Time to check in with the employees and see what they think... one says the main problem is "management", and another pipes up that Kwanna has been known to be "unstable", and yet another seems to be very aware that they are in trouble as he believes they won't last another three months. Something tells me that taking down the eviction notices real fast wasn't enough to fool the grown adults working for Chris and Kwanna into thinking everything's peachy-weachy-hunky-dory... and that "unstable" comment worries me greatly...
We're about to get a taste of that as a teary-eyed Kwanna relates that about a year ago Chris left his job to come "help" her with her dream... because apparently mortgaging and maxing everything to the hilt just wasn't good enough, Chris needs to actually be there to bear witness to his wife pissing their money into the gutter. He was a survival instructor and trained Marines how to get out of ditched helicopters. And now he gets to watch queens and chubby girls fighting over who stole the other one's coloring brush (or boyfriend). I'm sure that's comfortable for him. Kwanna says "So now we're in here every day together and it's costing us our marriage!"
Okay, this is the one thing I absolutely could not understand about these two... your salon is hitting the skids, so instead of your hubby going to work at an outside job where he can be productive and, you know, bring in money, he has to stand around unpaid at your salon all day long. Plus you see each other 24/7, so you're always together, which is always great for a marriage (I'm sure Chris wants to have oodles of sex with Kwanna after watching her have 837 mini-breakdowns during the day). Sounds like a recipe for success! I'm surprised these two have lasted two weeks much less two years!
Tabatha comes back in a super-serious voiceover and says that 1 in 4 salons goes under within the first 4 years of business (I'm not surprised if dolts like these are the ones opening them) and TEN Salon could be next! Chris says it feels like everything they built could be gone tomorrow..... TabathaVoice™ comes back to say that the secret to turning a struggling salon into a thriving business is one week with her (and a team of construction professionals at her disposal)... she's gonna change everything, clean up the management, shake up the staff and transform every part of the salon... she says "I'm tough... I'm talented... and I'm TAKING OVER!!!"
...Tabatha... just as good as Gordon Ramsey... and Jesus...
Tabatha comes striding up to TEN Salon dressed in all black like an Angel Of Death and meets Chris and Kwanna. She gets right to the point, telling them she needs to see what their salon is like on a day-to-day basis and commands them to follow her. Chris looks like he's getting a woody from the possibility of a dominatrix session with someone other than Kwanna...
SALON UNDERCOVER
Tabatha tells Chris and Kwanna that apparently under their very noses she has had some "hidden cameras" installed. Then they flash to the "hidden cameras"...
..."hidden" as in "totally obvious"...
...and this is one of the really laughable parts of the show, because all of the "hidden camera" segments were obviously taken with a handheld camera crew in full view of their subjects, or they'd have all been static shots from high angles. But, whatever, we'll pretend to buy into this part of the fantasy. Tabatha also tells them that she sent "clients of her own" to the salon to see what happens. And by "clients" she literally means, um, two people.
Tabatha asks Kwanna to tell her what's going on. Kwanna says if you look at their financial statements you'll see "lack of cash flow" and "huge debt" (she doesn't throw in "complete ineptitude" for good measure, but Tabatha can connect the dots). Tabatha wonders if they're not getting the customer in, or if they're not retaining them. Chris pipes in "Both." Ouch. Kwanna thinks it's more a case of people not realizing how hard you have to work to keep your clients, and Tabatha right away nails her with "Soooo, you think it's your stylists' fault?" Kwanna's face is priceless...
..."Well, it certainly wouldn't be my fault..."...
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Comments (11)
J-Mo;
A stellar recap, as always. I peed a little bit reading about Chris being the NEGATIVE $1,000,000 man! Classic!
I also can't help but wonder if Lady T wouldn't have kept the frosted glass wall if instead of it being circular, it had had been squircangle shaped? Just saying.
Here's to a new season with a new reason to love Bravo! Keep up the good work (and try to get more rest)!
1 of 11 | Posted by arizonatom | Posted on August 25, 2008 6:22 PM
Hi-hi, (lol)
I loved the recap!
I wonder who's going to take over Tabatha's hair and make it over! But, I have to admit, she did a great job!
I thought Chris was a bit lazy guy.
I LOLed when Danny went to hug Lady T! and then, I LOLed again, reading your description!
Thanks for the good laughs!
Val
2 of 11 | Posted by detinha | Posted on August 25, 2008 7:24 PM
Haven't seen the show, but this was one of your best recaps ever. (Considering I'm straight and don't know squat about hairdressing, that says a lot.)
I was LOL about all that manual BS. Sounded like what so many of us have to (uselessly) endure in large companies.
3 of 11 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on August 26, 2008 10:05 AM
Loved the recap. So many laughs...The Lady T had her tear ducts surgically removed, so funny. And let's splurge and have mayo tonight..priceless.
