Boy, it has been a long and strange eight weeks, hasn't it? Never in life did I think I would have the opportunity to see so many walking doormat salon owners, poorly skilled colorists, badly-hygiened cutters and downright stupid support staff. We've seen just about every kind of managenent style, too... starting with the Micro- Variety (Kwanna at Circle Ten) to the Cheap Variety (Vile Mikey at De Cielo) to the Porno Variety (Martino at Giovanni & Pileggio) to the Slutty Variety (Josephine at Images) to the Spoiled Bratty Variety (Tara & Kristin at Tika) to the Absent Variety (Tami at The Loft) and winding up at the Victim Variety (Kathy at HairLab)... but whether you identify with an MV, a CV, a PV, an SV, an SBV, an AV or a V², there's still one management style that has not been featured on this show...
...the Totally Insane Nutjob Variety...
This is Candolyn. She gives scary blowjobface. I don't live anywhere near her, but I just got up and locked my doors all the same. I urge all of you Angeleno Gasmii to do this, too, because on tonight's final episode of Salon Takeover With Tabatha, we are going to see and hear way more about Miss CandyLand than anyone is comfortable with. Oh, and she cries. A lot. Like, all the time. She's probably still crying right now as I type this. Bring a poncho and join me after the jump, K?
So, tonight's final episode is focusing in on Miss Candolyn Sabido, owner of Candolyn's Salon in downtown Los Angeles, and Miss Tabatha Coffey is somewhere close by and calling the salon on her cell phone. Janice, the receptionist answers, and when Lady T asks to speak to Candolyn, Janice tells her she's not available and offers to take a message. Tabatha declines and says it's a personal call and she needs to speak to Candolyn. Janice calmly hangs up on her.
...Strike One...
"She hung up on me... Fantastic!" says Lady T and calls right back. When Janice answers again T-girl tells her she was just hung up on and repeats that she wants to speak with Candolyn. Now Janice wants to know who is calling. Tabatha declines to identify herself and repeats that it is a personal call for Candolyn. Apparently Janice discovered that the big red "HOLD" button would be appropriate to use at this point because eventually Candolyn picks up the call. Tabatha asks her to meet outside, and Candolyn responds "Okay, darlin'!" and goes outside.
..."I don't need this shit when I'm PMSing..."...
Tabatha is already in a bad mood now as she tallies, "Receptionists that hang up, and now I'm her darling... good times!" Ooooh, this is gonna be gooooood. Let's join them for...
SALON UNDERCOVER
CandyLand says she wanted Tabatha to come and Take Over because she wants to be proud of Candolyn's again and admits she knows the salon looks as tired as she does (word!) and does not want to go into further debt to spruce it up (not like she could expect to get any further credit these days). She already owes over $106,000.00 between her business and personal debts. Alls I can say is, bitch betta not be driving a Hummer...
She goes on to say she's given up because she feels beat up daily by her staff (and starts crying) and says that they are "taking things" from her, such as supplies, blow-dryers, her soul, etc. "So they stole!" clarifies Tabatha, "They didn't take them. That's not called 'taking', unless you return it, that's called 'stealing', so... they still work for you?" Candolyn says they do! Sweet! She should change the name from "Candolyn's" to "Kleptos R Us"... Lady T wants to know why in the name of Vidal Sassoon she still employs a bunch of thieves, and CandyGirl says she feels like since she created this situation she's stuck with it, and cries some more, "I have allowed myself to become a victim!"...
...she must have a near-constant case of SnotNostril™...
"You know what? There's no room for being a victim when you run a business." says Tabatha.... well, unless you're a televangelist or something, then I guess the crying and begging is kinda part of the gig, but otherwise she's right. Candolyn privately interviews that she's already thrown up twice that morning. Yick! I guess my dinner idea of ground beef nachos is out of the question... thanks Candy!
