Where was I? Oh yeah, Candolyn is crying, and Tabatha needs to confront her about the conflicting stories she's getting from everyone about what the problem with this place is. Me, I think they're all nutjobs, but Tabatha has a job to do (to make Candolyn cry even harder, apparently) and starts telling her about how the staff say she's all over the place, that she's crazy, that she's a liar. That last one really opens the floodgates...
"I am not a liar, but I am very tired of being called one!" she weeps. Tabatha wants to know why they call her that (and as I think about it, yeah, nobody has really said what exactly Candolyn lies to them about, you know?) and Candolyn laments "Because they know that pisses me off!... they know that's the button to push to make me shut up!"...
...wellll, constant sobbing does get a tad annoying...
"Why do they need a button to push you?" Tabatha wants to know. Candolyn sniffles, "Because they like it the way it is... they don't understand that the success of the salon sucks!" Inaccurately put, but I see her point. Tabatha forges ahead, "No disrespect Candolyn, but since I've been here you've cried a lot!... So, stop!"
Once again, the Sucky Stupidass Spirit Of Suede possesses her and she goes into Third-Person Mode and begins to address herself... "Yes... stop Candolyn, stop! I've been telling her that all day!" Uh-oh, I heard creepy circus-calliope music playing! Tabatha decides to play along, "Is she not listening? Obviously?" Candolyn agrees with both Tabatha and herself. Privately Tabatha interviews "Okay, I have to admit... that is pretty crazy!" Candolyn insists she's not crazy, she just has a thousand things going on in her head...
...I'm guessing at least 995 of those things are crazy...
"You know what, Tabatha? If I could stand on my head and sing 'Yankee Doodle Dandle' [sic] for them to get the message, I'd do it!" Dear God, she's weeping and crying and saying she feels like she's "losing it" in one breath, and in the next breath telling herself "It's gonna be okay." and now she's actually doing that weird laugh-cry thing... "Is there hope for me?" she beseeches Lady T, who rolls her eyes and says "If you have to ask me that question, that doesn't make me really confident!" she says.
That's enough for one day. Tabatha says she's not getting through to Candolyn, because the woman just won't stop playing the victim, so she's going to bring in "reinforcements" in the form of a psychologist by the name of Dr. Shirley Impellizzeri, who specializes in "workplace issues"... too bad she doesn't specialize in multiple-personality-disorder...
...Ooh, how 'bout a game of "Simon Says"?...
Dr. I wants to go around the circle and hear what everyone has to say... Wow, even useless Janice the Receptionista? Amazingly, the dumbass who can't figure out how to use an incredibly complicated device like the "Hold" button is critiquing Candolyn, saying she has a lot of great ideas but doesn't concentrate on one at a time. What a little bitch!
Chubbsy Chris says Candolyn needs to take a day off from doing hair once in a while and actually manage the salon. That's actually a good idea considering the mediocre job she did the day before by turning that pretty lady into a sleepy little boy.
Blondie Sheri says that when Candolyn is in a good mood, it's great, but when she's feeling stabby, everybody suffers... and Miss CandyLand jumps in here to say that the reason she winds up in a bad mood is that she often comes in and finds things still dirty from the night before, people haven't counted out the cash, or there's money missing... (ouch). "How many times do you tell someone the same thing over and over again? That's when I get scattered, I just go, 'Oh, you know what?... Hell with it!'... that's where I get my bad attitude!"
The Doc is trying to comprehend this reaction, "Sooooo, there's no consequence?" Candolyn concurs, "No, there isn't... except for my bad attitude." Ding!Ding!Ding!Ding!Ding!Ding!Ding! We have a winner, folks! Dr. Shirley correctly identifies this behavior as she tells Candolyn "Okay, well, that's passive-aggressive, that's not a consequence.... it's a pain to deal with, but it's not a consequence." Candolyn keeps agreeing with her and babbling over her as well.
