Yeah, so here's my problem with this whole tantrum, 'kay? Stacey wants everyone else to be super-nice to her, and tell her what a great job she's doing, even though she's clearly fucking everything up... and meanwhile she can be as abrasive and foul-mouthed and uggo as she wants to be, and if you dare criticize her, then you're a Nazi drill-sargeant who has put her in a concentration-camp and are attempting to make (a really super ugly) lampshade out of her. Sorry, but I think that's kind of an insult to holocaust survivors the world over. Plus, a Stacey-Shade would clash with everything.
Tabatha puts it like this: "Stacey lost her fucking mind!" Storming outside to have a cigarette (with Josephine following behind her) Stacey screams "She was supposed to come here and make sure that everyone was treated like a human being and she's an ANIMAL!!!" I'm kinda sick of this whole "treat me like a human being" bullshit coming out of her malformed mouth... in my experience, the ones who are always screaming about that are the ones who are often the most inhumane of all. Blondie says that Stacey thinks people are out to get her, and that she can't take criticism at all, and she believes there is a lot of good stuff the woman could learn from Tabatha, but Arfy doesn't want to listen... to anything.
Back over at MuffinTop's Corrective Color Clown, Tabatha actually says that her new shade of brown looks pretty good... but she needs to work on her finishing because the girl's roots aren't so smooth. Hey, at least she doesn't look like a Tropical Mango Push-Pop anymore.
...if G.G.T.T.T. Hag Stacey had worked on her, these two pictures would be reversed ...
And oh my Gawd, after the debacle with Stacey, Lady T actually compliments Boobsy on her coloring work! She says she's still too slow, but the finished product is quite nice. Yay for Boobsy! Now zip ya top back up, girl, the Twins are struggling to be free again.
Looks like Blondie also got good grades! Not so for Our Lady Jo-Jo! Tabatha thinks her client's finished styling doesn't look any different from what she started with. Jo-Jo insists it's lighter. "Slightly lighter." amends Lady T. Jo-Jo comes back with "I think I did a good enough job." Yay for mediocrity! "Good enough's not good enough." insists T-girl. "Well, I think it's fantastic." amends Jo-Jo. "Well, that's a problem." finishes Tabatha. Gawd, Josephine is just as bad as Stacey in the Denial Defense!
Meeting after the last client has fled screaming into the night, Tabatha acknowledges that it's been a rough day and dismisses everyone, telling them they need to rest up for the special surprise she's got planned for the next day... And honestly, Lady T herself looks tired from dealing with all the bullshit these people have thrown at her today...
THE RENOVATION
The next morning as the Images Hoes file on in, Tabatha tells them that this is the last time they're going to see the salon looking the way it does ("stuck in the 80's" says Blondie) because when they come back in a couple of days it will all be different! But first, she brings out some sledge hammers, and tells them to get started with the demolition! Jeez, Tabatha, after the way some of these crazy bitches were looking at you yesterday, are you sure you want to put a big heavy hammer in any of their hands? OH, but wait, she gives the hammers to Joe and Josephine, and just has them demolish the front desk. LETDOWN! I wanted to see 9 crazy bitches swinging away like mad and broken glass flying everywhere!! Why do I never get what I want?!?!?! You're not treating me like a HUMAN BEING, TABATHA!! YOU'RE AN ANIMAL!!!!!!!! One of my favoritest kinds of animals, all prickly and bitchy and insanely talented... I wuv you Tabby-poo! *mwah*
Anyhow, now's the time for the field trip... She's taking them to a top-class salon called "EIJI" in Manhattan so they can see how real high-end places are run. Inside Stacey says she's "nervous" being in such a high-class place. Yeah, that prostitute-pink lipstick prolly ain't helpin' ya, either, hon...
...it's too bad she always looks like somebody farted in her direction...
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Comments (13)
J-Mo,
I was waiting for this recap and it was def worth the wait! You're the best!
You kill me! I can't stop laughing! ROFLMAO!
"wealthy neighborhood of Oyster Bay, NY. " hmmmm...Ok, then! Why do I hear dueling banjos on the background? or is it violins? LOL
1 of 13 | Posted by detinha | Posted on September 17, 2008 10:13 AM
Egads, why don't they change the name of this show to "My Husband/ex-Lover Who Knows Nothing About Hair Quit His Job To Run This Business Into The Ground" ?
I do have to give kudos to this show, however, for showing the follow ups. On every makeover show (to which I'm addicted), you know that if the participants didn't have the fashion sense and/or business acumen to do things right in the first place, they're certainly not going to be able to follow through on their own after the cameras leave. Thanks for feeding my cynicism, Tabby!
2 of 13 | Posted by lagitha | Posted on September 17, 2008 1:32 PM
Ok J-Mo,
Where can I send the bill? Every time I remember that pic of Joe asking about the lampshade I burst out laughing, I even peed a little in my chair! EW!
Much love!
Val
**washing the chair!** lol
3 of 13 | Posted by detinha | Posted on September 17, 2008 3:04 PM
my darling j-mo,
1. love you til the end of time. you make my life. i can only aspire to be as amazing recaps as you.
2. that pic of the 3 hags looks like it should have "double, double, toil and trouble, fire burn and cauldron bubble" as a caption. talk about three witches.
3. why in the pic of jo-jo and joe does it look like joe's tiny penis is peeking up with a big black eye? just curious. ew.