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Comments (8)
ooh first comment? hurrah!
j-mo, i love you. this woman sounds like a complete nutjob.
the screengrab of suede getting poo thrown at him? peed in my pants laughing.
ramsey returns to tv a week from tomorrow, so that's when i return to recapping!!!
xoxox hope your trip was fun!!
1 of 8 | Posted by AuJew | Posted on October 22, 2008 10:50 AM
At last I saw one of these!!!
Tabatha decides to play along, "Is she not listening? Obviously?" Too funny Tabby!
And when I say I watched it, you know, it was on in the backround and I kept hearing her say to stop crying. Overall it's a good show, but a bit predictable, but then, I'm getting it mostly from your wonderful recaps, which are orderly to the tee! (what does that mean anyway, I so often use those expressions and don't know . . . thank god I'm not on a reality show . . .
HEART J-mo!!!!
2 of 8 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on October 22, 2008 5:05 PM
OMG That woman was INSANE. J-Mo, I adore your recaps; I was at work whilst reading this and literally bust out laughing at the Pleather-Poo circle.
That little bitch Janice would have been fired the first day she fucked up if she worked where I was her boss. And Candolyn is crazy. No group of people calls you a liar for no reason and then she goes nuts talking about how "it's the button to push"?
That lady is *coo coo* but makes for excellent tv.
AuJew, what show are you recapping next week? Is Hell's Kitchen coming back?
3 of 8 | Posted by Pixiegal262 | Posted on October 22, 2008 6:54 PM
AuJew recaps Kitchen Nightmares. The next new episode is this Thursday. Fox has been screwy delaying it for several weeks due to the VP debate, a major league baseball game, for some reason they ran a repeat one week.
Hell's Kitchen season five has already been filmed they are doing the casting for season six this month.
4 of 8 | Posted by yeschef | Posted on October 23, 2008 8:45 AM
J-Mo;
Awes, as usual!
Expired McNuggets are just too funny! You can certainly keep that in your J-Mo-ism, even if you can't have politics.
That mural may not have worked or belonged in there, but I thought it was a pretty good representation of a tromp l'oeil just the same.
The Granny-Poo surrounding Suede was a hoot. I bet he was thinking "Suede doesn't find that funny"!
I just loved it when TabbyKat was ripping CandyLand about letting the staff run all over her. I would have had to say the same. Testify!
That awful green-y yellow-y paint as an accent wall? Aren't accent walls like SO 15 years ago?
I agree that there should have been at least one on-screen firing, or else Tab shouldn't have mentioned it each week. I thought for sure there would be one or more in there somewhere, but I was sadly disappointed. While I feel bad when people lose their jobs through no fault of their own, I have no sympathy for those who just can't (or won't) do their jobs - especially when it doesn't involve rocket surgery (LOVED that!). Just sayin'.
I'll miss Tabby - hopefully there will be a second season.
C U on Top Design!
Lots O' Love.
5 of 8 | Posted by arizonatom | Posted on October 23, 2008 9:09 PM
yeschef, it totally makes me smile that you know all that :o)
6 of 8 | Posted by AuJew | Posted on October 24, 2008 11:39 AM
I will miss this show and your recaps. I've always wondered if there were really people out there who behaved like this and apparently there are. I do think there should have been at least ONE firing, but probably several. Ah well, here's hoping for next season.
7 of 8 | Posted by Y3KPhenom | Posted on November 7, 2008 3:04 PM
I was so pissed for missing the season finale.
LOL come on now - they should have fired that chick Janice on the spot not give her probation. That is like giving OJ a 3rd chance!
I can't believe there are really REAL airheads in the world and she not even a blonde (maybe a former blonde) but not saying all blonde are airheads just some of them tend to be!!
Shoot as a Deaf consumer - I am about customer service is a must in order to make that money and get new business!
DAMN DAMN DAMN!
I hope Queen T comes back for a season 2 and come to the hood - because some of these salons/barbershop in GEORGIA especially in the Atlanta metro area could use her help!
8 of 8 | Posted by getdeafopinion | Posted on November 10, 2008 11:26 AM