Tabatha interviews that she doesn't understand why Josephine kept defending her staff's bad behavior and the filthiness of the salon... if she came to her looking for help and wanting to make things better, why is she acting like all this shit is okay with her? "It makes no sense to me." I agree, and that creeping, sneaking sensation is back in my tummy again. I better go put some cookie dough ice cream on top of that. I'll be right back.

CookieDough091508.jpg

...this never fails to make everything all better...

T-girl tells the Images staff that she wants to help them, and that after all she's seen today, she know they need it badly, so there's gonna be the customary staff meeting at 9am the following morning (including Big Stupid Joe)... and she concludes with "I'm gonna go wash my hands..." Ooh, girl, you better... I don't know how long syphilis and gonorrhea strains can live outside a sex organ, but let's not find out...

The next day, Tabatha meets with the Joesies to find out exactly why in the hell they bother with this bullshit salon in the first place. Josephine says she just doesn't want "any hard feelings" by anybody, and Lady T sets her straight that she's not gonna sugarcoat what she says, because there are going to be things said that people just don't want to hear.... which is true, nobody likes to be told they're doing a bad job. Tabatha tells her that it's nice that she wants to stand up for her staff of hoes, but they're screwing her and Joe and their business...

JoJoAndJoe091508.JPG

...and somebody's only hearing "Wah wahh wah waaah 'screwing' waah wa-wa wuaaah wah 'Joe' wah wawawa"...

Since Josephine wants Images to be known as an upscale salon, Tabatha wants to know how much they charge for their most expensive haircuts. "30 to 35" she says. Dawllahs? Lady T says if Jo-Jo really wants to be upscale, she needs to raise her prices by 20%. I'm not exactly sure how paying more for a shitty haircut makes it upscale, but I'll just go along with it because I"m still on a sweet cookie dough high...

So T-girl wants to know, how much their daily intake is. Heads are shaking. How many clients do they have on a typical day? More head shaking. Neither of these two have a clue! There isn't even a computer system to tell them anything! Nice! Tabatha asks what their average dawllah-amount is per bill. Jo-Jo's moronism is showing again as she says "30 to 150 dawllahs..." and Tabatha stops her "Yeah, but it doesn't work that way, that's not an average..." and even Big Stupid Joe is smart enough to point out to his bimbotard wife that she doesn't understand what the word "average" means, and they both admit that they "never figured all that out." Big Stupid Joe further clarifies "Yeah, we know da numbahs, we jus dunno da numbahs da way youah askin' dem..." and Jo-Jo bitchily chimes in "Exactly!"

My guess is that neither of these two shear geniuses have ever been within a hundred miles of Accounting 101. Or even Community College. But I bet they know every bar on Lowong Oyland! Tabatha soldiers on, "You know, that has to change... it just has to point-blank change! I just want to know what you're doing and where you stand so I can help you... and... I feel like you think that 'slap a coat of paint on the wall, change everything around, ooh, now everything's just perfect and fabulous!'" Ah ha, I toldja you can't punk Tabatha, she's on to this bitch, and Jo-Jo doesn't like her transparent scheme being called out...

JoJoWantsHerCheck091508.JPG

..."So youah sayin' youah nawt gonna give me a check fuh several thousand dawllahs??..."...

Tabatha tells Josephine that she needs her to commit to changing or she won't be able to help her. The bitch won't even give a verbal response, she just makes a bitchy rapid-nod with closed eyelids... see how clearly Lowong Oylandahs express themselves?!? This gesture unmistakably says "Yes, but fuck you." I love it!

STAFF MEETING

Now it's time to meet with the staff and see if they are as resistant to change as Jo-Jo is. Tabatha starts off by telling them all how nice they look today...

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...if by "nice" you mean "scaled back to high-school slutty"...

She especially appreciates Boobsy putting The Twins to bed for worktime, and Boobsy privately interviews "I din't really try t'dress any diffrent t'day, this is who I yam, I just zippered it a quartuh of an inch highah than I would noahmally... *giggles* " Oh Boobsy, I bet feminists everywhere are lauding your efforts... *sigh*

Salon Takeover With Tabatha: Putting The "Strip" In Strip Malls Sections:  1  |  2  |  3  |  4  |  5  |  6  |  7  |  8  |  9  |  10  |  11 

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Comments (13)

detinha:

J-Mo,

I was waiting for this recap and it was def worth the wait! You're the best!

You kill me! I can't stop laughing! ROFLMAO!

"wealthy neighborhood of Oyster Bay, NY. " hmmmm...Ok, then! Why do I hear dueling banjos on the background? or is it violins? LOL

lagitha:

Egads, why don't they change the name of this show to "My Husband/ex-Lover Who Knows Nothing About Hair Quit His Job To Run This Business Into The Ground" ?

I do have to give kudos to this show, however, for showing the follow ups. On every makeover show (to which I'm addicted), you know that if the participants didn't have the fashion sense and/or business acumen to do things right in the first place, they're certainly not going to be able to follow through on their own after the cameras leave. Thanks for feeding my cynicism, Tabby!

detinha:

Ok J-Mo,

Where can I send the bill? Every time I remember that pic of Joe asking about the lampshade I burst out laughing, I even peed a little in my chair! EW!

