Our stylin' & cryin' girl Jennifer is back on Lady T's radar regarding length to cut again... Tabatha tells her if a client only wants to take an inch off, but their hair is damaged on the ends and four inches really need to come off that she should be honest and tell the client that. Jennifer is kicking herself for not having thought of that to use as an excuse the day TP#2 showed up in her chair. Tabatha knows Jen could be a good stylist, she just needs some mentoring (and a good smack-down once in a while).
Our T-girl notes that Queenella David had everything under control, all of the stylists (Kwanna included) are busy... and the only one not doing anything is Chris.... so she takes this time to pull him aside and chat. She mentions how relaxed and less-uptight Kwanna seems when she's busy hairstyling "because let me tell you, your wife can have a stick up her ass sometimes!"
...Chris wonders if that's true then why aren't they getting to do any anal?...
She tells Chris he needs to find what it is that he really wants to do with himself, because it's obvious that the whole salon thing makes him uncomfortable and he's just not very good at it. Sneaky Tabatha! She's basically found a way to tell him "Go back to work at a real paying job so your ass doesn't wind up homeless!" but without violating his sense of manhood. Plus she throws in there that he and Kwanna will be a better married couple, which might be debatable seeing as Kwanna seems to run everything and Chris just does what he's told. But, hey, diff'rent strokes and all that...
It's the end of the day, everyone has done really well, Tabatha dismisses them for the evening and Six-Month Baby Stylist Danny goes for a kiss-ass move and thanks Tabatha profusely while opening his arms wide like he's gonna try to hug her. Oh Danny, you should know better, Lady T is not the warm fuzzy type and she stops his attempt cold by grabbing both of his hands...
...don't even try it Mr. Suck Up!...
The moment turns totally awkward and then Danny slinks away. Tabatha has a sour look and says "That was horrifying, I thought he was gonna hug me!" Bwahahahahaha, Baby Danny, you're so busted!
Back at TEN Salon & Spa, Tabatha has Chris and Kwanna captive again and says they've torn down a lot of walls so far, and now it's time to renovate and tear down the big circular wall so they can open up the salon to the outside world. They look less than thrilled with this idea, but half-heartedly agree with her. Tabatha leaves them and returns with.... a chainsaw?!??!?! Oh my GOD, wouldn't that be totally dangerous to shove a chainsaw through a glass wall? I mean, Tabatha has some safety glasses, and now Kwanna has a hard hat, but is she serious? Chris is so totally flabbergasted he won't even touch the chainsaw...
..."Just imagine it's my head you're cutting off of my shoulders, Chris!"...
She insists he take it and after some hemming and hawing with Kwanna he actually goes so far as to attempt to start the chainsaw... and that's when Tabatha finally relents and says "It's all right big boy... I'm just kidding, I've got another tool for you..." as she takes the chainsaw away and comes back with a wrench and screwdriver so they can just take the panel apart (there is a work station in the way). LOL, Tabatha, you kinda made him look like a tool, too. Don't think that wasn't by design, either. She asks them if they're feeling liberated, and Kwanna interviews that she just felt nauseous. I know, circles are hard to let go of once you've been seduced by their powerful shapeyness...
Once the station is removed and that section of wall is taken down, it is clear that Chris and Kwanna are worn out, and Tabatha (not unkindly) notices this as well and tells them that they've taken a big step, and that she's going to finish it all for them. They look frightened as hell, but it's too late to turn it back now. I'm sure contracts have already been signed.
Cue the fast-motion montage of carpenters and electricians and various other construction-type people (it's obvious I have no clue who else would need to work on redesigning office space). And now it's time for...
THE REOPENING
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Comments (11)
J-Mo;
A stellar recap, as always. I peed a little bit reading about Chris being the NEGATIVE $1,000,000 man! Classic!
I also can't help but wonder if Lady T wouldn't have kept the frosted glass wall if instead of it being circular, it had had been squircangle shaped? Just saying.
Here's to a new season with a new reason to love Bravo! Keep up the good work (and try to get more rest)!
1 of 11 | Posted by arizonatom | Posted on August 25, 2008 6:22 PM
Hi-hi, (lol)
I loved the recap!
I wonder who's going to take over Tabatha's hair and make it over! But, I have to admit, she did a great job!
I thought Chris was a bit lazy guy.
I LOLed when Danny went to hug Lady T! and then, I LOLed again, reading your description!
Thanks for the good laughs!
Val
2 of 11 | Posted by detinha | Posted on August 25, 2008 7:24 PM
Haven't seen the show, but this was one of your best recaps ever. (Considering I'm straight and don't know squat about hairdressing, that says a lot.)
I was LOL about all that manual BS. Sounded like what so many of us have to (uselessly) endure in large companies.
3 of 11 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on August 26, 2008 10:05 AM
Loved the recap. So many laughs...The Lady T had her tear ducts surgically removed, so funny. And let's splurge and have mayo tonight..priceless.
