"I was gobsmacked!" says Tabatha. (I really don't even know what that means, but it sounds delicious... as in 'I'd like a bacon cheeseburger, a large fries, and a large gobsmack for dessert, please.') Anyhow, she continues, "This salon is making no money, yet these girls haven't done anything to market themselves... they're clueless!" Turns out they keep princess hours, too, as they don't open until 10:00am, and they supposedly close at 6pm, but earlier in the program when that pesky walk-in customer was trying to pay them to cut her hair, we heard Katie The Bitchceptionist™ say this...
...something tells me this is closer to the truth... or three... or two...
Tara says they close at six because "From 6 to 9 wasn't busy, those hours, so..." and Lady T jumps in with "So you decided to cut your hours back to not make more money and accommodate more clients... I'm really sorry, girls, but this makes no bloody sense to me!" (she sounds almost exactly like Gordon Ramsey... except she's Australian/New Jerseyan... and she's a woman... and a hairdresser, not a chef... but other than those things, exactly like Gordon Ramsey!) "If you're not here... how the hell do you expect to make money?!?" Good question. I'm waiting for the inevitable "I dunno."
Actually, this makes Tara really mad and she sputters, "Just because the salon itself is closed doesn't mean that we are not still... thinking... about our business!" OH, well all right then, I understand now. I must have missed the day the IRS allowed you to write off "Time Spent Thinking About Your Business" as a deduction. Or maybe that was part of that Carlton Sheets "Make Money By Simply Thinking About Your Business" course that I never took. I told them I was gonna think about paying for it, so I don't know why they didn't go ahead and send the damn thing!
Anyways, Lady T is getting up in the girls' faces now, "Did you think through what being a business owner would be like?... or did you just think that he'd take care of you?" as she gestures to Daddy Ralph. And now Tara is about to become the Official Biggest Bitch Of Salon Takeover Evah, as she says: "We thought he would have time to teach us what to do... step by step!"...
...see, this is what it fucking looks like when you give your kids everything and they turn around and stab you in the spleen and 27 other vital organs...
Seriously? Tara-honey? You are one vile vagina. And Tabatha is not going to let her live, either, because she bounces right back with, "But when he gives you his business advice, you tell him that he is 'old school'?" Tara's unapologetic, and insists "Yes, that unfortunately the business has changed!" My gawd, somebody slap her! Lady T coldly replies "Business hasn't changed. People need to be held accountable. There should be rules. You shouldn't mix with your staff." Kristin is unwisely making grimacey-faces at this, and T-girl doesn't miss it, either. "What was that?" she inquires about the faces. Kristin nervously replies that it's so haaaard, because they knew a lot of their staff before they came to work there, they were friends before. "Yes, but now you're their boss! The line is now drawn, because the only way that you can get them to do what they need to do to save this business and pay all this debt down is to be leaders and not spoiled brats!" This does not sit well with the spoiled brats...
..."Surely you don't mean either of us?!?!"...
VV Tara is piiiiiissed! "Tabatha had some nerve coming in here calling us spoiled brats when she has no idea what we've been through in our lives! I am totally done with Tabatha" Oh yes, I looooove to hear shit like this come out of the mouths of privileged bitches. If your dad has a half-million to dump into a business that you own in your 20's, you forfeit your right to complain, okay Mary Kate and Ashley?
Lady T tells Daddy Ralphie to go on home, put his feet up and relax, and dismisses the Gruesome Twosome so she can go have an even better time at the...
STAFF MEETING
Once the staff all drag their asses in and sit down, Tabatha relates how after watching them the day before, she was appalled by their lack of professionalism, and repeats that it felt like a sorority house. Now she wants to know what is really going on from their point of view. One of their older stylists (Liz) says that everybody has a tendency of getting "comfortable", which I think is her nice way of saying "lazy".
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Comments (8)
Fabulous recap again J-Mo. You never fail to make me laugh at my computer screen in the middle of the office (it's okay, they all just think I'm insane...wait, that's not okay, hmmm, maybe I should do work).
There's something about a show where someone yells at idiots that attracts me. Then you add someone (you) making sarcastic comments about said show and it's like a confluence of hilarity.
I gotta say though, there's something in me that just wants people like this to fail. They just seem to plain stupid to be successful at anything. Of course I'm also a mean, cold, jerkass (not a doctor though).
