Chris douchily agrees with Kwanna's assessment. Tabatha looks aghast at this, and right away skewers him with "You're not a hairdresser... I'm assuming you know nothing about the hairdressing industry?" Chris admits this, and Kwanna tries to defend his role there by saying he's a "business owner" in the salon "acting as a manager". Lady T says there's a big difference between managing and micro-managing and flat-out asks Kwanna if she does that. Kwanna says she doesn't feel like she does... Tabatha asks Chris, and he says "I think so, yeah..." Here's Kwanna's reaction to that...
..."Ohhhh, you are so not getting any head the rest of this month, bucko..."...
Now it's time to watch the "hidden camera" footage... Tabatha Plant #1 approaches the front desk (which is surrounded by salon employees) and declares herself a "walk-in" and asks if they have anyone available. Front Desk girl frowns at her computer and lists off a bunch of stylists that the girl can't be seen by (why she does this, I have no clue) and says they will try to squeeze her in. TP#1 asks how long, and FD Girl lies and says "5 to 10 minutes?" Tabatha wastes no time in pointing out the five salon employees standing around doing nothing while a walk-in attempts to patronize their salon, how come no one can immediately take this girl? Kwanna and Chris have nothing to say. Let's go back to the train-wreck...
We cut to a stylist applying color goop to a client's head. Tabatha thinks it looks "a bit lumpy" which is apparently bad for color goop. This stylist is sloshing the crap all around the hairline and all over the client's face, and when Tabatha asks Kwanna if that looks right to her, she fires back "It's not how I do it..." Lady T fires back "It's how your staff do it..." Kwanna pretends that this is the first time she's noticing this and T continues "and you want to know why you have no clients, or they don't come back!" Sssssss, burn!
The next client they focus on is having an argument with her stylist over what the meaning of "2 inches" is, the stylist holds up her fingers at a space clearly larger than 2 inches, and the client insists that isn't 2 inches, and the stylist comes back with "Well, my inch is different than your inch!" Huh, and here I thought it was just gay guys in online chat rooms whose "inches" were all over the accuracy map, but apparently stylists have this problem, too. Tabatha is appalled that a client who obviously is "scissor-phobic" is being bulldozed in this fashion... and reveals that this is her other secret client! Kwanna looks like she could shit a cactus. Our T-girl perkily says "Isn't this fun?" and Kwanna glumly replies "No..." *sigh* Kwanna, honey, it's called sarcasm.
We're back to our Tabatha Plant #1, who's been waiting 15 minutes, and reapproaches the front desk. This time it's being (wo)manned by a queen. When TP#1 asks how much longer it's going to be, Queenella seems shocked that the girl hasn't been "checked in" yet (like she's staying at a hotel) and when TP#1 tries to tell him how long she's been waiting out there, the phone rings and without so much as an "Excuse me" Queenella completely ignores TP#1 in favor of answering it!...
..."W'sup girl? Ah, nothing, I just have some annoying customer bothering me about wanting her damned hair cut..."...
Not cute. Even worse, there is a latino stylist asking Queenella if he can cut TP#1's hair (you know, the service she wants to come and pay them to do) and Queenella minces over to a nearby computer and tells Latino Stylist that according to the computer it says "MISC" next to his name, which means Latino Stylist is "not cleared" to be able to do these services for her. Huh? How do you get hired at a salon with your Beauty School Diploma, and yet you're still "not cleared" to actually do anything?
Lady T thinks this is pretty stupid, too. Kwanna tries to backpedal and say that that Latino Stylist actually could cut TP#1's hair, but Tabatha points out that David (that's Queenella's name) won't let him because the computer says miscellaneous (and she rolls her eyes... shades of Über-Gay Paulo, and I LOVE it!).
Now it's been another 10 minutes of waiting for Tabatha Plant #1... Chris hopes she won't become a Walk-Out... right before she walks out. Tabatha is disgusted and says she's seen enough.... and demands the keys to the Salon.
THE TAKEOVER
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Comments (11)
J-Mo;
A stellar recap, as always. I peed a little bit reading about Chris being the NEGATIVE $1,000,000 man! Classic!
I also can't help but wonder if Lady T wouldn't have kept the frosted glass wall if instead of it being circular, it had had been squircangle shaped? Just saying.
Here's to a new season with a new reason to love Bravo! Keep up the good work (and try to get more rest)!
1 of 11 | Posted by arizonatom | Posted on August 25, 2008 6:22 PM
Hi-hi, (lol)
I loved the recap!
I wonder who's going to take over Tabatha's hair and make it over! But, I have to admit, she did a great job!
I thought Chris was a bit lazy guy.
I LOLed when Danny went to hug Lady T! and then, I LOLed again, reading your description!
Thanks for the good laughs!
Val
2 of 11 | Posted by detinha | Posted on August 25, 2008 7:24 PM
Haven't seen the show, but this was one of your best recaps ever. (Considering I'm straight and don't know squat about hairdressing, that says a lot.)
I was LOL about all that manual BS. Sounded like what so many of us have to (uselessly) endure in large companies.
