He says "I don't think that's the best idea." Smack him, Kathy! Just smack him now! Tabatha interviews incredulously "Tim told me that if one of them was going to be broke... it's easier if it's Kathy! Asshole!" You tell 'em, Tabatha! Seriously, just smack him! Or better yet, call Robin and her Glamazon buddies to come and kick his ass!
Lady T says that she just wants to even the playing-field and bring Kathy up to a livable wage, so she's giving them the name of a local business attorney who can draw up a more *ahem* equitable partnership and a repayment plan. Kathy snags the card from Timbo with a giggle. I'm guessing it was the first call she made after they finished filming this segment. Hey Kathy, can I be your nephew instead of icky old Timbo? I'm much cuter than he is, and I won't bleed your nest-egg dry. We could just hang out and get blitzed together and make fun of Mazi... call me... :)
Now the stylists are filing back into the salon, and not only did they hand out all of the flyers Tabatha gave them (minus the giant stack that Mazi probably "posted" to the bottom of a Taco Bell dumpster) but they actually had to go out and print some more! The ladies all look like they're on a bit of a high from having been out and about all day... all of them, that is, except for Miss Mazi-Rotty...
"I felt very cheap to go to walking the street just like that and interview people, it's like, they looking at you cheap with a flyer! I thought it's not professional!" she says. I'm not sure what Mazi's irrational hatred of the printed word on colored paper is all about, but it sure runs deep. I'm still just giggling at her buckets and bushels of chutzpah for claiming handing out a flyer is not "professional", but threatening open-mouthed oral-contact abuse of your clients somehow is...
...I feel cheap to go to looking at her just like this, and not even a flyer do I have!...
Anyhow, Tabatha says it's time to begin the renovation of the salon, and she brings out a pair of boxing gloves and presents them to Timbo and says that she wants him to start things off by punching a hole in the wall of his alcove! Interesting idea, but I think Tim's the wrong man to punch holes in walls (maybe this would be a challenge better suited to those guys from "Ultimate Fighter") and after a few ineffectual punches, Tabatha tells him he can go ahead and kick it if he wants...
...at which point he promptly gets his foot stuck...
After freeing him from this symbolic (if slightly silly) gesture, Tabatha sends them all home so they can begin the makeover in time for...
THE REOPENING
Upon entering the newly remodeled HairLab, of course Tim and Kathy are loving the changes... especially their new front desk, which looks like a big cheese grater...
..."You can shred a block of mozzarella this big!"...
Also, Tim's former closet has been turned into a glass-walled cubicle so he'll be able to keep a half-an-eye on his staff (assuming he doesn't just keep ignoring them, glass or no glass.
It looks like their "cheap flyer" marketing has paid off, as there are tons of clients. Better still, here comes Robin and some of her fellow ladies from the American Gladiators... Tabatha believes if they do a good job with these girls then HairLab will be able to attract more local TV stars.
However, things aren't starting off so good, as Miss Mazi-Rotty has been paired up with Erin (a.k.a. "Steel"). Erin's trying to tell Mazi what she wants, and Mazi shuts her down with "How 'bout if I'll do what I think and you gonna be amazed!" Still believing that Mazi is there to do her bidding, Erin tells her that she wants highlights, and she wants them to be in a vivid blue color. "You think you can do that?" asks Erin. Mazi just smiles and continues playing with Erin's hair. After prompting for a verbal answer, Mazi comes back at her with...
...careful Mazi, I bet Erin could put some black and blue all over your body real easy...
Yes, Mazi is claiming she just doesn't have any blue hair coloring to put in Erin's hair! Stupid woman, like that's gonna stop Tabatha, who immediately goes right over to another stylist in the same salon who has plenty of blue coloring. There you go, bitch...
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Comments (9)
Dahling J-Mo,
How sad that next week is the finale : (
I really don't understand how these "salons" get regular customers. I know I'm high maintenance, but I would have walked out of most of them before the stylists got anywhere near my hair. And, seriously, I'd probably go completely nuts on any stylist that tried to get my hubby to kiss her. Watching Tabitha whip these pathetic people into shape has been amazingly cathartic, and reading your recaps has been amazingly fun.
I'd love to do an undercover to her salon, just to see if it lives up to her standards. Of course, my own stylist would probably strangle me, jealous bitch that he is.
As always, awesome, awesome recap.
Hugs,
Yenta
1 of 9 | Posted by yentapatrol | Posted on October 9, 2008 4:16 PM
I've only watched this show once and that was because I read J-Mo's f#cking funny as hell recap. (It was the one where the douche named Michael denied everything that was wrong with his salon) That being said I am dvring this episode ASAP!!!! I was hysterically laughing my ass off the whole way through. I have to see this. I've never heard anyone besides my brothers use the term "pussy punch". My mouth dropped open when I read that and then howled with laughter. And I am here to tell you that shit hurts. Guard you labias, ladies, when the "Witherspoon" boys are fighting!!!! Kudos & kisses, J-Mo!!!!!!!!
2 of 9 | Posted by ReeseWitherspoon | Posted on October 9, 2008 9:15 PM
Great recap (of course).
I had similar feelings about the real estate business story - I wondered how long ago did they film this, anyway??
Hopefully, she sold her house for enough to buy the better half of Tulsa. Still, I wonder if Tim is just doing more of the same - and if his aunt will ever get her money back.
I'm betting she'll be dealing with a more honest group of people in Oklahoma.
