Über-Gay Paulo is smartly not going to attempt to dye the owner's hair gray to match her dog. He's going to leave the tail long and the fur around the ankles long, so it'll be like Little Puppy Mukluks! Awww, that sound hideously stupid... but if it will keep him from air-humping, I'm all for it.
René convinces Exotic Nekisa to do some highlights at the last minute. Nekisa always does real well at the last minute. Oh wait, no, she always sucks at the last minute. And the first minute. And all the minutes in between.
Dallas Daniel has cornrowed the tail of his dog (!!!) and is tunelessly singing her name "Lola, Lola, LolaLolaLola... Lola has a pretty hei-neeeeeee!" Ugh, anyone who calls an ass "heiny" should be slapped with a cactus... that's just too nasal of a word for a beautiful part of the body.
...Heiny hair is hard! Especially when it's braided!...
Über-Gay Paulo wants Daniel to shut up with the crappy singing, because he's realizing that cutting dog hair is a lot harder than he thought it would be, and he's afraid the dog is going to need therapy afterwards. Nah, save it for Exotic Nekisa's dog-client (who is named "Waffles" by the way... *ack* *urp*)... I'm sure the dog will need to be restrained from throwing itself under the first city bus that comes along, cuz René is back bothering Nekisa and saying the dog's haircut is waaaaay uneven, too short in some places and too long in others to the point where it "loog pwegnand". This makes me wonder if René has ever even seen a dog before today... a lot of them look pregnant even when they're not...
Now he's up in Bitchy Charlie's hair (scalp) again and asking "Lissen, who aaa you biggezta combatishun in heer?" to which Charlie smartly replies "My biggest competition is Dee... I think she's really good technically, I think she's a really good hairdresser... but, I also think she's a bitch!" Of course Dee overhears this, and says to her client "He thinks I'm a bitch... but I've never even talked to him!" Huh? What's that about? Well, regardless, Charlie, you might wanna sleep with one gay eye open tonight...
...Shear Genius 2: The Wrath Of Dee...
I know I'd be having nightmares about cross-eyed midgets chasing after me and trying to chomp my clam and feel me up. Watch it, girlfriend. Lesbiana Dee climbs back on top of her moral high-horse as she pontificates "When people talk down about other people it's because they're insecure... and he's getting nervous that, you know, he might possibly go home today!" Thanks for the heads-up, Dee! Now we know why you talk shit about people, too!
René is on an evil streak as he zooms back in on Exotic Nekisa and her client, and he's asking the client if she's happy with the styling she's getting at the hands of Iranian Of The Day. What do you think, Rene?
..."You got any more of those wigs around?"...
The client says she's not used to curling her hair (i.e. she doesn't like her hair curled) which causes Nekisa to frantically start flat-ironing the hell out of it in the remaining 10 minutes left. Hmmm, I think we're headed for a 5:7 suckage:not suckage ratio!
Dallas Daniel is so loving this challenge and his dog Lola that he's putting blonde extensions clipped to the top of her head! Awww, that Dallas tackiness always finds a way to express itself, doesn't it?
And it's time for the Dog Show!... and they'll be walking their canines, too! (Ba-dum-bump-TSSSsss) We're back again with Poofy-Lipped Kim Vo, Exhausted'N'Bitchy Kelly Atterton and "celebrity dog trainer" to Jim Carrey, Christina Aguilera and Renee Zellweger... Jenny McCarthy! Wait, isn't that Jim Carrey's girlfriend?!? Oh, no, this is a totally different and frumpier Jenny McCarthy (and she goes by "Jennifer" because it's more serious, 'kay?)...
...it's bad enough to be Jenny McCarthy, but it really sucks to be the "other" Jenny McCarthy...
Jaclyn reminds us that today's challenge was to give a dog a hair cut and capture the similarities between the pet and the dog's owner. By definition this sounds like a totally insulting challenge, because ladies don't generally like to be compared to dogs (or be called bitches) so I'd say they're all fucked.
First up is Bitchy Charlie's client, Elizabeth and her dog "Copito"...
Ummmm, I dunno for sure, but it looks like he just brushed the dog and made the woman into Miss Havisham Just Up From Her Nap... Charlie thinks she could wear this hair to go out to dinner or a movie... I'd totally agree... if she's eating at Mickey D's and visiting the Dollar Theatres... maybe...
