She starts asking what's going on there, what the stylists want to have changed. MuffinTop says she's sometimes juggling 4 clients at a time. Blondie says they run out of cash, they run out of color, they run out of foils. Another Blondie says that they need someone to answer the phones and handle the appointments and greet the clients in the right way, because apparently it's a huge problem.

Cut to Joe making his doofus goombah faces, because clearly they're talking about him. He says that the girls walk all over him because they know they can get away widdit. Hmmm, Joe looks like a pretty big strong fella, but I'm guessing Josephine wears the acid-washes in their house.

Blondie also mentions she wishes some people would not carry on with fighting in front of clients... it turns out MuffinTop and G.G.T.T.T. Hag Stacey don't get alowong, and they take it out on each other in public almost daily. Stacey hilariously says "My fighting owon the flowoor, um, I believe I keep it down to a mimimum..." Muffie interrupts and says that's not true, and Tabatha tries to shush them both with one finger up and a stern "Stop.", as G.G.T.T.T. Hag Stacey is about to get weepy and says she wants to address a problem she has with Muffie... Ol' Muff-Muff tries to interrupt again, and Tabatha once again holds up an imperious finger and says "Stop!" The Hag and The Muff are in full-on bitch-bicker and finally Tabatha yells out "STOP!!!" Blondie rolls her eyes and says this is what it's like every day. "For God's sake, let it go!" snaps Tabatha... Boobsy interviews that she thinks it's a good thing that Tabatha told Stacey to get over it, because she's apparently a very sensitive person...

StaceyCries091508.JPG

...which is odd, I don't normally associate neck tattoos with sensitive types, but okay...

Lady T tells them that she's aware of all the problems now, and that the bullshit needs to stop right then and there... and it's time to see if any of these ho's know how to use their scissors for anything besides stabbing each other...

THE ASSESSMENT

And oh my word, MuffinTop has an actual clown in her chair... oh, wait, no, that's just her awful horrible nightmarish terrible hellish dye-job...

ClownHair091508.JPG

...I bet she does a meeeeean balloon animal, though...

Muffie's consultation for Clownie is hysterical: "This is called corrective coluh, I'm gonna let you know that this is corrective coluh, theyah's a lotta work t'be done with corrective coluh, we're just gonna try to work as it is with corrective coluh..." She is looking expectantly at Tabatha like she thinks she's gonna get some kind of praise or a tasty doggy-treat or something...

Tabatha is less than impressed... "I have no idea what you're saying, all you keep saying to this girl is 'corrective color' fifteen times, but a client doesn't understand what 'corrective color' is... clients don't have any idea, that's why they come to a professional hairdresser...", and rolls her eyes! Muff-Muff rasps "Owkay." Lady T continues, "Start over. Tell me what you're going to do..." MuffinTop says very slowly, "Arright... I'm gonna make huh hair brown..." Disgusted, Ms. Coffey walks away. Jesus, I don't blame her.

Meanwhile, Josephine has a client who wants to have her hair colored bright platinum blonde, and Jo-Jo is attempting to perpetrate a smack-down as she says "Something like that will not work for you... the way I feel is that you're not a person that's prolly gonna be courageous and want something dramatically changed..." The client's response? "I might be giving you the wrong impression about myself..."

MouseHair091508.JPG

..."I'm courageous enough to drive my elbow into your hoo-hah if you insult me again..."...

Tabatha calls Jo-Jo on it right away, "You seem really aggressive with your client." Josephine ain't likin' that very much... "I'm not aggressive!" she says aggresively. Lady T nails her with, "You have an attitude now, and you're giving your attitude to your client!" Jo-Jo insists "No, I'm not having an attitude!" she says with a huge attitude. "That's the way that you spoke to her..." says T-girl as she again walks disgustedly away. That's it. These people suck worse than Ted Haggard on his knees (praying) in a men's room...

Salon Takeover With Tabatha: Putting The "Strip" In Strip Malls Sections:  1  |  2  |  3  |  4  |  5  |  6  |  7  |  8  |  9  |  10  |  11 

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Comments (13)

detinha:

J-Mo,

I was waiting for this recap and it was def worth the wait! You're the best!

You kill me! I can't stop laughing! ROFLMAO!

"wealthy neighborhood of Oyster Bay, NY. " hmmmm...Ok, then! Why do I hear dueling banjos on the background? or is it violins? LOL

lagitha:

Egads, why don't they change the name of this show to "My Husband/ex-Lover Who Knows Nothing About Hair Quit His Job To Run This Business Into The Ground" ?

I do have to give kudos to this show, however, for showing the follow ups. On every makeover show (to which I'm addicted), you know that if the participants didn't have the fashion sense and/or business acumen to do things right in the first place, they're certainly not going to be able to follow through on their own after the cameras leave. Thanks for feeding my cynicism, Tabby!

detinha:

Ok J-Mo,

Where can I send the bill? Every time I remember that pic of Joe asking about the lampshade I burst out laughing, I even peed a little in my chair! EW!

Much love!