3 of 9 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on October 10, 2008 11:24 AM
J-Mo;
Thanks so much for the great recap, as always. I actually missed the first couple of minutes of this one and I didn't know until reading this that $8K-a-month-Tim was the NEPHEW of $2K-a-month-Kathy! That makes him all that much more of an asshole. I thought that it was priceless when Tabby-Kat was calling him out on taking so much salary that all he could say was that he had expenses at home he had to cover. I wonder if that includes two cars for himself, champagne parties (but not for his staff) and horribly tacky furniture and decor like Martino went for. What a putz - what a pair of putzes without a pair.
And who decides to have their own business, but doesn't want to be in charge and treat it like a business and be successful? If anything, you'd think that any business owner would fall to the side of too much control, rather than too little. At least Kwanna @ TEN Salon took an (over)active role in trying to manage the salon and have people do their jobs correctly (according to the foot-thick rule books). Geez, these two together can't even beat out the (formerly) laid-back Tami from The Loft on Broadway in Long Beach.
It makes me wonder how these places (as well as some of the restaurants that Gordon Ramsey turns around) stay open as long as they have.
Anyway - keep up the great work! You always have me in stitches when I read your recaps! You are just too twisted for color television ... and I LURVE that! Big HUG!
Lots O' Love
4 of 9 | Posted by arizonatom | Posted on October 12, 2008 9:59 AM
Karen Carpenter! That's it! I couldn't think of who Twitchy Julie Ann looked like. Thank you J-Mo. It was driving me nuts. I knew it was somebody from the seventies and it was just on the tip of my tongue. All I could come up with was "hungover," "coke whore," and "bar hag."
This season went by so fast. Like Gordon Ramsay, Tabatha should always be on tv. I'll miss this show and your recaps, J-Mo. Hopefully after Top Design is over you'll get another show?
5 of 9 | Posted by shelleyh | Posted on October 13, 2008 7:33 AM
Sorry Jmo, didn't get a chance to comment last week. Karen Carpenter, so tragic, so sad, such a guilty musical pleasure!!!
That said, I smell douche coming from the direction of loving nephew . . . ugh and ARGH!!! She should have an insurance policy on him, then kill him, I'm just saying. I can't see any way or reason they would have him 2% ahead, except for him being a class A douche, and not even spring rain scent, more like the vinegar!!!! Sour, bitter vinegar!!!
And BTW, I absolutely cant wait, bated breath, for your top design recap!!!! I wasn't sure I could believe my eyes and ears on that one!!!
Till then . . . mwah!
6 of 9 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on October 13, 2008 1:35 PM
my darling j-mo,
i have been horribly reticent lately, but i have an excuse: lack of internet access!!! i moved to a new apartment that literally overlooks the ocean, but i haven't gotten cable/internet up and running yet. and superbusy time at work so...finally got a moment to read your brilliant recap!!!
you kill me, though. i have to say when i was reading the description of mazi, i was concerned about my own tendency to flirt with fabulous gay men...but purely in an ironic way, of course. and i only sexually harass those who are open to it.
much love! xoxox
7 of 9 | Posted by aujew | Posted on October 14, 2008 12:30 PM
Omggg as a fellow SFV-ian all I have to say is this salon is within walking distance of my work and that I don't know how such a tacky place is even on Ventura Blvd. Too bad I missed Tabatha :( it would of been nice to tell her that at least 3/4 of America would support her if she brought a tazer gun on shoot and started zapping these crazy hairdresser nuts.
8 of 9 | Posted by Pinkberries | Posted on October 15, 2008 10:20 PM
Yentapatrol... you are too kind (in fact, you're every kind) of sweetness and light for saying such nice things as you do. Yes, it will be sad that it has to come to an end, but I bet the show gets picked up for renewal, cuz with the economy swirling down the toilet, I bet there are going to be a LOT more troubled salons to choose from now... love to you...
ReeseWitherspoon... thanks for the sweet compliments! And I want you to know that I have never ever ever puss-punched anyone in my entire life... but I imagine if it hurts half as bad as getting kicked in the balls... anyhow, I'm so happy to bring you some happy, too! Love to you...
fire@will... thank you as always, and yeah, that whole real-estate thing seemed fishy and I'm thinking now that that dickbag nephew of hers forced her out and refuses to pay her back... love to you, though...
arizonatom... gosh you're sweet... be careful laying on the niceties too thick, I'm likely to tumble into bed with you... love to you...
shelleyh... I just love the phrase "coke whore" because it's versatile... it could refer to hard narcotic usage or someone who has sex for soft drinks (hey, if you were really super duper thirsty)... I don't know what I'll be doing after Top Design... I might take the holidays off, cuz there's a show I have my eye on that starts in January... love to you...
juddfan... chile, I ain't ashamed to admit that I loves me some Karen Carpenter... very few voices in the world have ever come close to hers, and between her and Selena, I have plenty of tragic divas to pine over... and if Timbo doesn't get his priorities straight, he's gonna wind up with a closed salon... and it would serve him right, too! Love to you...
AuJew... girl, I wondered where you been and who's been doin' thangs to you! I'm needing more doses of Gordon Ramsey, and soon! And don't feel bad about hitting on gay guys, it happens all the time, the thing I DISlike is Mazi's "artless" way of going about it, someone who is that tacky and obvious just makes you feel all squicky inside, and I don't like that at all. Love to you...
Pinkberries... Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Pleeeeeeze you MUST go at least check it out and see if Mazi-Rotty is working there still and let us know, pleeeeease? With sugar on top? Love to you...
Thank you everybody for your genuine and heartfelt comments. I am also sad this show is ending soon BUT you're going to have to wait until next week for the recap of the finale as I am off to Los Angeles today to hang out with my BFF (and another recapper) and have a drink or twelve... see you next week!
love, J-Mo :)
9 of 9 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on October 17, 2008 9:34 AM