Affecting an air of condescension, SourPuss Steven says "I think you probably misunderstanded the situation." (and yes, although he speaks haughtily, SourPuss Steven apparently has not grasped the concept of "past tense" in the English language, or he would have known the word he was looking for was "understood"... but then again, he's in the middle of getting his ass blown to pieces by a TabathaBomb™, so I'll shut up and we'll watch the fun continue to unfold, 'kay?) Tabatha disagrees, "No, I actually heard you..." Steven interrupts, "say 'Tabatha is a blonde bitch.'??" and Tabatha smiles icily and gives a resounding "Yes!" OMG, if I could smack the shit out of Steven through my TV screen, I would so have a pair of reddened hands right now, because you just know that in his pissyass mind, he's saying to himself "I didn't call her a 'blonde bitch', I said she was a 'bitchy blonde', which is a totally different thing, so therefore if I didn't call her a 'blonde bitch' then I haven't said anything bad at all!" Yes, semantics are fun, but you're still an asshole, Steven.
..."heh, well, you know, heh heh 'blonde bitch' is an insult, but 'bitchy blonde' is a compliment, heh heh, right?... right?"...
Lady T is incredulous as she interivews, "I can't believe that Steven is lying to my face! I've had enough. Kindergarten time is done!" She lays down the law to the staff, "I want no more bitching. I want no more gossiping. I want professionalism. And I want teamwork. Okay? Steven? You can agree to those term?" A righteously chastened (and anally bleeding) Steven meekly says "Yes."
Oh but the fun is just beginning, as Tabatha has gone 'round the corner and come back with a giant crapload of buckets, sponges, cleaning products, rubber gloves and protective raingear. She says they need to learn how to work together as a team, but "the first thing they need to do... is clean this bloody salon!" She hands out scrubby-brushes, gloves and protective masks to everyone and they get started... and yoiu know what? Even Tabatha is right there with them, in a rainslicker, cleaning stuff up, too.
You know who's not there? Vile Mikey. Well, at least not until 10:12am when he comes traipsing through the door and douchily says "Hey, what's going on?" like he can't tell they're all cleaning the shit up off the floor of his fucking salon. I guess Queen Michaela hasn't gone away, because he says "Well, it looked clean before, it's just you're just looking in areas that are now underneath and all that..." Seriously, is this fuckwit for real? I get the feeling he's just being contrary and ornery for the cameras, because he thinks it makes him look badass to sass back to Tabatha. Why he would think that is beyond me, because honestly it just makes him look stupider...
...don't you dare raise your giant hairy parenthetical eyebrows at me, buddy...
Lady T chooses her battles wisely as she says it would have meant the world to his staff if he had actually deigned to be there for the meeting that he promised to be there for. Vile Mikey says "Yeah, I agree, I was a little late..." JESUS! This guy is unfuckingbelievable. Tabatha points out how disrespectful that was to both her and his staff, and Queen Michaela gets even pissier and says "I do the best that I can!"
T-girl ain't having none of that bullshit, "No, you don't! You just can't take responsibility for the fact that a lot of the problems in here are yours, can you!" Queen Michaela is shaking her head, "I don't agree that it's my fault... completely." Another deadly glare from Lady T. Instead of doing the world a favor and disemboweling this douche, she decides to hand him her sponge and scrubby brush instead, telling him he can start cleaning. Smiling fakely, Vile Mikey tries to act like he's not totally and completely offended by this as he insists "I clean all the time anyhow!" Tabatha puts him to work cleaning up the back areas.
Of course, Vile Mikey wanders around not doing anything until Tabatha snags him, spritzes the floor and says "You can get down on your hands and knees and clean the bases of the chairs..." Queen Michaela laughs like she still thinks it's funny and says "Okay! Good one!" Yeah, you're winning your staff over more and more all the time here, Vile Mikey... Cute Stylist Valeria says that Michael isn't listening to Tabatha at all, and is amazed that he wants help for the salon, but he's refusing to get past step one... the cleaning step.
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Comments (10)
I loved how actually showing up on time for work everyday was a foreign concept for these two buffoons. It was like watching someone go under for the third time and not really caring.
Mikey is a moron and Steven is creepy on so many levels.
Great recap as usual and I will be looking forward to your new one this week.
1 of 10 | Posted by skies | Posted on September 2, 2008 5:47 PM
So far, in those two episodes of The Salon Takeover, I learned that, owning a hair salon/spa in CA equals to , “eating canned tuna and rice and drive a 1993 Honda Accord ”..Oh boy, how those stupid people can get a business license in the first place?! lol
LOL!J-Mo, you make me laugh..Me like it! :D
I hope they saved those bricks, looks like Mikey is going to need to put them underneath the Accord, where he is going to to live in! lol..Hey, at least is 'celestial'? lol
Kisses, J-Mo! And thanks for the recap and laughs!
