Tabatha is aghast! "Don't you think it's kind of unhygienic to do it in the bathroom?" Ralph says he agrees. Oh my, and here's one of the salon skankettes tearing strips off of an industrial size roll of Reynolds Wrap...and no, she's not getting ready to keep her endive salad crisp and fresh in the fridge for days, but to color somebody's hair... we know how Tabatha feels about Reynolds Wrap being used for highlighting instead of food storage! And when she asks Ralphie why they're using it for highlighting, he says "That's a good question." He owned fourteen salons, huh? Are there also fourteen filings for Chapter 11? 'Cuz this guy seems like he's kind of clueless as Tabatha has to explain to him (and his 40+ years of salon experience) why hair foils are lighter and conduct less heat than regular aluminum foil, which means less chance of color-bleeding and fading.
Here's a charming scene... a client is trying to check in at the front desk... of this business... and two of the salon skankettes are giving her dagger-eyes because her trilling laughter and friendly chit-chat with the receptionist is making it super-hard for them to talk on the phone and place their all-important lunch order...
..."Yeah, and could we get a side order of SHUT THE FUCK UP?!? Thanks!"...
Ralphie says he's told the girls not to use the front desk phone for their lunch ordering, but when he's not around they do what they want. "But your daughters are around." points out Tabatha. ((**giant bass drum hit**)) "Yes." he admits. Lady T interviews that Tara and Kristin have lost control of their business and their employees, and says "In fact, if Ralph hadn't pointed them out, I wouldn't have even known that they were the owners... it was like a Sorority House and they were having fun!" Oooooooh, you sorority sisters are in for it now!
I wonder why they are just breaking even? It seems like they have plenty of staff, and the place looks decently kept up... they certainly have walk-ins who want to patronize them...
...Yes. Go to a different salon...
The receptionist tells the walk-in that all of the stylists are booked solid... and they are...
...at Club Marlboro...
I wonder if those are canisters of flammable chemicals they're sitting on top of as they light up? Hmmmm. Ralph says that when he tries to explain to the girls how he made successful businesses by being there 7 days a week, sometimes 14 hours a day, they tell him "That's old school!" If those had been my kids and they had said that to me, I would have replied "So's your inheritance!" and changed my will immediately. This is what happens when you spoil your kids rotten (I have seen it first hand, and it drives me nuts... that fucking bingo-stand was all I had for cash my first year of community college)... and Tabatha agrees with me as she tells Ralph "Obviously your daughters need some tough love... and you're not the man to do it for them!" and demands his salon keys!
Yes, because Tabatha is more than enough man, woman and bitchella for these two bimbettes...
THE TAKEOVER
Dragging the receptionist away from her FreeCell game, Lady T calls out loudly for the staff to join her and Daddy Ralph in the lobby... and they're taking their sweet time ambling up there! When one of them asks Lady T "Howaya?" she retorts "I'd be fine if you made it here a bit quicker, you're all a bit slow!" After they wake up the napping sorority girls and the hoes finish off their back-alley backseat nooners, and everybody is finally gathered together, Lady T gives them the drill (i.e. she's taking over, everything's gonna change, she cancelled all their appointments, everything will be by her rules, some of them may not be working there at the end of the week, blah blah blah)...
This doesn't sit well with FrumpyLump Receptionist Katie, who says "She came across as a complete bitch. and you can't treat your employees like absolute shit!" And speaking of bitches?...
...takes one to know one...
...oh, and Katie? Try working in the corporate, banking or healthcare world, where being treated like "absolute shit" is a daily occurrence, and many many American companies can get away with it because of three simple words: "Outsource To India". So sit there behind your silly little reception desk and shut your yap.
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Comments (8)
Fabulous recap again J-Mo. You never fail to make me laugh at my computer screen in the middle of the office (it's okay, they all just think I'm insane...wait, that's not okay, hmmm, maybe I should do work).
There's something about a show where someone yells at idiots that attracts me. Then you add someone (you) making sarcastic comments about said show and it's like a confluence of hilarity.
I gotta say though, there's something in me that just wants people like this to fail. They just seem to plain stupid to be successful at anything. Of course I'm also a mean, cold, jerkass (not a doctor though).
