James thinks he can beat Kevin in the mile run, but also knows Kevin can beat him. James has been hitting the sauce just like his mom. Kevin's dad talks to Colker and requests that the parents be allowed inside the gym during workouts. He thinks this would keep the kids on point, which is probably a pretty astute observation. Colker makes a mockery of him, however, saying that he's had 13 years to work with Kevin and the kid is fat. Oh snap! Kevin's dad walks away with his tail between his legs.
Chris is on a cruise, so today they'll be doing the challenge without him. Kevin nails six push-ups and James does one, but the other kids melt like butter. Still, they have a chance to redeem themselves when they run the mile. Tarik tells them, "Rome was not built in a day...however, they did have a lot of bricks." Wait, what? Colker tells the kids to start running, because Tarik is functionally retarded. The parents cheer for their kids while they hoof it. Colker tells James not to worry about competing with Kevin, but then Team Doug starts running against each other so fiercely that I'm expecting Kit's stretcher to roll in again. James looks like he's about to beat Kevin out, and Kevin's dad gets scary aggressive about it. James finishes in 12 minutes, 54 seconds, and Kevin rolls in a second later. You can tell by his dad's eyes that Kevin will be getting a whoopin' tonight.
Ariel comes in at 14:19, and Walter follows at 16:07. Kit must still be running because they never show her at all. Kevin's parents ridicule him for being second best, but in general, the kids all come in about three minutes faster than their previous time.
Next time on Shaq's Big Challenge, James eats an entire stew using only his mouth as a utensil. The other kids get testy with him, so he threatens to quit the program. Shaq and Tyler Florence from the Food Network start a petition to get better food in the cafeteria. Walter, for reasons I cannot begin to understand, chases a chicken in a field while Shaq giggles. Also, Kit and Walter hang out and seem on the path to hooking up. The whole world dry heaves at the mere concept.
What say you? Leave your thoughts!
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Comments (4)
I've never watched the show but I will never again miss a recap of it. Bailey Quarters I commend you for ta job well done. Everything was on-point- the snark, the screen caps, the wtf? moments, and making fun of fat kids. I now know that I am not alone in my disgust of the thought of two fat kids making out. And my suspicions of Shaq being "a juvenile delinquent trapped in a superstar's body" are now confirmed. Not to mention the fact that he's a complete bully living in a fantasy world.
1 of 4 | Posted by dolyn
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Posted on July 13, 2007 11:34 AM
This is a great recap.. I have never watched the show but i feel like i have after the complete-ness of your writing BQ.... The kids seem like they just don't get it and why did they pick Shaq as the cheerleader...seriously. I will follow your recaps they are very entertaining!
2 of 4 | Posted by GIFFORDSAZ
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Posted on July 14, 2007 3:05 PM
i never thought that i would find a writer, as much as, i loved b-side. but then there was YOU!
the kid putting his whole head into a bag to eat? that can't be true?
3 of 4 | Posted by reckless_saturn
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Posted on July 17, 2007 5:08 AM
I apologize for taking so long to reply to these, since none of you might see this now, but you're all wonderful! I appreciate the comments so much and I'm thrilled that you agree Shaq is a total wackjob.
reckless_saturn, I am FLATTERED, thank you! Sadly, he really did shove his face in there although the specifics elude me. I imagine he tore the wrappers with his teeth and just swallowed things whole, like a baby bear.
4 of 4 | Posted by Bailey Quarters
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Posted on July 19, 2007 10:53 PM