Last up is Dallas Daniel who goes for the Avocado... and then says because he really wants to win the competition he's going to take a risk and use Peanut Butter. I was all like, why is that a risk? I thought you used peanut butter to take shit (like chewing gum) out of hair!... (although I agree with Ellen DeGeneres on that one, if you're stupid enough to get chewing gum caught in your hair, then you really don't deserve to know how to get it out other than hacking off the big ol' chunk of hair surrounding it)... well, it turns out that Dallas Daniel doesn't like peanut butter. In fact, I think it's safe to say he hates peanut butter. His hatred is so extreme that if he smells or tastes it, he very well may gag and/or vomit. Wow, him and Underdog Nicole, what a Pukin' Pair they make. I'm sure their clients are really feeling secure as their nauseous stylestants stand behind and over their heads...
Jaclyn gives them their 45 minutes and dangles a "special advantage" in front of the winner and the food fight explodes! Über-Gay Paulo wants his client to look like an octopus attacked her head... just like a sea urchin attacked his...
..."Seriously, the fuckin' thing was this big!!"...
Meanwhile Bitchy Charlie is sprinkling sea salt on his client's hair like she's a giant margarita and saying he's going to make her look like a "space goddess"... Oooh, just like Heidi Klum, she's a goddess and she's not from this planet, either! Charlie must have a fuckin' magic wand in his messenger bag, because his model looks nothing like Heidi...
...Fairy? Yes! Magical? Not so much...
And our lovely Exotic Nekisa is busy busy busy turning her client into a giant molassesey Cousin It/Samara...
...7 days from now you'll see the ring and you'll be deeeeead (which I'm sure you'd rather be than have your hair styled by Nekisa)...
...and as if that wasn't wacky enough, she's gonna paint mustard into her client's hair as a color. Ooh, maybe she'll use that Dusseldorf Mustard you get in packets at White Castle, it is the loveliest shade of babyshit yellow you've ever seen...
Feisty little Underdog Nicole is using hair pieces and caramel to stick it all together, and Exotic Nekisa showcases about 67 tons of chutzpah as she bitchily says "Her 'do looked like a don't to me... it was horrible!" and she makes a face...
...funny... that's the same face everyone else makes when they see your work, Nekisa...
Robert Hallowell is chiding the stylestants for not going back to the Last Supper Table and getting more food to glop onto their clients' heads... Nicole takes the bait and says she's gonna go back and get either blueberries... or the squid...
...what in blue fuckyfuck is that face for, Robert?... you're the one who put all that shit out there!...
Now Bitchy Charlie is gonna drizzle honey over his space goddess' head and I'm getting so fucking hungry I'm about to gnaw open a couch cushion... where is my Emergency Roll O' Ritz Crackers? Robert says that honey is really good for your hair because it has lots of minerals. It's also great on buttered toast and those biscuits from KFC... oh my GAWD, I'll be right back... I need to go get my FourthMeal on...
Okay, back, and while I was gone I notice that Über-Gay Paulo is back-teasing hair extensions so his client can feel like a "princess that kind of got trapped in time and kind of has these cobwebs..." Hmmmmm, maybe like Mia Sara in a Tom Cruise film before he became a legendary wack-job?...
...Paulo's is the Lord Of Darkness and this is his queen...
Underdog Nicole is actually going to follow through with her threat to throw clumps of squid on her client's hair, which is making me not want to eat the delicious fried caramel apple empañada I have here from Taco Bell (worry not, molten lava and Hell's Angels gangs could not keep me from it's sweet caramelly appley goodness) but Nicole's client looks like she's found herself reincarnated as a 14-year-old and trapped in the closet with a very full-bladdered R. Kelly...
...STOP SQUID GENOCIDE...
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Comments (15)
J-Mo,
Another fabulous job, as always. Reading your recaps always shows things that I miss when watching the show live. Keep it up!
1 of 15 | Posted by arizonatom | Posted on August 9, 2008 1:14 PM
FINALLY Nekisa is gone. In the bottom 9 out of 12 challenges? She even sucks at losing. Dee was hanging on to her like a kid being left at daycare. And of course Nekisa blamed the dog. I could have thrown something at the tv.
