Lady T spells out that they've been on Candid Camera all day and that the customer service... from all of them... is atrocious, and points out that while Ralph has put his whole retirement future on the line to keep their expensive little playground going, they're treating the situation like it's a joke. "This is a business. It's not a party, so that you can all hang out and see what cute little outfits you've got on... you're here to build a business and let this man go and retire!" Isn't it incredible that she has to explain these things to a room full of grown-ass adults?
Tara is incensed. "I don't know why my father called Tabatha, I think we're doing fine and we definitely do not need her coming in here telling us what to do!"... Oh, yes you do! You just don't know it yet, little girl!
THE INSPECTION
Now begins the tour of Salon Tika... Tara takes Tabatha down one side of the salon and says that they do "cutting only" on this side, they do almost no chemicals on that side "except for Brazilian relaxers". OMG, what in Jeebus' name is a "Brazilian relaxer"? Is that like getting your pubes straightened? Ew. Anyhow, the whole "separation of Cut and Color" with a giant wall down the middle has not impressed Tabatha, and she thinks that wall has closed off their salon and is one of the main problems. I disagree, I think the two Daddy's Girls are the main problem, but whatever you say, Lady T...
"Who designed this place?" challenges Tabatha. Tara quickly answers "That would be me." Tabatha sounds slightly incredulous, "Because you wanted it to look like this, or...?" and Tara defends her choice as "I wanted something fun!" Yes, because it looks like fun is exactly what Tara is allllll about...
..."and these two bags'o'fun cost about $5K!"...
Tell you what else she looks like.... with the minidress, studded belt and the weird lacy fingerless gloves, Tara looks like she's just recently discovered a brand new pop star that goes by the funny name of "Madonna", and who sings a song called "Like A Virgin", but, get this... she's really not at all like a virgin! In fact, she's kinda trampy and slutty! Much like Tara & Kristin! Anyhow, Tabatha is less than super-impressed with her choice of design.
Over in ColorWorld™ there is a lovely cramped feeling (they can't even use some of the chairs because there isn't enough room for them to swivel fully) and it's surprisingly not made any better by the giant tacky mural covering the side of the wall that's meant to look like a Feminine Deodorant Spray commercial...
..."and sometimes... when I stand here... I get this 'not-so-fresh' feeling!"...
Tabatha thinks that the aborted art-work (there were bigger plans to make it look even tackier, but they didn't have enough money to go full-on Massage Parlor) is awful, and Tara interviews that she thinks all the things that our T-girl is picking on are so "crazy" and even goes so far as to say "I wish she would just shut her mouth and quit being so mean!" The great thing about this is, she says it with the Meaniest Meanie-Mean Face™ you've ever seen!
...Hello Kettle? This is the Pot. You're mean...
The office is a disaster, too, Tabatha calls it a "messy dorm room". I beg to differ because I've seen messy dorm rooms (or at least the ceilings of messy dorm rooms... well, um, and the occasional floor) and this place isn't really that bad, but it fits with Tabatha's whole "This is a sorority, not a salon!" theme, so I'll shut up and roll with it like I used to do when drunken college fellas used to bring me back to their dorm rooms and say "It's not that I'm gay, dude, it's just that my girlfriend is out of town, and I'm really horny, y'know? *burp* " Ahh, good times.
And speaking of drunkenness, Tabatha glances through their fridge and says "Who drinks wine at work?" If I had been standing there, I would have probably said something like "Ernest & Julio Gallo do." And then I would have promptly been beheaded...
...forget the wine, who the hell drinks water from "Poland Spring"?!?...
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Comments (8)
Fabulous recap again J-Mo. You never fail to make me laugh at my computer screen in the middle of the office (it's okay, they all just think I'm insane...wait, that's not okay, hmmm, maybe I should do work).
There's something about a show where someone yells at idiots that attracts me. Then you add someone (you) making sarcastic comments about said show and it's like a confluence of hilarity.
I gotta say though, there's something in me that just wants people like this to fail. They just seem to plain stupid to be successful at anything. Of course I'm also a mean, cold, jerkass (not a doctor though).