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Comments (8)
ooh first comment? hurrah!
j-mo, i love you. this woman sounds like a complete nutjob.
the screengrab of suede getting poo thrown at him? peed in my pants laughing.
ramsey returns to tv a week from tomorrow, so that's when i return to recapping!!!
xoxox hope your trip was fun!!
1 of 8 | Posted by AuJew | Posted on October 22, 2008 10:50 AM
At last I saw one of these!!!
Tabatha decides to play along, "Is she not listening? Obviously?" Too funny Tabby!
And when I say I watched it, you know, it was on in the backround and I kept hearing her say to stop crying. Overall it's a good show, but a bit predictable, but then, I'm getting it mostly from your wonderful recaps, which are orderly to the tee! (what does that mean anyway, I so often use those expressions and don't know . . . thank god I'm not on a reality show . . .
HEART J-mo!!!!
2 of 8 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on October 22, 2008 5:05 PM
OMG That woman was INSANE. J-Mo, I adore your recaps; I was at work whilst reading this and literally bust out laughing at the Pleather-Poo circle.
That little bitch Janice would have been fired the first day she fucked up if she worked where I was her boss. And Candolyn is crazy. No group of people calls you a liar for no reason and then she goes nuts talking about how "it's the button to push"?
That lady is *coo coo* but makes for excellent tv.
AuJew, what show are you recapping next week? Is Hell's Kitchen coming back?
3 of 8 | Posted by Pixiegal262 | Posted on October 22, 2008 6:54 PM
AuJew recaps Kitchen Nightmares. The next new episode is this Thursday. Fox has been screwy delaying it for several weeks due to the VP debate, a major league baseball game, for some reason they ran a repeat one week.
Hell's Kitchen season five has already been filmed they are doing the casting for season six this month.
4 of 8 | Posted by yeschef | Posted on October 23, 2008 8:45 AM
J-Mo;
Awes, as usual!
Expired McNuggets are just too funny! You can certainly keep that in your J-Mo-ism, even if you can't have politics.
That mural may not have worked or belonged in there, but I thought it was a pretty good representation of a tromp l'oeil just the same.
The Granny-Poo surrounding Suede was a hoot. I bet he was thinking "Suede doesn't find that funny"!
I just loved it when TabbyKat was ripping CandyLand about letting the staff run all over her. I would have had to say the same. Testify!
That awful green-y yellow-y paint as an accent wall? Aren't accent walls like SO 15 years ago?
I agree that there should have been at least one on-screen firing, or else Tab shouldn't have mentioned it each week. I thought for sure there would be one or more in there somewhere, but I was sadly disappointed. While I feel bad when people lose their jobs through no fault of their own, I have no sympathy for those who just can't (or won't) do their jobs - especially when it doesn't involve rocket surgery (LOVED that!). Just sayin'.
I'll miss Tabby - hopefully there will be a second season.
C U on Top Design!
Lots O' Love.
5 of 8 | Posted by arizonatom | Posted on October 23, 2008 9:09 PM
yeschef, it totally makes me smile that you know all that :o)
6 of 8 | Posted by AuJew | Posted on October 24, 2008 11:39 AM
I will miss this show and your recaps. I've always wondered if there were really people out there who behaved like this and apparently there are. I do think there should have been at least ONE firing, but probably several. Ah well, here's hoping for next season.
7 of 8 | Posted by Y3KPhenom | Posted on November 7, 2008 3:04 PM
I was so pissed for missing the season finale.
LOL come on now - they should have fired that chick Janice on the spot not give her probation. That is like giving OJ a 3rd chance!
I can't believe there are really REAL airheads in the world and she not even a blonde (maybe a former blonde) but not saying all blonde are airheads just some of them tend to be!!
Shoot as a Deaf consumer - I am about customer service is a must in order to make that money and get new business!
DAMN DAMN DAMN!
I hope Queen T comes back for a season 2 and come to the hood - because some of these salons/barbershop in GEORGIA especially in the Atlanta metro area could use her help!
8 of 8 | Posted by getdeafopinion | Posted on November 10, 2008 11:26 AM