Meanwhile, in walks a friend of Tabatha's, a marketing director by the name of Eliane Henri, and she's there to help them market HairLab to local Hollywood talent... and apparently one of Eliane's clients is the female side of "American Gladiators"... because in marches a broad-shouldered big-boobed blonde named Robin (who apparently plays "Hellga" the Gladiator)...
...I have no doubt she could put Timbo in a brisk headlock, but can she deal with her split ends?...
Turns out the G(Lady)ators are gonna have a (heavily airbrushed) photo shoot coming up, and Eliane thought that HairLab should come and pitch them to try and gain their business for said shoot. Robin says she's had the same stylist for 10 years, and wants to know what Timbo will do for her that she's not getting done right now. I was jumping up and down and holding my hand in the air and going "Oooh! Oooh! Oooh! Pick me! Pick me! Memememe!" before I realized I was alone in my living room and looked really stupid. If I had been there, I believe my short and sweet answer would have been "I would put conditioner in your hair." Then Robin would have drop-kicked me to Jesus.
So what brilliant ideas does Timbo have for Robin? He babbles incoherently about a "Samson-Goliath" thing and says words like "hair-pieces" and "metallic" and "industrial-futuristic" and eventually trails off. All four women seated at the table are looking at him like he's an especially stupid species of bare-assed baboon. I myself was not aware of a connection between Samson and Goliath. Were they lovers who became Ex-Boyfriends after that bitch Delilah stole Samson away with her nightly schlocky love-songs radio show, and that skinny twink David turned down Goliath for a rebound date? Perhaps there is something to that "Rock Me Sexy Jesus" thing after all? Someone should inform Jan Crouch!...
...and speaking (in tongues) of people who need a new stylist...
Where was I? Oh yeah, so Timbo sucked baaaad. He pretty much was crashing and burning until he pointed out to Robin that they are a local Valley Salon, and since she apparently lives in the Valley, it would be lots closer for her than going all the way into "the city" (by which I'm assuming he means West Hollywood or Beverly Hills) to get her hair did. Score one for HairLab! Robin promises to bring in some of her "friends" at the salon reopening and give him a shot. She grabs her compensation check from the BravoTV P.A. on the way out of the restaurant...
Meanwhile, the Stylists are all running up and down Ventura Blvd passing out fliers and drumming up business. Twitchy Julie Ann says she loves doing this kind of thing. Yay for Julie Ann having an outlet for her nervous energy!
You know who else was liking it (sorta) was Miss Mazi-Rotty, "I was verry excitet to go and promode da salon and bring some new customers..." but then she turns dour, "Bud, I din't think it's gonna be in dis way! I thought promoting like that, just hanging flyers, was cheap..." Well, if anyone can recognize cheap, it'd be Miss Mazi... and with that, she gives up on the whole promotion idea (with a full handful of fliers) and decides to take a break...
...how 'bout pick up an application while you're there, sweetie?...
Back at the salon, Tabatha sits down with Kathy and Timbo again to address "the elephant in the room" which is their "partnership" (which I think of as a "partnership" in the same way as I'd think of "reverse-indentured servitude"). Tabatha says she cannot fathom a business owner who does not reinvest any of his earnings back into his business. Timbo gets defensive and says "That kinda makes me feel like you think I'm lazy and I don't do anything around here!"... Poor baby. Lady T does not disabuse him of this impression and she just smiles tightly and says "I have an idea."
Timbo already knows what her idea is: "To pay out of my income... I pay to the salon or to Kathy out of what I make." He looks like he's reciting ways to commit suicide, and he's obviously not getting the point. Tabatha tries a more direct tack as she says "Look, Tim, Kathy needs a wage that she can live on..." Timbo finishes for her with a petulant, "...then I'm the one that's short, and, so then, I'll be in her position."... heaven forbid!...
...Kathy comes to the conclusion that she is related to a giant turd...
« The Hills: Hush Little Holly, Don't Say A Word | Main | Project Runway: Spare Some Change? »
Comments (9)
Dahling J-Mo,
How sad that next week is the finale : (
I really don't understand how these "salons" get regular customers. I know I'm high maintenance, but I would have walked out of most of them before the stylists got anywhere near my hair. And, seriously, I'd probably go completely nuts on any stylist that tried to get my hubby to kiss her. Watching Tabitha whip these pathetic people into shape has been amazingly cathartic, and reading your recaps has been amazingly fun.
I'd love to do an undercover to her salon, just to see if it lives up to her standards. Of course, my own stylist would probably strangle me, jealous bitch that he is.
As always, awesome, awesome recap.
Hugs,
Yenta
1 of 9 | Posted by yentapatrol | Posted on October 9, 2008 4:16 PM
I've only watched this show once and that was because I read J-Mo's f#cking funny as hell recap. (It was the one where the douche named Michael denied everything that was wrong with his salon) That being said I am dvring this episode ASAP!!!! I was hysterically laughing my ass off the whole way through. I have to see this. I've never heard anyone besides my brothers use the term "pussy punch". My mouth dropped open when I read that and then howled with laughter. And I am here to tell you that shit hurts. Guard you labias, ladies, when the "Witherspoon" boys are fighting!!!! Kudos & kisses, J-Mo!!!!!!!!
2 of 9 | Posted by ReeseWitherspoon | Posted on October 9, 2008 9:15 PM
Great recap (of course).
I had similar feelings about the real estate business story - I wondered how long ago did they film this, anyway??
Hopefully, she sold her house for enough to buy the better half of Tulsa. Still, I wonder if Tim is just doing more of the same - and if his aunt will ever get her money back.
I'm betting she'll be dealing with a more honest group of people in Oklahoma.
