Scott heads to see his agent about a new movie part he wants to audition for, which would require the ability to ride horses. Johnny Leftovers is sitting in the meeting with Scott and the agent. I'd say this seemed odd, but the truth is that it didn't. I guess that's one of the perks of being a five foot four, balding, 47 year old single man in a red argyle vest: No matter how ridiculous or inappropriate your actions are, they somehow come across as fitting. Johnny Leftovers chimes in with, "I can ride horses." Scott says Johnny has to go before he starts giving out the link to his Myspace page.
At this point I make a small wager with Manuel from Housewares. I have two theories. If either one of them proves to be true, I win. If both prove to be false, Manuel wins. The wager is as follows: I win, he plugs in the Westinghouse microwave and cooks my popcorn; he wins and I stop asking him to put his job on the line for the sake of my appetite. Here are my two theories: 1. Johnny Leftovers' horse riding abilities are attributable to being a stand in for Tobey McGuire in Sea biscuit. And 2. Johnny Leftovers actually DOES have a Myspace page. Wanna know who won? Click here. Mmmm...popcorn....
The first step on Scott's road to commitment is to visit a girl named Susie he dated in his twenties. Susie was the first woman Scott ever had real feelings for. But where can he find her number after all these years? Who would have kept it long after Scott was through with her? Johnny Leftovers, that's who. Is there a better feeling in the world than having a person live up to the obnoxious name you've given them behind their back? Possibly, but I doubt it.
On the car ride to Susie's house Scott decides he shouldn't show up empty handed, so he picks up some KFC to bring over. I can't speak for everyone, but I can't imagine anything more flattering than my college boyfriend showing up at my doorstep with a bucket of original recipe chicken. Why don't you just spray paint "FAT ASS" on my car and be done with it?
I remembered how much you like chicken, Susie...and you remember how much I like thighs, don't you?
Susie's daughter answers the door wearing weird sleeve things. They are red plaid long sleeves which are detached from the shirt they were once a part of. The sleeves are then paired with a completely different short sleeve shirt altogether. Perhaps this is a strange California trend with which I am unfamiliar. Perhaps Susie's daughter is attending the Britney Spears School of Atrociously Mismatched Clothing. I ponder the two possibilities for a moment while the kid hops around the kitchen like a bunny, and then decide that Susie's daughter is just one of those weird chubby kids. I suddenly feel sorry for Susie. First Scott Baio dumps her and then she winds up with a weird fatty for a daughter. Some people just have no luck.
We'll see this look on Scott later this season
Next, Scott has his second meeting with Doc Ali, who asks Scott about losing his virginity. Scott shocks us all by announcing that he lost his virginity to fellow Happy Days actress Erin Moran. (The Joanie to Scott's Chachi.) Doc Ali is almost speechless as Scott continues, "Yeah, Joanie really DID love Chachi- like I haven't heard THAT one before." Dammit, now I need a new joke.
I almost feel defeated when suddenly Scotts starts telling Doc Ali that when he lost his virginity to Erin, he spent the first 10 minutes accidentally humping the corduroy couch instead of Erin herself. Now listen, I've heard some pretty bad "losing your virginity" stories in my life. I think we all have. But it's a sad day in Terribletown when a young man mistakes a vagina for synthetic fibers (shaking head). 'Nuff said.
That's not iiiiit!!
THEN, in what will likely be considered the most embarrassing moment in VH1 history (second being Screech getting physically threatened by one of the Celebrity Fit Club judges, and third being Brett Michaels claiming he is an actual rock star), Joanie announces that part of her relationship problem with Scott was that he had a small pee pee. Bitter ex revenge at it's finest. I really don't like this Erin person. I've decided she is the reason for all of Scott's problems. I wish Scott would have brought KFC to their meeting. And laced it with cianide.
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Comments (13)
Oh, my God, this show is such a train wreck. Some people have absolutely no shame whatsoever.
Just when I thought it was too late in the summer to have a summer "guilty pleasure!"
1 of 13 | Posted by mandymax
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Posted on July 17, 2007 5:40 AM
"No wonder Scott has such issues. His girlfriend's clocking his relationship on middle school time."
Brillo!
Erin Moran is the most bitter person I've seen- no scratch that, Screech holds that tarnished trophy, but Moran (what an appropriate last name) runs a close 2nd. I heard she was broke and practically living in her car for a while. Perhaps she's lashing out at Scotty because no one would pay to see why Erin Moran is on the Downside of 40...and Bitter As Hell.
