Testimonials

Sorry, I lost my cool for a minute there. Dana (Martino's assistant) says that "Martino likes to have his way or no way and I think now he's in for it! I don't think he realized what he was getting himself into." Girrrrrl, you got dat right! Tabatha commands Martino to give her the grand tour...

THE INSPECTION

Their first stop is some kind of weird space-age giant bracelet-shaped hairdryers that Tabatha wipes off the top of with her hands, producing the requisite pile of crud and crap. Cleaning crews beware! You may be asked to start actually dusting stuff off as part of your package-deal. We are treated to Donna, one of Martino's very experienced stylists talking about how terrified of Tabatha she is...

..."I was tarrafawiyed of huh! TARRAfawiyed!"...

Let me just say that Donna is the embodiment of Jersey-Girl-Tough™ and if she's terrified of Tabatha, then you know this is one baaaad bitch. I love her crazy-eyes, too. *mwah*

Little Miss Sweaty Forehead Dye-Job has her station called out for being dirrty as Tabatha runs her hand along the cabinetry and comes away with a dust bunny or twelve. Holding up her filthy hand, Tabatha spits "It would be called 'cleaning fluid', my friend!" Erica (Dye-Job) and her giant chest tattoo says she was embarrassed by that, because she didn't think it was that bad, but she admits it was pretty bad. Well, how can she notice dust elephants forming at her station when she has Martino's giant lusty tongue coming at her all the time?

Checking other stations, Tabatha is coming up with all kinds of savory stuff... like discarded fingernails and such. Martino says the stylists are supposed to clean their stations before they leave for the day. Maybe they're fleeing in abject terror because they don't want to become his next licky-loo? No, actually it seems as though he just lets it all slide. Tabatha is pointing out splashed haircoloring on the walls and various other filthy parts, and the girls are all giggling like it's funny to work in a shit-shack. "It won't be so funny if the State Board closes them down." intones Lady T...

..."Ow mwy GAWD, she tawks sow funnay!"...

Discussing Martino's retail sales, out of $1.3 million in total sales, only $30,000.00 was made up of retail products, or just over 2%. Tabatha tells him the low-end percentage for a successful salon to sell retail product is about ten times that. Okay, I may be a White Rain kind of boy, but I don't spend $150.00 on getting my hair cut, colored and styled, and if I did have that kind of money, I probably would buy some of the insanely expensive products they sell at hair salons because let's face it, if I leave the White Rain on my hair too long it starts to smoke. Then again, I'm also kind of a cheapo who would choose, say, food over conditioner. I don't keep this fabulously schlubby shape I'm in by having more manageable hair...

Looking into Martino's office, Tabatha is amazed at the amount of clutter and crap she finds there...

...including Martino's list of one-night stands...

She thinks he is setting a bad example by expecting his staff to clean up after themselves when he obviously lets his own shit get super-filthy, too. Tabatha dismisses the staff and tells them she will meet with them bright and early the next day... "...and I don't accept lateness."

The next morning, she meets with Martino prior to the staff meeting to discuss the finances, and he tells her about how he's just breaking even, and he owes more than what his house is worth (sounds familiar these days, doesn't it?) plus he opened up some credit cards on top of that. Nice! He also mentions that he still owes his mom $40,000.00 for the last salon he owned! Huh?!? The last salon? What is he, a serial business murderer? Well, mom probably didn't need her nest egg anyhow. All told his debt comes up to about $300,000.00. I'd say ouch, but it's not expensive enough of a word.

Tabatha is eyeing his clothing and asks how much his shirt cost. When he says it cost $400.00 I discover my intestines have knotted themselves in disbelief! Four. Hundred. Dollars.

...maybe it was hand-woven by Smurfs...

Lady T also points out his Little Red Corvette. He offers "Do you wanna go for a ride?" Ignoring this, Tabatha says "It sounds to me like you're living outside of your means. Your house is on the line, and you have nothing put away to cushion you. That's a huge gamble."

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Posted in Salon Takeover by J-Mo at 7:50 PM | Permalink | Comments (10)
Last Comment: J-Mo on Sep 14, 2008 12:51 PM.