Even sadder than that, it seems as though the stylists at De Cielo are pretty damned good at what they do, Tabatha has very little in the way of negative critiquing for them, it looks like they were able to pull off most of the celebrity looks they were given, and T-girl even compliments come of them on their work! Vile Mikey's argument that this bunch of "crybabies" are what's really ruining his salon is losing more and more air all the time. "It's obvious that the hairdressing skills is not the problem in this salon." says Lady T, and dismisses all the staff after their long day of work... then she goes to her hotel and does a few shots of tequila as well as some Santería rituals to curse Queen Michaela further before passing out.
The next day, looking refreshed and reinvigorated Tabatha tells the gathered staff (plus Vile Mikey) that they're going to do "role reversal"... oooh, does that mean that the stylists all get to go take naps in the back and make bitchy comments about everybody else's clothing? No, they are all going to spend the day out and about meeting people and doing P.R. for the salon to try and get some clients interested in De Cielo's services. Huh? Vile Mikey doesn't do that! He stands around and bitches about his crappy Honda Accord and makes his staff look stupid and pisses off stone bitches like Tabatha! Role-reversal my ass! Oh well, I guess that's how they want to paint it (i.e., these are the things Vile Mikey should be doing for the salon instead of leaving it up to drive-bys and a sandwich board).
Oh, and somebody looks like they'd rather be eating a box of staples than going out and promoting the salon... three guesses as to who that is...
...1.) Steve-O-Rama 2.) Stevina 3.) Her Royal Toothiness...
Wearing a large and genuine smile, Tabatha tells Vile Mikey that she has a big surprise for him, and that they're going to start out by taking a trip... to the Vidal Sassoon Academy, which TabathaVoice™ calls "the Harvard of hairdressing", and it's her hope that if he actually learns something about the business he owns, it might make him a better boss. I'm of the opinion that someone buying him out is the only way to really accomplish that feat, but we'll go with Tabatha's idea first... Vile Mikey actually seems excited by this tremendous opportunity as well!
Meanwhile, the staff is out on the streets of Burbank enjoying the fresh air and sunshine, talking with people, handing out flyers, doing on-the-spot hair consultations and trying to drum up business for De Cielo. Sharon (the nail technician) says that going out on the street and talking with people was actually a lot of fun. Well, fun for everybody except SourPuss Steven, who says "It was, uh, kind of gruelingly hot, I have to tell you... I sweat through my clothes!" Okay, ew. As he sends yet another couple of innocent passers-by screaming for the other side of the street to escape from his ghoulish grimace, he says "I never thought that marketing was easy... sometimes people don't acknowledge you... I'm just done with the whole thing!" Well, maybe if you didn't have a face like a cat's ass then little children wouldn't burst into tears every time you and your giant teeth approach them, Stevie-poo.
...not such a good advertisement for his facial (or really any beauty-related) services, is he?...
Ah well, enough about Ol' Anal-Face... let's check in with Vile Mikey and see what he's up to at the VSA! He's been introduced to Sally, Creative Director of Vidal Sassoon Academy, and Tabatha is telling her that one of Vile Mikey's "marketing techniques" is to do random hair consultations with strangers on the street, and suggests that he perform one on Sally. Vile Mikey is up for the challenge as he says "Why not? You know what? I would love that!" This should be interesting...
Vile Mikey starts off by asking if he can touch Sally's hair, and proceeds to plunge his hands deep inside of it. I'm really hoping he washed his hands after his Chalupa Steak Supreme! "Her split ends... are beautiful, there's no problems there..." Wait one fucking minute... what did he say???!?
...Seriously. What. The. Fuck?...
Lady T disbelievingly interviews, "I think... he liked her split ends??!?"
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Comments (10)
I loved how actually showing up on time for work everyday was a foreign concept for these two buffoons. It was like watching someone go under for the third time and not really caring.
Mikey is a moron and Steven is creepy on so many levels.
Great recap as usual and I will be looking forward to your new one this week.
1 of 10 | Posted by skies | Posted on September 2, 2008 5:47 PM
So far, in those two episodes of The Salon Takeover, I learned that, owning a hair salon/spa in CA equals to , “eating canned tuna and rice and drive a 1993 Honda Accord ”..Oh boy, how those stupid people can get a business license in the first place?! lol
LOL!J-Mo, you make me laugh..Me like it! :D
I hope they saved those bricks, looks like Mikey is going to need to put them underneath the Accord, where he is going to to live in! lol..Hey, at least is 'celestial'? lol
Kisses, J-Mo! And thanks for the recap and laughs!
