TVgasm Recaps

Readers: You praised Bailey with perfect scores like none we have seen in recent memory, and we took your hint. Please welcome your newest staff writer, the gorgeous and talented Bailey Quarters!

Several years ago, when ye olde internet was still pretty new, I applied for an online game where you had to put in your character's physical make-up -- height, weight, etc. I had no idea what a normal woman weighed, and it never occurred to me to pop those stats into Yahoo. I never knew anyone who announced their weight, and since we had many family friends who resembled the Michelin Man, I just placed my best guess. My normal woman weighed a cool 245 pounds, and her trademark was wearing leather pants and a cowboy hat. Why I wasn't accepted for the game was baffling to me!

Shaq is ready to take on that kind of mentality by whipping six young Florida fatties into shape on Shaq's Big Challenge, and I love these kids already because I think they would've seen that 245 and raised it to a solid 4 hundo. I defy you to find anything better! Welcome to Shaq's Big Challenge!

Here we are for another week of Shaq's Big Challenge, and I'm truly delighted to be a TVgasm staff writer so I can officially cover this! This show reminds me of many things, particularly my biggest pet peeve: people who glom handfuls of food in the grocery store. Recently I saw a woman stealing Italian garlic mushrooms from the salad bar, slurping right off their ladle. There's never an excuse for being that piggish, but now when I see sights like this, I wonder how the Challenge contestants would react. Sadly, they'd probably say mushrooms for everyone; it's Shaq's Big Challenge!

Now that Big Brother is on at the same time as Shaq's enthralling program, I know some people might have to choose between the two. If you're anything like me, you made the right decision - watching Big Brother as it aired while making cupcakes, and catching Shaq on the Tivo later! It's just too hard to make fun of fat kids when you're eating frosting off a mixing spoon, especially when the kids are typically kind of gross. I mean, right before the theme song, Chris laments that he misses ice cream and then burps into the camera. Oh, Shaq's Big Challenge, the Emmys you shall win!

When I sat down to look at Shaq's Big Challenge this week, I decided to watch the episode online, which is an odd sort of treat. Naturally you're happy when the file is finally finished loading, but when you remember it's only Shaq's Big Challenge, you feel a little odd - in a good way, though, of course! Who could ever feel bummed about Shaquille O'Neal, the Aristotle of the NBA? Come, join me in Shaq's journey!

I'll be perfectly honest with you: I had two dreams about Shaq's Big Challenge this week. They both involved running into the Challengers on the street, and while I'd like to say I passed by with nary a word, the unfortunate truth is that I geeked out. My little dream self rushed over to them to talk about the show, and I can't fully describe how elated I was that my arms could wrap around James when I hugged him. While this obviously means I am sad on many levels, it also means I'm terribly hooked on this terrible show, and we only have two episodes left. Take part in Shaq's Big Challenge while you can!

We've come a long way, but it's finally the end of Shaq's Big Challenge! This is quite the loss, since you know this is the show everyone's talking about around the water cooler - if you work for the Miami Heat, that is. Have Shaq's programs and the kids finally succeeded? Only time will tell!