And now we come to Miss My-Inch-Is-Different-Than-Your-Inch (her name is actually Jennifer) who has an Afro-American client that wants to look like Rihanna in her asymmetrical "Good Girl Gone Bad" bob. After her initial consult Tabatha asks Jennifer what else she would ask the woman, and Jennifer dutifully recites The Protocol... Tabatha ain't havin' it and says "You don't need a script! I want some spirit, I wan't some love in it... Okay, go for it!" Jennifer just stands there staring at Tabatha and then her client and then back to Tabatha again and asks "Ummm, just repeat what you just said?...."
..."What page is this 'spirit and love' script on?"...
It's obvious that the girl has just plain vapor-locked, but jeez, this level of ineptitude is embarrassing. During the assessment Tabatha doesn't hold back as she says it looks like Jenifer screwed up the haircut, it's too square and the back looks "mannish". Weirdly enough, Jennifer doesn't cry over this. Hmmmmm.
Carey's coloring is called out for not being as dark as the client wanted it. Danny's cut is called too long and the coloring too blotchy. Even Kwanna's cut is derided for being "too heavy" but she insists that she's proud of what she did. Tabatha is inclined to disagree.
And then, Mr. Miscellaneous Latino Stylist (whose name is Luis) did the best job out of all of them! And he doesn't even have Kwanna's clearance to actually work on clients! Tabatha dismisses them all for the evening and notes that they are hungry to learn, and they want someone to teach them, not preach and throw scripts at them. Don't forget to throw in a little crazycrying, too, Lady T!
Tabatha sits down with Chris and Kwanna and breaks it down that the staff feel micromanaged and that there are too many rules... and Tabatha agrees with them! This prompts Kwanna to insist "We learned when we opened... you manage systems... you can't manage people!" Oh my GAWD, what planet is this woman from? Tabatha is pulling her own hair out by the roots and insists you can manage people. Well, I wouldn't call her style "managing" as much as I'd call it "intimidating" but you know, tomato, tomahto...
Tabatha asks them if they're ready to change things up... only Chris answers, "Let's do it." while Kwanna just cries some more. Tabatha has them hang out a minute while she leaves the room and she comes back with a giant paper shredder, and says it's time to get rid of the old rules, and they're going to have to shred the Revered & Exalted Manual. Kwanna seems to have some reservations about this...
..."This isn't the correct protocol for shredding manuals..."...
Kwanna shows just how deep her denial runs as she says "To shred the handbook was a little bit scary 'cuz it's been a good system for us..." Oh really? Is that why you're eating Chicken Of The Sea N Rice every breakfast lunch & dinner? Man, there should be a point at which Tabatha can just hit "EJECT" and Kwanna would be catapulted into the next zip code...
The next day Lady T shares with the rest of the staff the news that Kwanna and Chris have shredded the handbook... everybody claps (although most of them keep half a worried eye on Kwanna) and Tabatha says they're all going to start out fresh and new... by taking a field trip...
MARKETING MATTERS
The entire bunch of them wind up going all the way... to the sidewalk in front of the salon. Tabatha has chairs set up for them to be able to give free haircuts and market the salon. I bet Chris and Kwanna are freaking that they're losing an entire day's paltry cash flow to go out there and do all the same stuff for free, but hey, TEN Salon & Spa belongs to Tabatha now.
..."Couldn't we just charge, like five dollars??!?"... *shudder*...
Tabatha hands a bullhorn to Queenella David and tells him to go forth and market ye olde salone to thy people, which he promptly does, and annoys so many people that Bravo is forced to pay a bunch of extras to come in and pretend to be passers-by.
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Comments (11)
J-Mo;
A stellar recap, as always. I peed a little bit reading about Chris being the NEGATIVE $1,000,000 man! Classic!
I also can't help but wonder if Lady T wouldn't have kept the frosted glass wall if instead of it being circular, it had had been squircangle shaped? Just saying.
Here's to a new season with a new reason to love Bravo! Keep up the good work (and try to get more rest)!
1 of 11 | Posted by arizonatom | Posted on August 25, 2008 6:22 PM
Hi-hi, (lol)
I loved the recap!
I wonder who's going to take over Tabatha's hair and make it over! But, I have to admit, she did a great job!
I thought Chris was a bit lazy guy.
I LOLed when Danny went to hug Lady T! and then, I LOLed again, reading your description!
Thanks for the good laughs!
Val
2 of 11 | Posted by detinha | Posted on August 25, 2008 7:24 PM
Haven't seen the show, but this was one of your best recaps ever. (Considering I'm straight and don't know squat about hairdressing, that says a lot.)
I was LOL about all that manual BS. Sounded like what so many of us have to (uselessly) endure in large companies.
3 of 11 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on August 26, 2008 10:05 AM
Loved the recap. So many laughs...The Lady T had her tear ducts surgically removed, so funny. And let's splurge and have mayo tonight..priceless.
