Well, here we are once again, and I managed to out-write the publishing platform! No matter, I'm getting better at this all the time... when we last left off with our stylestants, they were getting ridiculously drunk and impersonating the previous loozahs of the season (and Bitchy Charlie's Nekisa impression was to die for!)
...honey, he's wearing them pumps like a pro... you GO Charkisa!...
Of course, nobody made any mention of Female Glenn or Parker The Prick. Well, sometimes when you get kicked off of Shear Genius you are destined to only have 20 seconds of catch up on the reunion show (like anyone's really gonna care what Oshun's been up to since he got booted off in Episode 1!). What started off as a very sweet and silly and fun episode just gets sweeter and sillier and funner... Come join me for Part Dos after the jump!
It's the next day at the Shear Genius Nexxus Salon, and our beloved René Fris is back again! "Hi Hi! We havva spessul tweet fo eech off yoo... Todaiys cliendz has seen yoo ad yoo worzt... annow they wanna see yoo ad yoo baiyst! Yoowa challense izda updaiyte you cliends currend hairztyle to somesing zey canbe vairy proudoff!" Quizzical looks from the five stylestants. Undaunted, René continues, "Sew, aa yoo ready to meed you cliendz?" The door opens... and the stylestants go crazy-loco! But before we can see who today's clients are, they cut to commercial! Damn you, Bravo!
During the commercial, which includes promos for both the upcoming Top Design and Salon Takeover With Tabatha (both of which yours truly will be sacrificing most of his remaining free time to recap) my boyfriend and I tried to guess who could be a client that could cause such a stir... he guessed The Real Housewives Of New York City (I didn't think the stylestants would be so happy if that were the case) and I guessed that they brought back the last five eliminated stylestants... okay, the commercials are over, so who is today's mystery client????
It is a family member of each of the stylestants! Awwww, that's so sweet! They have Bitchy Charlie's sister Kelly, Über-Gay Paulo's cousin Carla, Underdog Nicole's mother Sharon, Lesbiana Dee's mother Linda and Dallas Daniel says "When ah saow the clahents waulk ayowt t'day and I saow mah mama... and that blonde hair, big teeth and big titties, ah jest scraymed... that's awl ah knew what t'dew!" Ew, Daniel, don't you know gay mens are never supposed to refer to their mama as even having titties? Still, it's quite a heartwarming moment and everybody is hugging each other, because I am sure that for each and every one of them having been away from home for however long it takes to film this stuff, seeing a familiar face like that can just feel like a warm hug from heaven (with caramel and sprinkles on top). I think I need a warm hug from my freezer in the form of an ice cream sundae (with caramel and sprinkles on top). I'll be back...
I noticed while Paulo was talking about his cousin something really odd...
...Pssst! Hey "Shear Genius" editors... Parker's been gone since Episode 2...
So today's Elimination Challenge is called "Family Matters" and René goes around asking for introductions. Über-Gay Paulo says he is "hella-trippin'" over seeing his loud and sometimes obnoxious cousin. I'm hella-trippin' that someone used the word "hella-trippin'" in a sentence! Dallas Daniel is obviously a huge mama's boy, and that's sweet but also a little creepy in light of his talking about his mama Sandra's big titties. Lesbiana Dee seems to be genuinely emotional over seeing her mother (who could almost be her sister, they look that much alike) because she doesn't get to see mami very much since they live in different states....
Aw, Dee, again with the feeling human side of you... that's actually pretty sweet and it softened her face to have someone who is obviously very important to her there. Jeez, tonight's show is rapidly turning into "a very special episode of Shear Genius 2..." Damn, I'm gonna have to give Lesbiana Dee a short snark-pass while she stands there teary-eyed with her mother, even I'm not so cold that I can make fun of a girl for loving her mami, cuz I know that's a very special relationship... *snif*... I'll be right back... *sob*... gotta go call my own mother...
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Comments (10)
Great recap...Will you be recapping any other program when this one is over?
I think they sent the wrong person home this week. Although, in my opinion, none of the hair styles were great,i.e.hair muffs,bad dye jobs, and helmets, the scalp job Nicole gave Linda was brutal. At least Paulo's style could be fixed without the palm tree effect. Poor Linda had no options.
I will miss Paulo and wish him all the best.
1 of 10 | Posted by skies | Posted on August 17, 2008 6:45 PM
Yay, squircangles! I'm going to miss Paolo and, yeah, I think Nicole probably should have gone home but... onward! Who's next?!
You give great recap, J-Mo.
2 of 10 | Posted by kizarny | Posted on August 17, 2008 7:27 PM
This is your best recap to date! Truly. Really and truly. Thank you for making the season of a mediocre show brilliant.
3 of 10 | Posted by silver | Posted on August 17, 2008 8:54 PM
"Whoa! How'd that soap-box get underneath me?"
LOL J-Mo. Your recaps slay me from start to finish. Dang, so now I'm going to have to start watching your two new Bravo shows? I'm in a time crunch here honey. You can only ask a girl to do so much!
