First a side note. I have a sublet for the month of July. When I got to the place a few days ago I discovered there's no cable. Apparently the girl I'm subletting from has lived there for two years without any television access whatsoever. This HAS to qualify as treason of some sort. People baffle me.

Aside from the obvious obstacle this causes for my new gig here, I'm addicted to television, so this was a nightmare realization for me. Honestly, I'd prefer not having running water. Since this lack of cable discovery, I've divided (and will continue to divide) my free time, between 1. the elliptical machine at New York Sports Club which has a TV attached to it, and 2.the electronics department of Sears, where I've recently convinced Mark the Sears employee to permit me to watch television shows of my choosing on the 52 inch plasma while sitting on a Dora the Explorer bean bag chair I swiped from the Childrens' Furniture department. My goal for the end of July is to convince Manuel from Housewares to plug in the Westinghouse microwave so I can cook my popcorn. If you've ever met me before, you know that this is all true. And that Manuel is mine.

My Prince awaits.

Speaking of desperate times calling for desperate measures, let's get to the reason we're all here: To celebrate the fact that Reality TV times are so tough, even Chachi got his own show. For any of you who have caught the preview, you know what I'm referring to. Scott Baio... is 45...and Single (the pause between words is key, by the way). I love this title, since for once it's a show that cuts to the chase. If only all TV shows were so forthcoming with precisely what we were in for. Lost could be The Show With No Answers, 24 could be Bombs, Dead Presidents and What's with Chloe's Weird Eyebrows? and Will and Grace could have been Jack and Karen are Better.

The only thing this title left out is that Scott Baio is VERY VERY Brooklyn Italian. At least he sounds it. He's got that whole "ay, oh!" bada bing thing going on. You know the type...they call women "broads," smoke cigars, talk like tough guys, leave the Rs off the end of their words, and seem quite convinced that these qualities somehow combine to make an attractive package. Incidentally, they're also the type that the term "chauvinistic" derived from.

Scott is back on the small screen to figure out why it is he can't commit to a woman and why he's still wearing long sleeve white shirts underneath t-shirts at 45 years old, when it's well established in the unwritten rules of appropriate attire that that's an "under thirty" look. Oh, wait, no, the ridiculously young wardrobe is what I'M trying to figure out. HE'S just there to discover why, (say it with me now) Scott Baio...is 45...and Single. Just a hunch here, but I'd guess it could have something to do with the fact that Scott Baio...Refers to Himself...In the Third Person. God I love those pauses.

I have to be totally honest, I don't even know where to start with this show. I feel like a cross between virgin on prom night and a dog who sat home alone all day whose master just came home to take me for a much needed walk. I'm all over the place with excitement and hope, and I quite possibly could pee on the floor. First off, it should be clarified that when they say Scott Baio is "single" they mean, "not married." I've seen things all over the internet where people are bitching and moaning that the show is fake because he actually has a girlfriend throughout filming. These whiners claim they are boycotting the show. Boycott my ass, I call all those bitches' bluffs and raise them 3 bags of Sears popcorn! Scott could have three wives, two children and a beagle on the side, and they'll still be sitting around watching it Sunday night just like I will.

Um...Not Single.

« Recap: Hell's Kitchen: Danger - Exploding Rock Ahead | | Recap: Shaq's Big Challenge: My Mind is Speechless »

Posted in Scott Baio by Dr. McSteeny at 3:01 AM | Permalink | Comments (21)
Last Comment: Iluvslash on Jul 24, 2007 06:37 AM.

Comments (21)

JasonR :

The Doctor is in! Great first effort! You had me at "Johnny Leftovers." Much to my disgust I'm going to have to watch this show so I can fully enjoy your recaps. Looking forward to it!
-JR

1 of 21 | Posted by JasonR | Posted on July 12, 2007 6:38 AM

Pegster :

I can't wait for this masterpiece to start. Awesome pre-cap! Can't wait for your take on the actual show.

2 of 21 | Posted by Pegster | Posted on July 12, 2007 6:45 AM

goldeeloxx :

Hey, if any of you kids have an I-Tunes account, you can download the pre-aired episode for free! Great Recap, Doc! Thanks for filling my prescription!

Goldee

3 of 21 | Posted by goldeeloxx | Posted on July 12, 2007 7:23 AM

dent :

Awesome job! I too will have to start watching this crapfest so I can fully appreciate your snark.

4 of 21 | Posted by dent | Posted on July 12, 2007 7:30 AM

msu11y28 :

awesome recap! I love your humor. keep up the good work :)

whatever happened on joanie and chachi? did they get married?