« So You Think You Can Dance: Finale Part 2: So They Think They Can Still Dance! | Main | I Love Money: Crocodile Tears »
Comments (15)
J-Mo,
Another fabulous job, as always. Reading your recaps always shows things that I miss when watching the show live. Keep it up!
1 of 15 | Posted by arizonatom | Posted on August 9, 2008 1:14 PM
FINALLY Nekisa is gone. In the bottom 9 out of 12 challenges? She even sucks at losing. Dee was hanging on to her like a kid being left at daycare. And of course Nekisa blamed the dog. I could have thrown something at the tv.
Creepy Robert Hallowell's hair makes me think of Hall of Hall and Oates. People can't really use food in their hair, can they? Aren't they followed around by a cloud of bugs and wasps?
This has been a really good season so far. Hope they keep the bitchy ramped up all the way to the end. Go Charlie!
2 of 15 | Posted by shelleyh | Posted on August 9, 2008 8:42 PM
What fan of Shear Genius is going to really use all-natural products in his or her hair? For the reallies, people.
Paulo's air-hump is very creepy but relatively new to the show. Was he suppressing it in the first few episodes?
I just knew Nekisa was going to make some sort of excuse for her loss, but BLAMING THE DOG???
I feel for all the clients in her salon following her elimination. They have to sit captive while she whines about injustice AND fucks up their hair!
3 of 15 | Posted by TheVoiceOfReason | Posted on August 9, 2008 9:05 PM
"Then I would have slapped the shit out of somebody and run home crying and eating half-chewed Tootsie Rolls."
I actually guffawed! What a picture!
4 of 15 | Posted by silver | Posted on August 10, 2008 1:04 AM
Awesome recap as usual, J-Mo! Soooo glad Nekisa is gone. I do, however, think it was a little unfair for the stylists to have to be judged on how they groomed the dogs. I understand using the dogs' look as inspiration for their owners, but for them to also have to groom? Not that fair.
5 of 15 | Posted by rubinia | Posted on August 11, 2008 7:20 AM
LOL'd at least three times. (And I really needed that!) Thanks! Your recaps are priceless!
6 of 15 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on August 11, 2008 8:52 AM
thanks J-mo!!! You reminded me of our first found dog, Snowball, the one who chased me around nipping and yipping till I was up on a chair crying . . . and we're talking lap dog . . . ugh!!!
Excuses Nekisa over stayed her welcome, as Charley so clearly put it, TG he didn't go . . . he's getting more yummy as the weeks go by . . . but I don't like that style, dog week or no!
They could have had a pro style the dog to their vision while they focused on hair, and it was mean of Rene to make EN do highlights last minute, and she just did whatever he said--whimpy client afraid of curls, coulda been Squid babe, coulda been squid!
Hearts and Flowers!!! oh, and Tootsie Rolls too!
7 of 15 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on August 11, 2008 11:58 AM
oh j-mo, you do provide the best snark-fests. loved the beer-in-hair comment ("totallly unintentional") hahahahaha! you're killin me, smalls.
it was definitely beyond time for nekisa to go...only...now who can we love to hate? that was the only advantage to lisa on top chef. we got to hate her til the very end, which made it that much sweeter when blais won a car, stephanie won $100,000, and lisa got jack shit.
did anyone else think it kind of amounted to animal cruelty to have these dogs "groomed" by unwilling unprofessionals??? god forbid a stray blade nicked something...and at the very least, they could be cutting away hair that's protecting the dog's eyes, or bum, or what have you...i don't know, i just felt that perhaps this was poor judgement on everyone's part. and agreed, they should not have to be judged on something so completely unrelated to their craft. juddfan--great point. that would have a been a much cooler challenge.
8 of 15 | Posted by mrsdaddytom | Posted on August 11, 2008 1:49 PM
THANK THE POWERS THAT BE! Finally no more Nekisa! I promised myself I would stop watching if she didn't get kicked off this week. Now, I don't have to resort to just reading your most excellent recaps, J-Mo. I can't believe it took this long to get rid of her. I'm firmly on the "I-hate-Skunky McPussMunch" bandwagon now. I don't think she'll be going anywhere anytime soon. Dee's probably Shear Genius's Lisa. Love to hater her. Thanks again for the awsome recap. You make my day J-Mo. All hail fourth meal!