1 of 8 | Posted by DrJerkass | Posted on September 25, 2008 4:41 AM
j-mo!
i love it. looove it. p.s. thanks for plugging me twice and linking to my recap!
i still wish ralphie was my daddy. esp after seeing your screengrabs. jealous of tabbs a lil in the kissyface one. and is it wrong that "I'll tell you how to fix that, Daddy Ralphie. Get a taser" was a bit of turn on for me???
as always, you have all of my love. and "OMG, what in Jeebus' name is a "Brazilian relaxer"? Is that like getting your pubes straightened? Ew." BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA LOVE IT!!!! i was thinking the exact same thing. just sounds so terribly, terribly wrong.
p.s. if lovin' your nubile jailbait ass is wrong, i don't wanna be right. although i'm younger than you. and a woman. and not a priest. meh.
p.p.s. oprah still sucks. *MWAH* hahahahahaHAAHAHAAAA
2 of 8 | Posted by AuJew | Posted on September 25, 2008 7:52 AM
Great recap (of course).
I ended up liking most of these people and I wanted them to be a success.
You are right to point out that hair care is a career that can't be outsourced to India! And I've worked in all those (horrible) environments you named that can be. (Thanks for the nightmares!)
I agree about so many kids growing up without a sense of where money comes from. I think they should just have the basics unless they are willing to work to earn more. No matter how much thier parents have. (But, I guess we'll always have Paris!)
3 of 8 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on September 25, 2008 11:03 AM
OMG, that screencap of Lauren puking in her mouth was hilarious! Great recap as always!
4 of 8 | Posted by rubinia | Posted on September 25, 2008 11:36 AM
Hi Darling J-Mo,
I think you should write an etiquette book in your own indominitable style.
Love your recap,
Yenta
5 of 8 | Posted by yentapatrol | Posted on September 25, 2008 1:38 PM
ROFLMAO @ "...hey, she does kinda look like Nicolize Theigl!..."
Thanks J-M0, you're the bestest!
**Mwah**
Val
6 of 8 | Posted by detinha | Posted on September 25, 2008 8:38 PM
J-Mo;
Great job as always! I just can't believe those two skanks were so stupid and selfish before "T" showed up. Spoiled ________ (fill in favorite name here). Keep up the good work.
Lots O' Love
7 of 8 | Posted by arizonatom | Posted on September 27, 2008 8:18 AM
DrJerkAss... awww, shucks, thank you (and hey, thanks for coming to my aid over on that other thread the other day, wasn't that weird?) you're peaches in my book! Oh, and yes, I agree with you, sometimes privileged people work my last nerve, too, especially when they don't appreciate it like the Gruesome Twosome...
AuJew... no problem, I think we should all be building each other's work up, y'know? Can I say, though, that I would not be surprised in the LEAST to find out that you might enjoy electrical shock in an erotic sense? Oprah would not approve, but fuck her.
fire@will... LOL, sorry about the work nightmares, but I've done time in all those industries as well, and often longed for some kind of talent in cosmetics that would afford me a casually fabulous lifestyle complete with drinking lattés and whizzing around town in a sporty red convertible with the top down and my long luxurious blonde hair blowing in the wind, ready to assist with any kind of hairdressing emergency that may crop up (like, say, StylistMan™!) Alas, those dreams will never come true, and hell, these Medicare D claims ain't gonna just process themselves, y'know, so I plug away at the things I can do and vent my frustrations on these poor people who have foolishly agreed to appear on a reality TV show for our collective amusement. You're quite kind as always, though...
rubinia... Honey, that was too funny, and I wish I could take credit for it as a screencap, but actually it was a still shot from BravoTV[dot]com... but that was the first thing that popped into my head when I saw it (and that's what I usually go with when I write recaps and captions) so I'm glad you enjoyed it, too!
yenta-honey... the love is mutual... maybe I will try to put out "J-Mo's Etiquette For Specific Social Situations" later on this year, although many would probably find me to be in violation of many of my own imagined rules, so I dunno how well it would go over... but you're sweet for the suggestion!
detinha... LOL, thanks... honestly, I really couldn't tell who that picture was supposed to be! Can anyone help me out with that? I feel disconnected from pop culture when I can't identify someone I feel I should know, y'know?
arizonatom... thank you for the love, you're sweet as always...
I promise I'm working on the new episode of Salon Takeover, I should hopefully have it finished by tonight or tomorrow... thanks as always for all your comments, you guys always give me such warm fuzzy love...
love, J-Mo :)
8 of 8 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on September 30, 2008 10:28 AM