Watching the show, I had a few problems with the "hidden camera footage" after seeing the "hidden cameras" and that it was filmed at eye level. Also, why Chris didn't get an actual job that pays real money so maybe they could have some Cheese Whiz with the mayo?
Lady T didn't disappoint with her jugular attacks and constructive bitchiness.
It always amazes me that totally clueless people make it so far in life before they self destruct.
Looking forward to more recaps.
4 of 11 | Posted by skies | Posted on August 26, 2008 10:29 AM
J-Mo, you are once again to blame for enticing me to watch yet another show. I never would have watched Shear Genius without you and yes, now I'm going to set the DVR to watch this one. You are just toooo danged funny!
It sounds like you've had a lot of experience with bosses like this. Poor thing! I've had one other micromanager and I just HATED it; now I have another. I spend half my day just trying to avoid her. Ugh. I always feel more successful when managers treat me like a competent professional, but now I'm stuck with this controlling beotch who clearly doesn't trust any of her employees -- except the uber suckups.
Thanks for the laughs -- I need them!
5 of 11 | Posted by zbird | Posted on August 26, 2008 3:25 PM
Hi J-Mo!! Laughing my arse off on my lunch break and trying to figure out how to e-mail this to my micromanaging macrobitch of a superviser without getting caught. Ah, well, I guess it's just a pleasant dream, and it's not like she'd recognize herself anyway. Keep up the funny recaps!!
6 of 11 | Posted by faatcaat | Posted on August 27, 2008 1:27 PM
I haven't even finished the recap yet, I just had to say THANK YOU for getting me hooked on the genius that is Shear Genius and the hilarity that is Bitchy Charlie. Thanks to TiVo and Bravo's new show lineup I won't have to worry about those pesky hours of downtime for MONTHS.
Tabitha is awesome. I love her. I want one. Clearly if I had a Tabitha my life would be in perfect order. Or at least my hair would be.
Kwanna was priceless and her ginger-giant of a husband was pretty funny too. Most hilarious of all though, as usual, was the recap.
Thanks for making my 9 to 5 fly by so I can rush home and, well, watch the shows I read about all day.
7 of 11 | Posted by Nemesiis | Posted on August 27, 2008 1:31 PM
as always, J-mo, thank you for your thorough recaps!!! Don't know if I'll watch, but I'll be reading! I do work in Burbank, so maybe I"ll try and catch that one . . . I'll let you know what I discover . . . XOXO
8 of 11 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on August 27, 2008 2:14 PM
hahahahaha loved it. this show is just like kitchen nightmares and it kills me. i will have to start saying "your inch is different from my inch" now as much as possible in everyday conversation. thanks for the laughs, jmo xo
9 of 11 | Posted by flipit | Posted on August 27, 2008 3:54 PM
"Because circles are a hard-ass idea to come up with."
lmao jmo I LOVE YOU. here is why:
1. tabatha was my favorite too and the combination of tabatha's snarkiness layered by yours is like chocolate hazelnut spread. on a hot guy.
2. every time you say "snap, head roll" i think of marie antoinette, the ultimate queen.
just as an fyi, i'm gonna have to tvgasm-stalk you and watch/read everything you recap. kthxbye.
xoxoxoxoxox let's stalk tabatha next and ask if we can be her bitchettes.
10 of 11 | Posted by mrsdaddytom | Posted on August 28, 2008 12:50 PM
arizonatom... thank you, you are so sweet!.. and the world needs more squircangles!
detinha... thanks for your kind compliments as always, and I agree, Chris is a douche!
fire@will... Wow, that's a really great compliment, thank you... and don't worry, I'm gay and I don't know a damn thing about hairdressing, either!
skies... yeah, that "hidden-camera" bullshit was pretty stupid, but still, it was a great show! Thanks for the kudos!
zbird... sorry to get you hooked on more silly reality TV shows, but this one is a gem I think... glad to have you along for the ride!
faatcaat... oh my, I've never helped anyone's arse come off before... I'll take that as a compliment... and I loved "micromanaging macrobitch", that's pretty damn clever! Thanks for reading!
Nemesiis... I'm happy to make the work day go by faster, just DON'T get caught and DON'T get fired! I agree, every home should have a Tabatha... and maybe at work, too!
juddfan... stay away from the Burbank salon featured next episode (recap to follow). No cute guys there anyhow! And thanks for your support as always!
flipit... hey, I've got an idea... let's compare inches sometime, okay? It'll be fun, and perhaps soon we'll be show sisters! Thanks for the love!
mrsdaddytom... OMG I LOVE chocolate hazelnut spread on a hot guy! You read my mind! You are so sweet, and you know where to find my writings here, cuz I'm doing "Top Design" starting next week! P.S. I think the world needs more of Tabatha & The Bitch-ettes!
love, J-Mo :)
11 of 11 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on August 30, 2008 4:44 PM