Ahhh, Boobsy, Boobsy, Boobsy... do you have any clue how much of cheap, skanky, slutty, nasty, low-class, bimbotard you look like right now? I would really like to try that tack with my job... if I told them that I didn't have any clothes that cover my ample ass and big belly and hairy chest so they were just gonna have to let me come in to work wearing booty shorts and low-slung tank-tops, I'm sure they'd be stumped for an answer, right? I can't believe that Josephine is actually afraid of losing "stylists" like Boobsy McTitsville and Whorina Dogchow! Hell, getting rid of those two, plus MuffinTop would bring them up from a 1.5 to a 5 on the Professionalism Scale automatically...

Back to the fight, Tabatha is telling Boobsy she doesn't care what she does when she's not at work (prolly two-buck BJs behind the Dunkin' Donuts) but when she comes in the next day she's gonna be covered, or Lady T is gonna buy her a T-shirt, and she'll wear that... Ooh, I know the perfect one!...

CokeWhore091508.jpg

...at least it's truth in advertising...

Josephine is concerned that by the end of the week she's not gonna have a staff or a salowon... Well, if you started offering lapdances with haircuts then I bet you'd make a fortune, but let's watch Jo-Jo give Tabatha the "tour" instead...

THE INSPECTION

Of course she finds a bunch of dust and hair covering the work stations. MuffinTop says that the Assistants are supposed to clean that, but they haven't been in for a couple of days... "So why don't you pick up some Windex and clean it yourself?" retorts Tabatha. Muffie says she does, but Tabatha doesn't believe her because there's at least a small family of dust kitties mewling on her fingers, and she's also found cobwebs! Eeeeeew!

Muffin raspily interviews that when you have a busy day "the lyast thing y'wanna do is clean y'station!" Sure Muffie, I bet Gordon Ramsay has found a restaurant or two on Lowong Oyland that feels the same exact way about cleanliness in their kitchen, and I hope you eat there so you can understand how fucking lazy and gross this attitude is.

Of course Tabatha found hair clogging the sinks, and Jo-Jo seems perplexed as to why it's there. Um, because your school of slutty skankfish don't clean very well? Jo-Jo's whorish moron (or whoron) act is really getting on my last nerve... but then again, she does have her hubby there watching over everything...

JoRon091508.JPG

...this is clearly a misguided choice on her part...

Lady T has found lacquer caked on the base of the stylists chairs... Jo-Jo thinks it's oil from a product recently used on a client... Tabatha invites her to get down on her knees and feel the sticky tackiness of the gunk, that's no oil, it's skin cells and hair and prolly rodent fecal-matter plus some Tresemmé Volumizing Soufflé (ooh la la!) on top. Josephine is clearly itching to be gone and just have Tabatha get the free remodel underway, but she realizes she's gonna have to play ball to get it, so she obliges.

G.G.T.T.T. (Gargantuan Gap-Toothed Tracheotomy-Tat) Hag Stacey interviews that "Tabatha focuses owon negative and I really feel that she's making a mockery out of Images!"...

StaceyMockery091508.JPG

...mm'kay, and looking like this somehow doesn't?...

Seriously. What. The. Fuck. Is. Up. With. That. Neck. Tattoo? For realsies, if a stylist came at me and had one of those I'd either request another one, or I'd tell her she needed to get a flower on an elastic choker or something to cover that shit up, it's just wrong with a capital PUKE.

Back at the ass-reaming, Tabatha notices that Blondie's scissors are dirty. "I just used them." she whines. "So why didn't you clean them?" Blondie's Mensa-mode kicks in... "Umm, I dunno..." Digging further, Lady T finds that their clipper guards are caked with hair... and I mean caked...

GrossClippers091508.JPG

...seriously, this "salon" should be called Gross Clips...

Josephine's excuse for this? "I'm gonna assume she din't have the owppatoonity t'woip it down befowuh she used it onna client." Tabatha is near apoplexy as she holds up the clotted clipper guard and spits "That is not from one client.... it's not!" Jo-Jo doesn't care for being contradicted and chirps "Okey dokey!" with a fuck-you tone thrown in. Tabatha doesn't even notice, she's looking around with a serious look of disgust on her face. "Fucking pigsty!" Girl, you got that right, this is seriously grosser than what Vile Mikey's De Cielo Salon looked like, at least their stylists knew what they were doing and looked clean...

Salon Takeover With Tabatha: Putting The "Strip" In Strip Malls Sections:  1  |  2  |  3  |  4  |  5  |  6  |  7  |  8  |  9  |  10  |  11 

« Big Brother: Finally, The Republicans Win Something | Main | Prison Break: Cops and/or Robbers »

Comments (13)

detinha:

J-Mo,

I was waiting for this recap and it was def worth the wait! You're the best!

You kill me! I can't stop laughing! ROFLMAO!

"wealthy neighborhood of Oyster Bay, NY. " hmmmm...Ok, then! Why do I hear dueling banjos on the background? or is it violins? LOL

lagitha:

Egads, why don't they change the name of this show to "My Husband/ex-Lover Who Knows Nothing About Hair Quit His Job To Run This Business Into The Ground" ?

I do have to give kudos to this show, however, for showing the follow ups. On every makeover show (to which I'm addicted), you know that if the participants didn't have the fashion sense and/or business acumen to do things right in the first place, they're certainly not going to be able to follow through on their own after the cameras leave. Thanks for feeding my cynicism, Tabby!

detinha:

Ok J-Mo,

Where can I send the bill? Every time I remember that pic of Joe asking about the lampshade I burst out laughing, I even peed a little in my chair! EW!

