And Tabahta is introducing them to Eiji himself! He's a diminuitive Gaysian with 63 pounds of 80's hair-metal-band locks... and also Erin, who is Eiji's salon director and who is given the formidable task of trying to teach Bazooka Joe how to be a little less of a walking stereotype and a little more of a manager. Joe looks like he'd like to bend Erin over a desk and bang huh... Good luck, girl... keep your taser or mace handy.
Eiji is going to show our Lowong Oylanduhs all about dry hair-cutting. It seems the Images girls are pretty committed to wet cuts, and Eiji is trying to show them that with dry-cutting, they can have instant-gratification instead of having to rework the hair once their wet cut dries out. He's got a point. He's also got shirtsleeves made out of sheer lacy material...
...give to me your leather, take from me my laaaaace...
The ladies are all quite impressed with his speed and accuracy, and he drops the bomb that he has to be good, because he charges $350 for haircuts. All of the stylists stop dead at that. Ten times as much as they charge! Well, Eiji has to pay for that dragalicious wardrobe (and all the hair-product he must go through) somehow!
Meanwhile Joe and Erin are having a meeting of the minds. Joe's asking if she walks the clients to the chairs and all of that. She says yeeees, and it's a good idea to make them comfortable and see that they have everything that they need. She takes him around Salon Eiji, and Joe is amazed that the stylists are actually doing their jobs, and they're all dressed appropriately, they're professional, and "no shouting matches!"
Oooh, and Tabatha is having the girls meet with the color director of Eiji, Doug. Dougie's a bit of a bearish fella, and I'd like to have him wrap my head in foil any day...
...sometimes it just takes a beary-fairy to make everything pretty again...
Doug is telling them that he uses the thinnest foils he can find, otherwise it's too difficult to get as close to the scalp as possible. Tabatha slyly asks "Doug, how do you feel about using foil that you wrap your turkey with?" He giggles (heart) and says "Save that for your leftovers, don't use it on hair!" In other words, don't go next door to CVS and just use Reynolds Wrap, bitches! They all laugh...
And now, for an even more special treat, Tabatha has arranged for all of the stylists to see what it's like to be a client at Salon Eiji.... Blondie is terrified that they were going to cut and color her hair the way Tabatha wanted it... as if they couldn't all use some makeovers... especially G.G.T.T.T. Hag Stacey, whom Eiji apparently personally wants to work on. Girl, you better take your Centrum, this one's gonna require a helluva lotta strength.
Good God, but Josephine is going to actually be worked on by Tabatha herself! This decision is twofold, not only does she want to make the Jo-Jo over a little, she wants to have time to chat with her. Josephine is telling Tabatha that they are just not used to the way she speaks to them, and that even though she's the stylists' boss, she considers herself "on their level" because she was once there, too. Lady T wants to know if Jo-Jo can take on just a Tad of Tabatha and be a little more assertive with them so they will do what needs to be done. Josephine seems hesitant and gives a non-committal "I could...." Ugh, this bitch is unreal... just hack off all her hair now, Tabatha!
Meanwhile, G.G.T.T.T. Hag Stacey just gave Eiji complete control and told him to do whatever he wanted to her hair. She's noticing how warm and friendly he is, and how all of the stylists are team players and work together. Wow, Boobsy looks a lot nicer, too!...
...See? Isn't it nice to work on something above the neck for a change?...
Boobsy is amazed at how down-to-earth all of the stylists were, she thought all high-end salowons in the City were snooty, but they're not... at least not while being filmed for TV...
Tabatha and Josephine are still going back-and-forth, and it seems like it's finally getting through to Jo-Jo that she should be able to set expectations for what her staff are supposed to do and be able to follow through with that, without trying to be everybody's friend.... and wow, she was a pretty woman before, but with the redone hair and makeup, she's actually quite stunning...
...beautiful, but not happy about it...
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Comments (13)
J-Mo,
I was waiting for this recap and it was def worth the wait! You're the best!
You kill me! I can't stop laughing! ROFLMAO!
"wealthy neighborhood of Oyster Bay, NY. " hmmmm...Ok, then! Why do I hear dueling banjos on the background? or is it violins? LOL
1 of 13 | Posted by detinha | Posted on September 17, 2008 10:13 AM
Egads, why don't they change the name of this show to "My Husband/ex-Lover Who Knows Nothing About Hair Quit His Job To Run This Business Into The Ground" ?
I do have to give kudos to this show, however, for showing the follow ups. On every makeover show (to which I'm addicted), you know that if the participants didn't have the fashion sense and/or business acumen to do things right in the first place, they're certainly not going to be able to follow through on their own after the cameras leave. Thanks for feeding my cynicism, Tabby!
2 of 13 | Posted by lagitha | Posted on September 17, 2008 1:32 PM
Ok J-Mo,
Where can I send the bill? Every time I remember that pic of Joe asking about the lampshade I burst out laughing, I even peed a little in my chair! EW!
Much love!
Val
**washing the chair!** lol
3 of 13 | Posted by detinha | Posted on September 17, 2008 3:04 PM
my darling j-mo,
1. love you til the end of time. you make my life. i can only aspire to be as amazing recaps as you.
2. that pic of the 3 hags looks like it should have "double, double, toil and trouble, fire burn and cauldron bubble" as a caption. talk about three witches.
3. why in the pic of jo-jo and joe does it look like joe's tiny penis is peeking up with a big black eye? just curious. ew.
