Kathy is getting upset and says what she's seeing is really pissing her off now, viewing how little these people care about her business, but she's also mad at herself for letting them do it. Lady T points out "Well, yeah, and Tim you're letting them do it, too!" and she demands the keys to the salon... Tim looks pissed. Too late, buddy-roo... it's time for Tabatha to start...
THE TAKEOVER
It takes longer than usual for Tabatha to get the attention of these bitches, they're so busy gossiping and key-keying and ignoring her. Eventually, though, everyone gathers around for the familiar spiel as Lady T lays the whole "we've-been-watching-you-on-surveillance-cameras" thing and opines "I have to tell you.. I. Am. Appalled." Me too! Who wears blue eye-shadow?!?!
...1988 called... it says this look was bad even back then, so stop it...
Tabatha brings back in the Scared Client she sent in that was being worked on by Twitchy Karen Carpenter Lookalike and her Amazing Plastic Pet Scratch Color Applicator. Her name is actually Julie Ann. "How do you think it went?" Tabatha asks her... and with her chin jutting defiantly Twitchy Julie says "I know she loves her haircut!" Really? Let's ask her! Scared Client admits, "I wasn't happy with the color... I asked for red underneath, and I can't see the red..." In a dead, dead voice devoid of any shred of emotion, Twitchy Julie says "I apologize."...
...I bet somebody is crossing their toesies!...
Lady T probes further, "And how do you feel about the technique?" Scaredy says "The technique scared me, I haven't seen it before... it was messy and it got all over me and I felt really stiff..." T-girl asks, "Would you feel comfortable coming back?" and Skerd says "I would say that it would be a waste of my time to come back..."
..."And also, you smelled like anorexia..."...
Now Tabatha wants to know how Kathy feels hearing all of this. Poor Kathy is starting to lose it as she talks about how disappointed she is and how much money she has invested in the salon... as the tears begin to flow she admits "I cannot afford for this place to go under... it needs to get better in order for me to start making money!" Some of the stylists are tearing up, too. Good! I hope some of you bitches feel a tad guilty for acting like high-school dropouts while drawing down what is probably a better salary than what she's making...
Lady T points out how serious this is for Kathy (she includes Tim in this, too, but I don't know why, it seems like he's really got the sweet end of the deal, so I don't think he's really got much to complain about) and lays it out about her taking over, cancelling all the appointments and changing everything... "...and some of you may not last!" Eh, stop toying with us, Tabby! Nobody's gonna get the axe... Anyways, she dismisses the staff for the rest of the day as she asks for...
THE INSPECTION
Time for the white-glove test (although with Tabatha's pasty complexion she doesn't really need gloves, so she's using her hands). Kathy says that she has a cleaning woman who comes in five days a week... except when Tabby runs her hand over the upper surfaces of the cabinetry she comes away with a dust ball big enough to choke God...
...wow, looks like your clean-up woman is fucking you over, too, Kathy...
That's not five days worth of dust accumulation, that's more like five months worth. The sinks are also filled with hair and Kathy says the State Board would fine them if they were to see that. I hope none of them are watching, can they give you a retro-active citation? Ugh, these people also have spilled hair-coloring all over the place as well. I thought these were adults working here, why is it that people can't seem to clean up after themselves? Well, I guess it's hard to do when you're busy slacking and planning your weekend...
Timbo is getting mad at himself for all the things that Lady T is finding wrong with the salon "Why does she come in here in one day and see this shit, and I don't see it?!?" Speaking as a man who has grown up in a house with four kids, two adults and several kitties, I can tell you that when there are even obvious messes that occur (hairballs, cat doots, food spillage) then astigmatisms flourish...
...I'm guessing that's the case here...
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Comments (9)
Dahling J-Mo,
How sad that next week is the finale : (
I really don't understand how these "salons" get regular customers. I know I'm high maintenance, but I would have walked out of most of them before the stylists got anywhere near my hair. And, seriously, I'd probably go completely nuts on any stylist that tried to get my hubby to kiss her. Watching Tabitha whip these pathetic people into shape has been amazingly cathartic, and reading your recaps has been amazingly fun.
I'd love to do an undercover to her salon, just to see if it lives up to her standards. Of course, my own stylist would probably strangle me, jealous bitch that he is.
As always, awesome, awesome recap.
Hugs,
Yenta
1 of 9 | Posted by yentapatrol | Posted on October 9, 2008 4:16 PM
I've only watched this show once and that was because I read J-Mo's f#cking funny as hell recap. (It was the one where the douche named Michael denied everything that was wrong with his salon) That being said I am dvring this episode ASAP!!!! I was hysterically laughing my ass off the whole way through. I have to see this. I've never heard anyone besides my brothers use the term "pussy punch". My mouth dropped open when I read that and then howled with laughter. And I am here to tell you that shit hurts. Guard you labias, ladies, when the "Witherspoon" boys are fighting!!!! Kudos & kisses, J-Mo!!!!!!!!
2 of 9 | Posted by ReeseWitherspoon | Posted on October 9, 2008 9:15 PM
Great recap (of course).
I had similar feelings about the real estate business story - I wondered how long ago did they film this, anyway??
Hopefully, she sold her house for enough to buy the better half of Tulsa. Still, I wonder if Tim is just doing more of the same - and if his aunt will ever get her money back.
I'm betting she'll be dealing with a more honest group of people in Oklahoma.
