I've previously established that Scott needs a life coach in order to help cure him of his commitment issues and lead him on his way to proposing to his girlfriend. I've also established that I don't have a TV and have to watch all my shows in the Sears electronics department. Now that we're all caught up, let's get on with the show while Mark from the plasma department rubs my feet.

The potential life coaches Scott interviews vary from a clairvoyant who uses sunglasses to generate feelings to a woman who practices "body feng shui" (moves body parts from one place to another), and finally a slut in a red dress who offered to work "intimately with Scott" and added that there's "nothing she wouldn't do." I think they're hiring that kind of "life coach" out in Vegas, you hussy. Sounds like that might be more your bag. Plus, the Bellagio allows pets, so you can bring along those two small Chihuahuas you've stuffed your bra with.

Now watch as I demonstrate moving my foot into my mouth

Finally, Scott meets Doc Ali, the only half decent life coach available. Based on her answering "yes" to Scott's question, "Are you normal?" and the fact that she has previously worked with professional athletes, Scott decides she is the life coach for the job. He's pleased because he has finally found a life coach, and I am pleased because deep down inside I'm hoping she was the life coach responsible for Kobe Bryant and Alex Rodriquez's relationships, in which case we are in for a real treat!

Scott has to break the news to his girlfriend Renee that he has to go visit all of his exes and then adds that he can't see Renee for 8 weeks; doctors orders. All this bad news on their "one and a half year anniversary", no less. One and a half year anniversary? Are you kidding me? No wonder Scott has such issues. His girlfriend's clocking his relationship on middle school time.

Scott explains the life coach situation to Renee. Now, I make a habit to never mock the deceased, but Renee responds with what can only be described as a dead on Anna Nicole Smith sounding, "A whaaaaat?" Southern twang and all. I make Mark from Sears replay her response over and over again until the two of us become giddy with laughter. (If you have Tivo, I highly reccomend you try this). Renee finally begins to realize what Scott is saying and agrees to Doc Ali's terms, coincidentally at the very same moment that Sears Mark and I agree that VH1 produces the most fabulous shows on television. And by fabulous I mean God awful.

Scott meets up with Johnny Leftovers and the gang to tell them about his new life coach, and when he mentions that part of his deal with Doc Ali is that he'll have to be celibate for 8 weeks, Johnny Leftovers starts taking wagers on Scott's success, setting the over/under at 4 weeks. It's like my Grannie used to say, "they're not real friends unless they're taking bets on how quickly you'll ruin your life." God bless you, Johnny Leftovers.

STOP BETTING ON ME!!! WAA!