This makes Lady T sigh with exasperation and Martino pissily says "I'm hanging up so I can tawk to you! She's tawking in my eah!" This prompts a whip-crack, "You can lose the attitude before you speak to me, would be my preference, thank you very much!". After some tiresome back-and-forth between them, Tabatha leaves him to finish his conversation and Martino tells his mother "This woman is such a bitch, I can't stand her!" Ah well. Whaddayagunnadoo?
Back out on the floor, Lady T is giving pointers to Donnie Drama, and for once girlfriend seems to be putting the bullshit on layaway and actually listening to her good advice.... and she actually has good things to say about just about everybody else... although she seems less that set ablaze by Martino's Posh Spice client and her pink hair under blonde. She dismisses the staff for the day (after admonishing them to clean up their stations, ha ha).
The next morning, Tabatha visits Martino at his McMansion....
...Welcome to Martinirvana!...
Oh my. Talk about Tacky Central. This place should be a challenge on Top Design! Inside everything looks like brass and glass and tons of gold leaf and rococo styling everywhere! He has a white baby-grand piano that plays by itself! Every house needs one! Of course, Martino doesn't have a clue how to play, but it gives the room that certain "je ne sais quoi" (which is French for "I have no taste.") In his kitchen, he has two ovens and two stoves, but of course he eats out a lot. He also has a macaw and a giant koi pond (he helpfully offers that he feeds them Cheerios!) and a great big pool, which I'm sure gets a ton of use in cold-ass Jersey.
..."There are whorehouses in Sydney's Chinatown with more taste than this room!"...
He admits to Tabatha that he does a lot of entertaining with Cristal popping and blah blah blah as he insists "I don't do the things I do, or spend what I spend so that I can get a pat on the back.... that's my personality!" Sure, Martino. How about stop doing all those things and see how many of your so-called friends bolt for the hills of New Hampshire? OH, and now they're in his giant and crammed full walk-in closet, where he has more clothes than Tabatha (and something tells me she's a bit of clothes horse herself, she seems to favor a lot of black, but also very sleek slinky styling).
Tabatha points out the obvious, that he's spending so much money on all the bullshit that he's not putting it back into his business, and it's making his position ever shakier (and distastefully borrowing money from Mamatino, ugh!). She says he's living in a fantasy and needs for him to understand how wasteful all of his lavish spending really is... she takes him to an upstairs bedroom and shoves him out the window, shouting "Now you've got another $300,000.00 in medical bills!" as he plummets to the driveway and breaks both hips and his tailbone.
Okay, no, she doesn't really do that (though how she resisted the impulse is beyond my capabaility to comprehend) but she says all this stuff is money out the window, and to illustrate that, she pulls out a giant roll of cash and hands it to him telling him to start throwing it out the window as she lists off all the wasteful things, as well as useful things he could be doing with it... "Dom Perignon"... "Party for the staff!"... "Pair of jeans!"... "Credit card payoff!"... "Your house payment!" Okay, I get it, but really, this seems kinda odd to me... cuz that roll wasn't his money, it was her money. It would have been funny if he had thrown the roll in the fireplace and turned it on, but then Tabatha would have murdered him and there'd be no more "Salon Takeover" except for the Prison Edition.
..."Lapdances at The Spearmint Rhino!"...
« Million Dollar Listing: Lonely Smelly Rich Boys Get Old Too | Main | Dan, Dan, He's Our Man, if He Can't Do It He'll Lie Until He Does »
Comments (10)
j-mo! 2 things:
1. i am not reading this yet because i dvr'd the episode and haven't seen it yet.
2. in case you didn't see my response to your comment on my recap, in my former life, i was mrsdaddytom. i picked a new name since i'm not the top chef recapper and i also wanted to do the audition thing anonymously in case i sucked. regardless, along with being fellow snarkettes in impossible love with each other, we are now sister-show-recappers. and i think i love you more than ever. just wanted you to know that info.
3. once i see the show, i will read your recap and comment accordingly. because i love you. tons.
xoxox!
1 of 10 | Posted by AuJew | Posted on September 9, 2008 9:28 PM
I grew up in Sewell, and my parents still live there- about 1/2 a mile from Martino's Salon.
