Ohhh, but things aren't going so well over at Twitchy Julie Ann's station... her Asian client has brought in a picture of America Ferrera... apparently Twitchy doesn't have a clue who that is, because when she mentions the picture and the client says "America." Julie Ann looks at her like the girl is just tossing out random words and says "Excuse me?". The client patiently points to the picture and says "Her name is America." Twitchy giggles rather insanely...
..."Ugly who?"...
Then, for whatever reason (possibly because Tabatha is standing there with a total "I-can't-believe-my-fucking-eyes" expression on her face) Julie Ann starts haltingly asking the girl about what her job occupation is.... (!!!) Asian-Girl quietly ignores this and starts telling Twitchy what she wants done to her hair, but Tabatha can't take it any more so she steps in and starts asking more germaine questions, such as whether the girl blow-dries her hair, and how much time she normally spends on it. Julie Ann looks on as though Asian Girl and Tabatha have started conversing in Mandarin...
Oh, and here comes Miss Mazi-Rotty. Somehow she has scored a super-hot hunk of Latin Fuego... when he says his last haircut was several months ago, Mazi says "Oh really! You are bad boy! What, you don't take care of youself?" all the while smiling goofily and flirtatious-like. Mr. Fuego looks annoyed...
...and wishing for a Tabatha Takeover of his own...
Tabatha has been watching with a great deal of interest. "Here would be my suggestion for you... because you're telling him that he's not taking care of himself! So, instead of doing that, because that could be offensive to a client... did that offend you?" she asks Mr. F. "A little bit." he replies gratefully. Miss Mazi continues her giggly horny schoolgirl routine, "Oooh, he'll get mad with me!" Lady T continues, "Yeah, maybe he was growing his hair, alright? So instead of criticizing him, then you need to find out what their normal schedule is... okay?"
Ooooh, Miss Mazi-Rotty don't like! "I don't think for a salon owner to go after my work with a customer, I don't think that is professional!" she interviews. Yeah, spare us your righteous indignation Miss Thing, that guy is lucky there was a chair-back between the two of you or he'd have wound up with a giant wet-spot on his back, okay?
...I know I would be...
Moving right along to a rather zaftig redhead named Alex, who is describing her coloring process to Tabatha "I'M MAINLY DOING THE HIGHLIGHT, I'M USING THE LOWLIGHT EVERY SO OFTEN JUST TO-" and Tabatha shushes her for a moment and asks for her to use her "inside voice" instead of her "CROWDED NOISY BAR VOICE". Alex says when she's nervous she talks loudly. NO SHIT.
Tabby's up at the front desk talking to Kathy and Timbo, and asks Tim what he thinks of the work he's seeing, wondering if he's ever even looked at it before. "No." he says initially, but then tries to backpedal and say he has gone and spotchecked the staff. Lady T stops him and says he can't have it both ways, he either hasn't looked at their work or he has... Taking a sassy tone, Timbo asks for the definition of "look". Uh-oh. "Definition of look is to see something with one's eyes! How's that?" she snaps.
Lady T calls him out on staying back in his little closet all the time and not paying attention to what is going on around him in what's supposed to be his business. Kathy jokingly tells him he needs to "Get your ass over there and look at those people!"... Tabatha high-fives her, "You tell him!"
...Tim realizes the hormonal balance of power has shifted...
So how does he react to Kathy's half-joking insistence on taking a more active hand in the kind of work that his staff is doing? "I have a client. You deal with it." Hey Tim? You already have a ballsac. Stop being one.
Time for assessment results. Zaftig Redhead Alex needs work on her foiling technique and checking her hairstyles. She got off easy. Tabatha could have told her to provide earplugs for all future clients.
Twitchy Julie Ann is getting cornholed much harder, as Tabatha points out for the length of time she spent putting coloring and foils in Asian Girl's hair, she looks no more like America Ferrera than I do. Tabatha posits that if a client pays to have their hair colored, they should be able to actually see the coloring at the end of the process (Asian Girl's hair still looks jet-black, and she looks pissed).