2 of 10 | Posted by detinha | Posted on September 2, 2008 7:16 PM
Love your recap,J-Mo! You are a funny, funny boy -- thorough too!
Oh, and are you afraid of spiders, by chance? I believe you had at least two references to spider eggs in this recap, and I think I just got a tiny peek into your nightmares, yes?
LOL Thanks for making me laugh yet again!
3 of 10 | Posted by zbird | Posted on September 2, 2008 7:33 PM
I have a friend who sold hair from her drain on eBay for over $100.
4 of 10 | Posted by Gertrude | Posted on September 2, 2008 8:45 PM
oh my beloved jmo...
can you believe tabatha didn't go apeshit when michael actually plucked her blouse? holy crap, i thought from the preview that this would be the moment tabatha was arrested for manslaughter...but no jury would convict her, would it???
what a tool...part of me wonders if he wasn't instructed to act the way he did, he was THAT BAD. but oh man. i think i want to be a tabatha bitchette even more now.
so here's my plan...we pack 2 coolers full of mount gay rum and diet coke, tequila, fresh limes, and salt shakers...load up the backseat with ridiculous staples like instyle magazine and nilla wafers...and hit the road in search of tabatha, rehearsing our bitchettes tryout number. you in??
5 of 10 | Posted by mrsdaddytom | Posted on September 2, 2008 9:50 PM
J-Mo;
I think that Tabatha should have come in the next day in a Cruella de Vil wig and outfit and kicked Vile Mikey's smarmy ass! And I am SO surprised that she didn't knee him in the nuts for touching her clothing!
I think that Mikey deserves Stephen, he just doesn't deserve to own the business. Maybe he could join in and croon "it is BALLOON" while the PopTarts toast and Stephen sits there breathing hard through his cat's ass face.
Keep up the good work and keep us laughing!
Lots O' Love
6 of 10 | Posted by arizonatom | Posted on September 2, 2008 10:37 PM
ROFL!
I haven't seen it, so I'm taking your word for it, but Vile Mikey sounds like a real douche. Sadly, I'm betting more than a few of your readers have worked for someone like him at one point.
Another great recap!
7 of 10 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on September 3, 2008 10:22 AM
Tabitha is my new hero! I didn't watch Shear Genius last year but I guess it's a good thing she didn't win because she wouldn't have this show. Her comments are right on target. Some of the stuff they show in these salons is really disgusting.
8 of 10 | Posted by murphena | Posted on September 5, 2008 4:56 PM
Thanks for the awesome recap!!!! Can't believe the scene from the Sasson place, ugh!!! I'm with you J-mo, I hate when heinious people like Vile and Prune face are representing gays like us . . . yeechhh!!!
And I work in Burbank, so I'll do some research and let you know what I find . . . bwahahahahah!!!!!
9 of 10 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on September 5, 2008 5:42 PM
skies... Ha ha, yes, I agree that full-time daywork seems to be so hard for someone like Vile Mikey and SourPuss Steven to grasp... I bet both of them will be looking for roommates soon (beware Angelenos!)
detinha... you're welcome as always... and in two episodes I've also learned that unsuccessful salon owners fall into two categories... the Crier and the Denier... :)
zbird... actually, yes, I am pretty badly arachnophobic, spiders totally creep me out (even on TV) but I try never to kill them because I know they eat, like, six BILLION times their own weight in insects every day, and I hate insects even worse, so there we are. Oh, and you're welcome! :)
Gertrude... please tell me you're not the one who bought it. :)
mrsdaddytom... I'm so totally in. Vile Mikey is lucky he didn't pull back a bloody stump after he plucked at Tabatha's blouse (and I'm sorry, that blouse was NOT Cruella De Vil, it was, in a word, FABULOUS). BTW, we better pack Chee-tos, too... :)
arizonatom... It took me a while to understand the "It is BALLOON" reference, but now I remember that part from the opening credit sequence of "F-Troop". You lost me there for a minute. I'm also guessing that Vile Mikey and SourPuss Steven have pulled a total "Jo & Slade" and reunited since the show aired... lots of love back to ya! :)
fire@will... thank you, as always, and yes, I have worked for people this dopey before... :)
murphena... honey, you said a mouthful, and you're right on the money... and I'm glad we share a hero! :)
juddfan... sweetie, you absolutely positively MUST brave the dust and hair and find out if De Cielo is still operating... message me and I'll put your findings in a future recap, okay? Thanks, and kissy-smooches! xoxox
love, J-Mo :)
10 of 10 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on September 8, 2008 8:46 AM