Wow, it actually worked apparently, because Martino says he felt sick by her making him throw her money out the window. She also makes him cut up all his credit cards with a pair of garden shears because, as he said "I am not using a $500.00 pair of scissors to cut plastic with!" Um, what do you use a $500.00 pair of scissors to cut, then? And who has $500.00 pairs of scissors? How about put them on Ebay and then buy another station for your stupid salon, meathead? He can't believe she's making him cut them all up (I guess he's never heard that a 2 minute conversation with the bank and he'll have a new card within a day or two, and apparently she's counting on that, too).
Last thing before she leaves, she says "Pick a car." He says he can't take either of the cars back to the dealership as they're on a lease. This doesn't faze Tabatha as she says he can talk his way out of it. Can he? Can anyone confirm this for me? I have never leased a car, but I imagine that once you sign off and drive off the lot that they're not going to be too inclined for you to try and weasel your way out of it (not unless you sign on for another lease, preferably for a more expensive car) but whatever, I"ll go along with the idea that Martino can schmooze big burly car dealership finance guys the same way he schmoozes all the desperate Jersey Ladies who frequent his hair salon. Hope he gets his ass beat.
He chooses to keep the economical Escalade (13.4 miles to the gallon) and Tabatha congratulates him for making this choice. How about making him take both of them back and get a Prius, ha ha! Nah, he'd never drive a car that looks so much like a dildo (and I'm not hating on Priii, I think they're great, but they do look like giant rolling dildoes).
Back at Giovanni & Pileggio Salon it's time to meet with the Junket of Jersey Gyrls and discuss how to get their hair even more slutty and unnatural looking than it already is...
...I would suggest either lamination, or do what this girl did and buy porn wigs and stack them...
I keed! No, really, they're getting together to talk about everyone's favorite subject... retail sales! I hate retail sales. I spent the better part of 2001 and 2002 working a minimum-wage retail-clerk gig for Tower Records (in addition to my full-time tech support gig), and while it was lots of fun to get threatened with death because I couldn't take back a Tupac CD someone didn't want (because they had already copied it at home) it somehow left me feeling empty inside and hating most of humanity (especially old men who would buy porno on Christmas Day when I was stuck working that joyous morn... hope you enjoy "Santa Butt-Bangs His She-Elves", buddy... Merry Fuckin' Christmas, you dirty old asswipe.)
What I'm trying to say is that I totally feel for people whose jobs wind up combined with having to actually push products on people, it's a bitch, nobody likes it, but in order for a hair salon to make money, they kinda have to do it (says Tabatha). So Lady T is talking to the Gyrls about their really low retail sales rate, and Martino privately interviews "If Tabatha wants to fix our retail department, she's gonna have to be a Houdini!" Um, meaning she will need to escape after she's handcuffed and chained up in the back room of your salon? Martino is a moron. How about pick a more modern magician like Doug Henning or David Copperfield or David Blaine... oh wait! David Blaine doesn't do magic, he just sits reeeeeeeally still for super-long periods of time in giant fishbowls peeing into a catheter.
Where was I? Oh yeah, Tabatha says the industry average for retail sales is 15-20%, and she wants them to try to bring their pitiful little 3% up to about 10%. Good luck, Tabatha, you're gonna need to hire some customers to come buy some shit from this place... but she's still going to let them in on her secrets for successful retail sales...
..."Just remember 'TIBH'... Threats... Intimidation... Bodily Harm..."...
No, actually she coaches selling product as "an insurance policy"... if they've spent all this money having their hair colored and they don't take care of it with the proper $56.97 conditioner made of crushed starfruit, melted jujubes and essence of elephant pee, then they could potentially ruin the color-job. The fate of nations hangs in the balance!
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Comments (10)
j-mo! 2 things:
1. i am not reading this yet because i dvr'd the episode and haven't seen it yet.
2. in case you didn't see my response to your comment on my recap, in my former life, i was mrsdaddytom. i picked a new name since i'm not the top chef recapper and i also wanted to do the audition thing anonymously in case i sucked. regardless, along with being fellow snarkettes in impossible love with each other, we are now sister-show-recappers. and i think i love you more than ever. just wanted you to know that info.
3. once i see the show, i will read your recap and comment accordingly. because i love you. tons.
xoxox!