5 of 21 | Posted by msu11y28 | Posted on July 12, 2007 7:38 AM

mandymax :

Laughed my butt off reading this!!!! I won't watch the show, but I'll definitely be tuning in for the recaps! :)

6 of 21 | Posted by mandymax | Posted on July 12, 2007 9:58 AM

cos'steeny :

McSteeny's makes the family proud. And can write one hell of a blog.

7 of 21 | Posted by cos'steeny | Posted on July 12, 2007 10:35 AM

k37744 :

WOW.

I love it. I was in love with the show from the first commercial and you, my dear McSteeny, have secured my loyalty.

8 of 21 | Posted by k37744 | Posted on July 12, 2007 11:52 AM

niqui :

That pre-cap was hilarious!! I was going to watch the show when I had the time because I use to have a crush on chachi but now I will definitely watch the show just to read the recaps and laugh my ass off!! Great job doc!!! Wa Wa Wa

9 of 21 | Posted by niqui | Posted on July 12, 2007 4:39 PM

jirges :

OK, I have been reading this site for over 2 years (with pleasure) and have never taken the time to register to comment...yes, I'm lazy...but I finally did it based on this:

JOHNNY LEFTOVERS.

Well played, McSteeny.

10 of 21 | Posted by jirges | Posted on July 12, 2007 7:35 PM

jirges :

OK, I have been reading this site for over 2 years (with pleasure) and have never taken the time to register to comment...yes, I'm lazy...but I finally did it based on this:

JOHNNY LEFTOVERS.

Well played, McSteeny.

11 of 21 | Posted by jirges | Posted on July 12, 2007 7:35 PM

McSteeny :

Thanks so much for the positive reesponses everyone! I'm so excited to write about this spectacle of a show. Hope you all enjoy it as much as I do.

12 of 21 | Posted by McSteeny | Posted on July 12, 2007 10:57 PM

McSteeny :

um. I meant responses. One E.

13 of 21 | Posted by McSteeny | Posted on July 12, 2007 11:00 PM

Shaz :

When I saw the promo for this show, I rolled my eyes. "Why is Scott Baio 45 & Single"? Because he will always be known as either Chachi or Charles, and it's not 1988. However, based on your gorgeous recap, Doc, I will be watching for the sole purpose of reading your Sears-gotten diagnosis of Mr. Baio's journey into self discovery.

Oh yeah....Johnny LeftHand...brilliant!

14 of 21 | Posted by Shaz | Posted on July 13, 2007 5:34 AM

Shaz :

When I saw the promo for this show, I rolled my eyes. "Why is Scott Baio 45 & Single"? Because he will always be known as either Chachi or Charles, and it's not 1988. However, based on your gorgeous recap, Doc, I will be watching for the sole purpose of reading your Sears-gotten diagnosis of Mr. Baio's journey into self discovery.

Oh yeah....Johnny LeftHand...brilliant!

15 of 21 | Posted by Shaz | Posted on July 13, 2007 5:36 AM

may1 :

Great recap, McSteeny. Can't wait for the fun to begin. The premise of this show in a way reminds me of a crappy Bill Murray movie, called Broken Flowers. I hope this turns out to be better.

16 of 21 | Posted by may1 | Posted on July 13, 2007 8:51 AM

realitytvluvr :

Wow. I've been enjoying recaps here for a couple of years now and I just have to say, McSteeny... yer the best thing since B-Side!!! I'll be laughing about Johnny Leftovers all weekend... Can't wait for the next recap!

17 of 21 | Posted by realitytvluvr | Posted on July 13, 2007 11:41 AM

realitytvluvr :

Wow. I've been enjoying recaps here for a couple of years now and I just have to say, McSteeny... yer the best thing since B-Side!!! I'll be laughing about Johnny Leftovers ( and his .2%) for the rest of the weekend...at least. Can't wait for the next recap!

18 of 21 | Posted by realitytvluvr | Posted on July 13, 2007 11:43 AM

realitytvluvr :

oops, sorry for the dupe... meant to hit preview, not post. As you can tell, I'm not an avid poster. Have a nice weekend all!! :)

19 of 21 | Posted by realitytvluvr | Posted on July 13, 2007 11:49 AM

chooch850 :

write me another story....pleeeeazzzzeee!!!

20 of 21 | Posted by chooch850 | Posted on July 15, 2007 2:00 PM

Iluvslash :

I think Scott Baio still looks kind of cute and I'm definitely gonna keep watching this show. WTG McSteeny :)

21 of 21 | Posted by Iluvslash | Posted on July 24, 2007 6:37 AM

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