...Tabatha wonders how Gordon Ramsey copes (I'd say with alcohol)...
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Comments (9)
Dahling J-Mo,
How sad that next week is the finale : (
I really don't understand how these "salons" get regular customers. I know I'm high maintenance, but I would have walked out of most of them before the stylists got anywhere near my hair. And, seriously, I'd probably go completely nuts on any stylist that tried to get my hubby to kiss her. Watching Tabitha whip these pathetic people into shape has been amazingly cathartic, and reading your recaps has been amazingly fun.
I'd love to do an undercover to her salon, just to see if it lives up to her standards. Of course, my own stylist would probably strangle me, jealous bitch that he is.
As always, awesome, awesome recap.
Hugs,
Yenta
1 of 9 | Posted by yentapatrol | Posted on October 9, 2008 4:16 PM
I've only watched this show once and that was because I read J-Mo's f#cking funny as hell recap. (It was the one where the douche named Michael denied everything that was wrong with his salon) That being said I am dvring this episode ASAP!!!! I was hysterically laughing my ass off the whole way through. I have to see this. I've never heard anyone besides my brothers use the term "pussy punch". My mouth dropped open when I read that and then howled with laughter. And I am here to tell you that shit hurts. Guard you labias, ladies, when the "Witherspoon" boys are fighting!!!! Kudos & kisses, J-Mo!!!!!!!!
2 of 9 | Posted by ReeseWitherspoon | Posted on October 9, 2008 9:15 PM
Great recap (of course).
I had similar feelings about the real estate business story - I wondered how long ago did they film this, anyway??
Hopefully, she sold her house for enough to buy the better half of Tulsa. Still, I wonder if Tim is just doing more of the same - and if his aunt will ever get her money back.
I'm betting she'll be dealing with a more honest group of people in Oklahoma.
3 of 9 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on October 10, 2008 11:24 AM
J-Mo;
Thanks so much for the great recap, as always. I actually missed the first couple of minutes of this one and I didn't know until reading this that $8K-a-month-Tim was the NEPHEW of $2K-a-month-Kathy! That makes him all that much more of an asshole. I thought that it was priceless when Tabby-Kat was calling him out on taking so much salary that all he could say was that he had expenses at home he had to cover. I wonder if that includes two cars for himself, champagne parties (but not for his staff) and horribly tacky furniture and decor like Martino went for. What a putz - what a pair of putzes without a pair.
And who decides to have their own business, but doesn't want to be in charge and treat it like a business and be successful? If anything, you'd think that any business owner would fall to the side of too much control, rather than too little. At least Kwanna @ TEN Salon took an (over)active role in trying to manage the salon and have people do their jobs correctly (according to the foot-thick rule books). Geez, these two together can't even beat out the (formerly) laid-back Tami from The Loft on Broadway in Long Beach.
It makes me wonder how these places (as well as some of the restaurants that Gordon Ramsey turns around) stay open as long as they have.
Anyway - keep up the great work! You always have me in stitches when I read your recaps! You are just too twisted for color television ... and I LURVE that! Big HUG!
Lots O' Love
4 of 9 | Posted by arizonatom | Posted on October 12, 2008 9:59 AM
Karen Carpenter! That's it! I couldn't think of who Twitchy Julie Ann looked like. Thank you J-Mo. It was driving me nuts. I knew it was somebody from the seventies and it was just on the tip of my tongue. All I could come up with was "hungover," "coke whore," and "bar hag."
This season went by so fast. Like Gordon Ramsay, Tabatha should always be on tv. I'll miss this show and your recaps, J-Mo. Hopefully after Top Design is over you'll get another show?
5 of 9 | Posted by shelleyh | Posted on October 13, 2008 7:33 AM
Sorry Jmo, didn't get a chance to comment last week. Karen Carpenter, so tragic, so sad, such a guilty musical pleasure!!!
