Having found his bullshit groove quickly, Vile Mikey continues, "The way she layered it... is really great, it makes you look like an exotic bird... obviously we have black *referring to her hair color*... you have to be careful when you have dark hair what you wear down here *referring to her black clothing*, sometimes it won't match, so..." Convinced he is shear genius and has successfully fooled two industry professionals, Vile Mikey tells us privately, "I think Sally's very sweet and her character is very nicer than what she looks like with the whole 'black thing'... you know, I don't think that she should join the Cruella DeVille Society!" Poor Sally is biting the insides of her cheeks in a valiant effort not to burst into mad giggles...
...Sally the exotic bird with her 'black thing' and her fabulous split ends...
Momentarily ignoring the more obvious bits of bullshit in his blathering, Tabatha says "You know, if you say something like that to a client that was dressed all in black, that could be very offensive!" Queen Michaela retorts, "She's too matchy for me! It's like black here (hair), and black here (blazer), and black here (slacks) and black shoes... Come on, you guys look like you're in a special club!" Well, they kind of are... the club of People Who Know How To Do Hair.
The criticism has pissed off Miss Thing as he interviews "You know, I felt that it wasn't fair that, hey, you asked for my opinion, now I'm giving it to you, and they couldn't take it, so, I didn't think that was right!" Well, you know what they say about opinions, Mikey-poo... they're redundant when they're coming from an asshole. Lady T herself opines, "I haven't known Michael for very long... it's quite clear to me that he is rude and frankly an ass!" Tabatha must have travelled into the future and read this recap!
Bravely soldiering onward, Sally tells Vile Mikey that he's going to be allowed to cut hair on a live human being (dear... GOD) but cautions him that he really has to listen to her and follow her directions, because if he screws up this poor girl's hair she's going to be responsible for it (i.e. she'll get sued... I know I would if they were to let this douchbag anywhere near my head with a sharp object). Vile Mikey is super excited...
Sally brings in the victim live model, sits her down and proceeds to shoot her in the neck with a tranquilizer dart so she cannot run away screaming. Next she attempts to show Vile Mikey how you have to keep the lower blade static and level, cutting with only the upper blade moving to insure a straight, even edge... Mikey begins chopping away at the air, and right away Sally notices he's moving both blades, and attempts to correct him on this. Queen Michaela comes forward and interviews, "It's very difficult! I'm doing it for the first time and listen to two divas who are looking for something to critique on!" Queen Michaela continues hacking away as damaged air molecules rain down around his feet...
...and speaking of divas...
After 43 seconds Vile Mikey believes he has mastered this skill and insists he's ready to cut the client's hair. Sally starts off by making a nice straight even cut along the girl's neckline, and hands the shears to him. He says "I think this is what you did..." and proceeds to hack away at the girl's hair. Uh-oh, right away he says "I think I left it a little long, I should cut more..." Glancing at the jagged mess now adorning the girl's neck, Sally says "No, you've cut it off, you've cut it short." Queen Michaela bristles "Ok, actually it looks shorter over here, your guideline looks shorter than that..." Patiently, Sally points out to him where he went wrong by ignoring her instructions and just chopping away, and now the hair he cut is clearly shorter than the guideline she established. Queen Michaela disagrees, points to the torn-up hairline and says "No, I didn't cut that, you cut that!"
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Comments (10)
I loved how actually showing up on time for work everyday was a foreign concept for these two buffoons. It was like watching someone go under for the third time and not really caring.
Mikey is a moron and Steven is creepy on so many levels.
Great recap as usual and I will be looking forward to your new one this week.
1 of 10 | Posted by skies | Posted on September 2, 2008 5:47 PM
So far, in those two episodes of The Salon Takeover, I learned that, owning a hair salon/spa in CA equals to , “eating canned tuna and rice and drive a 1993 Honda Accord ”..Oh boy, how those stupid people can get a business license in the first place?! lol
LOL!J-Mo, you make me laugh..Me like it! :D
I hope they saved those bricks, looks like Mikey is going to need to put them underneath the Accord, where he is going to to live in! lol..Hey, at least is 'celestial'? lol
Kisses, J-Mo! And thanks for the recap and laughs!
2 of 10 | Posted by detinha | Posted on September 2, 2008 7:16 PM
Love your recap,J-Mo! You are a funny, funny boy -- thorough too!
