Before we watch this season of Scott Baio is 45 and Single, Scott wants us to know that everything we're about to see for the next 8 weeks is real. Isn't that the disclaimer they flash on the screen at the beginning of Laguna Beach? Is this REALLY the preface VH1 wants to lead with? Do they really want to start drawing similarities between the relationships of Scott Baio and the staged breakups of Lauren Conrad's little sister?
What could a 45 year old man possibly have in common with a bunch of teenagers who have everything in life handed to them while they waste time goofing off and driving around in fancy cars thinking the world cares about where their lives are headed? (Cue scene of Scott Baio driving his Range Rover through California in an American Eagle t-shirt.) Oh, wait. Never mind...
I've previously established that Scott needs a life coach in order to help cure him of his commitment issues and lead him on his way to proposing to his girlfriend. I've also established that I don't have a TV and have to watch all my shows in the Sears electronics department. Now that we're all caught up, let's get on with the show while Mark from the plasma department rubs my feet.
The potential life coaches Scott interviews vary from a clairvoyant who uses sunglasses to generate feelings to a woman who practices "body feng shui" (moves body parts from one place to another), and finally a slut in a red dress who offered to work "intimately with Scott" and added that there's "nothing she wouldn't do." I think they're hiring that kind of "life coach" out in Vegas, you hussy. Sounds like that might be more your bag. Plus, the Bellagio allows pets, so you can bring along those two small Chihuahuas you've stuffed your bra with.
Now watch as I demonstrate moving my foot into my mouth
Finally, Scott meets Doc Ali, the only half decent life coach available. Based on her answering "yes" to Scott's question, "Are you normal?" and the fact that she has previously worked with professional athletes, Scott decides she is the life coach for the job. He's pleased because he has finally found a life coach, and I am pleased because deep down inside I'm hoping she was the life coach responsible for Kobe Bryant and Alex Rodriquez's relationships, in which case we are in for a real treat!
Scott has to break the news to his girlfriend Renee that he has to go visit all of his exes and then adds that he can't see Renee for 8 weeks; doctors orders. All this bad news on their "one and a half year anniversary", no less. One and a half year anniversary? Are you kidding me? No wonder Scott has such issues. His girlfriend's clocking his relationship on middle school time.
Scott explains the life coach situation to Renee. Now, I make a habit to never mock the deceased, but Renee responds with what can only be described as a dead on Anna Nicole Smith sounding, "A whaaaaat?" Southern twang and all. I make Mark from Sears replay her response over and over again until the two of us become giddy with laughter. (If you have Tivo, I highly reccomend you try this). Renee finally begins to realize what Scott is saying and agrees to Doc Ali's terms, coincidentally at the very same moment that Sears Mark and I agree that VH1 produces the most fabulous shows on television. And by fabulous I mean God awful.
Scott meets up with Johnny Leftovers and the gang to tell them about his new life coach, and when he mentions that part of his deal with Doc Ali is that he'll have to be celibate for 8 weeks, Johnny Leftovers starts taking wagers on Scott's success, setting the over/under at 4 weeks. It's like my Grannie used to say, "they're not real friends unless they're taking bets on how quickly you'll ruin your life." God bless you, Johnny Leftovers.
STOP BETTING ON ME!!! WAA!
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Comments (13)
Oh, my God, this show is such a train wreck. Some people have absolutely no shame whatsoever.
Just when I thought it was too late in the summer to have a summer "guilty pleasure!"
1 of 13 | Posted by mandymax![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on July 17, 2007 5:40 AM
"No wonder Scott has such issues. His girlfriend's clocking his relationship on middle school time."
Brillo!
Erin Moran is the most bitter person I've seen- no scratch that, Screech holds that tarnished trophy, but Moran (what an appropriate last name) runs a close 2nd. I heard she was broke and practically living in her car for a while. Perhaps she's lashing out at Scotty because no one would pay to see why Erin Moran is on the Downside of 40...and Bitter As Hell.
Johnny Leftovers...HAH! I've been laughing about that since last week. Keep it up, Dr. Your recaps keep my week going.
