Tabatha actually likes the cut and color and interviews "Tara and Kristin may have a lot of problems... but hairdressing isn't one of them... I'm happy to see they've learnt something from their father!" You know, besides how to cash his checks.
Ohh, but back with Alli Airhead, Lady T notices that her cut is not blended at all, and is trying to point out where Alli went wrong (ummmm, I'll guess... by deciding to become a hairdresser?). Trying to steer her towards where the guideline is, Tabatha shows her something called a "weight point" in the hair and asks Alli what this "weight point" is gonna do... "To her hair?" asks Alli. Tabatha retorts "Obviously to her hair, not to the girl across the street and three blocks down with her head up her ass!" Miz Coffey believes Alli has been poorly trained by Tara and Kristin. I don't blame her, though, because I believe she's just been poorly gened by her parents.
Even worse, here comes Lauren "I'm Likely To Be Eaten By An Australian" and her terrible coloring job. Tabatha says all the coloring is on one side of the woman's head, and only one piece is colored on the other! How does Lauren account for this? "Right. Well, honestly, I-I-I felt like... maybe that i-it gave more of that funky... look....?" she stammers. Struggling to keep from throttling the girl Lady T seethes "So you... you only colored one side intentionally?" Stupidly, Lauren responds "Ummmmm.... yes!" TabbyKat is not fooled, "You're making this up as you go along, aren't you?" Lauren insists she's not, but it's obvious that's exactly what she's doing...
...well, at least she warned us that it was gonna come out damaged and unpretty...
Tabatha interviews "Lauren was full of excuses when I critiqued her... you cannot excuse your way out of this one... you just fucked someone's hair up!" Ouch. T-girl thinks Lauren needs to learn communication. I think she needs to learn English a little better.
At the end of the day she tells the staff they did okay, but not great, there is definitely room for improvement (yes, coloring on both sides of the head would be a good start) and she dismisses them all to go home while she goes in the back and finishes off the bottle of vino in the fridge.
The next morning she meets with Tara and Kristin in order to shake them up and try to impress upon them how serious their sitch really is.... and she doesn't fuck around either, as she starts off with "I don't see any passion from either of you. I don't see any fire from either of you. I see no urgency from you, I see nothing except two girls staring at me nodding their head!"...
...meet Miss Passion and Miss Fire... Tabatha's got a point, do these two ever fully wake up?...
Tara decides to be all smart-alecky. "Whatever direction you take us in, we're more than willing to put 110% into it, so until you give us that, how can you see passion and fire?" Okay, so you need Tabatha to tell you how to like what you've chosen to do? I'm puzzled. And irritated. But let's continue...
Lady T responds "Because my passion and fire, for you two, comes from your father!... because I know that everything's on the line for him! I told you in the beginning, there is no magic potion. I'm not here to babysit you. Your father's fucking babysat you for long enough. It's time to grow up!"
Oh, but Tara still wants to box as she spits back "It's been two days! Like you said, you've been here for two days! You've seen what you've seen!" And now Kristin (whose voice is breaking) jumps in with "Don't stand here and tell me that I don't love my parents!" My GOD, these two are a piece of work! Yes, the best way to show your parents that you love and care about them is to drain their nest-egg. "I didn't say you didn't love them." replies Tabatha. Hyperventilating now, Kristin says "NO, you... act... as... though... I-I-I..." T-girl breaks in "No, I didn't say you didn't love them. I said you're not doing what you need to step up-..." Kristin cuts her off "And that's why you're here! To help us and guide us through it!" Tabatha snaps, "And that's what I'm trying to do for you! You guys need to understand what this burden is like, and step up and be strong!"
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Comments (8)
Fabulous recap again J-Mo. You never fail to make me laugh at my computer screen in the middle of the office (it's okay, they all just think I'm insane...wait, that's not okay, hmmm, maybe I should do work).
There's something about a show where someone yells at idiots that attracts me. Then you add someone (you) making sarcastic comments about said show and it's like a confluence of hilarity.
I gotta say though, there's something in me that just wants people like this to fail. They just seem to plain stupid to be successful at anything. Of course I'm also a mean, cold, jerkass (not a doctor though).