1 of 10 | Posted by AuJew | Posted on September 9, 2008 9:28 PM
I grew up in Sewell, and my parents still live there- about 1/2 a mile from Martino's Salon.
Too bad Tabatha didn't stop by last year, when he still had his Lamborghini. All summer long, it would sit on the sidewalk outside the salon, with it's doors wide open, and blasting Frank Sinatra music.
It's true he's well known- he's a bit of a joke in town. He's notorious for being a drama queen, and doing whatever he can to get attention.
Apparently, every year at Christmas, he gives tours of his house so everyone can see his decorations.
2 of 10 | Posted by madpuppy | Posted on September 10, 2008 9:07 AM
Yet another excellent recap.
Besides their being so amusing, I am amazed at how informative these are (probably more so than actually watching the show!)
Thanks!
3 of 10 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on September 10, 2008 11:14 AM
Fantastic recap! Thank you! I just discovered this show and am enjoying it and your recap immensely!
madpuppy- thank you! I just knew there had to be someone out there in tvgasmland who knew this guy! What is the cost of a cut there? Not because I want to fly out and get licked (perhaps he is keeping his tongue to himself now?) but I am curious as how he has did 1.3 million last year running a filthy salon like that. But unlike that first owner, to his credit this guy seems to take LadyT's advice.
4 of 10 | Posted by mrsc | Posted on September 10, 2008 11:15 AM
J-Mo Your recaps are fabulous. I recently had to sacrafice my cable package that gets me Bravo (tears!) and you have helped fill the void! The "pay for school or pay for cable " decision is a bummer!
Muah! :)
OmigodYouGuys
5 of 10 | Posted by onigodyouguys | Posted on September 10, 2008 11:40 AM
Love this site and especially your recaps j-mo. Just wanted to let you know that during the summer, there is plenty of perfect pool weather in new Jersey; all last week, it was sunny and the temps were in the mid 80's
6 of 10 | Posted by kristykristy | Posted on September 10, 2008 12:29 PM
Dio mio, I want to smash his Roman nose!
Chis March called and he wants his shirt back! lol
Thanks for the recap, J-Mo! I couldn't watch it, but reading your recaps is even better!
7 of 10 | Posted by detinha | Posted on September 10, 2008 4:22 PM
Hey Jmo,
Still haven't done my spy work, but I did find the address and it's not to far out of the way, but at a weird intersection for a drive by. The web site seemed very together so I think they're still up and running.
I can't help but wonder how much of this stuff is set up . . . . perhaps drama was laughing coz they just spent the night backing up the vacuum all over the dryer hoods.
Blow dryers from the ceiling sound cool!
Thanks for the laughs, baby!
8 of 10 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on September 10, 2008 4:39 PM
Great job, J-Mo! Next week looks just TOO good to miss. Animal!!
Lots O' Love
9 of 10 | Posted by arizonatom | Posted on September 11, 2008 10:06 PM
AuJew... Welcome, welcome and thank you for the love, I can't wait to see the next recap of your G-Ram show, and I love you, too! :)
madpuppy... Oooooooh, THANK you SO much for the inside info on Martino & Co., somehow none of it goes against the stereotype, how weird is that? But you know, we LIVE for inside gossip like this, so THANK YOU! *mwah*
fire@will... thank you again, I am honored, but keep in mind, I often make shit up, so don't take everything at face value, K?
mrsc... Awww, thank you, I'm so glad you're enjoying the show!...
ohmigodyouguys... Aww, thanks and I'm so sorry to hear about your cable package drama! Check online at places like surfthechannel dot c om or yidio d ot com to see if Tabatha's shows actually show up there, sometimes they do!
kristykristy... heyyy, thanks, and I know you're totally right, Jersey DOES get really warm, I forget that not everyone considers 75-degree water "too cold to swim in" like we do out here in Arizona... my bad! :)
detinha... thank you as always!
juddfan... yeah, I wonder if some of the stuff is set up, but hey, it's a reality show, so not everything is going to be real! LOL! But those ceiling-suspended blow-dryers were awesome...
arizonatom... thank you, and I will have the new episode posted soon, K?
Thanks for all your comments guys... keep 'em comin!
love, J-Mo :)
10 of 10 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on September 14, 2008 12:51 PM