2 of 10 | Posted by detinha | Posted on September 2, 2008 7:16 PM
Love your recap,J-Mo! You are a funny, funny boy -- thorough too!
Oh, and are you afraid of spiders, by chance? I believe you had at least two references to spider eggs in this recap, and I think I just got a tiny peek into your nightmares, yes?
LOL Thanks for making me laugh yet again!
3 of 10 | Posted by zbird | Posted on September 2, 2008 7:33 PM
I have a friend who sold hair from her drain on eBay for over $100.
4 of 10 | Posted by Gertrude | Posted on September 2, 2008 8:45 PM
oh my beloved jmo...
can you believe tabatha didn't go apeshit when michael actually plucked her blouse? holy crap, i thought from the preview that this would be the moment tabatha was arrested for manslaughter...but no jury would convict her, would it???
what a tool...part of me wonders if he wasn't instructed to act the way he did, he was THAT BAD. but oh man. i think i want to be a tabatha bitchette even more now.
so here's my plan...we pack 2 coolers full of mount gay rum and diet coke, tequila, fresh limes, and salt shakers...load up the backseat with ridiculous staples like instyle magazine and nilla wafers...and hit the road in search of tabatha, rehearsing our bitchettes tryout number. you in??
5 of 10 | Posted by mrsdaddytom | Posted on September 2, 2008 9:50 PM
J-Mo;
I think that Tabatha should have come in the next day in a Cruella de Vil wig and outfit and kicked Vile Mikey's smarmy ass! And I am SO surprised that she didn't knee him in the nuts for touching her clothing!
I think that Mikey deserves Stephen, he just doesn't deserve to own the business. Maybe he could join in and croon "it is BALLOON" while the PopTarts toast and Stephen sits there breathing hard through his cat's ass face.
Keep up the good work and keep us laughing!
Lots O' Love
6 of 10 | Posted by arizonatom | Posted on September 2, 2008 10:37 PM
ROFL!
I haven't seen it, so I'm taking your word for it, but Vile Mikey sounds like a real douche. Sadly, I'm betting more than a few of your readers have worked for someone like him at one point.
Another great recap!
7 of 10 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on September 3, 2008 10:22 AM
Tabitha is my new hero! I didn't watch Shear Genius last year but I guess it's a good thing she didn't win because she wouldn't have this show. Her comments are right on target. Some of the stuff they show in these salons is really disgusting.
8 of 10 | Posted by murphena | Posted on September 5, 2008 4:56 PM
Thanks for the awesome recap!!!! Can't believe the scene from the Sasson place, ugh!!! I'm with you J-mo, I hate when heinious people like Vile and Prune face are representing gays like us . . . yeechhh!!!
And I work in Burbank, so I'll do some research and let you know what I find . . . bwahahahahah!!!!!
9 of 10 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on September 5, 2008 5:42 PM
skies... Ha ha, yes, I agree that full-time daywork seems to be so hard for someone like Vile Mikey and SourPuss Steven to grasp... I bet both of them will be looking for roommates soon (beware Angelenos!)
detinha... you're welcome as always... and in two episodes I've also learned that unsuccessful salon owners fall into two categories... the Crier and the Denier... :)
zbird... actually, yes, I am pretty badly arachnophobic, spiders totally creep me out (even on TV) but I try never to kill them because I know they eat, like, six BILLION times their own weight in insects every day, and I hate insects even worse, so there we are. Oh, and you're welcome! :)
Gertrude... please tell me you're not the one who bought it. :)
mrsdaddytom... I'm so totally in. Vile Mikey is lucky he didn't pull back a bloody stump after he plucked at Tabatha's blouse (and I'm sorry, that blouse was NOT Cruella De Vil, it was, in a word, FABULOUS). BTW, we better pack Chee-tos, too... :)
arizonatom... It took me a while to understand the "It is BALLOON" reference, but now I remember that part from the opening credit sequence of "F-Troop". You lost me there for a minute. I'm also guessing that Vile Mikey and SourPuss Steven have pulled a total "Jo & Slade" and reunited since the show aired... lots of love back to ya! :)
fire@will... thank you, as always, and yes, I have worked for people this dopey before... :)
murphena... honey, you said a mouthful, and you're right on the money... and I'm glad we share a hero! :)
juddfan... sweetie, you absolutely positively MUST brave the dust and hair and find out if De Cielo is still operating... message me and I'll put your findings in a future recap, okay? Thanks, and kissy-smooches! xoxox
love, J-Mo :)
10 of 10 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on September 8, 2008 8:46 AM