1 of 8 | Posted by DrJerkass | Posted on September 25, 2008 4:41 AM
j-mo!
i love it. looove it. p.s. thanks for plugging me twice and linking to my recap!
i still wish ralphie was my daddy. esp after seeing your screengrabs. jealous of tabbs a lil in the kissyface one. and is it wrong that "I'll tell you how to fix that, Daddy Ralphie. Get a taser" was a bit of turn on for me???
as always, you have all of my love. and "OMG, what in Jeebus' name is a "Brazilian relaxer"? Is that like getting your pubes straightened? Ew." BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA LOVE IT!!!! i was thinking the exact same thing. just sounds so terribly, terribly wrong.
p.s. if lovin' your nubile jailbait ass is wrong, i don't wanna be right. although i'm younger than you. and a woman. and not a priest. meh.
p.p.s. oprah still sucks. *MWAH* hahahahahaHAAHAHAAAA
2 of 8 | Posted by AuJew | Posted on September 25, 2008 7:52 AM
Great recap (of course).
I ended up liking most of these people and I wanted them to be a success.
You are right to point out that hair care is a career that can't be outsourced to India! And I've worked in all those (horrible) environments you named that can be. (Thanks for the nightmares!)
I agree about so many kids growing up without a sense of where money comes from. I think they should just have the basics unless they are willing to work to earn more. No matter how much thier parents have. (But, I guess we'll always have Paris!)
3 of 8 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on September 25, 2008 11:03 AM
OMG, that screencap of Lauren puking in her mouth was hilarious! Great recap as always!
4 of 8 | Posted by rubinia | Posted on September 25, 2008 11:36 AM
Hi Darling J-Mo,
I think you should write an etiquette book in your own indominitable style.
Love your recap,
Yenta
5 of 8 | Posted by yentapatrol | Posted on September 25, 2008 1:38 PM
ROFLMAO @ "...hey, she does kinda look like Nicolize Theigl!..."
Thanks J-M0, you're the bestest!
**Mwah**
Val
6 of 8 | Posted by detinha | Posted on September 25, 2008 8:38 PM
J-Mo;
Great job as always! I just can't believe those two skanks were so stupid and selfish before "T" showed up. Spoiled ________ (fill in favorite name here). Keep up the good work.
Lots O' Love
7 of 8 | Posted by arizonatom | Posted on September 27, 2008 8:18 AM
DrJerkAss... awww, shucks, thank you (and hey, thanks for coming to my aid over on that other thread the other day, wasn't that weird?) you're peaches in my book! Oh, and yes, I agree with you, sometimes privileged people work my last nerve, too, especially when they don't appreciate it like the Gruesome Twosome...
AuJew... no problem, I think we should all be building each other's work up, y'know? Can I say, though, that I would not be surprised in the LEAST to find out that you might enjoy electrical shock in an erotic sense? Oprah would not approve, but fuck her.
fire@will... LOL, sorry about the work nightmares, but I've done time in all those industries as well, and often longed for some kind of talent in cosmetics that would afford me a casually fabulous lifestyle complete with drinking lattés and whizzing around town in a sporty red convertible with the top down and my long luxurious blonde hair blowing in the wind, ready to assist with any kind of hairdressing emergency that may crop up (like, say, StylistMan™!) Alas, those dreams will never come true, and hell, these Medicare D claims ain't gonna just process themselves, y'know, so I plug away at the things I can do and vent my frustrations on these poor people who have foolishly agreed to appear on a reality TV show for our collective amusement. You're quite kind as always, though...
rubinia... Honey, that was too funny, and I wish I could take credit for it as a screencap, but actually it was a still shot from BravoTV[dot]com... but that was the first thing that popped into my head when I saw it (and that's what I usually go with when I write recaps and captions) so I'm glad you enjoyed it, too!
yenta-honey... the love is mutual... maybe I will try to put out "J-Mo's Etiquette For Specific Social Situations" later on this year, although many would probably find me to be in violation of many of my own imagined rules, so I dunno how well it would go over... but you're sweet for the suggestion!
detinha... LOL, thanks... honestly, I really couldn't tell who that picture was supposed to be! Can anyone help me out with that? I feel disconnected from pop culture when I can't identify someone I feel I should know, y'know?
arizonatom... thank you for the love, you're sweet as always...
I promise I'm working on the new episode of Salon Takeover, I should hopefully have it finished by tonight or tomorrow... thanks as always for all your comments, you guys always give me such warm fuzzy love...
love, J-Mo :)
8 of 8 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on September 30, 2008 10:28 AM