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Recap: Scott Baio is 45 and Single: A Bumpy Ride - TVgasm

by Dr. McSteeny

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THEN, in what will likely be considered the most embarrassing moment in VH1 history (second being Screech getting physically threatened by one of the Celebrity Fit Club judges, and third being Brett Michaels claiming he is an actual rock star), Joanie announces that part of her relationship problem with Scott was that he had a small pee pee. Bitter ex revenge at it's finest. I really don't like this Erin person. I've decided she is the reason for all of Scott's problems. I wish Scott would have brought KFC to their meeting. And laced it with cianide.

Anyway, as if the little pee pee allegation wasn't humiliating enough, Erin goes on to suggest that Scott begged for her not to leave when she broke up with him, pleading, "I'll grow, I'll grow." Good lord woman, have you no couth!? What kind of a person makes statements like that on national television!? What kind of trauma must one sustain to feel it necessary to belittle another human being to such a degree!?

Erin suggests that Scott's other problem is that he doesn't "like people." Finally! Scott and I have something in common. Erin suggests that Scott do an autograph signing to help this issue. Scott really doesn't want to go, but he does anyway and brings Johnny Leftovers with him. (Incidentally the picture of himself that Scott is signing features him wearing a corduroy jacket. God is so cruel in his ironies). Johnny Leftovers comes in twenty minutes later to drag Scott out of there (as instructed by Scott) at which point Erin gets an attitude with Johnny. Johnny tells Erin she is being rude and Erin replies, "You got it, dude." Ah, the Michelle Tanner retort. Vicious. Seems like Erin needs her own life coach. That settles it.

Dr. McSteeny's Diagnosis: Erin Moran is suffering from post traumatic stress disorder. Ms. Moran appears to be having delusional episodes in connection with her first experience with sexual intercourse. Symptoms include irrational and often cruel lashing out in the midst of confrontation. Ms. Moran shows signs of stiffness in her upper and lower jaw (no scratch that, that's just the way she smiles). No prescription required, however, investigate possible allergic reaction to corduroy.


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Posted by Dr. McSteeny on July 17, 2007 12:00 AM

Comments

Oh, my God, this show is such a train wreck. Some people have absolutely no shame whatsoever.

Just when I thought it was too late in the summer to have a summer "guilty pleasure!"

Posted by: mandymax [TypeKey Profile Page] | July 17, 2007 5:40 AM(#1 of 13)

"No wonder Scott has such issues. His girlfriend's clocking his relationship on middle school time."
Brillo!

Erin Moran is the most bitter person I've seen- no scratch that, Screech holds that tarnished trophy, but Moran (what an appropriate last name) runs a close 2nd. I heard she was broke and practically living in her car for a while. Perhaps she's lashing out at Scotty because no one would pay to see why Erin Moran is on the Downside of 40...and Bitter As Hell.

Johnny Leftovers...HAH! I've been laughing about that since last week. Keep it up, Dr. Your recaps keep my week going.

Posted by: Shaz [TypeKey Profile Page] | July 17, 2007 5:45 AM(#2 of 13)

You forgot about the weird argument between Joanie and Johnny Leftovers!
I found Scott, even his voiceovers, pretty amusing - dig how he hates being called Chachi, hates H Days reunion stuff...and yet he calls the Fonz for advice! Aww!

Posted by: c-rock [TypeKey Profile Page] | July 17, 2007 9:27 AM(#3 of 13)

I slightly mentioned the fight between Joanie and Johnny- when I mentioned the Michelle Tanner (Olsen twin) retort. Perhaps I should have elaborated. I'll do better next time. I'm still a rookie :)

As always, the complimentary commentary is MUCH APPRECIATED!! Looking foward to next week.

Posted by: McSteeny [TypeKey Profile Page] | July 17, 2007 9:08 PM(#4 of 13)

Really funny recap, McSteeny. I loved how Johnny's myspace page notes that his motto is something like life being like a movie, pass the popcorn. This being the popcorn bet that you won. How appropriate. Great job.

Posted by: may1 [TypeKey Profile Page] | July 18, 2007 10:30 AM(#5 of 13)

May1-

I know, I noticed the popcorn thing too and bugged out! It's like the popcorn was MEANT to be mine. Too funny. Thanks for noticing such things, and please try to avoid stalking Johnny Leftovers now that you have his myspace info.

Posted by: McSteeny [TypeKey Profile Page] | July 18, 2007 2:21 PM(#6 of 13)

OMG! After reading TVgasm for a few years - and never posting a comment - I have finally read something that made me sign up! I LOVE these recaps! Living overseas keeps me from seeing a lot of shows, so I keep in touch this way. This show DOES sound like a train wreck, but it makes for a hilarious recap opportunity! Love the Johnny Leftovers tag - and when I clicked on the link, he was actually online! Quelle Horror!! I ran like a frightened child to get back to the TVgasm link (but not before I read his favorites - oy, vey!) While the JL tag ALMOST got my off my tail to sign up last week, after I read the Michelle Tanner reference, I knew I couldn't resist any longer! I completely forgot about that response - and how appropriate for you to use it. Long live McSteeny - and popcorn at Sears!

Posted by: kdfinjapan [TypeKey Profile Page] | July 18, 2007 3:04 PM(#7 of 13)

Dear kdfinjapan,

I don't know who you are but I love you.

Yours forever,
D. McSteeny

Posted by: McSteeny [TypeKey Profile Page] | July 18, 2007 8:28 PM(#8 of 13)

Geez.....Scott Baio is such a washed up has been. Who the hell cares that he's 45 and single? That would describe half of America!


And what the hell happened to Joanie? Aging has not done her any favors. Bitterness must put years on you....

Posted by: ziggychk [TypeKey Profile Page] | July 19, 2007 6:54 AM(#9 of 13)

Joannie was never cute - but damn you're right -she's a hag.

Great recap McSteeny. Love the whole Sears thing. :)

Posted by: TinkerbellAPixie [TypeKey Profile Page] | July 19, 2007 4:54 PM(#10 of 13)

Great recap, McSteeny!! I was saying on the forum last week or so that nothing could make this show better than a cameo by Clint Howard, and oh my God, they sure succeeded. I also loved when Joanie was all like, "I love Happy Days!" and Chachi awkwardly answered, "Yep...you always have..." and made finger guns at her. This show will be wonderful.

Posted by: Bailey Quarters [TypeKey Profile Page] | July 20, 2007 12:50 AM(#11 of 13)

"Do they really want to start drawing similarities between the relationships of Scott Baio and the staged breakups of Lauren Conrad's little sister? "

breanna conrad didnt have any breakups during the show. thanks.

Posted by: kevintheomanharris [TypeKey Profile Page] | July 20, 2007 6:12 AM(#12 of 13)

the cartoon beginning of the show makes me like chachi...then the rest of the show just makes me feel sorry for this ass-bag.

tis true that your relationships aren't exactly poised for success when your criteria for a mate are her hair color and dimensions. what a tool.

if i was erin moran i'd be traumatized by the greasy chump that boned a couch instead of deflowering me. i mean really. she's allowed to hold some resentment...though granted it shouldn't all be in her face.

hey kevintheoman...baio still has time to date then break up with breanna conrad in her post-playboy/cocaine-ridden early 20s. he's not dead yet.

Posted by: k37744 [TypeKey Profile Page] | July 22, 2007 8:13 AM(#13 of 13)

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