Scott Baio: A BRAWNX TALE

Sometimes, going back home can be a difficult thing to do -- revisiting old pals and family and pretending to give a shit can take a toll on anyone. For Chachi, it's all of the above mixed in a canole dish of VH1-served Brooklyn stereotypes.

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Way better than an Emmy.

Last time we left Chachi, he had been relieved that Joanie excused his boyish and immature "eww babies!?" behavior by saying it was nothing but cold feet. We saw Chachi promise to treat his wife better. We even saw Chachi shed an AUTHENTIC tear.

Some days later, you kinda forget about all the pseudo-emotion when Chachi attends another session of the Daddies To Be parenting class.

The instructor, who resembles a Jewish Moby, opens the class by saying there are 3 styles of parenting.

Moby presents a posterboard with a bunch of connecting circles, citing examples of an Authoritarian Parent, a Consoler Parent, and a Nurturing Parent.

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"I also teach a course in MSPaint."

Chachi, like anyone with a sense of logic and clear reasoning, says this graphic is a bullshit design that doesn't really show the realities of everyday parenting; he adds that a good parenting unit is a combination of all three in case-by-case scenarios.
Wow.

Don't know about you guys, but it's like the only time I've ever been impressed by this guy.

Though he made a good case, it's safe to say Chachi is the most stubborn guy in the world, right up there with Andy fucking Rooney.

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"Ya know what I don't like? Life."

Latino Guy interjects, with all the glory of his comedic accent.

"Joo know, Scaht, before I had baby, I try to figure out how to raise him... so I went to Brazil to remind me of how I was raised. It help a lot."

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"Also, the ass is cheap."

It sparks Chachi's interest, but we know that's only because VH1 will put him in business class.

That night, Chachi meets up with DA GUYS at DA BATTING CAGES.

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Manly man stuff.

Chachi lets DA GUYS know that he's going to take Latino Guy's advice and head back to his home roots to see how he was raised, just to better understand how to be a parent. Johnny V is, like, "Alright! I'll pack my bags!!!" and Chachi, after remembering how awful of company he is, was, like, "Uh, NO." MODED.

Remember "MODED"? And you did the little M thing with your hand? Awesome.

Steve asks Chachi if Joanie can fly. "If she can," chachi says, "I'll stick her in cargo."

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HEY-YO!!! Nothing like some good ol' Scott Peterson humor.

The next day Chachi asks Joanie if she'd like to come with him to Brooklyn, because she could probably learn a thing or seven. Joanie says she can't fly, because she's got a demon in her stomach, and Chachi couldn't look any happier to have a justified reason to be alone again.

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[inaudible]

Maybe he should just throw Joanie in the river! HEY-YO!!!

Maybe he should take her to Aruba! HEY-YO!!!

Maybe he should introduce her to Ron Goldman! HEY-YO!!!

Joanie then tells Chachi that since he's leaving for a few days, she totally wants to fuck. Totally not kidding. Pregnant sex? GUH-ROSSSSSS......

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"UGHHH..."

ROMANCE.

To Brooklyn they go!

In the airplane, Chachi is stuck in class surrounded by obnoxious babies, and he claims that he won't be that annoying parent who brings a kid on a five hour flight.

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Holy fucking shit, are you Scott Baio!??!?!?!

Upon landing, Chachi realizes he's still upset that he's going to have a girl. Holyfuckingshit, Scott, get over it.

A BRONX TALE

Driving around Brooklyn, Chachi says his entourage back in the day was no different except that he and his homies chased tail and played "stick-bawl."

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Because, you know, in the '60s, kids loved homages to the late 19th century.

Hitting a neighborhood park, Chachi runs into an old friend from his happy days. They take a stroll to another side of the park where they see a bunch of old Italian guys playing...

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...BOCCI BALL. Where's the spaghetti?

One of these old men happened to be one of Chachi's mentors as a kid, and after being asked by Chachi what's the secret to raising a kid, the old man said, "Kiss it and love it. Let him grow and watch it."

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"And don't raise the kid in any place that has a 310 or 323 area code."

At an old Brooklyn sandwich joint, Chachi sees that the sandwiches are named after a bunch of celebs. Let's see, ya got Joe Pesci... Dean Martin... Frank Sinatra...

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"Where's mine?"

STOP THE PRESSES: BAIO CLAIMS TO DESERVE NAMED SANDWICH AMONGST LEGENDS

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Comments (3)

MichyPR:

No love for the Baio recaps? This episode really showed all the stereotypes. I thought it was funny that when Joanie wanted to...have her way with him before he left she told him "Come on, I know you've been with big girls before" and he's looking at her with disgust on his face lol I Wouldn't want to sleep with him after that. Keep up the good work Hugo :)

lemongurl:

LOL @ "Jewish Moby"

Did anyone else think the nun was a man?

TheGreatAndPowerfulShaz:

lemongurl: I thought the nun looked like Robbie Coltrane in "Nuns On the Run".

If this show wasn't so completly scripted, it might be more interesting.

But I love the recaps, so keep them coming!

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