3 of 9 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on October 10, 2008 11:24 AM
J-Mo;
Thanks so much for the great recap, as always. I actually missed the first couple of minutes of this one and I didn't know until reading this that $8K-a-month-Tim was the NEPHEW of $2K-a-month-Kathy! That makes him all that much more of an asshole. I thought that it was priceless when Tabby-Kat was calling him out on taking so much salary that all he could say was that he had expenses at home he had to cover. I wonder if that includes two cars for himself, champagne parties (but not for his staff) and horribly tacky furniture and decor like Martino went for. What a putz - what a pair of putzes without a pair.
And who decides to have their own business, but doesn't want to be in charge and treat it like a business and be successful? If anything, you'd think that any business owner would fall to the side of too much control, rather than too little. At least Kwanna @ TEN Salon took an (over)active role in trying to manage the salon and have people do their jobs correctly (according to the foot-thick rule books). Geez, these two together can't even beat out the (formerly) laid-back Tami from The Loft on Broadway in Long Beach.
It makes me wonder how these places (as well as some of the restaurants that Gordon Ramsey turns around) stay open as long as they have.
Anyway - keep up the great work! You always have me in stitches when I read your recaps! You are just too twisted for color television ... and I LURVE that! Big HUG!
Lots O' Love
4 of 9 | Posted by arizonatom | Posted on October 12, 2008 9:59 AM
Karen Carpenter! That's it! I couldn't think of who Twitchy Julie Ann looked like. Thank you J-Mo. It was driving me nuts. I knew it was somebody from the seventies and it was just on the tip of my tongue. All I could come up with was "hungover," "coke whore," and "bar hag."
This season went by so fast. Like Gordon Ramsay, Tabatha should always be on tv. I'll miss this show and your recaps, J-Mo. Hopefully after Top Design is over you'll get another show?
5 of 9 | Posted by shelleyh | Posted on October 13, 2008 7:33 AM
Sorry Jmo, didn't get a chance to comment last week. Karen Carpenter, so tragic, so sad, such a guilty musical pleasure!!!
That said, I smell douche coming from the direction of loving nephew . . . ugh and ARGH!!! She should have an insurance policy on him, then kill him, I'm just saying. I can't see any way or reason they would have him 2% ahead, except for him being a class A douche, and not even spring rain scent, more like the vinegar!!!! Sour, bitter vinegar!!!
And BTW, I absolutely cant wait, bated breath, for your top design recap!!!! I wasn't sure I could believe my eyes and ears on that one!!!
Till then . . . mwah!
6 of 9 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on October 13, 2008 1:35 PM
my darling j-mo,
i have been horribly reticent lately, but i have an excuse: lack of internet access!!! i moved to a new apartment that literally overlooks the ocean, but i haven't gotten cable/internet up and running yet. and superbusy time at work so...finally got a moment to read your brilliant recap!!!
you kill me, though. i have to say when i was reading the description of mazi, i was concerned about my own tendency to flirt with fabulous gay men...but purely in an ironic way, of course. and i only sexually harass those who are open to it.
much love! xoxox
7 of 9 | Posted by aujew | Posted on October 14, 2008 12:30 PM
Omggg as a fellow SFV-ian all I have to say is this salon is within walking distance of my work and that I don't know how such a tacky place is even on Ventura Blvd. Too bad I missed Tabatha :( it would of been nice to tell her that at least 3/4 of America would support her if she brought a tazer gun on shoot and started zapping these crazy hairdresser nuts.
8 of 9 | Posted by Pinkberries | Posted on October 15, 2008 10:20 PM
Yentapatrol... you are too kind (in fact, you're every kind) of sweetness and light for saying such nice things as you do. Yes, it will be sad that it has to come to an end, but I bet the show gets picked up for renewal, cuz with the economy swirling down the toilet, I bet there are going to be a LOT more troubled salons to choose from now... love to you...
ReeseWitherspoon... thanks for the sweet compliments! And I want you to know that I have never ever ever puss-punched anyone in my entire life... but I imagine if it hurts half as bad as getting kicked in the balls... anyhow, I'm so happy to bring you some happy, too! Love to you...
fire@will... thank you as always, and yeah, that whole real-estate thing seemed fishy and I'm thinking now that that dickbag nephew of hers forced her out and refuses to pay her back... love to you, though...
arizonatom... gosh you're sweet... be careful laying on the niceties too thick, I'm likely to tumble into bed with you... love to you...
shelleyh... I just love the phrase "coke whore" because it's versatile... it could refer to hard narcotic usage or someone who has sex for soft drinks (hey, if you were really super duper thirsty)... I don't know what I'll be doing after Top Design... I might take the holidays off, cuz there's a show I have my eye on that starts in January... love to you...
juddfan... chile, I ain't ashamed to admit that I loves me some Karen Carpenter... very few voices in the world have ever come close to hers, and between her and Selena, I have plenty of tragic divas to pine over... and if Timbo doesn't get his priorities straight, he's gonna wind up with a closed salon... and it would serve him right, too! Love to you...
AuJew... girl, I wondered where you been and who's been doin' thangs to you! I'm needing more doses of Gordon Ramsey, and soon! And don't feel bad about hitting on gay guys, it happens all the time, the thing I DISlike is Mazi's "artless" way of going about it, someone who is that tacky and obvious just makes you feel all squicky inside, and I don't like that at all. Love to you...
Pinkberries... Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Pleeeeeeze you MUST go at least check it out and see if Mazi-Rotty is working there still and let us know, pleeeeease? With sugar on top? Love to you...
Thank you everybody for your genuine and heartfelt comments. I am also sad this show is ending soon BUT you're going to have to wait until next week for the recap of the finale as I am off to Los Angeles today to hang out with my BFF (and another recapper) and have a drink or twelve... see you next week!
love, J-Mo :)
9 of 9 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on October 17, 2008 9:34 AM