Creepy Robert Hallowell's hair makes me think of Hall of Hall and Oates. People can't really use food in their hair, can they? Aren't they followed around by a cloud of bugs and wasps?
This has been a really good season so far. Hope they keep the bitchy ramped up all the way to the end. Go Charlie!
2 of 15 | Posted by shelleyh | Posted on August 9, 2008 8:42 PM
What fan of Shear Genius is going to really use all-natural products in his or her hair? For the reallies, people.
Paulo's air-hump is very creepy but relatively new to the show. Was he suppressing it in the first few episodes?
I just knew Nekisa was going to make some sort of excuse for her loss, but BLAMING THE DOG???
I feel for all the clients in her salon following her elimination. They have to sit captive while she whines about injustice AND fucks up their hair!
3 of 15 | Posted by TheVoiceOfReason | Posted on August 9, 2008 9:05 PM
"Then I would have slapped the shit out of somebody and run home crying and eating half-chewed Tootsie Rolls."
I actually guffawed! What a picture!
4 of 15 | Posted by silver | Posted on August 10, 2008 1:04 AM
Awesome recap as usual, J-Mo! Soooo glad Nekisa is gone. I do, however, think it was a little unfair for the stylists to have to be judged on how they groomed the dogs. I understand using the dogs' look as inspiration for their owners, but for them to also have to groom? Not that fair.
5 of 15 | Posted by rubinia | Posted on August 11, 2008 7:20 AM
LOL'd at least three times. (And I really needed that!) Thanks! Your recaps are priceless!
6 of 15 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on August 11, 2008 8:52 AM
thanks J-mo!!! You reminded me of our first found dog, Snowball, the one who chased me around nipping and yipping till I was up on a chair crying . . . and we're talking lap dog . . . ugh!!!
Excuses Nekisa over stayed her welcome, as Charley so clearly put it, TG he didn't go . . . he's getting more yummy as the weeks go by . . . but I don't like that style, dog week or no!
They could have had a pro style the dog to their vision while they focused on hair, and it was mean of Rene to make EN do highlights last minute, and she just did whatever he said--whimpy client afraid of curls, coulda been Squid babe, coulda been squid!
Hearts and Flowers!!! oh, and Tootsie Rolls too!
7 of 15 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on August 11, 2008 11:58 AM
oh j-mo, you do provide the best snark-fests. loved the beer-in-hair comment ("totallly unintentional") hahahahaha! you're killin me, smalls.
it was definitely beyond time for nekisa to go...only...now who can we love to hate? that was the only advantage to lisa on top chef. we got to hate her til the very end, which made it that much sweeter when blais won a car, stephanie won $100,000, and lisa got jack shit.
did anyone else think it kind of amounted to animal cruelty to have these dogs "groomed" by unwilling unprofessionals??? god forbid a stray blade nicked something...and at the very least, they could be cutting away hair that's protecting the dog's eyes, or bum, or what have you...i don't know, i just felt that perhaps this was poor judgement on everyone's part. and agreed, they should not have to be judged on something so completely unrelated to their craft. juddfan--great point. that would have a been a much cooler challenge.
8 of 15 | Posted by mrsdaddytom | Posted on August 11, 2008 1:49 PM
THANK THE POWERS THAT BE! Finally no more Nekisa! I promised myself I would stop watching if she didn't get kicked off this week. Now, I don't have to resort to just reading your most excellent recaps, J-Mo. I can't believe it took this long to get rid of her. I'm firmly on the "I-hate-Skunky McPussMunch" bandwagon now. I don't think she'll be going anywhere anytime soon. Dee's probably Shear Genius's Lisa. Love to hater her. Thanks again for the awsome recap. You make my day J-Mo. All hail fourth meal!
9 of 15 | Posted by BugMom22 | Posted on August 11, 2008 2:57 PM
♪ Ding-Dong! ♪ the *BITCH* is gone! ♪ Which ol' bitch? ♪ NEKISA bitch! ♪ Ding-Dong! ♪ the nasty bitch is goooooone! ♪♪
arizonatom... you'd never believe how much stuff you can pick up when you watch the show back on YouTube nearly frame-by-frame (it's why these recaps take so long!) and thanks for the kudos!
shelleyh... I know that "must... throw... something... at... television..." feeling! It happens frequently during real-ality TV shows like this one! Your imagery of Daryl Hall and clouds of bugs and wasps made me giggle... Thank you!