Johnny Leftovers...HAH! I've been laughing about that since last week. Keep it up, Dr. Your recaps keep my week going.
2 of 13 | Posted by Shaz
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Posted on July 17, 2007 5:45 AM
You forgot about the weird argument between Joanie and Johnny Leftovers!
I found Scott, even his voiceovers, pretty amusing - dig how he hates being called Chachi, hates H Days reunion stuff...and yet he calls the Fonz for advice! Aww!
3 of 13 | Posted by c-rock
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Posted on July 17, 2007 9:27 AM
I slightly mentioned the fight between Joanie and Johnny- when I mentioned the Michelle Tanner (Olsen twin) retort. Perhaps I should have elaborated. I'll do better next time. I'm still a rookie :)
As always, the complimentary commentary is MUCH APPRECIATED!! Looking foward to next week.
4 of 13 | Posted by McSteeny
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Posted on July 17, 2007 9:08 PM
Really funny recap, McSteeny. I loved how Johnny's myspace page notes that his motto is something like life being like a movie, pass the popcorn. This being the popcorn bet that you won. How appropriate. Great job.
5 of 13 | Posted by may1
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Posted on July 18, 2007 10:30 AM
May1-
I know, I noticed the popcorn thing too and bugged out! It's like the popcorn was MEANT to be mine. Too funny. Thanks for noticing such things, and please try to avoid stalking Johnny Leftovers now that you have his myspace info.
6 of 13 | Posted by McSteeny
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Posted on July 18, 2007 2:21 PM
OMG! After reading TVgasm for a few years - and never posting a comment - I have finally read something that made me sign up! I LOVE these recaps! Living overseas keeps me from seeing a lot of shows, so I keep in touch this way. This show DOES sound like a train wreck, but it makes for a hilarious recap opportunity! Love the Johnny Leftovers tag - and when I clicked on the link, he was actually online! Quelle Horror!! I ran like a frightened child to get back to the TVgasm link (but not before I read his favorites - oy, vey!) While the JL tag ALMOST got my off my tail to sign up last week, after I read the Michelle Tanner reference, I knew I couldn't resist any longer! I completely forgot about that response - and how appropriate for you to use it. Long live McSteeny - and popcorn at Sears!
7 of 13 | Posted by kdfinjapan
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Posted on July 18, 2007 3:04 PM
Dear kdfinjapan,
I don't know who you are but I love you.
Yours forever,
D. McSteeny
8 of 13 | Posted by McSteeny
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Posted on July 18, 2007 8:28 PM
Geez.....Scott Baio is such a washed up has been. Who the hell cares that he's 45 and single? That would describe half of America!
And what the hell happened to Joanie? Aging has not done her any favors. Bitterness must put years on you....
9 of 13 | Posted by ziggychk
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Posted on July 19, 2007 6:54 AM
Joannie was never cute - but damn you're right -she's a hag.
Great recap McSteeny. Love the whole Sears thing. :)
10 of 13 | Posted by TinkerbellAPixie
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Posted on July 19, 2007 4:54 PM
Great recap, McSteeny!! I was saying on the forum last week or so that nothing could make this show better than a cameo by Clint Howard, and oh my God, they sure succeeded. I also loved when Joanie was all like, "I love Happy Days!" and Chachi awkwardly answered, "Yep...you always have..." and made finger guns at her. This show will be wonderful.
11 of 13 | Posted by Bailey Quarters
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Posted on July 20, 2007 12:50 AM
"Do they really want to start drawing similarities between the relationships of Scott Baio and the staged breakups of Lauren Conrad's little sister? "
breanna conrad didnt have any breakups during the show. thanks.
12 of 13 | Posted by kevintheomanharris
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Posted on July 20, 2007 6:12 AM
the cartoon beginning of the show makes me like chachi...then the rest of the show just makes me feel sorry for this ass-bag.
tis true that your relationships aren't exactly poised for success when your criteria for a mate are her hair color and dimensions. what a tool.
if i was erin moran i'd be traumatized by the greasy chump that boned a couch instead of deflowering me. i mean really. she's allowed to hold some resentment...though granted it shouldn't all be in her face.
hey kevintheoman...baio still has time to date then break up with breanna conrad in her post-playboy/cocaine-ridden early 20s. he's not dead yet.
13 of 13 | Posted by k37744
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Posted on July 22, 2007 8:13 AM