4. the comment about gordon ramsay: YES. please see this week's kitchen nightmares! let's just say it's on par with images in terms of long island grossocity.
xoxoxoxoxoxox!!!!!!
:o)
4 of 13 | Posted by AuJew | Posted on September 17, 2008 5:08 PM
okay
1a) i meant as good AT recaps as you
5) that nazi thing...oh my god. could not be more offended. in case you couldn't tell by my handle or anything. beyond ridic.
5 of 13 | Posted by AuJew | Posted on September 17, 2008 5:11 PM
J-Mo;
I spewed Diet Dr. Pepper when you came up with GGTTT Hag Stacy's name. But when Boobsy talked about her 'F'-fuckin' boobs, I actually peed a little bit. I cannot believe these bitches! And Muffie! My God, what a crew. Top it all off with Big Dumb Joe and you have it all. What a complete bunch of losers - all of them. Any stylist worth anything wouldn't want to work in such a slum. I feel bad that all Tabatha's hard work was for naught, when all she is trying to do is SAVE THEIR BUSINESS! A bunch of Assclowns. Great recap, as always!
Lots O' Love
6 of 13 | Posted by arizonatom | Posted on September 17, 2008 6:05 PM
Okay - I sheepishly (but in a manly man kind of way)admit that I even actually watched most of this episode... but that did not diminish the unbearable awesomeness of your recap. If anything, I am reassured of how on the money your comments are... thus sparing me from having to ever watch again.
Thanks, big J!
7 of 13 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on September 17, 2008 6:27 PM
J-Mo, you are a hoot. The accents are perfect. You got mad phonics skillz, yo.
It was pretty obvious Josephine was in this for the free publicity. But they couldn't have possibly gained business because of this? Hair business, I mean. Who wants their hair cut by a toothless crack whore? Well, if someone is unfortunate enough to get their hair cut by one, hopefully Bravo will always be there to get it all on tape.
8 of 13 | Posted by shelleyh | Posted on September 17, 2008 7:59 PM
AuJew--
"3. why in the pic of jo-jo and joe does it look like joe's tiny penis is peeking up with a big black eye? just curious. ew."
HAHAHA I think that's actually Tabatha's finger but it looks so much more hilarious now...
9 of 13 | Posted by rubinia | Posted on September 18, 2008 8:40 AM
HAHAHAHA yes it is tabatha's finger. the placement is amazing. i prefer to think of it as his teeny weenie trying to escape.
10 of 13 | Posted by AuJew | Posted on September 18, 2008 9:27 AM
Those were some scary hairdressers especially the neck tatted one. Looked like someone sewed her head back on. Reminded me of the lady in Beetlejuice with the slashed throat. I expected to see smoke coming out of neck tat's throat. Eww, nasty.
Our Tabby knew she was being scammed, that's why they got the no frills basic make-over. Lady T. knew that salon would become a dollar store soon.
Funny recap as usual. I wonder if these reality people ever read the recaps of the show. And does it make a difference to them knowing the viewers think they are morons?
11 of 13 | Posted by skies | Posted on September 21, 2008 8:53 PM
detinha... thank you, you're sweet! Sorry about the chair... that's why I often use an inflatable vinyl one at the computer, they clean up so easy!
lagitha... I KNOW, right? Where do they find these ball-less men who give up their jobs to sit and hang with the girls all day? I would think if you want to, you know, stay married that you'd want to have a separate life from one another during the day. My BF and I carpool a couple of days a week and just spending so much time in the car together we wind up fighting about being late, or why we can't stop for breakfast and Jack In The Box, or who downloaded the porn virus onto the computer at home... separate lives are important!
AuJew... that was too funny about the "Tabatha's finger/Joe's penis" picture, I did not even catch that when I captured it! Your recaps are just fine, you do a great job! Love back to you. And yes, I think people who sit there and compare slightly annoying situations to the Holocaust to be super-ignorant and offensive, too (and I'm not even Jewish, I'm a lapsed bitter Catholic who now worships the Holy Trinity of Janet Jackson, Cher and Madonna).
arizonatom... I love assclowns. They're funny. Especially when they have "'F'-fuckin' boobs". Love to you.
fire@will... I am happy for your manly-man-ness, you go! Also "unbearable awesomeness" is a compliment that I must say is cherished and I love you for that (in the platonic way and not the somewhat-illegal way) so thank you!
shelleyh... yo yo yo, word up t'ya mutha, I'ma keep bustin' the phonics if y'all got love for 'em, a'ight? I agree, I wish they would do a "12 weeks later" or "6 months later" on all of these salons at the end and see how many of them have either reverted to bad habits or are just plain out of business. Thanks for the lovin'!
rubinia... sharp eyes! I thought maybe I had caught something dirty, but you actually clarified it for me... good catch!
skies... I actually hope that some of these people read the things we write about them, not because I want to be mean and crush their self-esteem with biting wit and rapier-sharp satire, but because maybe it might be the wake-up call that they need to figure out "Hey.... I'm a giant douchebag!!!" and then lives might be saved.
Thanks for all the feedback, people, I'm hoping to bring the new episode in the next day, okay?
love, J-Mo :)
12 of 13 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on September 22, 2008 12:35 PM
Were the women who worked at that place rejected as hires for the Waffle House down the road? Wow, they were ROUGH!
13 of 13 | Posted by ubiquitous | Posted on September 23, 2008 10:21 AM