3 of 11 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on August 26, 2008 10:05 AM
Loved the recap. So many laughs...The Lady T had her tear ducts surgically removed, so funny. And let's splurge and have mayo tonight..priceless.
Watching the show, I had a few problems with the "hidden camera footage" after seeing the "hidden cameras" and that it was filmed at eye level. Also, why Chris didn't get an actual job that pays real money so maybe they could have some Cheese Whiz with the mayo?
Lady T didn't disappoint with her jugular attacks and constructive bitchiness.
It always amazes me that totally clueless people make it so far in life before they self destruct.
Looking forward to more recaps.
4 of 11 | Posted by skies | Posted on August 26, 2008 10:29 AM
J-Mo, you are once again to blame for enticing me to watch yet another show. I never would have watched Shear Genius without you and yes, now I'm going to set the DVR to watch this one. You are just toooo danged funny!
It sounds like you've had a lot of experience with bosses like this. Poor thing! I've had one other micromanager and I just HATED it; now I have another. I spend half my day just trying to avoid her. Ugh. I always feel more successful when managers treat me like a competent professional, but now I'm stuck with this controlling beotch who clearly doesn't trust any of her employees -- except the uber suckups.
Thanks for the laughs -- I need them!
5 of 11 | Posted by zbird | Posted on August 26, 2008 3:25 PM
Hi J-Mo!! Laughing my arse off on my lunch break and trying to figure out how to e-mail this to my micromanaging macrobitch of a superviser without getting caught. Ah, well, I guess it's just a pleasant dream, and it's not like she'd recognize herself anyway. Keep up the funny recaps!!
6 of 11 | Posted by faatcaat | Posted on August 27, 2008 1:27 PM
I haven't even finished the recap yet, I just had to say THANK YOU for getting me hooked on the genius that is Shear Genius and the hilarity that is Bitchy Charlie. Thanks to TiVo and Bravo's new show lineup I won't have to worry about those pesky hours of downtime for MONTHS.
Tabitha is awesome. I love her. I want one. Clearly if I had a Tabitha my life would be in perfect order. Or at least my hair would be.
Kwanna was priceless and her ginger-giant of a husband was pretty funny too. Most hilarious of all though, as usual, was the recap.
Thanks for making my 9 to 5 fly by so I can rush home and, well, watch the shows I read about all day.
7 of 11 | Posted by Nemesiis | Posted on August 27, 2008 1:31 PM
as always, J-mo, thank you for your thorough recaps!!! Don't know if I'll watch, but I'll be reading! I do work in Burbank, so maybe I"ll try and catch that one . . . I'll let you know what I discover . . . XOXO
8 of 11 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on August 27, 2008 2:14 PM
hahahahaha loved it. this show is just like kitchen nightmares and it kills me. i will have to start saying "your inch is different from my inch" now as much as possible in everyday conversation. thanks for the laughs, jmo xo
9 of 11 | Posted by flipit | Posted on August 27, 2008 3:54 PM
"Because circles are a hard-ass idea to come up with."
lmao jmo I LOVE YOU. here is why:
1. tabatha was my favorite too and the combination of tabatha's snarkiness layered by yours is like chocolate hazelnut spread. on a hot guy.
2. every time you say "snap, head roll" i think of marie antoinette, the ultimate queen.
just as an fyi, i'm gonna have to tvgasm-stalk you and watch/read everything you recap. kthxbye.
xoxoxoxoxox let's stalk tabatha next and ask if we can be her bitchettes.
10 of 11 | Posted by mrsdaddytom | Posted on August 28, 2008 12:50 PM
arizonatom... thank you, you are so sweet!.. and the world needs more squircangles!
detinha... thanks for your kind compliments as always, and I agree, Chris is a douche!
fire@will... Wow, that's a really great compliment, thank you... and don't worry, I'm gay and I don't know a damn thing about hairdressing, either!
skies... yeah, that "hidden-camera" bullshit was pretty stupid, but still, it was a great show! Thanks for the kudos!
zbird... sorry to get you hooked on more silly reality TV shows, but this one is a gem I think... glad to have you along for the ride!
faatcaat... oh my, I've never helped anyone's arse come off before... I'll take that as a compliment... and I loved "micromanaging macrobitch", that's pretty damn clever! Thanks for reading!
Nemesiis... I'm happy to make the work day go by faster, just DON'T get caught and DON'T get fired! I agree, every home should have a Tabatha... and maybe at work, too!
juddfan... stay away from the Burbank salon featured next episode (recap to follow). No cute guys there anyhow! And thanks for your support as always!
flipit... hey, I've got an idea... let's compare inches sometime, okay? It'll be fun, and perhaps soon we'll be show sisters! Thanks for the love!
mrsdaddytom... OMG I LOVE chocolate hazelnut spread on a hot guy! You read my mind! You are so sweet, and you know where to find my writings here, cuz I'm doing "Top Design" starting next week! P.S. I think the world needs more of Tabatha & The Bitch-ettes!
love, J-Mo :)
11 of 11 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on August 30, 2008 4:44 PM