ass face.
Keep up the good work and keep us laughing!
Lots O' Love
6 of 10 | Posted by arizonatom | Posted on September 2, 2008 10:37 PM
ROFL!
I haven't seen it, so I'm taking your word for it, but Vile Mikey sounds like a real douche. Sadly, I'm betting more than a few of your readers have worked for someone like him at one point.
Another great recap!
7 of 10 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on September 3, 2008 10:22 AM
Tabitha is my new hero! I didn't watch Shear Genius last year but I guess it's a good thing she didn't win because she wouldn't have this show. Her comments are right on target. Some of the stuff they show in these salons is really disgusting.
8 of 10 | Posted by murphena | Posted on September 5, 2008 4:56 PM
Thanks for the awesome recap!!!! Can't believe the scene from the Sasson place, ugh!!! I'm with you J-mo, I hate when heinious people like Vile and Prune face are representing gays like us . . . yeechhh!!!
And I work in Burbank, so I'll do some research and let you know what I find . . . bwahahahahah!!!!!
9 of 10 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on September 5, 2008 5:42 PM
skies... Ha ha, yes, I agree that full-time daywork seems to be so hard for someone like Vile Mikey and SourPuss Steven to grasp... I bet both of them will be looking for roommates soon (beware Angelenos!)
detinha... you're welcome as always... and in two episodes I've also learned that unsuccessful salon owners fall into two categories... the Crier and the Denier... :)
zbird... actually, yes, I am pretty badly arachnophobic, spiders totally creep me out (even on TV) but I try never to kill them because I know they eat, like, six BILLION times their own weight in insects every day, and I hate insects even worse, so there we are. Oh, and you're welcome! :)
Gertrude... please tell me you're not the one who bought it. :)
mrsdaddytom... I'm so totally in. Vile Mikey is lucky he didn't pull back a bloody stump after he plucked at Tabatha's blouse (and I'm sorry, that blouse was NOT Cruella De Vil, it was, in a word, FABULOUS). BTW, we better pack Chee-tos, too... :)
arizonatom... It took me a while to understand the "It is BALLOON" reference, but now I remember that part from the opening credit sequence of "F-Troop". You lost me there for a minute. I'm also guessing that Vile Mikey and SourPuss Steven have pulled a total "Jo & Slade" and reunited since the show aired... lots of love back to ya! :)
fire@will... thank you, as always, and yes, I have worked for people this dopey before... :)
murphena... honey, you said a mouthful, and you're right on the money... and I'm glad we share a hero! :)
juddfan... sweetie, you absolutely positively MUST brave the dust and hair and find out if De Cielo is still operating... message me and I'll put your findings in a future recap, okay? Thanks, and kissy-smooches! xoxox
love, J-Mo :)
10 of 10 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on September 8, 2008 8:46 AM