9 of 15 | Posted by BugMom22 | Posted on August 11, 2008 2:57 PM
♪ Ding-Dong! ♪ the *BITCH* is gone! ♪ Which ol' bitch? ♪ NEKISA bitch! ♪ Ding-Dong! ♪ the nasty bitch is goooooone! ♪♪
arizonatom... you'd never believe how much stuff you can pick up when you watch the show back on YouTube nearly frame-by-frame (it's why these recaps take so long!) and thanks for the kudos!
shelleyh... I know that "must... throw... something... at... television..." feeling! It happens frequently during real-ality TV shows like this one! Your imagery of Daryl Hall and clouds of bugs and wasps made me giggle... Thank you!
TheVoiceOfReason... I totally agree with you, it would be VERRRRY interesting to know what Nekisa's appointment book looks like since her suckyness has been showcased on TV...
silver... glad to help with the guffawage!
rubinia... thank you, and yes, pet fur is not fair to foist on human hair-stylists... unless you're Oshun and then it's okay by me... :)
fire@will... thank you, too, what a compliment to have helped with a triple-chortle! You're sweet.. :)
juddfan... OMG, that would have been an awesome idea (about having a professional groomer style the dogs) and might have made a difference for all of them... but I don't think René can really be blamed for Nekisa's highlights fiasco... she's the one who took the bait (and I DO think he was baiting her, I totally got the vibe that he didn't care for her one bit! René is bitchy, too! Yay!) Orange Stars and Green Clovers to you, too!
mrsdaddytom... you're too kind... and you're right, it was kind of fun to hate on Fleasa until the very end and see her dream snatched out of her grimy, chunky, nail-bitten hands... but the risk we run there is that the annoying person could actaully win the whole thing, and that would just suck. I would have been trés bitter if Paulo or Nicole or Charlie or Daniel had gone home before Nekisa. Besides, we still have the cross-eyed, hard-faced bounty that is Dee to talk trash on.... :)
BugMom22... Thank you, and welcome to the FourthMeal Dee-Liciousness... I think she's just going to get more bitter and angry and bitchy and hypocritical as the weeks move on... and I'm going to be right there to lap up every delicious drop...
Thank you guys, seriously, it makes my day to know that you're having as much fun with this as I am...
love, J-Mo :)
10 of 15 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on August 12, 2008 12:21 PM
J-Mo - i.love.u - you make me laugh so hard - damn skippy - i just had to cut a dingleberry off the little shit dog my hubby came home with about 3 mos ago - i love animals, but this dog sucks - like you said at least our cats lick thier own butt holes til theyre clean. heart. your recaps are officially my fav.
btw the shit dog has an appt at petco this weekend - no more dingleberries for this chick!
11 of 15 | Posted by BlueBee | Posted on August 12, 2008 2:21 PM
hey- i looove yer recaps ms thang! tonites show is very silly and fun-and dont worry yall there will be plenty of "love to hate" material still! im so excited to see what you write next im gonna wax my ENTIRE body-xo-bitchy charlie
12 of 15 | Posted by charlie price | Posted on August 13, 2008 10:46 AM
NO Charlie, NO!!!!! I was just saying how yummy you're getting, you can't wax now!!!
and If that's really you, keep baiting Baby, nobody does it better--I hope you ride Dee on her lack of IOTD rack until her eye uncrosses . . . . I tease, I actually only hate UGPaulo's Bessie ring!!! Anyone!?
13 of 15 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on August 13, 2008 11:27 AM
OMG, OMG, OMG, Charlie, if that really is you, I agree with juddfan, please don't wax (although, you know I sometimes have a soft... and hard... spot for a man who has just gone baby-smooth, so maybe it'd be cute and sexy, too). Aw hell, I know you have a hot latino boyfriend, but I'd be your sex-slave any day (us fat boys give the best hhhhh-ugs). I really hope it is really you, because I want the real Charlie Price to know that he has almost single-handedly made this season of this show fun and exciting for me (and I think the majority of gasmii would agree with me on this) and I simply LIVE for your commentary and shit-stirring ways... plus I love the way you get Dee going, I just hope you have sufficient protection from the Lesbiana Mafia. You've made my day/week/month!
love, J-Mo :)
P.S. Sorry for the catty things I've written about some of your hairstyles... you know I can't even clip my own goatee without fucking it up so what the hell do I know? I'm just a big fat gay blogger with a big fat gay mouth... kissy-smooches! -J :)
14 of 15 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on August 13, 2008 12:20 PM
J-mo, never apologize--You're the best, and I'm sure Bitchy Charlie, either real or imagined, is loving it like we do!!!!
and if it is you, BC, give us the dirt!!!!!
xoxo
15 of 15 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on August 13, 2008 3:58 PM