1 of 8 | Posted by DrJerkass | Posted on September 25, 2008 4:41 AM
j-mo!
i love it. looove it. p.s. thanks for plugging me twice and linking to my recap!
i still wish ralphie was my daddy. esp after seeing your screengrabs. jealous of tabbs a lil in the kissyface one. and is it wrong that "I'll tell you how to fix that, Daddy Ralphie. Get a taser" was a bit of turn on for me???
as always, you have all of my love. and "OMG, what in Jeebus' name is a "Brazilian relaxer"? Is that like getting your pubes straightened? Ew." BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA LOVE IT!!!! i was thinking the exact same thing. just sounds so terribly, terribly wrong.
p.s. if lovin' your nubile jailbait ass is wrong, i don't wanna be right. although i'm younger than you. and a woman. and not a priest. meh.
p.p.s. oprah still sucks. *MWAH* hahahahahaHAAHAHAAAA
2 of 8 | Posted by AuJew | Posted on September 25, 2008 7:52 AM
Great recap (of course).
I ended up liking most of these people and I wanted them to be a success.
You are right to point out that hair care is a career that can't be outsourced to India! And I've worked in all those (horrible) environments you named that can be. (Thanks for the nightmares!)
I agree about so many kids growing up without a sense of where money comes from. I think they should just have the basics unless they are willing to work to earn more. No matter how much thier parents have. (But, I guess we'll always have Paris!)
3 of 8 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on September 25, 2008 11:03 AM
OMG, that screencap of Lauren puking in her mouth was hilarious! Great recap as always!
4 of 8 | Posted by rubinia | Posted on September 25, 2008 11:36 AM
Hi Darling J-Mo,
I think you should write an etiquette book in your own indominitable style.
Love your recap,
Yenta
5 of 8 | Posted by yentapatrol | Posted on September 25, 2008 1:38 PM
ROFLMAO @ "...hey, she does kinda look like Nicolize Theigl!..."
Thanks J-M0, you're the bestest!
**Mwah**
Val
6 of 8 | Posted by detinha | Posted on September 25, 2008 8:38 PM
J-Mo;
Great job as always! I just can't believe those two skanks were so stupid and selfish before "T" showed up. Spoiled ________ (fill in favorite name here). Keep up the good work.
Lots O' Love
7 of 8 | Posted by arizonatom | Posted on September 27, 2008 8:18 AM
DrJerkAss... awww, shucks, thank you (and hey, thanks for coming to my aid over on that other thread the other day, wasn't that weird?) you're peaches in my book! Oh, and yes, I agree with you, sometimes privileged people work my last nerve, too, especially when they don't appreciate it like the Gruesome Twosome...
AuJew... no problem, I think we should all be building each other's work up, y'know? Can I say, though, that I would not be surprised in the LEAST to find out that you might enjoy electrical shock in an erotic sense? Oprah would not approve, but fuck her.
fire@will... LOL, sorry about the work nightmares, but I've done time in all those industries as well, and often longed for some kind of talent in cosmetics that would afford me a casually fabulous lifestyle complete with drinking lattés and whizzing around town in a sporty red convertible with the top down and my long luxurious blonde hair blowing in the wind, ready to assist with any kind of hairdressing emergency that may crop up (like, say, StylistMan™!) Alas, those dreams will never come true, and hell, these Medicare D claims ain't gonna just process themselves, y'know, so I plug away at the things I can do and vent my frustrations on these poor people who have foolishly agreed to appear on a reality TV show for our collective amusement. You're quite kind as always, though...
rubinia... Honey, that was too funny, and I wish I could take credit for it as a screencap, but actually it was a still shot from BravoTV[dot]com... but that was the first thing that popped into my head when I saw it (and that's what I usually go with when I write recaps and captions) so I'm glad you enjoyed it, too!
yenta-honey... the love is mutual... maybe I will try to put out "J-Mo's Etiquette For Specific Social Situations" later on this year, although many would probably find me to be in violation of many of my own imagined rules, so I dunno how well it would go over... but you're sweet for the suggestion!
detinha... LOL, thanks... honestly, I really couldn't tell who that picture was supposed to be! Can anyone help me out with that? I feel disconnected from pop culture when I can't identify someone I feel I should know, y'know?
arizonatom... thank you for the love, you're sweet as always...
I promise I'm working on the new episode of Salon Takeover, I should hopefully have it finished by tonight or tomorrow... thanks as always for all your comments, you guys always give me such warm fuzzy love...
love, J-Mo :)
8 of 8 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on September 30, 2008 10:28 AM