TheVoiceOfReason... I totally agree with you, it would be VERRRRY interesting to know what Nekisa's appointment book looks like since her suckyness has been showcased on TV...
silver... glad to help with the guffawage!
rubinia... thank you, and yes, pet fur is not fair to foist on human hair-stylists... unless you're Oshun and then it's okay by me... :)
fire@will... thank you, too, what a compliment to have helped with a triple-chortle! You're sweet.. :)
juddfan... OMG, that would have been an awesome idea (about having a professional groomer style the dogs) and might have made a difference for all of them... but I don't think René can really be blamed for Nekisa's highlights fiasco... she's the one who took the bait (and I DO think he was baiting her, I totally got the vibe that he didn't care for her one bit! René is bitchy, too! Yay!) Orange Stars and Green Clovers to you, too!
mrsdaddytom... you're too kind... and you're right, it was kind of fun to hate on Fleasa until the very end and see her dream snatched out of her grimy, chunky, nail-bitten hands... but the risk we run there is that the annoying person could actaully win the whole thing, and that would just suck. I would have been trés bitter if Paulo or Nicole or Charlie or Daniel had gone home before Nekisa. Besides, we still have the cross-eyed, hard-faced bounty that is Dee to talk trash on.... :)
BugMom22... Thank you, and welcome to the FourthMeal Dee-Liciousness... I think she's just going to get more bitter and angry and bitchy and hypocritical as the weeks move on... and I'm going to be right there to lap up every delicious drop...
Thank you guys, seriously, it makes my day to know that you're having as much fun with this as I am...
love, J-Mo :)
10 of 15 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on August 12, 2008 12:21 PM
J-Mo - i.love.u - you make me laugh so hard - damn skippy - i just had to cut a dingleberry off the little shit dog my hubby came home with about 3 mos ago - i love animals, but this dog sucks - like you said at least our cats lick thier own butt holes til theyre clean. heart. your recaps are officially my fav.
btw the shit dog has an appt at petco this weekend - no more dingleberries for this chick!
11 of 15 | Posted by BlueBee | Posted on August 12, 2008 2:21 PM
hey- i looove yer recaps ms thang! tonites show is very silly and fun-and dont worry yall there will be plenty of "love to hate" material still! im so excited to see what you write next im gonna wax my ENTIRE body-xo-bitchy charlie
12 of 15 | Posted by charlie price | Posted on August 13, 2008 10:46 AM
NO Charlie, NO!!!!! I was just saying how yummy you're getting, you can't wax now!!!
and If that's really you, keep baiting Baby, nobody does it better--I hope you ride Dee on her lack of IOTD rack until her eye uncrosses . . . . I tease, I actually only hate UGPaulo's Bessie ring!!! Anyone!?
13 of 15 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on August 13, 2008 11:27 AM
OMG, OMG, OMG, Charlie, if that really is you, I agree with juddfan, please don't wax (although, you know I sometimes have a soft... and hard... spot for a man who has just gone baby-smooth, so maybe it'd be cute and sexy, too). Aw hell, I know you have a hot latino boyfriend, but I'd be your sex-slave any day (us fat boys give the best hhhhh-ugs). I really hope it is really you, because I want the real Charlie Price to know that he has almost single-handedly made this season of this show fun and exciting for me (and I think the majority of gasmii would agree with me on this) and I simply LIVE for your commentary and shit-stirring ways... plus I love the way you get Dee going, I just hope you have sufficient protection from the Lesbiana Mafia. You've made my day/week/month!
love, J-Mo :)
P.S. Sorry for the catty things I've written about some of your hairstyles... you know I can't even clip my own goatee without fucking it up so what the hell do I know? I'm just a big fat gay blogger with a big fat gay mouth... kissy-smooches! -J :)
14 of 15 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on August 13, 2008 12:20 PM
J-mo, never apologize--You're the best, and I'm sure Bitchy Charlie, either real or imagined, is loving it like we do!!!!
and if it is you, BC, give us the dirt!!!!!
xoxo
15 of 15 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on August 13, 2008 3:58 PM