Much love!

Val
**washing the chair!** lol

AuJew:

my darling j-mo,

1. love you til the end of time. you make my life. i can only aspire to be as amazing recaps as you.

2. that pic of the 3 hags looks like it should have "double, double, toil and trouble, fire burn and cauldron bubble" as a caption. talk about three witches.

3. why in the pic of jo-jo and joe does it look like joe's tiny penis is peeking up with a big black eye? just curious. ew.

4. the comment about gordon ramsay: YES. please see this week's kitchen nightmares! let's just say it's on par with images in terms of long island grossocity.

xoxoxoxoxoxox!!!!!!
:o)

AuJew:

okay

1a) i meant as good AT recaps as you

5) that nazi thing...oh my god. could not be more offended. in case you couldn't tell by my handle or anything. beyond ridic.

arizonatom:

J-Mo;

I spewed Diet Dr. Pepper when you came up with GGTTT Hag Stacy's name. But when Boobsy talked about her 'F'-fuckin' boobs, I actually peed a little bit. I cannot believe these bitches! And Muffie! My God, what a crew. Top it all off with Big Dumb Joe and you have it all. What a complete bunch of losers - all of them. Any stylist worth anything wouldn't want to work in such a slum. I feel bad that all Tabatha's hard work was for naught, when all she is trying to do is SAVE THEIR BUSINESS! A bunch of Assclowns. Great recap, as always!

Lots O' Love

fire@will:

Okay - I sheepishly (but in a manly man kind of way)admit that I even actually watched most of this episode... but that did not diminish the unbearable awesomeness of your recap. If anything, I am reassured of how on the money your comments are... thus sparing me from having to ever watch again.

Thanks, big J!

shelleyh:

J-Mo, you are a hoot. The accents are perfect. You got mad phonics skillz, yo.

It was pretty obvious Josephine was in this for the free publicity. But they couldn't have possibly gained business because of this? Hair business, I mean. Who wants their hair cut by a toothless crack whore? Well, if someone is unfortunate enough to get their hair cut by one, hopefully Bravo will always be there to get it all on tape.

rubinia:

AuJew--
"3. why in the pic of jo-jo and joe does it look like joe's tiny penis is peeking up with a big black eye? just curious. ew."

HAHAHA I think that's actually Tabatha's finger but it looks so much more hilarious now...

AuJew:

HAHAHAHA yes it is tabatha's finger. the placement is amazing. i prefer to think of it as his teeny weenie trying to escape.

skies:

Those were some scary hairdressers especially the neck tatted one. Looked like someone sewed her head back on. Reminded me of the lady in Beetlejuice with the slashed throat. I expected to see smoke coming out of neck tat's throat. Eww, nasty.
Our Tabby knew she was being scammed, that's why they got the no frills basic make-over. Lady T. knew that salon would become a dollar store soon.
Funny recap as usual. I wonder if these reality people ever read the recaps of the show. And does it make a difference to them knowing the viewers think they are morons?

J-Mo:

detinha... thank you, you're sweet! Sorry about the chair... that's why I often use an inflatable vinyl one at the computer, they clean up so easy!

lagitha... I KNOW, right? Where do they find these ball-less men who give up their jobs to sit and hang with the girls all day? I would think if you want to, you know, stay married that you'd want to have a separate life from one another during the day. My BF and I carpool a couple of days a week and just spending so much time in the car together we wind up fighting about being late, or why we can't stop for breakfast and Jack In The Box, or who downloaded the porn virus onto the computer at home... separate lives are important!

AuJew... that was too funny about the "Tabatha's finger/Joe's penis" picture, I did not even catch that when I captured it! Your recaps are just fine, you do a great job! Love back to you. And yes, I think people who sit there and compare slightly annoying situations to the Holocaust to be super-ignorant and offensive, too (and I'm not even Jewish, I'm a lapsed bitter Catholic who now worships the Holy Trinity of Janet Jackson, Cher and Madonna).

arizonatom... I love assclowns. They're funny. Especially when they have "'F'-fuckin' boobs". Love to you.

fire@will... I am happy for your manly-man-ness, you go! Also "unbearable awesomeness" is a compliment that I must say is cherished and I love you for that (in the platonic way and not the somewhat-illegal way) so thank you!

shelleyh... yo yo yo, word up t'ya mutha, I'ma keep bustin' the phonics if y'all got love for 'em, a'ight? I agree, I wish they would do a "12 weeks later" or "6 months later" on all of these salons at the end and see how many of them have either reverted to bad habits or are just plain out of business. Thanks for the lovin'!

rubinia... sharp eyes! I thought maybe I had caught something dirty, but you actually clarified it for me... good catch!

skies... I actually hope that some of these people read the things we write about them, not because I want to be mean and crush their self-esteem with biting wit and rapier-sharp satire, but because maybe it might be the wake-up call that they need to figure out "Hey.... I'm a giant douchebag!!!" and then lives might be saved.

Thanks for all the feedback, people, I'm hoping to bring the new episode in the next day, okay?

love, J-Mo :)

ubiquitous:

Were the women who worked at that place rejected as hires for the Waffle House down the road? Wow, they were ROUGH!

Post a comment

Post a comment

394