Too bad Tabatha didn't stop by last year, when he still had his Lamborghini. All summer long, it would sit on the sidewalk outside the salon, with it's doors wide open, and blasting Frank Sinatra music.
It's true he's well known- he's a bit of a joke in town. He's notorious for being a drama queen, and doing whatever he can to get attention.
Apparently, every year at Christmas, he gives tours of his house so everyone can see his decorations.
2 of 10 | Posted by madpuppy | Posted on September 10, 2008 9:07 AM
Yet another excellent recap.
Besides their being so amusing, I am amazed at how informative these are (probably more so than actually watching the show!)
Thanks!
3 of 10 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on September 10, 2008 11:14 AM
Fantastic recap! Thank you! I just discovered this show and am enjoying it and your recap immensely!
madpuppy- thank you! I just knew there had to be someone out there in tvgasmland who knew this guy! What is the cost of a cut there? Not because I want to fly out and get licked (perhaps he is keeping his tongue to himself now?) but I am curious as how he has did 1.3 million last year running a filthy salon like that. But unlike that first owner, to his credit this guy seems to take LadyT's advice.
4 of 10 | Posted by mrsc | Posted on September 10, 2008 11:15 AM
J-Mo Your recaps are fabulous. I recently had to sacrafice my cable package that gets me Bravo (tears!) and you have helped fill the void! The "pay for school or pay for cable " decision is a bummer!
Muah! :)
OmigodYouGuys
5 of 10 | Posted by onigodyouguys | Posted on September 10, 2008 11:40 AM
Love this site and especially your recaps j-mo. Just wanted to let you know that during the summer, there is plenty of perfect pool weather in new Jersey; all last week, it was sunny and the temps were in the mid 80's
6 of 10 | Posted by kristykristy | Posted on September 10, 2008 12:29 PM
Dio mio, I want to smash his Roman nose!
Chis March called and he wants his shirt back! lol
Thanks for the recap, J-Mo! I couldn't watch it, but reading your recaps is even better!
7 of 10 | Posted by detinha | Posted on September 10, 2008 4:22 PM
Hey Jmo,
Still haven't done my spy work, but I did find the address and it's not to far out of the way, but at a weird intersection for a drive by. The web site seemed very together so I think they're still up and running.
I can't help but wonder how much of this stuff is set up . . . . perhaps drama was laughing coz they just spent the night backing up the vacuum all over the dryer hoods.
Blow dryers from the ceiling sound cool!
Thanks for the laughs, baby!
8 of 10 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on September 10, 2008 4:39 PM
Great job, J-Mo! Next week looks just TOO good to miss. Animal!!
Lots O' Love
9 of 10 | Posted by arizonatom | Posted on September 11, 2008 10:06 PM
AuJew... Welcome, welcome and thank you for the love, I can't wait to see the next recap of your G-Ram show, and I love you, too! :)
madpuppy... Oooooooh, THANK you SO much for the inside info on Martino & Co., somehow none of it goes against the stereotype, how weird is that? But you know, we LIVE for inside gossip like this, so THANK YOU! *mwah*
fire@will... thank you again, I am honored, but keep in mind, I often make shit up, so don't take everything at face value, K?
mrsc... Awww, thank you, I'm so glad you're enjoying the show!...
ohmigodyouguys... Aww, thanks and I'm so sorry to hear about your cable package drama! Check online at places like surfthechannel dot c om or yidio d ot com to see if Tabatha's shows actually show up there, sometimes they do!
kristykristy... heyyy, thanks, and I know you're totally right, Jersey DOES get really warm, I forget that not everyone considers 75-degree water "too cold to swim in" like we do out here in Arizona... my bad! :)
detinha... thank you as always!
juddfan... yeah, I wonder if some of the stuff is set up, but hey, it's a reality show, so not everything is going to be real! LOL! But those ceiling-suspended blow-dryers were awesome...
arizonatom... thank you, and I will have the new episode posted soon, K?
Thanks for all your comments guys... keep 'em comin!
love, J-Mo :)
10 of 10 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on September 14, 2008 12:51 PM