XOXOXO
ZBird
4 of 10 | Posted by zbird | Posted on August 18, 2008 7:49 AM
j-mo, can we please go out drinking and hate on people who make poor clothing/hair/accessory choices with the acerbic wit that only comes with a martini-induced buzz? because i think i love you. only not in *that* way. that would be pretty useless to you and me both. but no more stories about your mexican boyfriends until i've had a few shots. ;o)
i'm. so. sad. paulo was my favorite. he seemed like such a *nice* uber-gay-bitchy! (you know. as opposed to, say, stabby.) not much else to say besides huge :o( sadface.
5 of 10 | Posted by mrsdaddytom | Posted on August 18, 2008 9:18 AM
"Well, Kim, in that case you should really try and grow yourself a giant walrus mustache so you could cover up those busted-up half-deflated inner-tube lips of yours."
Hahahahahaha, nice!
Also LMAO at "elepants." J-Mo, you rock! Can't wait to read your recaps for other shows! :D
6 of 10 | Posted by rubinia | Posted on August 18, 2008 10:32 AM
Thanks J-mo, not just hysterical, but each time we get a little peep into your world, as you know Dean and Babar are on my hit list--I've actually seen Dean on AI diaries, GF loves her some flat iron, but I'd have to say Babar looks like he would float my boat, tho, I've not seen part 2 yet--damn those olympics, it took till yesterday to even tape! I see nothing wrong with Wilford Brimley's pants but I guess I'll get a better look, and when I'm done, I'll give 'em back to ol Wil so he can get out of my closet . . . I know you all were wondering where's he's been since "Cocoon"
Well, that was severe butchery on Nicole's part, hard to believe she could look dykier than her daughter, but I for one have never liked the palm tree look, and if you lined up all the after photos of UGP's challenges, it's palm tree after palm tree!!!! I did learn to appreciate him, but I hate looking at "Bessies" I just can't see any reason to put a rein hook in my nostril!
Guess this show is teaching me to JUDGE your stylist by their own hair, coz it may just be what ends up on your head!
xoxoxo
7 of 10 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on August 18, 2008 11:58 AM
Great recap! I wish you got a star every time you make me laugh! :D
I love the pictures and your caps!
*Mwah* (lol)
8 of 10 | Posted by detinha | Posted on August 18, 2008 6:19 PM
p.s. forgot to tell you how ridiculously cute you were (are). love it, as always.
9 of 10 | Posted by mrsdaddytom | Posted on August 18, 2008 6:27 PM
skies... I'm gonna miss Über-Gay Paulo, too, he was always one to make me laugh with his gay eye-rolls... *sigh*... and yes, actually I will be recapping the upcoming Season Two of "Top Design" as well as the "Shear Genius" spin-off featuring fan favorite Tabatha called "Salon Takeover"... I may never sleep again, but I will be on duty... *gay eye-roll*
kizarny... if I had to pick whose going to be next to go, I'd say Nicole or possibly Daniel... and thank you, you give great comment, too... *squircanglies*
silver... awww, shucks, that is so sweet and kind of you, I am trying my hardest to give y'all my best, especially since I can't do hair to save my life, but I sure like to make fun of people who do! *smoochies*
zbird... honey, don't sweat it, I promise you won't have to watch the new shows, I'll do the best I can to give you the best of them without having to actually sit down and view them... it's quite likely that the recaps won't have to be so long since I won't have to post 73,204,172 pictures in each one... besides, I think sometimes MY version of the show is more fun... of course, that's a matter of opinion... :) *kissies*
mrsdaddytom... sweetheart, you made my day, and I think I love you, too... although I would NEVER go out in public and make catty remarks where people might actually HEAR me... I really only say terrible things behind people's backs because I was raised right (it's called "manners")... but we could crouch at a dim table in the back near the kitchen somewhere and giggle and point from behind our menus while gorging on wings and stuff... and I apologize about the hairball comment, I probably went a little too far there... (I suspect you were disturbed because you may have had a similar experience, I sympathize). *huggles*
rubinia... you are such a sweetie, I hope the other shows provide me as much material to make fun of as "SG" has... I'll do my best not to disappoint (oh, and just so you know, I had a pair of 'elepants' myself, which is why I hate to see them on others, I know their pain)... *air-kiss*
juddfan... I just *knew* you were feeling me on the SexyDean and David Babar, and isn't it weird that an advert for chubby gay dating showed up under the ads on Part 1? The system must read something in whatever the hell it is that I'm writing and post ads accordingly... also, you read my mind, I WAS gonna do a side-by-side of a bunch of Paulo's work to show he did the same thing a bunch of times, but I ran out of time and energy (pulled an all-nighter and finished the recaps at 5am on Sunday)... lastly, I agree about judging a stylist sometimes by their own hair, but where would that leave Bitchy Charlie??? *chubbles*
detinha... the kiss was good enough for me, and I think every time a Gasmii reader laughs, a Gayngel gets their wings! You're a sweetheart... *MUAH BACK*
mrsdaddytom... p.s. that's EXTREMELY kind of you (although I disagree, but that's just my way)... *criggles* (I'm running out of terms of affection to end these with)
and last...
fire@will... I apologize if I was offensive, it was never my intent, and I edited accordingly. If anyone ever has a question or concern, they CAN send me a private message on this site, I have a profile set up under J-Mo.... and I'm going to leave it at that.
love to everybody...
J-Mo :)
10 of 10 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on August 18, 2008 11:22 PM