Oh, and are you afraid of spiders, by chance? I believe you had at least two references to spider eggs in this recap, and I think I just got a tiny peek into your nightmares, yes?
LOL Thanks for making me laugh yet again!
3 of 10 | Posted by zbird | Posted on September 2, 2008 7:33 PM
I have a friend who sold hair from her drain on eBay for over $100.
4 of 10 | Posted by Gertrude | Posted on September 2, 2008 8:45 PM
oh my beloved jmo...
can you believe tabatha didn't go apeshit when michael actually plucked her blouse? holy crap, i thought from the preview that this would be the moment tabatha was arrested for manslaughter...but no jury would convict her, would it???
what a tool...part of me wonders if he wasn't instructed to act the way he did, he was THAT BAD. but oh man. i think i want to be a tabatha bitchette even more now.
so here's my plan...we pack 2 coolers full of mount gay rum and diet coke, tequila, fresh limes, and salt shakers...load up the backseat with ridiculous staples like instyle magazine and nilla wafers...and hit the road in search of tabatha, rehearsing our bitchettes tryout number. you in??
5 of 10 | Posted by mrsdaddytom | Posted on September 2, 2008 9:50 PM
J-Mo;
I think that Tabatha should have come in the next day in a Cruella de Vil wig and outfit and kicked Vile Mikey's smarmy ass! And I am SO surprised that she didn't knee him in the nuts for touching her clothing!
I think that Mikey deserves Stephen, he just doesn't deserve to own the business. Maybe he could join in and croon "it is BALLOON" while the PopTarts toast and Stephen sits there breathing hard through his cat's ass face.
Keep up the good work and keep us laughing!
Lots O' Love
6 of 10 | Posted by arizonatom | Posted on September 2, 2008 10:37 PM
ROFL!
I haven't seen it, so I'm taking your word for it, but Vile Mikey sounds like a real douche. Sadly, I'm betting more than a few of your readers have worked for someone like him at one point.
Another great recap!
7 of 10 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on September 3, 2008 10:22 AM
Tabitha is my new hero! I didn't watch Shear Genius last year but I guess it's a good thing she didn't win because she wouldn't have this show. Her comments are right on target. Some of the stuff they show in these salons is really disgusting.
8 of 10 | Posted by murphena | Posted on September 5, 2008 4:56 PM
Thanks for the awesome recap!!!! Can't believe the scene from the Sasson place, ugh!!! I'm with you J-mo, I hate when heinious people like Vile and Prune face are representing gays like us . . . yeechhh!!!
And I work in Burbank, so I'll do some research and let you know what I find . . . bwahahahahah!!!!!
9 of 10 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on September 5, 2008 5:42 PM
skies... Ha ha, yes, I agree that full-time daywork seems to be so hard for someone like Vile Mikey and SourPuss Steven to grasp... I bet both of them will be looking for roommates soon (beware Angelenos!)
detinha... you're welcome as always... and in two episodes I've also learned that unsuccessful salon owners fall into two categories... the Crier and the Denier... :)
zbird... actually, yes, I am pretty badly arachnophobic, spiders totally creep me out (even on TV) but I try never to kill them because I know they eat, like, six BILLION times their own weight in insects every day, and I hate insects even worse, so there we are. Oh, and you're welcome! :)
Gertrude... please tell me you're not the one who bought it. :)
mrsdaddytom... I'm so totally in. Vile Mikey is lucky he didn't pull back a bloody stump after he plucked at Tabatha's blouse (and I'm sorry, that blouse was NOT Cruella De Vil, it was, in a word, FABULOUS). BTW, we better pack Chee-tos, too... :)
arizonatom... It took me a while to understand the "It is BALLOON" reference, but now I remember that part from the opening credit sequence of "F-Troop". You lost me there for a minute. I'm also guessing that Vile Mikey and SourPuss Steven have pulled a total "Jo & Slade" and reunited since the show aired... lots of love back to ya! :)
fire@will... thank you, as always, and yes, I have worked for people this dopey before... :)
murphena... honey, you said a mouthful, and you're right on the money... and I'm glad we share a hero! :)
juddfan... sweetie, you absolutely positively MUST brave the dust and hair and find out if De Cielo is still operating... message me and I'll put your findings in a future recap, okay? Thanks, and kissy-smooches! xoxox
love, J-Mo :)
10 of 10 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on September 8, 2008 8:46 AM