True Story: my brother, sister-in-law and three year old nephew are in town from the West Coast. I never see them, so I spent Sunday evening at my parents' house with my nephew playing what he calls "checks" because he can't yet grasp the difference between chess and checkers. When I started counting the "checks" pieces with him, he informed me that he had more pieces than I did because I only had six and he had five-teen. Fair enough. How could I argue with such logic? I figured I'd choose my battles wisely and save the confrontation for a half hour later when it came time for me to convince him to turn off the Power Rangers and watch Scott Baio is 45 and Single with me. Needless to say, it took some convincing. Luckily, after I extended a firm offer of ice cream and a new pair of sneakers and we exchanged some heated negotiation over the terms of velcro verses laces, he reluctantly agreed.
My nephew spent most of the show with a puzzled look on his face and I spent most of the show with my finger on the remote, hoping there were no stripper scenes this episode. At the end of the show, curiosity got the best of me, so I looked at my nephew and asked, "How old do you think Scott is?" He replied, "a hundred-teen." A number has never sounded more accurate.
Finally, Squiggy and Chaci are sharing a babe!
It's just occurred to me that Scott Baio has the life. For the last six weeks Scott has occupied his time taking trips to Palm Springs, hanging out with exes, shopping, playing with three year olds, and talking about his problems with someone who actually wants to listen. In short, he's living every woman's dream. God, I want to be a former child star. Dammit, why didn't my mother force tap shoes on me and throw me onto Star Search when I was little? I'd gladly take a substance abuse problem, peak at 11, do a short stint in rehab and have my career graciously end with a quick mention on Where are They Now if it meant being rich and never working the entire second half of my life.
So now, not only is Scott Baio 45 and Single, he is also my idol. Sure he has prickish tendencies. But like him or not, he's getting paid to let cameras follow him around while he does a whole lotta nothing. I'd take that. I'd be a B or C list celebrity who used to be cute once. I'd sacrifice the ability to eat a meal in public without cameras flashing in my face. What's a little race with the Paparrazi now and again? I'd let Perez Hilton talk shit about how terrible my boobs look now, call me a "hot mess" and draw penises around my mouth in pictures. Hell, I would have even taken my chances and risked a week at the Never Land Ranch. Ok maybe not that last part. But the rest of it I'd totally do. I'm telling you, former child stars have the life. God dammit Mom...I could've been Punky Brewster!
Dr. McShoulda Woulda Coulda
Anyway, week 6 is already here! I can't believe it! Scott's almost done with his therapy! He's almost engaged! His girlfriend is almost pregnant! Oh, wait, did I just ruin the ending? Sorry. Oh well...there's only three of you reading this anyway.
The episode opens with Scott punching a punching bag, wearing Under Armour and a knit hat. Apparently taking on committment is a battle on par with taking on Ivan Drago. I was waiting for Scott to start drinking raw eggs. No such luck. Pussy. Scott meets with Doc Ali and they discuss Scott's intimacy issues. He starts to get frustrated by Doc Ali's useless questioning and finally blurts out, 'If you know what my problem is, just tell me what my problem is." Amen Scott. I've been complaining about Doc Ali's annoying questions for five episodes now.
Just when I feel like Scott and I can finally relate, Scott says something along the lines of the following: "Do I want to be a good husband? Yeah. Do I want to be the kind of man who doesn't skirt around behind his wife? Yeah. I just don't think I can do it. I'm afraid I'm gonna wake up one morning next to a woman and say, I love ya honey, but I can't be around you. You're starting to look like a guy." Well, it was nice relating to him while it lasted.
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Comments (11)
Make that 4 people reading...you are a delight. I would never watch this show but love your recaps...now if only you would recap the dysfunction known as Rescue Me.
1 of 11 | Posted by jelliepair![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on August 15, 2007 7:09 AM
McS!!! I was missing you terribly, waiting with baited breath for a recap. Totally worth the wait. Apparently "Scott Baio is a Hundred-teen". Love it.
Did I detect a gray shadow on his unshaven chin in the Under Armor pic? Eeewww. Get it waxed, Scott, especially if you insist on dressing like you're 22. We can see you're not a youngin' anymore.
Connie looks like Anna Nicole Smith's bloated sister, sans drugs. I'm surprised she meets Mr. Picky's booty call standards. Perhaps she has imperfect teeth.
Steen, I was mui disappointed that you're not recapping "The Two Coreys". It could've used your unique ability to expose the blaring truth. Much love to you!
Hey, K!!
2 of 11 | Posted by Shaz![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on August 15, 2007 7:56 AM
Morning Shaz!
My apologies for the delay. I will get my tooshy in gear. As for the two Coreys, I tried to get it. I promise I asked. Nicely and everything. I think maybe the overlapping of the two shows was a problem since Scott is not done and there are recappers who didn't even have 1 show at the time. Let's give Pachita a shot, I have faith in her!
I do have to pick a new show for the fall, so if you and K (or anyone else for that matter) have any suggestions, I'd love to hear them. I'll happily oblige the two most loyal readers I know. (read you and K's comments to the Coreys- you guys are the best!)
3 of 11 | Posted by McSteeny![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on August 15, 2007 8:52 AM
Morning Shaz!
My apologies for the delay. I will get my tooshy in gear. As for the two Coreys, I tried to get it. I promise I asked. Nicely and everything. I think maybe the overlapping of the two shows was a problem since Scott is not done and there are recappers who didn't even have 1 show at the time. Let's give Pachita a shot, I have faith in her!
I do have to pick a new show for the fall, so if you and K (or anyone else for that matter) have any suggestions, I'd love to hear them. I'll happily oblige the two most loyal readers I know. (read you and K's comments to the Coreys- you guys are the best!)
4 of 11 | Posted by McSteeny![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on August 15, 2007 8:55 AM
Ahh nicely done McSteeny, I took a tvgasm break b/c I don't watch Big Brother but stopped by today and got you and Scott Baio. What a Wednesday. This show is ridiculous but for some reason I keep finding myself coming back for more. And I'll second the idea of Rescue Me recaps. So good!
5 of 11 | Posted by maefarre![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on August 15, 2007 12:22 PM
"Pro bono prostitute."
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
6 of 11 | Posted by Sir Jiggabins![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on August 15, 2007 1:44 PM
The doctor is in, this was your best one yet! Hey, I'm sure a lot more people (like myself) love your recaps and just never got around to commenting. Keep up the great work and I'll follow you to any new show you choose to recap. I really wanted someone to recap HGTV's Design Star but I think it's probably too late for that one now.
7 of 11 | Posted by bdos88![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on August 15, 2007 2:16 PM
You rock, McSteeny. I just hardly ever get around to commenting because typekey hates me.
8 of 11 | Posted by Pegster![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on August 15, 2007 3:56 PM
I had to quit actually watching this show for mental health issues. Somehow your recaps are still just as fun and this one made my day! oh my god, the pics and captions alone.... oh my god, the Squiggy reference- and your nephew is a genius.
9 of 11 | Posted by Lucy![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on August 16, 2007 2:10 AM
I'm guessing that in 20 years, we'll be seeing "Scott Baio is 65...and STILL Single". The fact that most of his exes have some anger against him says more about him (and the way he treated them) than it does about them.
10 of 11 | Posted by murphena![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on August 16, 2007 9:32 AM
I'm guessing that in 20 years, we'll be seeing "Scott Baio is 65...and STILL Single". The fact that most of his exes have some anger against him says more about him (and the way he treated them) than it does about them.
11 of 11 | Posted by murphena![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on August 16, 2007 9:35 AM