After only two episodes of this show, I have fallen deeper in love with Tabatha Coffey than I already was before! What is it about searing criticism delivered with a foreign accent that makes it so much more palatable? I don't know, but I, for one, find it incredibly fascinating... and I think the next time I need to impart an unpopular truth to somebody, I'm going to do it in a Cockney or Australian accent. I'll probably still get decked.
...LadyTabathaTron™...
It seems as though dealing with L.A. and the California Girls (Kwanna & Vile Mikey) have made Tabatha long for the sunny shores of New Jersey, because this week she's back on her home turf and dealing with a more familiar type of airhead... the Italian Playboy.
We are introduced to Martino (I'm not gonna give him a nickname because "Martino" is silly enough) owner of the Martino Cartiér At Giovanni & Pileggio Salon in Sewell, New Jersey (Big Hair Our Specialty!) and right out the box he makes me giggle as he admits "Everything I do is over the top... everything has to be 'wow'! If it's not 'wow', I'm not doin' it!"
..."How you doin'?"...
I'd bet a blowjob that his real name is just plain Martin (maybe middle initial O). Any takers? Anyhow, his stylists say everybody in their town knows Martino, and that he's very flashy. He confirms this as he says "I do have a lavish lifestyle... I have a 'Vette and an Escalade, I like nice clothes, I love taking people out. I have parties for my staff all the time!" 'Cuz you know, 'The 'Vette gets 'em wet.' Damn, I want to go to work for Martino... the giant multi-billion-dollar behemoth corporation that I work for gives us one party per year, and it's a lunch buffet and two hours of bowling and skee-ball at Dave & Busters.
Of course, there's a itsy-bitsy teensy-weensy downside to all this partying... "Well, I'm $300,000.00 in debt... I had to borrow money from my mom and take out a second mortgage on my house just to keep the salon afloat!" His stylists again chime in with Martino needing to stop spending so much on himself and put some badly needed cash back into the salon...
Apparently their sinks are all old and back up all the time from the pounds and pounds of Jersey Hair that's been sucked down them over the years. Jeez, how much does a bottle or two of Dran-O cost? But then again... Jersey Hair. Also, it seems that they're running with 16 stylists and only 12 stations, so the resident drama-queen stylist Donnie says "Tempers are usually flaring, so it always makes for an interesting day!" Martino complains "My salon is run down. We need improvements, and I'm tapped out. That's why I need Tabatha!" For what? So you can hit her up for a loan? Something tells me Martino is smoking more than Benson & Hedges Deluxe Ultra Light Menthols...
...and he said he likes to have "nice clothes"?!??!...
Well, let's see how far he gets with Lady Tabatha! She calls him from outside his salon and says she needs to see him. She tells us that she's actually been secretly watching him along with his staff to see what the problems are... and she thinks a lot of those problems have to do with him and his icky ways. Wait until you see what I mean...
SALON UNDERCOVER
Well, I hope the camera crews were a little better camouflaged this time around. I know I clam up if someone starts waving a boom mike in my general vicinity. Tabatha starts by letting him on the big secret of her "surveillance cameras" and that she was watching him. Martino grins like he's just gotten inappropriately aroused by this...
..."Soooo, you like to watch?"...
Gross. I bet he tapes himself having sex. Even when he's alone. Well, let's see what a typical day is like in Giovanni & Pileggio Salon, shall we? Well, the lack of stations is a bit of a problem, as one of the stylists ("Dana" is apparently her name) is waiting for one to be available, and she decides to yank the blow-drier from Donnie Drama-Queen's station. Well, what is Donnie Drama-Queen supposed to dry his client's hair with? Dana just gives him a snotty "I dunno..." Martino watches this exchange and says nothing.
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Comments (10)
j-mo! 2 things:
1. i am not reading this yet because i dvr'd the episode and haven't seen it yet.
2. in case you didn't see my response to your comment on my recap, in my former life, i was mrsdaddytom. i picked a new name since i'm not the top chef recapper and i also wanted to do the audition thing anonymously in case i sucked. regardless, along with being fellow snarkettes in impossible love with each other, we are now sister-show-recappers. and i think i love you more than ever. just wanted you to know that info.
3. once i see the show, i will read your recap and comment accordingly. because i love you. tons.
xoxox!
