"It's normal for them to get hair after, you know, a long day of work!" he says, referring to the apparently hairy chair bases. Lady T's fire is up and she's not letting him off the hook. Speaking as though to a five-year-old (with giant hairy eyebrows) she carefully points out, "Of course there's going to be hair, but if it's cleaned every day and maintained the salon will always be spotless when a client comes in!"
Still smirking, Vile Mikey again insists "Well, I would say that, you know, things got a little dirty after a long day of work, and I only hire the guy once a week to clean, so it's not like, um..."
Here comes one of the best exchanges of the show... because fission has been reached, and Tabatha cuts Vile Mikey's silly excuses off with "You are the most fucking annoying, aggravating, arrogant, delusional..."
...Vile Mikey... he doesn't like it...
Queen Michaela interrupts with a lame "Excuse me? You look pretty annoying to me right now!" I'm surprised he didn't throw in a "Yahtzee!" or two.
Continuing as though QM never even spoke, Lady T picks up with "...man that I think I have ever met!" I was clapping and hooting and doing that outdated "woof-woof-woof"-Arsenio-gesture at the TV (until I remembered that it's no longer 1991). Ah, but Vile Mikey still thinks he can win this argument/trash-talking session, and his comeback is "I never met a woman (gay eye-roll) who uses the F-word as much as you." T-girl says "Really!"...
...and on a side-note, I must applaud Tabatha's exercising of restraint, because after only 15 minutes of Vile Mikey I was swearing at the TV, my kitties, my boyfriend, and possibly Jesus (sorry J.C.)... I think if she swore as much as she wanted to in this situation, she would never say anything but swear words....
...but Queen Michaela isn't through yet, because he continues "...and dresses like Cruella DeVille!" and actually plucks at Tabatha's (fabulous salt'n'pepa leopard-print) blouse!...
...his mouth might say "hate", but his eyes say "love" (and possibly "envy")...
Jesus, talk about lame-o-rama! Lady T interviews "I can't believe that Michael told me I look like Cruella DeVille...please!" I agree T-girl, because it's obvious Queen Michaela has no idea what Cruella even looks like, and he just comes off as stupider than before... What an asshat.
THE ASSESSMENT
Tabatha is going to take stock of the stylists' skills, and she has arranged for more clients to come in with celebrity photos (they really should come in with a plastic surgeon in tow, the end-results would be so much more accurate). My GOD, do people really still want that Jennifer Aniston cut?!? Stylist Victor's client apparently does. And another girl has Carmen Electra! Remember when she used to sing and rap? "Go-Go Dancer"? *sigh* I miss her being a Prince protegeé... and yet another client has Courteney Cox in her new gothic death-blackened hair. Wow, it's a Friends-O-Rama kind of day at De Cielo! (How come no-one ever comes into a salon asking for a "Ross"? OH, right, because David Schwimmer is hideous, and no haircut can counteract that...)
The stylists are all busy working on their clients' dream-hairstyles, giving advice, cutting, coloring, consulting, napping... wait, NAPPING?!? Yup, when Lady T notices that she can't find Vile Mikey and goes looking for him, she finds him having a nap in the darkened facial room! What is he, four? "Is this a fucking joke?" Tabatha asks us? Nope, just extreme laziness. And stupidity. Don't forget arrogant and disrespectful. OH, and unprofessional, too! Tabatha says it's obvious Michael isn't interested in the hairdressing business, nor his staff. I think that's where the problem lies, because it seems to me Vile Mikey assumed that investing in this "cash business" was supposed to be so turnkey that he could just open the salon and watch the money roll in with little to no effort on his part. What a douche. And unfortunately quite common as well....
...Oh Tabatha, honey, for the love of GOD, let him sleep...
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Comments (10)
I loved how actually showing up on time for work everyday was a foreign concept for these two buffoons. It was like watching someone go under for the third time and not really caring.
Mikey is a moron and Steven is creepy on so many levels.
Great recap as usual and I will be looking forward to your new one this week.
1 of 10 | Posted by skies | Posted on September 2, 2008 5:47 PM
So far, in those two episodes of The Salon Takeover, I learned that, owning a hair salon/spa in CA equals to , “eating canned tuna and rice and drive a 1993 Honda Accord ”..Oh boy, how those stupid people can get a business license in the first place?! lol
LOL!J-Mo, you make me laugh..Me like it! :D
I hope they saved those bricks, looks like Mikey is going to need to put them underneath the Accord, where he is going to to live in! lol..Hey, at least is 'celestial'? lol
Kisses, J-Mo! And thanks for the recap and laughs!
