Selling a house to Scott Baio must be a cakewalk. Chachi's litmus test for purchasing a home is limited to "Okay, if I'm in this room, can my soon-to-be wife hear me from the other rooms?" TEST ---
RRRRIIICOOOLLAAAAA!!!!!!
CHACHI: Can you hearrr meee??
No response from Joanie.
...SOLD!!!
There was very little see-sawing with the realtor. Sure, Joanie showed some reluctance because the house seemed, uh, EFFING HUGE, but all it takes is some Chachi charm to convince her otherwise. Besides, VH1 is paying! DOUBLE SOLD! Chachi really wanted the pad solely because it provided enough "space" for him. This guy is going to be A FATHER?!?!?!
A couple days later, Chachi attends a Daddy To Be parenting class Dr. Ali had suggested he take. The pupils look like a mini-UN: You got a white guy, a black guy, a Latino guy, and Chachi.
We are the worrrllldd... we're having chilldrennn...
In an exercise that teaches soon-to-be dads how to communicate with their babies, the instructor passes around HIS OWN CHILD to each participant and observes how each handles carrying a baby.
The guys all handle very well, except Chachi, of course. Cue the dorky music and Chachi is, like, "OMG IT'S A BABY EW EW EW WHAT DO I DO WHAT DO I DO STOP MAKING IT CRY OMG THIS THING IS SO VILE GET IT OUT OF MY MELTING FACE EW EW EW."
Ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew!!!!!!
CHACHI, YOU'RE GONNA SUCK AT THIS PARENTING THING, MAN. MAN UP, YOU LITTLE PANSY.
Whoops! Shoulda had one of those things that rhymes with "Schma-schbortion!!!
Chachi meets up with DA GUYS at a shooting range to discuss the parenting class, and a To Do List that includes the construction of a nursery.
"You can't paint the nursery until you find out what sex it is!!!" Sage advice, Johnny.
Johnny then expresses he feels "left out", thinking that Chachi is leaving him out of his life because he's having a kid now. Johnny is a melancholy tool, and, like Chachi said in the program, "more hormonal than Renee."
Zing.
Later on, Chachi takes Joanie to the same restaurant he last told her he needed a break. Joanie and Chachi further a conversation on the parenting classes, and the nursery, and all this other baby crap that these two are CLEARLY not prepared for. Joanie notices a magician, and Chachi is, like, "Dude, that's so not classy... lameness..."
All of a sudden, the magician approaches their table, and, if Chachi couldn't look any more suicidal, well... you get the picture. The magician pulls out a trick.
"Listen, man, for 50 bucks I can make the baby disappear, too."
Upon pulling a black handkerchief off Joanie's hands, the magician reveals a RING! The magician was in on it!!! Joanie is ecstatic and Chachi expresses his eternal love to her by FORMALLY PROPOSING TO HER FOR MARRIAGE! And WITHOUT the driveway fighting! Chachi, you so clever!!!
The proposal was sweet, and went something like, "Joanie, listen, will you be mine, through sickness and in health, for our days and our nights, our wrongs and our rights?" She's all, like, "HELL TO THE YEAH, YOU'RE A FRIGGIN' FRANCHISE, HOW COULD I NOT!!!!"
Alas, we are at the end, and we are reminded that (...WAIT FOR IT...) Joanie Loves Chachi.
Oh, and Chachi pulls out the envelope that reveals the baby's sex. Though it's revealed that it'll be a chick, it's easy to see Chachi doesn't care because he's gonna get hitched!
Monogamy never looked so impossible. See ya next week!
Note to the editors: Thanks for welcoming me into the TVGasm family! You all make me feel like I'm not a mid-season replacement. I look forward to writing for the TV-deprived in hopes of making them chuckle, or for America's cubicle hamsters in hopes of distracting them from thoughts of suicide.
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Comments (3)
Huzzah for the arrival of HugoStop, our newest addition to the TVGasm family of recappers-who-can't-go-on-strike-'cause-we-have-no-Union.
I'm excited to see where you take us with "Chachi gets Hair Plugs and Hormonal."
1 of 3 | Posted by T.Vo | Posted on January 16, 2008 11:19 PM
I have to wonder how much of Scott's reluctance to grow up is totally scripted. Because if it isn't, boy, is he one massive tool!!! (Possible double entendre?)
2 of 3 | Posted by wintersux | Posted on January 18, 2008 3:07 AM
Great recap! Can't wait for next week's.
3 of 3 | Posted by lemongurl | Posted on January 21, 2008 2:32 PM