Watching the show, I had a few problems with the "hidden camera footage" after seeing the "hidden cameras" and that it was filmed at eye level. Also, why Chris didn't get an actual job that pays real money so maybe they could have some Cheese Whiz with the mayo?
Lady T didn't disappoint with her jugular attacks and constructive bitchiness.
It always amazes me that totally clueless people make it so far in life before they self destruct.
Looking forward to more recaps.
4 of 11 | Posted by skies | Posted on August 26, 2008 10:29 AM
J-Mo, you are once again to blame for enticing me to watch yet another show. I never would have watched Shear Genius without you and yes, now I'm going to set the DVR to watch this one. You are just toooo danged funny!
It sounds like you've had a lot of experience with bosses like this. Poor thing! I've had one other micromanager and I just HATED it; now I have another. I spend half my day just trying to avoid her. Ugh. I always feel more successful when managers treat me like a competent professional, but now I'm stuck with this controlling beotch who clearly doesn't trust any of her employees -- except the uber suckups.
Thanks for the laughs -- I need them!
5 of 11 | Posted by zbird | Posted on August 26, 2008 3:25 PM
Hi J-Mo!! Laughing my arse off on my lunch break and trying to figure out how to e-mail this to my micromanaging macrobitch of a superviser without getting caught. Ah, well, I guess it's just a pleasant dream, and it's not like she'd recognize herself anyway. Keep up the funny recaps!!
6 of 11 | Posted by faatcaat | Posted on August 27, 2008 1:27 PM
I haven't even finished the recap yet, I just had to say THANK YOU for getting me hooked on the genius that is Shear Genius and the hilarity that is Bitchy Charlie. Thanks to TiVo and Bravo's new show lineup I won't have to worry about those pesky hours of downtime for MONTHS.
Tabitha is awesome. I love her. I want one. Clearly if I had a Tabitha my life would be in perfect order. Or at least my hair would be.
Kwanna was priceless and her ginger-giant of a husband was pretty funny too. Most hilarious of all though, as usual, was the recap.
Thanks for making my 9 to 5 fly by so I can rush home and, well, watch the shows I read about all day.
7 of 11 | Posted by Nemesiis | Posted on August 27, 2008 1:31 PM
as always, J-mo, thank you for your thorough recaps!!! Don't know if I'll watch, but I'll be reading! I do work in Burbank, so maybe I"ll try and catch that one . . . I'll let you know what I discover . . . XOXO
8 of 11 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on August 27, 2008 2:14 PM
hahahahaha loved it. this show is just like kitchen nightmares and it kills me. i will have to start saying "your inch is different from my inch" now as much as possible in everyday conversation. thanks for the laughs, jmo xo
9 of 11 | Posted by flipit | Posted on August 27, 2008 3:54 PM
"Because circles are a hard-ass idea to come up with."
lmao jmo I LOVE YOU. here is why:
1. tabatha was my favorite too and the combination of tabatha's snarkiness layered by yours is like chocolate hazelnut spread. on a hot guy.
2. every time you say "snap, head roll" i think of marie antoinette, the ultimate queen.
just as an fyi, i'm gonna have to tvgasm-stalk you and watch/read everything you recap. kthxbye.
xoxoxoxoxox let's stalk tabatha next and ask if we can be her bitchettes.
10 of 11 | Posted by mrsdaddytom | Posted on August 28, 2008 12:50 PM
arizonatom... thank you, you are so sweet!.. and the world needs more squircangles!
detinha... thanks for your kind compliments as always, and I agree, Chris is a douche!
fire@will... Wow, that's a really great compliment, thank you... and don't worry, I'm gay and I don't know a damn thing about hairdressing, either!
skies... yeah, that "hidden-camera" bullshit was pretty stupid, but still, it was a great show! Thanks for the kudos!
zbird... sorry to get you hooked on more silly reality TV shows, but this one is a gem I think... glad to have you along for the ride!
faatcaat... oh my, I've never helped anyone's arse come off before... I'll take that as a compliment... and I loved "micromanaging macrobitch", that's pretty damn clever! Thanks for reading!
Nemesiis... I'm happy to make the work day go by faster, just DON'T get caught and DON'T get fired! I agree, every home should have a Tabatha... and maybe at work, too!
juddfan... stay away from the Burbank salon featured next episode (recap to follow). No cute guys there anyhow! And thanks for your support as always!
flipit... hey, I've got an idea... let's compare inches sometime, okay? It'll be fun, and perhaps soon we'll be show sisters! Thanks for the love!
mrsdaddytom... OMG I LOVE chocolate hazelnut spread on a hot guy! You read my mind! You are so sweet, and you know where to find my writings here, cuz I'm doing "Top Design" starting next week! P.S. I think the world needs more of Tabatha & The Bitch-ettes!
love, J-Mo :)
11 of 11 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on August 30, 2008 4:44 PM