2 of 13 | Posted by Shaz![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on July 17, 2007 5:45 AM
You forgot about the weird argument between Joanie and Johnny Leftovers!
I found Scott, even his voiceovers, pretty amusing - dig how he hates being called Chachi, hates H Days reunion stuff...and yet he calls the Fonz for advice! Aww!
3 of 13 | Posted by c-rock![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on July 17, 2007 9:27 AM
I slightly mentioned the fight between Joanie and Johnny- when I mentioned the Michelle Tanner (Olsen twin) retort. Perhaps I should have elaborated. I'll do better next time. I'm still a rookie :)
As always, the complimentary commentary is MUCH APPRECIATED!! Looking foward to next week.
4 of 13 | Posted by McSteeny![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on July 17, 2007 9:08 PM
Really funny recap, McSteeny. I loved how Johnny's myspace page notes that his motto is something like life being like a movie, pass the popcorn. This being the popcorn bet that you won. How appropriate. Great job.
5 of 13 | Posted by may1![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on July 18, 2007 10:30 AM
May1-
I know, I noticed the popcorn thing too and bugged out! It's like the popcorn was MEANT to be mine. Too funny. Thanks for noticing such things, and please try to avoid stalking Johnny Leftovers now that you have his myspace info.
6 of 13 | Posted by McSteeny![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on July 18, 2007 2:21 PM
OMG! After reading TVgasm for a few years - and never posting a comment - I have finally read something that made me sign up! I LOVE these recaps! Living overseas keeps me from seeing a lot of shows, so I keep in touch this way. This show DOES sound like a train wreck, but it makes for a hilarious recap opportunity! Love the Johnny Leftovers tag - and when I clicked on the link, he was actually online! Quelle Horror!! I ran like a frightened child to get back to the TVgasm link (but not before I read his favorites - oy, vey!) While the JL tag ALMOST got my off my tail to sign up last week, after I read the Michelle Tanner reference, I knew I couldn't resist any longer! I completely forgot about that response - and how appropriate for you to use it. Long live McSteeny - and popcorn at Sears!
7 of 13 | Posted by kdfinjapan![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on July 18, 2007 3:04 PM
Dear kdfinjapan,
I don't know who you are but I love you.
Yours forever,
D. McSteeny
8 of 13 | Posted by McSteeny![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on July 18, 2007 8:28 PM
Geez.....Scott Baio is such a washed up has been. Who the hell cares that he's 45 and single? That would describe half of America!
And what the hell happened to Joanie? Aging has not done her any favors. Bitterness must put years on you....
9 of 13 | Posted by ziggychk![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on July 19, 2007 6:54 AM
Joannie was never cute - but damn you're right -she's a hag.
Great recap McSteeny. Love the whole Sears thing. :)
10 of 13 | Posted by TinkerbellAPixie![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on July 19, 2007 4:54 PM
Great recap, McSteeny!! I was saying on the forum last week or so that nothing could make this show better than a cameo by Clint Howard, and oh my God, they sure succeeded. I also loved when Joanie was all like, "I love Happy Days!" and Chachi awkwardly answered, "Yep...you always have..." and made finger guns at her. This show will be wonderful.
11 of 13 | Posted by Bailey Quarters![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on July 20, 2007 12:50 AM
"Do they really want to start drawing similarities between the relationships of Scott Baio and the staged breakups of Lauren Conrad's little sister? "
breanna conrad didnt have any breakups during the show. thanks.
12 of 13 | Posted by kevintheomanharris![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on July 20, 2007 6:12 AM
the cartoon beginning of the show makes me like chachi...then the rest of the show just makes me feel sorry for this ass-bag.
tis true that your relationships aren't exactly poised for success when your criteria for a mate are her hair color and dimensions. what a tool.
if i was erin moran i'd be traumatized by the greasy chump that boned a couch instead of deflowering me. i mean really. she's allowed to hold some resentment...though granted it shouldn't all be in her face.
hey kevintheoman...baio still has time to date then break up with breanna conrad in her post-playboy/cocaine-ridden early 20s. he's not dead yet.
13 of 13 | Posted by k37744![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on July 22, 2007 8:13 AM