That said, I smell douche coming from the direction of loving nephew . . . ugh and ARGH!!! She should have an insurance policy on him, then kill him, I'm just saying. I can't see any way or reason they would have him 2% ahead, except for him being a class A douche, and not even spring rain scent, more like the vinegar!!!! Sour, bitter vinegar!!!
And BTW, I absolutely cant wait, bated breath, for your top design recap!!!! I wasn't sure I could believe my eyes and ears on that one!!!
Till then . . . mwah!
6 of 9 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on October 13, 2008 1:35 PM
my darling j-mo,
i have been horribly reticent lately, but i have an excuse: lack of internet access!!! i moved to a new apartment that literally overlooks the ocean, but i haven't gotten cable/internet up and running yet. and superbusy time at work so...finally got a moment to read your brilliant recap!!!
you kill me, though. i have to say when i was reading the description of mazi, i was concerned about my own tendency to flirt with fabulous gay men...but purely in an ironic way, of course. and i only sexually harass those who are open to it.
much love! xoxox
7 of 9 | Posted by aujew | Posted on October 14, 2008 12:30 PM
Omggg as a fellow SFV-ian all I have to say is this salon is within walking distance of my work and that I don't know how such a tacky place is even on Ventura Blvd. Too bad I missed Tabatha :( it would of been nice to tell her that at least 3/4 of America would support her if she brought a tazer gun on shoot and started zapping these crazy hairdresser nuts.
8 of 9 | Posted by Pinkberries | Posted on October 15, 2008 10:20 PM
Yentapatrol... you are too kind (in fact, you're every kind) of sweetness and light for saying such nice things as you do. Yes, it will be sad that it has to come to an end, but I bet the show gets picked up for renewal, cuz with the economy swirling down the toilet, I bet there are going to be a LOT more troubled salons to choose from now... love to you...
ReeseWitherspoon... thanks for the sweet compliments! And I want you to know that I have never ever ever puss-punched anyone in my entire life... but I imagine if it hurts half as bad as getting kicked in the balls... anyhow, I'm so happy to bring you some happy, too! Love to you...
fire@will... thank you as always, and yeah, that whole real-estate thing seemed fishy and I'm thinking now that that dickbag nephew of hers forced her out and refuses to pay her back... love to you, though...
arizonatom... gosh you're sweet... be careful laying on the niceties too thick, I'm likely to tumble into bed with you... love to you...
shelleyh... I just love the phrase "coke whore" because it's versatile... it could refer to hard narcotic usage or someone who has sex for soft drinks (hey, if you were really super duper thirsty)... I don't know what I'll be doing after Top Design... I might take the holidays off, cuz there's a show I have my eye on that starts in January... love to you...
juddfan... chile, I ain't ashamed to admit that I loves me some Karen Carpenter... very few voices in the world have ever come close to hers, and between her and Selena, I have plenty of tragic divas to pine over... and if Timbo doesn't get his priorities straight, he's gonna wind up with a closed salon... and it would serve him right, too! Love to you...
AuJew... girl, I wondered where you been and who's been doin' thangs to you! I'm needing more doses of Gordon Ramsey, and soon! And don't feel bad about hitting on gay guys, it happens all the time, the thing I DISlike is Mazi's "artless" way of going about it, someone who is that tacky and obvious just makes you feel all squicky inside, and I don't like that at all. Love to you...
Pinkberries... Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Pleeeeeeze you MUST go at least check it out and see if Mazi-Rotty is working there still and let us know, pleeeeease? With sugar on top? Love to you...
Thank you everybody for your genuine and heartfelt comments. I am also sad this show is ending soon BUT you're going to have to wait until next week for the recap of the finale as I am off to Los Angeles today to hang out with my BFF (and another recapper) and have a drink or twelve... see you next week!
love, J-Mo :)
9 of 9 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on October 17, 2008 9:34 AM