2 of 10 | Posted by detinha | Posted on September 2, 2008 7:16 PM
Love your recap,J-Mo! You are a funny, funny boy -- thorough too!
Oh, and are you afraid of spiders, by chance? I believe you had at least two references to spider eggs in this recap, and I think I just got a tiny peek into your nightmares, yes?
LOL Thanks for making me laugh yet again!
3 of 10 | Posted by zbird | Posted on September 2, 2008 7:33 PM
I have a friend who sold hair from her drain on eBay for over $100.
4 of 10 | Posted by Gertrude | Posted on September 2, 2008 8:45 PM
oh my beloved jmo...
can you believe tabatha didn't go apeshit when michael actually plucked her blouse? holy crap, i thought from the preview that this would be the moment tabatha was arrested for manslaughter...but no jury would convict her, would it???
what a tool...part of me wonders if he wasn't instructed to act the way he did, he was THAT BAD. but oh man. i think i want to be a tabatha bitchette even more now.
so here's my plan...we pack 2 coolers full of mount gay rum and diet coke, tequila, fresh limes, and salt shakers...load up the backseat with ridiculous staples like instyle magazine and nilla wafers...and hit the road in search of tabatha, rehearsing our bitchettes tryout number. you in??
5 of 10 | Posted by mrsdaddytom | Posted on September 2, 2008 9:50 PM
J-Mo;
I think that Tabatha should have come in the next day in a Cruella de Vil wig and outfit and kicked Vile Mikey's smarmy ass! And I am SO surprised that she didn't knee him in the nuts for touching her clothing!
I think that Mikey deserves Stephen, he just doesn't deserve to own the business. Maybe he could join in and croon "it is BALLOON" while the PopTarts toast and Stephen sits there breathing hard through his cat's ass face.
Keep up the good work and keep us laughing!
Lots O' Love
6 of 10 | Posted by arizonatom | Posted on September 2, 2008 10:37 PM
ROFL!
I haven't seen it, so I'm taking your word for it, but Vile Mikey sounds like a real douche. Sadly, I'm betting more than a few of your readers have worked for someone like him at one point.
Another great recap!
7 of 10 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on September 3, 2008 10:22 AM
Tabitha is my new hero! I didn't watch Shear Genius last year but I guess it's a good thing she didn't win because she wouldn't have this show. Her comments are right on target. Some of the stuff they show in these salons is really disgusting.
8 of 10 | Posted by murphena | Posted on September 5, 2008 4:56 PM
Thanks for the awesome recap!!!! Can't believe the scene from the Sasson place, ugh!!! I'm with you J-mo, I hate when heinious people like Vile and Prune face are representing gays like us . . . yeechhh!!!
And I work in Burbank, so I'll do some research and let you know what I find . . . bwahahahahah!!!!!
9 of 10 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on September 5, 2008 5:42 PM
skies... Ha ha, yes, I agree that full-time daywork seems to be so hard for someone like Vile Mikey and SourPuss Steven to grasp... I bet both of them will be looking for roommates soon (beware Angelenos!)
detinha... you're welcome as always... and in two episodes I've also learned that unsuccessful salon owners fall into two categories... the Crier and the Denier... :)
zbird... actually, yes, I am pretty badly arachnophobic, spiders totally creep me out (even on TV) but I try never to kill them because I know they eat, like, six BILLION times their own weight in insects every day, and I hate insects even worse, so there we are. Oh, and you're welcome! :)
Gertrude... please tell me you're not the one who bought it. :)
mrsdaddytom... I'm so totally in. Vile Mikey is lucky he didn't pull back a bloody stump after he plucked at Tabatha's blouse (and I'm sorry, that blouse was NOT Cruella De Vil, it was, in a word, FABULOUS). BTW, we better pack Chee-tos, too... :)
arizonatom... It took me a while to understand the "It is BALLOON" reference, but now I remember that part from the opening credit sequence of "F-Troop". You lost me there for a minute. I'm also guessing that Vile Mikey and SourPuss Steven have pulled a total "Jo & Slade" and reunited since the show aired... lots of love back to ya! :)
fire@will... thank you, as always, and yes, I have worked for people this dopey before... :)
murphena... honey, you said a mouthful, and you're right on the money... and I'm glad we share a hero! :)
juddfan... sweetie, you absolutely positively MUST brave the dust and hair and find out if De Cielo is still operating... message me and I'll put your findings in a future recap, okay? Thanks, and kissy-smooches! xoxox
love, J-Mo :)
10 of 10 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on September 8, 2008 8:46 AM