Val
**washing the chair!** lol

AuJew:

my darling j-mo,

1. love you til the end of time. you make my life. i can only aspire to be as amazing recaps as you.

2. that pic of the 3 hags looks like it should have "double, double, toil and trouble, fire burn and cauldron bubble" as a caption. talk about three witches.

3. why in the pic of jo-jo and joe does it look like joe's tiny penis is peeking up with a big black eye? just curious. ew.

4. the comment about gordon ramsay: YES. please see this week's kitchen nightmares! let's just say it's on par with images in terms of long island grossocity.

xoxoxoxoxoxox!!!!!!
:o)

AuJew:

okay

1a) i meant as good AT recaps as you

5) that nazi thing...oh my god. could not be more offended. in case you couldn't tell by my handle or anything. beyond ridic.

arizonatom:

J-Mo;

I spewed Diet Dr. Pepper when you came up with GGTTT Hag Stacy's name. But when Boobsy talked about her 'F'-fuckin' boobs, I actually peed a little bit. I cannot believe these bitches! And Muffie! My God, what a crew. Top it all off with Big Dumb Joe and you have it all. What a complete bunch of losers - all of them. Any stylist worth anything wouldn't want to work in such a slum. I feel bad that all Tabatha's hard work was for naught, when all she is trying to do is SAVE THEIR BUSINESS! A bunch of Assclowns. Great recap, as always!

Lots O' Love

fire@will:

Okay - I sheepishly (but in a manly man kind of way)admit that I even actually watched most of this episode... but that did not diminish the unbearable awesomeness of your recap. If anything, I am reassured of how on the money your comments are... thus sparing me from having to ever watch again.

Thanks, big J!

shelleyh:

J-Mo, you are a hoot. The accents are perfect. You got mad phonics skillz, yo.

It was pretty obvious Josephine was in this for the free publicity. But they couldn't have possibly gained business because of this? Hair business, I mean. Who wants their hair cut by a toothless crack whore? Well, if someone is unfortunate enough to get their hair cut by one, hopefully Bravo will always be there to get it all on tape.

rubinia:

AuJew--
"3. why in the pic of jo-jo and joe does it look like joe's tiny penis is peeking up with a big black eye? just curious. ew."

HAHAHA I think that's actually Tabatha's finger but it looks so much more hilarious now...

AuJew:

HAHAHAHA yes it is tabatha's finger. the placement is amazing. i prefer to think of it as his teeny weenie trying to escape.

skies:

Those were some scary hairdressers especially the neck tatted one. Looked like someone sewed her head back on. Reminded me of the lady in Beetlejuice with the slashed throat. I expected to see smoke coming out of neck tat's throat. Eww, nasty.
Our Tabby knew she was being scammed, that's why they got the no frills basic make-over. Lady T. knew that salon would become a dollar store soon.
Funny recap as usual. I wonder if these reality people ever read the recaps of the show. And does it make a difference to them knowing the viewers think they are morons?

J-Mo:

detinha... thank you, you're sweet! Sorry about the chair... that's why I often use an inflatable vinyl one at the computer, they clean up so easy!

lagitha... I KNOW, right? Where do they find these ball-less men who give up their jobs to sit and hang with the girls all day? I would think if you want to, you know, stay married that you'd want to have a separate life from one another during the day. My BF and I carpool a couple of days a week and just spending so much time in the car together we wind up fighting about being late, or why we can't stop for breakfast and Jack In The Box, or who downloaded the porn virus onto the computer at home... separate lives are important!

AuJew... that was too funny about the "Tabatha's finger/Joe's penis" picture, I did not even catch that when I captured it! Your recaps are just fine, you do a great job! Love back to you. And yes, I think people who sit there and compare slightly annoying situations to the Holocaust to be super-ignorant and offensive, too (and I'm not even Jewish, I'm a lapsed bitter Catholic who now worships the Holy Trinity of Janet Jackson, Cher and Madonna).

arizonatom... I love assclowns. They're funny. Especially when they have "'F'-fuckin' boobs". Love to you.

fire@will... I am happy for your manly-man-ness, you go! Also "unbearable awesomeness" is a compliment that I must say is cherished and I love you for that (in the platonic way and not the somewhat-illegal way) so thank you!

shelleyh... yo yo yo, word up t'ya mutha, I'ma keep bustin' the phonics if y'all got love for 'em, a'ight? I agree, I wish they would do a "12 weeks later" or "6 months later" on all of these salons at the end and see how many of them have either reverted to bad habits or are just plain out of business. Thanks for the lovin'!

rubinia... sharp eyes! I thought maybe I had caught something dirty, but you actually clarified it for me... good catch!

skies... I actually hope that some of these people read the things we write about them, not because I want to be mean and crush their self-esteem with biting wit and rapier-sharp satire, but because maybe it might be the wake-up call that they need to figure out "Hey.... I'm a giant douchebag!!!" and then lives might be saved.

Thanks for all the feedback, people, I'm hoping to bring the new episode in the next day, okay?

love, J-Mo :)

ubiquitous:

Were the women who worked at that place rejected as hires for the Waffle House down the road? Wow, they were ROUGH!

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