I'll be perfectly honest with you: I had two dreams about Shaq's Big Challenge this week. They both involved running into the Challengers on the street, and while I'd like to say I passed by with nary a word, the unfortunate truth is that I geeked out. My little dream self rushed over to them to talk about the show, and I can't fully describe how elated I was that my arms could wrap around James when I hugged him. While this obviously means I am sad on many levels, it also means I'm terribly hooked on this terrible show, and we only have two episodes left. Take part in Shaq's Big Challenge while you can!
It's the fifth month of the mission, and we're reminded how unhealthy and delicious the school lunches are. Of course, since the kids are suddenly attending a brand new middle school, this could be a complete fake-out. Either way, good ol' Tyler Florence is here to solve everyone's problems! Well, except for when he ruined everything last week. Tyler stars in Applebee's commercials now, but he still must be hard up for work if he's doing this show too. Shaq probably pays him in loving glances and bottom slaps.
Shaq shows up at Dr. Colker's abode to talk about getting the kids to lose more weight. See, at this point it really isn't about making them healthy; it's about making Shaq look good in front of the governor, a lost cause if ever there were one. Shaq wants the governor to mandate physical education in all Florida schools, to stop promoting fast foods, and to educate parents on obesity. In between these ideas, he bitches about the kids' unimpressive progress. Colker counters that they're losing weight and uses Chris as an example, since he's the only one who looks even remotely different. Shaq sneers that they still have to put it in overdrive. Nothing is ever good enough for Big Boy.
It's 6 AM at Chris's house, and Chris apparently sleeps in a little girl's pair of lacy underpants, which makes me uncomfortable.
That visible weight loss thing? Never mind...
After some struggle, his parents load him onto the Stairmaster and get him to steppin' for 30 minutes each morning. Chris complains about being tired of this crap, and his mom slams her fist on the counter and tells him to straighten up. Whenever she turns to the camera, she smiles and talks about how much energy Chris has, and then she spins back around and tells him to stop leaning on the machine. Chris's mom lays down the effin' law, man! She doesn't put up with any foolin' from Consuelo, either.
Next it's time for Tarik to get the kids into the pool, an activity as terrifying as it sounds. The kids talk about how their parents have been helpful in the weight loss process while they all cavort in the water. Walter says his motivation is that he doesn't want an angry Tarik on his butt. Where's Kevin? He's into that kinda thing. On cue, Kevin offers my all-time favorite non sequitur: "Shaq gives me hugs!" You don't have to brag, Kev! Chris talks to the camera about how his mom is a big influence. Then he sends off a wet burp, and I don't even know why that surprises me anymore. We could do a burp tally and it would be like 45 by now.
Tarik speaks about only having 30 days to make something happen with these kids, but he says it while they run in and out of the pool in their bathing suits, and it's like watching a car wreck. You know there's other stuff going on, but you can't focus on anything else in the world. To help the kids get more work done, Shaq reveals he bought them all Stairmasters. Kit is baffled and says maybe she'll use it on Sundays, which I'm sure is exactly what Shaq was going for, just a one day usage. Also, the editing here is pretty impressive, since Chris has already been using his present forevs.
« Recap: Top Chef: Watch What Doesn't Happen | | Recap: Scott Baio is 45 and Single: Practically Perfect »
Comments (2)
I missed this episode, and after reading your wonderful recap, I am going to have to look for it online.
1 of 2 | Posted by Merick![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
|
Posted on July 28, 2007 5:50 PM
Aww, thanks Merick! The episode should be up on the ABC site, if you're still looking!
2 of 2 | Posted by Bailey Quarters![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
|
Posted on July 28, 2007 7:17 PM