Much love!

Val
**washing the chair!** lol

AuJew:

my darling j-mo,

1. love you til the end of time. you make my life. i can only aspire to be as amazing recaps as you.

2. that pic of the 3 hags looks like it should have "double, double, toil and trouble, fire burn and cauldron bubble" as a caption. talk about three witches.

3. why in the pic of jo-jo and joe does it look like joe's tiny penis is peeking up with a big black eye? just curious. ew.

4. the comment about gordon ramsay: YES. please see this week's kitchen nightmares! let's just say it's on par with images in terms of long island grossocity.

xoxoxoxoxoxox!!!!!!
:o)

AuJew:

okay

1a) i meant as good AT recaps as you

5) that nazi thing...oh my god. could not be more offended. in case you couldn't tell by my handle or anything. beyond ridic.

arizonatom:

J-Mo;

I spewed Diet Dr. Pepper when you came up with GGTTT Hag Stacy's name. But when Boobsy talked about her 'F'-fuckin' boobs, I actually peed a little bit. I cannot believe these bitches! And Muffie! My God, what a crew. Top it all off with Big Dumb Joe and you have it all. What a complete bunch of losers - all of them. Any stylist worth anything wouldn't want to work in such a slum. I feel bad that all Tabatha's hard work was for naught, when all she is trying to do is SAVE THEIR BUSINESS! A bunch of Assclowns. Great recap, as always!

Lots O' Love

fire@will:

Okay - I sheepishly (but in a manly man kind of way)admit that I even actually watched most of this episode... but that did not diminish the unbearable awesomeness of your recap. If anything, I am reassured of how on the money your comments are... thus sparing me from having to ever watch again.

Thanks, big J!

shelleyh:

J-Mo, you are a hoot. The accents are perfect. You got mad phonics skillz, yo.

It was pretty obvious Josephine was in this for the free publicity. But they couldn't have possibly gained business because of this? Hair business, I mean. Who wants their hair cut by a toothless crack whore? Well, if someone is unfortunate enough to get their hair cut by one, hopefully Bravo will always be there to get it all on tape.

rubinia:

AuJew--
"3. why in the pic of jo-jo and joe does it look like joe's tiny penis is peeking up with a big black eye? just curious. ew."

HAHAHA I think that's actually Tabatha's finger but it looks so much more hilarious now...

AuJew:

HAHAHAHA yes it is tabatha's finger. the placement is amazing. i prefer to think of it as his teeny weenie trying to escape.

skies:

Those were some scary hairdressers especially the neck tatted one. Looked like someone sewed her head back on. Reminded me of the lady in Beetlejuice with the slashed throat. I expected to see smoke coming out of neck tat's throat. Eww, nasty.
Our Tabby knew she was being scammed, that's why they got the no frills basic make-over. Lady T. knew that salon would become a dollar store soon.
Funny recap as usual. I wonder if these reality people ever read the recaps of the show. And does it make a difference to them knowing the viewers think they are morons?

J-Mo:

detinha... thank you, you're sweet! Sorry about the chair... that's why I often use an inflatable vinyl one at the computer, they clean up so easy!

lagitha... I KNOW, right? Where do they find these ball-less men who give up their jobs to sit and hang with the girls all day? I would think if you want to, you know, stay married that you'd want to have a separate life from one another during the day. My BF and I carpool a couple of days a week and just spending so much time in the car together we wind up fighting about being late, or why we can't stop for breakfast and Jack In The Box, or who downloaded the porn virus onto the computer at home... separate lives are important!

AuJew... that was too funny about the "Tabatha's finger/Joe's penis" picture, I did not even catch that when I captured it! Your recaps are just fine, you do a great job! Love back to you. And yes, I think people who sit there and compare slightly annoying situations to the Holocaust to be super-ignorant and offensive, too (and I'm not even Jewish, I'm a lapsed bitter Catholic who now worships the Holy Trinity of Janet Jackson, Cher and Madonna).

arizonatom... I love assclowns. They're funny. Especially when they have "'F'-fuckin' boobs". Love to you.

fire@will... I am happy for your manly-man-ness, you go! Also "unbearable awesomeness" is a compliment that I must say is cherished and I love you for that (in the platonic way and not the somewhat-illegal way) so thank you!

shelleyh... yo yo yo, word up t'ya mutha, I'ma keep bustin' the phonics if y'all got love for 'em, a'ight? I agree, I wish they would do a "12 weeks later" or "6 months later" on all of these salons at the end and see how many of them have either reverted to bad habits or are just plain out of business. Thanks for the lovin'!

rubinia... sharp eyes! I thought maybe I had caught something dirty, but you actually clarified it for me... good catch!

skies... I actually hope that some of these people read the things we write about them, not because I want to be mean and crush their self-esteem with biting wit and rapier-sharp satire, but because maybe it might be the wake-up call that they need to figure out "Hey.... I'm a giant douchebag!!!" and then lives might be saved.

Thanks for all the feedback, people, I'm hoping to bring the new episode in the next day, okay?

love, J-Mo :)

ubiquitous:

Were the women who worked at that place rejected as hires for the Waffle House down the road? Wow, they were ROUGH!

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