1 of 8 | Posted by DrJerkass | Posted on September 25, 2008 4:41 AM
j-mo!
i love it. looove it. p.s. thanks for plugging me twice and linking to my recap!
i still wish ralphie was my daddy. esp after seeing your screengrabs. jealous of tabbs a lil in the kissyface one. and is it wrong that "I'll tell you how to fix that, Daddy Ralphie. Get a taser" was a bit of turn on for me???
as always, you have all of my love. and "OMG, what in Jeebus' name is a "Brazilian relaxer"? Is that like getting your pubes straightened? Ew." BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA LOVE IT!!!! i was thinking the exact same thing. just sounds so terribly, terribly wrong.
p.s. if lovin' your nubile jailbait ass is wrong, i don't wanna be right. although i'm younger than you. and a woman. and not a priest. meh.
p.p.s. oprah still sucks. *MWAH* hahahahahaHAAHAHAAAA
2 of 8 | Posted by AuJew | Posted on September 25, 2008 7:52 AM
Great recap (of course).
I ended up liking most of these people and I wanted them to be a success.
You are right to point out that hair care is a career that can't be outsourced to India! And I've worked in all those (horrible) environments you named that can be. (Thanks for the nightmares!)
I agree about so many kids growing up without a sense of where money comes from. I think they should just have the basics unless they are willing to work to earn more. No matter how much thier parents have. (But, I guess we'll always have Paris!)
3 of 8 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on September 25, 2008 11:03 AM
OMG, that screencap of Lauren puking in her mouth was hilarious! Great recap as always!
4 of 8 | Posted by rubinia | Posted on September 25, 2008 11:36 AM
Hi Darling J-Mo,
I think you should write an etiquette book in your own indominitable style.
Love your recap,
Yenta
5 of 8 | Posted by yentapatrol | Posted on September 25, 2008 1:38 PM
ROFLMAO @ "...hey, she does kinda look like Nicolize Theigl!..."
Thanks J-M0, you're the bestest!
**Mwah**
Val
6 of 8 | Posted by detinha | Posted on September 25, 2008 8:38 PM
J-Mo;
Great job as always! I just can't believe those two skanks were so stupid and selfish before "T" showed up. Spoiled ________ (fill in favorite name here). Keep up the good work.
Lots O' Love
7 of 8 | Posted by arizonatom | Posted on September 27, 2008 8:18 AM
DrJerkAss... awww, shucks, thank you (and hey, thanks for coming to my aid over on that other thread the other day, wasn't that weird?) you're peaches in my book! Oh, and yes, I agree with you, sometimes privileged people work my last nerve, too, especially when they don't appreciate it like the Gruesome Twosome...
AuJew... no problem, I think we should all be building each other's work up, y'know? Can I say, though, that I would not be surprised in the LEAST to find out that you might enjoy electrical shock in an erotic sense? Oprah would not approve, but fuck her.
fire@will... LOL, sorry about the work nightmares, but I've done time in all those industries as well, and often longed for some kind of talent in cosmetics that would afford me a casually fabulous lifestyle complete with drinking lattés and whizzing around town in a sporty red convertible with the top down and my long luxurious blonde hair blowing in the wind, ready to assist with any kind of hairdressing emergency that may crop up (like, say, StylistMan™!) Alas, those dreams will never come true, and hell, these Medicare D claims ain't gonna just process themselves, y'know, so I plug away at the things I can do and vent my frustrations on these poor people who have foolishly agreed to appear on a reality TV show for our collective amusement. You're quite kind as always, though...
rubinia... Honey, that was too funny, and I wish I could take credit for it as a screencap, but actually it was a still shot from BravoTV[dot]com... but that was the first thing that popped into my head when I saw it (and that's what I usually go with when I write recaps and captions) so I'm glad you enjoyed it, too!
yenta-honey... the love is mutual... maybe I will try to put out "J-Mo's Etiquette For Specific Social Situations" later on this year, although many would probably find me to be in violation of many of my own imagined rules, so I dunno how well it would go over... but you're sweet for the suggestion!
detinha... LOL, thanks... honestly, I really couldn't tell who that picture was supposed to be! Can anyone help me out with that? I feel disconnected from pop culture when I can't identify someone I feel I should know, y'know?
arizonatom... thank you for the love, you're sweet as always...
I promise I'm working on the new episode of Salon Takeover, I should hopefully have it finished by tonight or tomorrow... thanks as always for all your comments, you guys always give me such warm fuzzy love...
love, J-Mo :)
8 of 8 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on September 30, 2008 10:28 AM