4. the comment about gordon ramsay: YES. please see this week's kitchen nightmares! let's just say it's on par with images in terms of long island grossocity.
xoxoxoxoxoxox!!!!!!
:o)
4 of 13 | Posted by AuJew | Posted on September 17, 2008 5:08 PM
okay
1a) i meant as good AT recaps as you
5) that nazi thing...oh my god. could not be more offended. in case you couldn't tell by my handle or anything. beyond ridic.
5 of 13 | Posted by AuJew | Posted on September 17, 2008 5:11 PM
J-Mo;
I spewed Diet Dr. Pepper when you came up with GGTTT Hag Stacy's name. But when Boobsy talked about her 'F'-fuckin' boobs, I actually peed a little bit. I cannot believe these bitches! And Muffie! My God, what a crew. Top it all off with Big Dumb Joe and you have it all. What a complete bunch of losers - all of them. Any stylist worth anything wouldn't want to work in such a slum. I feel bad that all Tabatha's hard work was for naught, when all she is trying to do is SAVE THEIR BUSINESS! A bunch of Assclowns. Great recap, as always!
Lots O' Love
6 of 13 | Posted by arizonatom | Posted on September 17, 2008 6:05 PM
Okay - I sheepishly (but in a manly man kind of way)admit that I even actually watched most of this episode... but that did not diminish the unbearable awesomeness of your recap. If anything, I am reassured of how on the money your comments are... thus sparing me from having to ever watch again.
Thanks, big J!
7 of 13 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on September 17, 2008 6:27 PM
J-Mo, you are a hoot. The accents are perfect. You got mad phonics skillz, yo.
It was pretty obvious Josephine was in this for the free publicity. But they couldn't have possibly gained business because of this? Hair business, I mean. Who wants their hair cut by a toothless crack whore? Well, if someone is unfortunate enough to get their hair cut by one, hopefully Bravo will always be there to get it all on tape.
8 of 13 | Posted by shelleyh | Posted on September 17, 2008 7:59 PM
AuJew--
"3. why in the pic of jo-jo and joe does it look like joe's tiny penis is peeking up with a big black eye? just curious. ew."
HAHAHA I think that's actually Tabatha's finger but it looks so much more hilarious now...
9 of 13 | Posted by rubinia | Posted on September 18, 2008 8:40 AM
HAHAHAHA yes it is tabatha's finger. the placement is amazing. i prefer to think of it as his teeny weenie trying to escape.
10 of 13 | Posted by AuJew | Posted on September 18, 2008 9:27 AM
Those were some scary hairdressers especially the neck tatted one. Looked like someone sewed her head back on. Reminded me of the lady in Beetlejuice with the slashed throat. I expected to see smoke coming out of neck tat's throat. Eww, nasty.
Our Tabby knew she was being scammed, that's why they got the no frills basic make-over. Lady T. knew that salon would become a dollar store soon.
Funny recap as usual. I wonder if these reality people ever read the recaps of the show. And does it make a difference to them knowing the viewers think they are morons?
11 of 13 | Posted by skies | Posted on September 21, 2008 8:53 PM
detinha... thank you, you're sweet! Sorry about the chair... that's why I often use an inflatable vinyl one at the computer, they clean up so easy!
lagitha... I KNOW, right? Where do they find these ball-less men who give up their jobs to sit and hang with the girls all day? I would think if you want to, you know, stay married that you'd want to have a separate life from one another during the day. My BF and I carpool a couple of days a week and just spending so much time in the car together we wind up fighting about being late, or why we can't stop for breakfast and Jack In The Box, or who downloaded the porn virus onto the computer at home... separate lives are important!
AuJew... that was too funny about the "Tabatha's finger/Joe's penis" picture, I did not even catch that when I captured it! Your recaps are just fine, you do a great job! Love back to you. And yes, I think people who sit there and compare slightly annoying situations to the Holocaust to be super-ignorant and offensive, too (and I'm not even Jewish, I'm a lapsed bitter Catholic who now worships the Holy Trinity of Janet Jackson, Cher and Madonna).
arizonatom... I love assclowns. They're funny. Especially when they have "'F'-fuckin' boobs". Love to you.
fire@will... I am happy for your manly-man-ness, you go! Also "unbearable awesomeness" is a compliment that I must say is cherished and I love you for that (in the platonic way and not the somewhat-illegal way) so thank you!
shelleyh... yo yo yo, word up t'ya mutha, I'ma keep bustin' the phonics if y'all got love for 'em, a'ight? I agree, I wish they would do a "12 weeks later" or "6 months later" on all of these salons at the end and see how many of them have either reverted to bad habits or are just plain out of business. Thanks for the lovin'!
rubinia... sharp eyes! I thought maybe I had caught something dirty, but you actually clarified it for me... good catch!
skies... I actually hope that some of these people read the things we write about them, not because I want to be mean and crush their self-esteem with biting wit and rapier-sharp satire, but because maybe it might be the wake-up call that they need to figure out "Hey.... I'm a giant douchebag!!!" and then lives might be saved.
Thanks for all the feedback, people, I'm hoping to bring the new episode in the next day, okay?
love, J-Mo :)
12 of 13 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on September 22, 2008 12:35 PM
Were the women who worked at that place rejected as hires for the Waffle House down the road? Wow, they were ROUGH!
13 of 13 | Posted by ubiquitous | Posted on September 23, 2008 10:21 AM