Watching the show, I had a few problems with the "hidden camera footage" after seeing the "hidden cameras" and that it was filmed at eye level. Also, why Chris didn't get an actual job that pays real money so maybe they could have some Cheese Whiz with the mayo?
Lady T didn't disappoint with her jugular attacks and constructive bitchiness.
It always amazes me that totally clueless people make it so far in life before they self destruct.
Looking forward to more recaps.
4 of 11 | Posted by skies | Posted on August 26, 2008 10:29 AM
J-Mo, you are once again to blame for enticing me to watch yet another show. I never would have watched Shear Genius without you and yes, now I'm going to set the DVR to watch this one. You are just toooo danged funny!
It sounds like you've had a lot of experience with bosses like this. Poor thing! I've had one other micromanager and I just HATED it; now I have another. I spend half my day just trying to avoid her. Ugh. I always feel more successful when managers treat me like a competent professional, but now I'm stuck with this controlling beotch who clearly doesn't trust any of her employees -- except the uber suckups.
Thanks for the laughs -- I need them!
5 of 11 | Posted by zbird | Posted on August 26, 2008 3:25 PM
Hi J-Mo!! Laughing my arse off on my lunch break and trying to figure out how to e-mail this to my micromanaging macrobitch of a superviser without getting caught. Ah, well, I guess it's just a pleasant dream, and it's not like she'd recognize herself anyway. Keep up the funny recaps!!
6 of 11 | Posted by faatcaat | Posted on August 27, 2008 1:27 PM
I haven't even finished the recap yet, I just had to say THANK YOU for getting me hooked on the genius that is Shear Genius and the hilarity that is Bitchy Charlie. Thanks to TiVo and Bravo's new show lineup I won't have to worry about those pesky hours of downtime for MONTHS.
Tabitha is awesome. I love her. I want one. Clearly if I had a Tabitha my life would be in perfect order. Or at least my hair would be.
Kwanna was priceless and her ginger-giant of a husband was pretty funny too. Most hilarious of all though, as usual, was the recap.
Thanks for making my 9 to 5 fly by so I can rush home and, well, watch the shows I read about all day.
7 of 11 | Posted by Nemesiis | Posted on August 27, 2008 1:31 PM
as always, J-mo, thank you for your thorough recaps!!! Don't know if I'll watch, but I'll be reading! I do work in Burbank, so maybe I"ll try and catch that one . . . I'll let you know what I discover . . . XOXO
8 of 11 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on August 27, 2008 2:14 PM
hahahahaha loved it. this show is just like kitchen nightmares and it kills me. i will have to start saying "your inch is different from my inch" now as much as possible in everyday conversation. thanks for the laughs, jmo xo
9 of 11 | Posted by flipit | Posted on August 27, 2008 3:54 PM
"Because circles are a hard-ass idea to come up with."
lmao jmo I LOVE YOU. here is why:
1. tabatha was my favorite too and the combination of tabatha's snarkiness layered by yours is like chocolate hazelnut spread. on a hot guy.
2. every time you say "snap, head roll" i think of marie antoinette, the ultimate queen.
just as an fyi, i'm gonna have to tvgasm-stalk you and watch/read everything you recap. kthxbye.
xoxoxoxoxox let's stalk tabatha next and ask if we can be her bitchettes.
10 of 11 | Posted by mrsdaddytom | Posted on August 28, 2008 12:50 PM
arizonatom... thank you, you are so sweet!.. and the world needs more squircangles!
detinha... thanks for your kind compliments as always, and I agree, Chris is a douche!
fire@will... Wow, that's a really great compliment, thank you... and don't worry, I'm gay and I don't know a damn thing about hairdressing, either!
skies... yeah, that "hidden-camera" bullshit was pretty stupid, but still, it was a great show! Thanks for the kudos!
zbird... sorry to get you hooked on more silly reality TV shows, but this one is a gem I think... glad to have you along for the ride!
faatcaat... oh my, I've never helped anyone's arse come off before... I'll take that as a compliment... and I loved "micromanaging macrobitch", that's pretty damn clever! Thanks for reading!
Nemesiis... I'm happy to make the work day go by faster, just DON'T get caught and DON'T get fired! I agree, every home should have a Tabatha... and maybe at work, too!
juddfan... stay away from the Burbank salon featured next episode (recap to follow). No cute guys there anyhow! And thanks for your support as always!
flipit... hey, I've got an idea... let's compare inches sometime, okay? It'll be fun, and perhaps soon we'll be show sisters! Thanks for the love!
mrsdaddytom... OMG I LOVE chocolate hazelnut spread on a hot guy! You read my mind! You are so sweet, and you know where to find my writings here, cuz I'm doing "Top Design" starting next week! P.S. I think the world needs more of Tabatha & The Bitch-ettes!
love, J-Mo :)
11 of 11 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on August 30, 2008 4:44 PM