3 of 9 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on October 10, 2008 11:24 AM
J-Mo;
Thanks so much for the great recap, as always. I actually missed the first couple of minutes of this one and I didn't know until reading this that $8K-a-month-Tim was the NEPHEW of $2K-a-month-Kathy! That makes him all that much more of an asshole. I thought that it was priceless when Tabby-Kat was calling him out on taking so much salary that all he could say was that he had expenses at home he had to cover. I wonder if that includes two cars for himself, champagne parties (but not for his staff) and horribly tacky furniture and decor like Martino went for. What a putz - what a pair of putzes without a pair.
And who decides to have their own business, but doesn't want to be in charge and treat it like a business and be successful? If anything, you'd think that any business owner would fall to the side of too much control, rather than too little. At least Kwanna @ TEN Salon took an (over)active role in trying to manage the salon and have people do their jobs correctly (according to the foot-thick rule books). Geez, these two together can't even beat out the (formerly) laid-back Tami from The Loft on Broadway in Long Beach.
It makes me wonder how these places (as well as some of the restaurants that Gordon Ramsey turns around) stay open as long as they have.
Anyway - keep up the great work! You always have me in stitches when I read your recaps! You are just too twisted for color television ... and I LURVE that! Big HUG!
Lots O' Love
4 of 9 | Posted by arizonatom | Posted on October 12, 2008 9:59 AM
Karen Carpenter! That's it! I couldn't think of who Twitchy Julie Ann looked like. Thank you J-Mo. It was driving me nuts. I knew it was somebody from the seventies and it was just on the tip of my tongue. All I could come up with was "hungover," "coke whore," and "bar hag."
This season went by so fast. Like Gordon Ramsay, Tabatha should always be on tv. I'll miss this show and your recaps, J-Mo. Hopefully after Top Design is over you'll get another show?
5 of 9 | Posted by shelleyh | Posted on October 13, 2008 7:33 AM
Sorry Jmo, didn't get a chance to comment last week. Karen Carpenter, so tragic, so sad, such a guilty musical pleasure!!!
That said, I smell douche coming from the direction of loving nephew . . . ugh and ARGH!!! She should have an insurance policy on him, then kill him, I'm just saying. I can't see any way or reason they would have him 2% ahead, except for him being a class A douche, and not even spring rain scent, more like the vinegar!!!! Sour, bitter vinegar!!!
And BTW, I absolutely cant wait, bated breath, for your top design recap!!!! I wasn't sure I could believe my eyes and ears on that one!!!
Till then . . . mwah!
6 of 9 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on October 13, 2008 1:35 PM
my darling j-mo,
i have been horribly reticent lately, but i have an excuse: lack of internet access!!! i moved to a new apartment that literally overlooks the ocean, but i haven't gotten cable/internet up and running yet. and superbusy time at work so...finally got a moment to read your brilliant recap!!!
you kill me, though. i have to say when i was reading the description of mazi, i was concerned about my own tendency to flirt with fabulous gay men...but purely in an ironic way, of course. and i only sexually harass those who are open to it.
much love! xoxox
7 of 9 | Posted by aujew | Posted on October 14, 2008 12:30 PM
Omggg as a fellow SFV-ian all I have to say is this salon is within walking distance of my work and that I don't know how such a tacky place is even on Ventura Blvd. Too bad I missed Tabatha :( it would of been nice to tell her that at least 3/4 of America would support her if she brought a tazer gun on shoot and started zapping these crazy hairdresser nuts.
8 of 9 | Posted by Pinkberries | Posted on October 15, 2008 10:20 PM
Yentapatrol... you are too kind (in fact, you're every kind) of sweetness and light for saying such nice things as you do. Yes, it will be sad that it has to come to an end, but I bet the show gets picked up for renewal, cuz with the economy swirling down the toilet, I bet there are going to be a LOT more troubled salons to choose from now... love to you...
ReeseWitherspoon... thanks for the sweet compliments! And I want you to know that I have never ever ever puss-punched anyone in my entire life... but I imagine if it hurts half as bad as getting kicked in the balls... anyhow, I'm so happy to bring you some happy, too! Love to you...
fire@will... thank you as always, and yeah, that whole real-estate thing seemed fishy and I'm thinking now that that dickbag nephew of hers forced her out and refuses to pay her back... love to you, though...
arizonatom... gosh you're sweet... be careful laying on the niceties too thick, I'm likely to tumble into bed with you... love to you...
shelleyh... I just love the phrase "coke whore" because it's versatile... it could refer to hard narcotic usage or someone who has sex for soft drinks (hey, if you were really super duper thirsty)... I don't know what I'll be doing after Top Design... I might take the holidays off, cuz there's a show I have my eye on that starts in January... love to you...
juddfan... chile, I ain't ashamed to admit that I loves me some Karen Carpenter... very few voices in the world have ever come close to hers, and between her and Selena, I have plenty of tragic divas to pine over... and if Timbo doesn't get his priorities straight, he's gonna wind up with a closed salon... and it would serve him right, too! Love to you...
AuJew... girl, I wondered where you been and who's been doin' thangs to you! I'm needing more doses of Gordon Ramsey, and soon! And don't feel bad about hitting on gay guys, it happens all the time, the thing I DISlike is Mazi's "artless" way of going about it, someone who is that tacky and obvious just makes you feel all squicky inside, and I don't like that at all. Love to you...
Pinkberries... Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Pleeeeeeze you MUST go at least check it out and see if Mazi-Rotty is working there still and let us know, pleeeeease? With sugar on top? Love to you...
Thank you everybody for your genuine and heartfelt comments. I am also sad this show is ending soon BUT you're going to have to wait until next week for the recap of the finale as I am off to Los Angeles today to hang out with my BFF (and another recapper) and have a drink or twelve... see you next week!
love, J-Mo :)
9 of 9 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on October 17, 2008 9:34 AM