1 of 10 | Posted by AuJew | Posted on September 9, 2008 9:28 PM
I grew up in Sewell, and my parents still live there- about 1/2 a mile from Martino's Salon.
Too bad Tabatha didn't stop by last year, when he still had his Lamborghini. All summer long, it would sit on the sidewalk outside the salon, with it's doors wide open, and blasting Frank Sinatra music.
It's true he's well known- he's a bit of a joke in town. He's notorious for being a drama queen, and doing whatever he can to get attention.
Apparently, every year at Christmas, he gives tours of his house so everyone can see his decorations.
2 of 10 | Posted by madpuppy | Posted on September 10, 2008 9:07 AM
Yet another excellent recap.
Besides their being so amusing, I am amazed at how informative these are (probably more so than actually watching the show!)
Thanks!
3 of 10 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on September 10, 2008 11:14 AM
Fantastic recap! Thank you! I just discovered this show and am enjoying it and your recap immensely!
madpuppy- thank you! I just knew there had to be someone out there in tvgasmland who knew this guy! What is the cost of a cut there? Not because I want to fly out and get licked (perhaps he is keeping his tongue to himself now?) but I am curious as how he has did 1.3 million last year running a filthy salon like that. But unlike that first owner, to his credit this guy seems to take LadyT's advice.
4 of 10 | Posted by mrsc | Posted on September 10, 2008 11:15 AM
J-Mo Your recaps are fabulous. I recently had to sacrafice my cable package that gets me Bravo (tears!) and you have helped fill the void! The "pay for school or pay for cable " decision is a bummer!
Muah! :)
OmigodYouGuys
5 of 10 | Posted by onigodyouguys | Posted on September 10, 2008 11:40 AM
Love this site and especially your recaps j-mo. Just wanted to let you know that during the summer, there is plenty of perfect pool weather in new Jersey; all last week, it was sunny and the temps were in the mid 80's
6 of 10 | Posted by kristykristy | Posted on September 10, 2008 12:29 PM
Dio mio, I want to smash his Roman nose!
Chis March called and he wants his shirt back! lol
Thanks for the recap, J-Mo! I couldn't watch it, but reading your recaps is even better!
7 of 10 | Posted by detinha | Posted on September 10, 2008 4:22 PM
Hey Jmo,
Still haven't done my spy work, but I did find the address and it's not to far out of the way, but at a weird intersection for a drive by. The web site seemed very together so I think they're still up and running.
I can't help but wonder how much of this stuff is set up . . . . perhaps drama was laughing coz they just spent the night backing up the vacuum all over the dryer hoods.
Blow dryers from the ceiling sound cool!
Thanks for the laughs, baby!
8 of 10 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on September 10, 2008 4:39 PM
Great job, J-Mo! Next week looks just TOO good to miss. Animal!!
Lots O' Love
9 of 10 | Posted by arizonatom | Posted on September 11, 2008 10:06 PM
AuJew... Welcome, welcome and thank you for the love, I can't wait to see the next recap of your G-Ram show, and I love you, too! :)
madpuppy... Oooooooh, THANK you SO much for the inside info on Martino & Co., somehow none of it goes against the stereotype, how weird is that? But you know, we LIVE for inside gossip like this, so THANK YOU! *mwah*
fire@will... thank you again, I am honored, but keep in mind, I often make shit up, so don't take everything at face value, K?
mrsc... Awww, thank you, I'm so glad you're enjoying the show!...
ohmigodyouguys... Aww, thanks and I'm so sorry to hear about your cable package drama! Check online at places like surfthechannel dot c om or yidio d ot com to see if Tabatha's shows actually show up there, sometimes they do!
kristykristy... heyyy, thanks, and I know you're totally right, Jersey DOES get really warm, I forget that not everyone considers 75-degree water "too cold to swim in" like we do out here in Arizona... my bad! :)
detinha... thank you as always!
juddfan... yeah, I wonder if some of the stuff is set up, but hey, it's a reality show, so not everything is going to be real! LOL! But those ceiling-suspended blow-dryers were awesome...
arizonatom... thank you, and I will have the new episode posted soon, K?
Thanks for all your comments guys... keep 'em comin!
love, J-Mo :)
10 of 10 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on September 14, 2008 12:51 PM